Leap Without Looking
by CaptainMorrigan
Summary: Three months into their five year mission after the events concerning Admiral Marcus and Khan, the Enterprise is hit by a radioactive flare which reacts with Khan's blood inside James. Upon returning to Earth for tests Kirk realises it isn't just his body that is changing, it is his feelings too. And they are only amplified when he comes face to face with Khan. (Re-Write).
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Radioactive:**

"Captain's Personal Log, stardate 2260.04. The USS Enterprise, on her five year mission to explore new worlds and civilisations is now approximately eight and a half light years away from Earth, my home planet. It has been three months since the re-christening of the Starfleet vessel, after the horrific events surrounding Khan Noonien Singh, and Admiral Marcus.

"So far we have visited six new planets, exploring and recording our findings on the civilisations inhabiting them, as well as their climates. As ever, my First Officer and close friend, Commander Spock has proven to be an invaluable source of regulation and logic, in fact in these three months the entire crew has done nothing but flourish and grow together, even more so than when I first took command after the events of Nero, the Romulan. I couldn't be more proud of them all.

"If anything, the... Sacrifice of my own life changed me more than any other experience could. I have a greater insight and wisdom than before, and if I'm honest I think I understand my crew better, I now realise that in one thing at least Khan was correct. My crew are my family, and I would do anything for them.

"I feel I must add however, that not everything has been running as smoothly as I would like it to. As recorded in my medical records, Khan's blood was used to regenerate me after what happened with the... Warp Core. I feel fine, better than fine in fact, I've never felt as good as I do now. I've got more energy, I don't need to sleep as much as before and my reflexes are ten times better than they were before. I have no desire to be told I am doing anything other than brilliantly, and for that reason I have been avoiding my medical checks, much to Bones' disapproval. But it is my choice, Khan's blood gave me an entirely new lease of life. And it's... A life I feel I should repay.

"Khan saved my life, whether it was willingly or not. That's a debt I can't just ignore. I can't just forget it. He's in a cryogenic sleep, probably for the rest of eternity because no one will ever dare wake him and try again. Yet I'm out here living my life, exploring the stars and loving every second of it. Part of me feels that, maybe, if Khan had been found by someone else; woken by someone else, maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe if someone with no hidden agenda had done those things, there would have been a way to coexist.

"He did awful things, terrible things. Things that shouldn't be swept under the carpet. But would he have done them if his crew, his family, had been safe? I'm not so sure he would. I know Spock was told by his future self that Khan and his crew were malevolent killers, judge and jury over any civilisation less evolved than theirs but that was a different time, a different place. A different Khan. In this world, in this time, maybe he could be reigned in. Maybe there was a chance of peace.

"It is this hope in my mind which has driven me to take a risk. I tendered a message to Starfleet High Command, and requested Khan be allowed a fair trial for his crimes. If they agree, he will be woken from his sleep and put in front of every Admiral, Captain and First Officer in the Fleet. And it will be down to us all to decide his fate. I have a lot of friends on the board, people who owe me favours. I have a plan. It is... Stupid, fool-hardy and reckless. But for some reason it just feels right.

"I want Khan released to my custody, my ship, my crew... My family. I want to give him a chance to work through his crimes, to earn some respect, to earn his own family a place in our world. It seems stupid, I know. Why would I help him after everything he did? I don't have a real answer. Only that... He showed me that my crew are my family, and he showed me that I too would do _anything_ to protect them from harm. I think deep down we aren't so different. I think we can find a common ground. Pike made me a better person, just as Marcus made him a better person. I want to do that for Khan.

"... Kirk out."

Captain James Tiberius Kirk cut the audio link as he heard the familiar hiss of decompression as his door opened, and he turned in his seat to see his Vulcan friend walking towards him, "Mister Spock, to what to I owe the pleasure of a visit?"

"Captain, Doctor McCoy has informed me that you have skipped your eleventh medical examination in three months, I have come to insist you attend for the sake of your own well being." his First Officer stated, hands behind his back.

It took considerable effort not to roll his eyes, nor to wince as the start of another headache began, "Spock, I'm fine. I don't need a medical. I've never felt better, do you really think they would have let me come out on this voyage if there was even a hint of something wrong?"

"On the contrary Captain, it is of the utmost importance we monitor you for any kind of change, we have no idea what kind of effect Khan's blood will have on you long term. After all, the Tribble the good Doctor tested it on died only two weeks after administration. It is logical to have routine tests to ensure-"

"Spock." Jim interrupted sharply, "Please, just leave it. Sit down, make yourself comfortable... We can have a game of chess while we both have a break from our duties."

"Chess?" the Vulcan repeated, "Forgive me, I fail to see how a game of chess is going to assist me in getting you to the medical bay."

Kirk ignored his comment, pulling the glass chess set down from a shelf, his fingers lingered over its casing for a moment before he set the board, remembering the pride he'd felt when Captain Pike had given it to him, a gift for reaching Captain. He turned the board so Spock had the white pieces, and sat back as he awaited his friend to join him.

It took a few moments, but Spock chose to indulge him, taking a seat and beginning to play silently. It was easier that way, a subtle understanding between them. They had become well matched in the game, having played multiple times during the early months of their travels together as Captain and First Officer. Nevertheless, it was still a challenge. Kirk had won only twice, while the Vulcan held a record of seven wins.

Coming close to the end, they were both in bad shape, only a scattering of pawns left, Jim took out Spock's remaining bishop and sat forwards to rub his forehead, feeling a headache brewing. Another headache.

"You appear to be in pain, Captain?" Spock never missed a thing, even as he captured a knight.

"Just a twinge." he muttered, moving his queen.

His second in command moved to box him in, "Would it truly do that much damage to simply allow Doctor McCoy to run his tests?"

"I'm not having the examination, Spock." he took out a pawn and froze, a groan escaping him.

"Checkmate, Captain."

"A good game," Jim sighed, standing slowly to stretch his legs, "A rematch perhaps?"

"Naturally, I will look forward to it." Spock got to his feet as well and shook his Captain's hand, an eyebrow quirking up as the communication system chirped.

"_Chekov to Captain Kirk, sir, you are needed on ze bridge."_

Jim took a breath, "On my way Chekov, keep her steady until I get there." he responded swiftly, grabbing his handheld communicator and phaser, "That rematch will have to wait for now, duty calls."

"Of course, Captain. We should not keep them waiting."

The two men shared a nod before running out to get up to the command deck.

Upon reaching the Bridge, Jim heard the familiar ring of "Captain on ze Bridge" from the young Russian man, and hastily headed to The Chair, taking a seat. He made to ask what was so urgent but the words hastily died on his lips as he looked out of the screen ahead of him.

They were passing one of new discovered system's largest sun (one of three) and it was violently spluttering sprays of solar flares in every direction, it was both beautiful and terrifying to witness the giant star eject radiation so uncontrollably.

"Your report, Mister Chekov." he said firmly, straightening in his seat and crossing one leg over the other as he continued to observe the whips of light.

"Yes, Captain," the young man nodded and faced his commanding officer, "At about 0600 hours we received a distress signal from the surface of ze planet, Nagota, asking for help because their largest sun had begun to heat up exponentially, and was shooting off radioactive flares with increasing strength and distance."

"Do they believe that they are in danger from the sun or the flares?" he asked.

Chekov hesitated briefly before nodding, "Yes, Lieutenant Uhura translated their distress signal, and they have reported that their water supplies are already drying up due to the increased surface temperature of their planet. But our calculations the planet has maybe a few hours before the heat burns through the ozone layer and ignites the surface."

Kirk furrowed his brow and acknowledge the report, "Alright, Nagota is a Federation planet, so we definitely can't just sit back and watch. What's their current population number at?"

"It is an incredibly small planet, only about five hundred civilians." someone informed him from their computers.

"We can easily fit five hundred people aboard the Enterprise, so that is exactly what we are going to do. Uhura, I want you to hail the planet's command and inform them that we will be evacuating them immediately. Then meet me at the shuttle bay, we're going down to the surface to assist in the evacuations." Jim stood up, "Mister Sulu, suit up, you will be joining us. Spock, you have the con."

"Aye, aye Captain." came a chorus of replies.

The planet was already scorching by the time the away team landed, lakes and rivers drying up rapidly around them, the land turning dull and crisp under the heat of the giant sun leering overhead. Jim was thankful they had been in the vicinity to assist them, they had no alternative means of escaping the fiery death coming their planet's way.

Calming the nerves of the population and getting them evacuated was no small task, but with Uhura's linguistics and understanding of the native language it was a task made far easier. Twelve shuttles gathered on the tiny planet, collecting its civilians and ferrying them back to the Enterprise.

It took little over an hour to ship everyone off world, Jim stayed behind to ensure everyone else was safe, having already sent Sulu on ahead in another shuttle. He took a few minutes to record some data for the science teams to analyse, to work out why the sun had suddenly gone so wild, kicking a small stone with his foot as he took a long look around.

Grabbing his communicator as it made the familiar tone of someone trying to contact him, he flipped it open and answered.

"What's the problem Spock?" he asked, recording the last of his data.

"Captain, you and Lieutenant Uhura need to get aboard the vessel now and evacuate, immediately, the sun has just entered a rapid destabilisation phase, it could explode within a matter of minutes."

"Oh you have got to be shitting me." he muttered, snapping the device shut and grabbing Uhura as he ran towards the last shuttle, "We gotta go."

They boarded and jumped into the front, taking off quickly and breaking through the atmosphere without delay, it was only a short distance back to the Enterprise, then they could get to a safe minimum distance and contact Starfleet Command about finding a safe place to transport the Nagotan people to.

It should have been easy.

They reached the point of no return, half way between the planet and the Enterprise, when a huge splurge of energy erupted from the sun, a flare of radiation reaching out towards them like long fingers claiming a prize.

"Captain we can't avoid it!" Uhura exclaimed, looking around at him with a panic in her eyes he had only seen a few times before.

Over her shoulder he could see the fingers getting closer to their shuttle, "Get down!" he barked, unbuckling his belt, tingling in the back of his skull as he felt the soft throb of a migraine trying to start up.

Time seemed to slow for a slit second, as he threw himself on top of Uhura, something that at one time he would have desperately done for very different reasons, but now his only thought was of shielding her as best he could.

There was a loud ring through the ship, making them both yell out as the pressure built inside the metal container, the entire vessel shaking and juddering violently, the radiation battering against them and passing through the hull like a mist. Kirk threw Uhura aside, taking the full blast of the orange fog into his chest.

Then the pressure dropped, the shaking stopped and the heat subsided. Kirk stood there, still semi hunched over Uhura's seat, his head exploding in a stabbing pain he'd never before felt, his chest felt hot, like he had heartburn or acid; but far worse.

He dropped to his knees, panting hard as the pain grew more and more, a heated sweat rising as his face flushed, it was such a different feeling to when he had been irradiated by the Warp Core, that had been cold, indifferent, jarring. This was hot, like thousands of boiling coils sliding under the surface of his skin. His heart pounded, his blood thundered around his veins and he caught one last look of Uhura's terrified face before he collapsed on the deck between their seats, and darkness took him whole.

Hours later, James Kirk woke up in the medical bay, feeling rough; sore and more than a little bit uncomfortable with his surroundings. He groaned as he saw Bones hovering over him with some kind of scanner, and instantly wished he was still unconscious.

"Bones," he grunted, "Get that thing out of my face. What happened?"

"Well, Jim I feel I should first of all point out we might have avoided this if you'd actually turned up for your appointments like you are meant to," the doctor began sternly, "That being said, you damn near killed yourself in that shuttle. The only benefit of it is that I was finally able to assess you."

He sat up slowly, holding the thin blanket around his waist as he very quickly realised he was naked, "Don't lecture me Bones, I might throw up on you. Is Uhura safe?"

"She's fine, thanks to you." his friend smiled very slightly before heaving a heavy sigh, "You on the other hand, I'm not so sure about."

"What do you mean?" he asked, mouth dry, "Am I in danger?"

"Try to relax Jim, its not life threatening, I think." McCoy patted his shoulder lightly.

"Relax?!" Jim exclaimed, drawing some attention from the other medical staff in the bay, biting his tongue slightly, "You can't just drop something like that on me and expect me not to panic."

"It would be wise to listen to the Doctor before getting agitated, Captain." Spock's voice came from just behind the Chief Medical Officer, and he strode over calmly, "Lay back and listen for a moment."

Jim hesitated, but decided to give them a chance, laying back reluctantly on the cold glass bed, "Alright, tell me what the big deal is."

Bones and Spock shared a look, and Jim knew it wasn't going to like what was coming next, mentally preparing himself for the worst, but trying to maintain his cool, the last thing they needed was a mood swing.

"From the tests I have managed to run, your body somehow absorbed the radiation from the sun flare when it struck the shuttle, that's the only reason Uhura survived without a mark on her, your body somehow sucked it all in, and stored it, distributing it at a minimal rate to allow your system to break it down without causing you harm." Bones explained.

Jim frowned deeply, "How the hell is that possible? Humans don't have the capacity to absorb radiation in that quantity."

"I am aware, Jim," the doctor muttered with a glare, "So, I ran some deeper tests, trying to find out what's different about you. What was different about this radiation to the radiation from the Warp Core."

"And?" he pressed, annoyance creeping in.

"There is only one difference, Jim." the doctor sighed deeply and folded his arms, "Khan's blood."

Jim felt his face drain of colour and he forced down gulp, "So, what you are telling me is that my re-exposure to radiation has... Done something to the blood I was given and made me immune to harm?"

"There's no way for us to be certain about anything at the moment, Captain," his First Officer spoke up, looking at him with something mildly resembling concern, "More tests will be needed to find a conclusive answer. For that reason, I have set a course back to Earth. We will need the best medical equipment Starfleet can provide."

"What about the mission? Five years in uncharted space..." he let out a long breath, slumping on the sick bed.

"Your life is more important." Bones said sternly, "We will be able to continue the mission once we know exactly what is happening to you."

The Captain was uneasy with the idea of returning to Earth so soon, for tests and examinations of all things. This was a scenario he knew he couldn't talk his way out of, no matter how much he wanted to. He groaned under his breath and shook his head slightly, frustration giving way to curiosity abruptly as a thought came to mind.

"Wait, Bones," he called out to the man who had begun walking away, "How are you going to test me for the effects of Khan's blood? I thought you used it all during the transfusion I was given?"

The doctor seemed to stiffen momentarily and glanced over his shoulder, "I did Jim. Mister Spock and I contacted Starfleet Command when you got back aboard the Enterprise, explained the situation and what the results were showing and..."

Spock interrupted as he sensed the human's discomfort at breaking the news, "The Admirals have decided to wake Khan from his cryosleep so that we can run tests on him, and find the most accurate results we can."

"W-what..." Jim sat up sharply, staring at his Vulcan friend, he could see some form of turmoil behind those dark eyes, "They're really going to wake him up again?"

"Yes, Captain. Although they did not require much encouragement, as it would seem someone had already posed the possibility to them of putting Khan on trial for his crimes, rather than leaving him cryogenically frozen." Spock's gaze was boring right into his.

"I'm not sure why you're looking at me like that Spock, I haven't done anything." he gulped.

"On the contrary, Captain, I am well aware that it was _you_ who put the idea to them, because I listened to your private logs when you left your room earlier." the Vulcan's lips twitched in displeasure.

"Oh for the love of-" Jim crunched his jaw together, "You pointy eared _bastard_!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Earthbound and Down:**

It took just under seventy-two hours to return to Earth, with Scotty really pushing the Warp Core to work its hardest; during that time Jim was confined to the Medical Bay, quiet and contemplative which took Bones by surprise.

His thoughts were a jumble, while he had tendered his request for Khan's trial to Starfleet, there was a large part of him which had never believed they would accept, or even acknowledge it, everything Khan had done, all the pain he had caused, all the suffering and death he'd left in his wake, it would have been easy to understand them signing it off as a no chance.

While he'd initially planned to have Khan released into his custody if the trial had concluded as he'd wished, he was now not even sure he could bare to look at the man again. Pike's blood was on his hands, the blood of hundreds was on his hands. Was Kirk any different if he simply allowed him to live a life he didn't deserve.

And yet, he couldn't help but consider the positives. Though unlikely, he somehow had good memories of working along side Khan, for however short a time it had been. There had been a sense of kinsman-ship, of understanding, the superhuman had obliterated the Klingons who'd threatened his away party on Kronos; he had surrendered into their custody without a fight; he had allowed Kirk to punch the shit out of him without retaliation; he'd given up information willingly to aid both their causes, information Kirk would have never survived without. They had fought side by side on board the Vengeance, to say nothing of their ship to ship jump, and the fact Khan had saved him from becoming little more than a pretty smear on the side of that huge Star Ship.

There were so many things Khan had done _right_, so many things he had done properly and with consideration of those around him. It was at times hard to believe that the man he had flown through a debris field with was the same one who had opened fire on an unarmed room of officials. Maybe that was the problem though, Khan was so superior that maybe he was able to weigh his conscience openly, take a life and save a life, commit a crime and commit an act of charity. Forever keeping his conscience in the balance.

Or maybe he was thinking too deeply on it.

Jim looked around as he heard the deep thrum of metal clanking as the Enterprise docked at the space station above Earth; he slid off the bed he'd been resting on and quickly changed into his uniform, glancing around at Bones, he saw the man was still tending to an engineer with minor burns.

"I'm going on ahead to the shuttle, Bones, if Spock comes looking for me let him know I'll be there." he called out, waving a hand lazily as he beat a hasty retreat from the Bay, without awaiting a reply.

The walk to the shuttle bay felt longer than it really was, perhaps it was his reluctance to leave the Enterprise, his real home and the knowledge that all he was getting in return was injections; blood samples and prodding. His thoughts weighed heavily as he boarded one of the shuttles, taking to his usual seat and buckling up silently.

He accepted a few calls of greeting from some of his crew, ignoring others as the shuttle slowly filled with people. The Captain contemplated going to visit Iowa when his tests were completed, seeing his mother again in the flesh for the first time since joining Starfleet. Then, with an inward groan, he decided that dealing with his waste of space step-dad was far too much effort, and resolved to simply give her a call instead.

As he closed his eyes to relax, a shiver of icy cold fingers ran down his spine, he opened them again to see what was happening, and jolted in his seat, seeing a pane of frozen over glass in front of him, almost like it was pressing close to his face, restricting and suffocating. Then it was gone, and in its place, another of his blasted headaches.

"What the hell is going on with me?" he muttered stiffly, glancing around the shuttle, he was relieved when it seemed none of the crew had seen his moment of madness.

It was at that moment his Vulcan friend stepped into the vessel and took the seat to the right of him, "Captain, I feel it would be wise to point out that you should not have left the Medical Bay without dismissal from the Doctor." were his opening words of this particular conversation.

"Yeah, well I fancied some fresh air and a good seat on the ride home." the blond replied coolly, still a little on edge.

"These seats are allocated to specific crew members, no one was likely to take it from you," the Vulcan contradicted, "And I find it difficult to believe that you wanted 'fresh' air on a space station which uses artificial oxygen in its' life support systems."

"For God's sake Spock, just _leave_ it!" he snapped abruptly, shooting a glare at the man before he instantly felt bad for it, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to have a go at you, I'm just... I have a lot on my mind right now. Just... Give me a break. Please?"

Spock stared at him for a long moment, inwardly debating whether or not he should question his Captain's ability to function while having a lot on his mind, before he decided it would quite possibly earn him a broken nose and missing teeth, "Very well, I shall give you 'a break'." he responded curtly, getting comfortable in his seat.

Jim was surprised when Spock surrendered, but decided he would take whatever he could get, resting back again only to then groan aloud as he watched Bones get aboard, instantly subjecting him to several pre-flight checks.

"Now Jim," the doctor began as he settled into the seat on his left, "You are my patient until we find out what is happening to you, and are able to solve it. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Bones." he said through clenched teeth as a scanner was pressed on his face.

"Let me explain exactly what that means, for the record. If I say no physical exertion then you stay in bed, or sit down, or don't move around too much. Got it?"

"Got it." he glared.

He persisted with his explanation, "So, no running; no jogging; no walking over long distances; no raising your heart rate; no raising your pulse rate; no sports; no training; no going out drinking and above all... No _sex_."

The blond yawned mockingly, "Got it, fine, whatever, I don't care that much... Wait... Did you say no _running_?"

"What an ideal time to remember your sense of humour, Jim, I am serious." Bones recorded his pulse rate, "Don't forget I have the power to strip your command from you if you go back on your word."

Kirk scoffed and rolled his head to the side so he was looking directly at the man, "Bones, I said I got it. I'm not going to back out on this, I want answers as well."

"Yeah well... I'm a doctor not a mind reader."

"And for that we are all eternally grateful." Jim sighed deeply.

As soon as the shuttle was filled they, along with all the other shuttles, departed from the space station on a premeditated flight path to San Francisco, to Starfleet's Head Quarters.

For the life of him, Jim couldn't understand quite why Bones and Spock were as worried as they were, surely it was a good thing he had resisted the radiation from that sun, other wise he would be very dead. Again. But going to HQ, waking Khan up, all these tests he was expected to lay back and accept... It felt like overkill. In the back of his mind, he knew it wasn't. It was entirely _logical_.

He shook him self mentally, deciding to simply stop thinking about it. Whatever was going to happen would happen regardless of his feelings on the matter, and if there really was a problem with Khan's blood it would be better to find out now and have it sorted out, instead of being crippled by it in a fight somewhere down the line. It was a simple as that. It would be fine.

The shuttles landed fifty minutes later, instantly unloading its passengers; Kirk, Spock and Bones were among the last to get off and although he desperately wanted to return to his Federation supplied apartment room and hide, he allowed himself to be escorted to the Starfleet hospital by his two unlikely body guards.

He was guided to the fifth floor of the hospital, which was specifically for high ranking officials of Starfleet, and was currently near deserted apart from a security detail and a bustle of medical staff; he was stowed away into a side room at the very end of the wards and forced to change out of his uniform and into an unflattering, itchy gown.

He was then left, laid on the bed in complete silence while the professionals, namely Bones, decided all the tests they were going to be running on him. He had briefly overheard some details about blood tests, urine samples, brain scans, CT scans, MRI scans and a prostate examination. Needless to say, none of them sounded overly pleasant to him at that exact moment. Despite that, he would keep his word to Bones; the best he could hope for was an attractive nurse taking his bloods... And an undying hope that they were kidding about the prostate examination.

They hadn't been joking, Kirk recalled miserably as he curled up under the covers of the hospital bed, bruised and aching. It had taken hours for them to run their preliminary tests, taking blood cultures and numerous other recordings, and by the end of it James Kirk was exhausted like he had never been before in his life. All the prodding, the poking, the jabbing with needles, the probing of his prostate. Admittedly, he was used to a lot of demand for his body, but this was ridiculous!

He looked around as he heard the door open and let out a moody grumble as he saw McCoy and Spock enter. Their expressions gave nothing away, but they both had convincing poker faces, even if one of them was unable to lie. He sat up gingerly, reclining against the raised back of his bed and slung his arms over his knees, waiting for someone to break the ice.

When it became apparent neither of his visitors wanted to speak first he got impatient, "So, just so we are all on the same page... That is the last rectal examination anyone is ever giving me Bones, I mean it, if they try again I will break their fingers."

"Understood," the doctor chuckled weakly before his face turned serious, "Jim, we've been running a lot of tests-"

"Oh believe me, I'd noticed." he scorned.

Bones glared in response to the interruption but then continued, assessing the data on his PADD, "We don't have any conclusive results from what we've seen today, we can only confirm that the radiation you absorbed has definitely triggered some form of reaction from Khan's blood, we just can't be certain to what extent at the moment."

"So you're no better off than we were on the Enterprise?" he huffed, "Great, glad to know I've endured all that shit, for nothing."

"Not entirely." Spock murmured, taking a moment before he spoke again, "We now know for certain that to get definitive answers we will need to wake Khan from cryogenic sleep. We have no alternatives now, we need to run the same tests on him, compare the results and see what we can find from it. We have confirmed with the Admiralty Board that this needs to happen."

Jim swallowed hard, "I see. I don't suppose you've considered just asking him if he knows anything that would help? Once he has woken up I mean."

"You think he would give us a straight answer?" Bones snorted, "Not likely. I think it will be a miracle if we wake him up without anyone getting hurt, let alone having anyone talk to him."

"What if I was the one to ask him?" the blond murmured hesitantly, "Think about it... Anytime there was any interaction he spoke to me, he wouldn't talk to anyone else directly unless I had started the conversation, he answered my questions."

"Are you out of your mind?" Bones hissed, "The last time the two of you were anywhere near close enough to talk, he tried to kill you. Or have you conveniently forgotten that fact?!"

"He didn't though! He transported me back to the Enterprise and..."

"Tried to blow us all up! That is so much better!" the doctor got to his feet so fast his chair fell to the floor with a clatter, "Under no circumstances are you to go anywhere near him once he is awake, Jim. I will get the answers we need to help you. You are going to stay here, where it is safe."

Jim, while taken aback by the venom in the other's voice, was unwilling to give up, "Bones, just hear me out... If there is a chance we can get the answers we need by talking to him isn't that worth it? Saving us the time of running test after test to get a result he could tell us about himself. You could prove or disprove him with the science if you really needed to."

"No!" Bones snapped suddenly, taking a deep breath to get a grip of his emotions, "There will be _no_ discussions, Jim, _none_. When he is woken up from cryosleep he will be under armed guard every hour of the day, and if I ever get a scent of an idea of you sneaking in to see him, I will section you. Because it would be _insanity_. You would literally be _insane_ to try it. Am I making myself completely clear now? I am not willing to lose you for a second time. So for once in your life... Do as I say."

The Captain was surprised by his friend's tone and meaning, sitting back slowly and looking him over, there was no humour, no joke, no hidden meaning. Bones was serious.

"Alright." he said quietly, "This is your hospital, your grounds... Your rules. I'll play by them."

"Good. Thank you." the older man seemed to take a few moments to calm down, glancing at Spock before he left the room, clearly not willing to stay and risk a similar conversation repeating itself.

McCoy closed his eyes as the door to Jim's room clicked shut behind him and he held his PADD closely to his chest, taking several deep breaths as he forced his panic and anger back down where it belonged. The overwhelming urge to sedate Kirk dying down slowly.

He made to move, attend to other duties, but stopped outside the room beside his friend's eyes darting up reluctantly to look through the glass panel in the door, his gaze meeting the frigid cold, penetrative stare of a murderer and a war criminal. He felt his entire body clench in response, tension piling up as he found it increasingly hard to break eye contact.

A hard lump formed in his throat and he finally dragged his eyes away, walking stiffly down the corridor. Dammit he hated lying to Jim, hated hiding the truth, but he knew what he was like: a dog with a bone. There were things he was better off not knowing.

Like the fact Khan had been brought to the hospital and woken not long after they had boarded their shuttle, or the fact that he had not attacked a single man, woman or hobgoblin and had instead been fully cooperative. But most importantly, Jim didn't need to know that Khan's first recorded words after coming around had been "James," and that since that moment he had remained seated perfectly still, and utterly calm on his bed, allowing all manner of tests to be performed on him without question.

Bones had never seen the man so calm, it transcended even his stay in the Enterprise's brig. He was so calm, so still, like a statue. Or like a snake waiting for the perfect moment to sink its' fangs into the weak, fleshy part of its prey.

He could feel those eyes follow him down the corridor, a figment of his imagination of course, but the man gave him chills and not in a good way. He didn't want him in the hospital, he didn't want him in San Francisco, he didn't want him near Jim. But he didn't have any alternative. This was for Jim's sake after all. Everything was for Jim now.

That didn't make it any easier though. In fact it made him _very uncomfortable_. So uncomfortable, in fact, that he could throw up.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: The Khan Before The Storm:**

_Kirk stood in the airlock, triple checking that his space jumper suit was fastened securely and correctly, before letting out a long breath against the glassy helmet; his eyes darted to the side where Khan was stood, looking imposing and yet elegant as he slowly crouched down, seemingly preparing for the coming space jump. He watched for a moment, before deciding it would be unwise to look like an inexperienced novice, he crouched as well, and to the best of his ability mimicked the war criminal's stance._

_He tried to hide his flinch of surprise as Chekov's voice filled his helmet, somewhere among this thick Russian accent, he was being informed of the distance between the ships and the necessity of remaining as parallel with the airlock of the USS: Vengeance as possible._

"_It's fine, Mister Chekov, I've done this before," he announced, steadying his breathing, he caught the slightly bemused expression Khan shot him, and spoke again, "It was a Romulan drill thing... They were making a hole into the core of Vulcan... We had to jump vertically down and land on it to disable the thing and it... Never mind... Not important..."_

_Khan looked away, shaking his head slightly at the jabbering of the other man, though a small tingle of curiosity melded with the secret feeling of being impressed by such a feat, he could easily calculate the odds of achieving such a clean landing and they were not particularly good. Unable to stop himself, he looked around again, "How many made the jump?"_

"_What?" Jim responded, surprised, "Oh, there were three of us: Olsen, Sulu and myself."_

_The dark haired man's face changed as he considered the answer, "I've met Mister Sulu, and you. But I don't recall meeting anyone named Olsen." he commented._

"_Yes well... Olsen was an idiot... He decided to see how late he could leave it before opening his parachute, and ended up being pulled under the drill and incinerated." he sighed deeply, "He was an idiot."_

"_Yes, yes I would agree he was definitely an idiot." he agreed before refocusing on the task at hand, his curiosity stated for the time being._

_It was only moments later that the airlock was opened and they were sucked out by the force of space, into the everlasting darkness beyond. Their bodies straightened as they aligned to the airlock of the Vengeance, and they plummeted through the open void towards it._

_Kirk was forced to manoeuvre around the debris field between them and their goal, feeling pretty thankful at how well he had been doing, until a shard of metal smacked into his helmet and put a deep crack in the glass, leaving his eyes wide in shock as it continued to creep across his vision. In a heartbeat his heads up display was wiped and he was left flying blind, unable to tell the distance between himself and the Vengeance, and unable to rectify is course._

_His head snapped around as he heard a crash and thud, losing sight of Khan as the debris swallowed him up, he swallowed deeply and hoped he wouldn't have to complete the final leg of the jump alone, and with no way to set himself back on track._

_Blue eyes followed the crack in the glass as it grew steadily further across his visor, threatening to fracture completely. He had seen what happened to an exposed body in space: freezing; radioactive frying; exploding... He didn't want to be an unattractive corpse. Or a corpse at all for that matter._

"_Kirk come towards me, my HUD is still intact, I can guide you." Khan's voice crackled over their communication device suddenly, and relief pounded through the Captain._

"_You sure know how to worry a guy." he responded, using the pressurised thrusters in his suit to steer his way over to Khan's side._

_They shared a long look, the darker haired man assessing his condition and making an easy assessment that Kirk could not afford to be struck again, a second blow would be fatal and that was not something he wanted to happen. He needed as much leverage against Marcus, and the Enterprise as was possible._

_And it had nothing to do with the long forgotten feeling of someone being (almost) his equal._

_A panicked few moments followed as Scotty failed to open the airlock hatch for them, and the pair rapidly found themselves getting uncomfortably close to becoming smears on the hull of the ship. Yet, with a gasp of relief, the hatch finally opened and they were sucked inside. A body flew out past them into space, and Kirk felt a churning in his stomach as he prayed it wasn't Scotty._

_And yet, when the airlock slammed shut and the pair were dropped to the ground with a forceful crunch, Kirk found himself peering up at Scotty through his now shattered visor and panted softly as he let out a small groan, forcing himself to his knees, out of the corner of his eye seeing Khan already on his feet, still stunned that he was able to shake off such a fall._

_The Captain slipped his broken helmet off, dropping it to the floor and shaking some remnants of glass from his hair, holding his ribs as he appraised the two men he was with._

"_Who's this then?" Scotty asked the all important question, looking at Khan._

_Kirk took a breath, "Scotty this is Khan, Khan this is Scotty... My Chief Engineer if he agrees to have his job back."_

_Khan looked the man over for a moment, taking in his weak stature and goofy expression, acknowledging that he would easily be broken if needed, "Yes well, this way." he said in melancholy as he stalked off, abandoning his helmet along the way._

_Kirk rolled his eyes and clapped his friend on the back, with no idea what was to follow._

Jim sat up suddenly as the dream morphed into the image of Khan crushing Marcus' skull between his hands, sweat running down his face as a soft shudder ran through him. It was only as his mind slowed from the dream that he came to realise the crippling pain running through his arms and legs, his jaw clenching hard as he released a grunt and reached for the buzzer beside his bed, his fingers fumbled and he dropped it; in trying to catch it he tumbled from his bed and landed with a hard thud on the cold floor.

His face reddened slightly as his blood pressure skyrocketed and he slammed a fist on the floor, breath escaping in short sharp bursts as pain continued the wrack his body, curling slowly into a ball as he wrapped his arms around his middle and let out a strangled cry for help, inwardly hating that he sounded so pathetic and weak.

The door to his room burst open and he heard a familiar voice curse loudly, a call for more help followed and he looked up shakily as Bones came to crouch beside him, "It's okay Jim, I'm here. Can you try and tell me what hurts?"

He would have laughed had it not been for the intense burning through his limbs and he let out a croak, "Everything."

The doctor faltered momentarily but gave him a semi-reassuring nod, wheeling a trolley closer and loading a syringe up with pain relief, jabbing his friend firmly in the thigh he applied the drug, hoping it would help lessen the pain he was so clearly struggling with.

Over Bones's shoulder, Kirk saw Spock hurry into the room, and the Vulcan assisted in lifting him back up onto the bed and getting him under the covers as the pain relief swept around his system and made him go slightly limp.

"What the hell happened?" Bones muttered, more to himself than anyone else as he instantly began rerunning some of his earlier tests, checking Jim's heart and pulse as well to see how much strain the episode had put him under.

The Captain shivered slightly, teeth chattering as he allowed the tests to be run in silence, everything hurt, ached, felt heavy and didn't feel like it belonged to him. He let out a suddenly and loud moan, grabbing his head as pain shot through his skull.

Icy glass. Cold air. Darkness.

Ice melting. Warm air. Bright overhead lights.

Anger. Such deep thumbing anger. Loneliness. So alone. Where was everyone else?

Jim sat bolt upright and retched, feeling like his insides were turning outside, his vision blurring and clearing over and over again as his head span and and stilled.

Spock pushed the doctor aside hastily and reached out, pressing his fingers to Jim's head, closing his eyes and melding their minds quickly and carefully, flinching as he felt the pain coursing through his friend's body, he pushed it back, beads of sweat rolling down his face as he fought not to surrender to the same pain, instead cramming a sense of calm and peace into the other's mind, using his inner strength to sooth the pain.

Kirk slumped against the pillows unconscious, his heart rate monitor bleeping threateningly as it recorded how fast the organ was beating, Spock in turn staggered slightly, using the wall to steady himself, a few soft pants escaping him.

"Spock... What the hell was that?" Bones breathed shakily.

"I... I am afraid I cannot be certain," the Vulcan sounded shaken, "I have never before felt such physical pain contained in one person. It felt as thought his blood was on fire, bones were breaking and mending, muscles weakening and strengthening in seconds."

The doctor frowned deeply at his words, pulling over the portable x-ray and running a few swift scans of the unconscious blond, it took only seconds for the results to appear on his PADD but when they did he was left in almost no doubt as to what had caused the 'seizure'.

"Its the blood. Again." he murmured, running a hand down his face wistfully, "Look at these results, Spock. His bone structure is... Completely different to what the x-rays showed last time around. Its as if... They literally broke themselves and repaired themselves to be stronger, more dense... To be better."

They shared a long look, silent understanding passing between them before the First Officer spoke, "Is he going to continue having these... Episodes?"

"I wouldn't want to speculate," Bones bit down on his lip hard, "But I think he will, yes. Spock we need to start making contingency plans..."

"No." the Vulcan interrupted sharply, "We focus on trying to find a way to bring that _monster's_ DNA back under control."

"Spock, for God's sake man... Look at his heart rate during that episode," the medical officer hissed, hanging his head momentarily, "Do you think I want to be suggesting this? I'm the one who put that shit in him. But there is a real possibility his body won't cope with much more of this. There are people... Who need to be told."

Another long look, one filled with bitterness and dissatisfaction, before the First Officer nodded curtly and left his friend's bedside. Bones watched him go, only allowing himself to breathe normally when the door clicked shut again.

"Dammit Jim... I'm a doctor, not a bloody miracle worker." he muttered to himself.

Jim groaned deeply as he woke, his body ached from head to toe. Forcing himself to sit up, he grabbed some water from the side table and gulped it down desperately, his throat and mouth dry. A small furrow of his brows formed as he recalled that last time he had been awake, it was all a fuzzy mess but he remembered the pain. That God awful pain.

He turned on the bed, carefully setting bare feet to floor, he grabbed his intravenous drip pole and used it to help him stand, a soft groan of both relief and numbness escaped him, but he stretched carefully and felt some of that pain fade away.

A glance out of the window told him it was night, the sky was dark and roads illuminated only by street lights and twenty-four hour shop fronts. Even when it was so late in the day, the roads still seemed so crowded with cars. It made him pine for his motorbike.

The urge to wander rose and he decided not to deny himself the chance for a small walk around, needing to stretch his legs and see something other than the same monitors and the same four walls. He could feel the soft buzz of the morphine still in his system, and trusted it to keep the hurt at bay. He was merely glad to find his pants and pull them on under his gown before swapping out to a black shirt left by his bedside – the last thing he needed was any nurses seeing his bare ass hanging out of that horrid gown.

Door opening easily under his touch, he stuck his head out into the corridor and glanced around, he found himself to be in the room at the very end of the ward, well away from anyone who may have been admitted while he was asleep. And he let out a small sigh as he recalled his last two visits to the hospital.

The first time was post-Nero, along with Spock he had spent an entire week climbing the walls, having his various breaks and bruises treated and repaired. Despite his distaste for being prodded and poked in the name of medicine, Spock had been something of a lifesaver, and it was in that one week where he had finally learned a great deal more about his Vulcan friend.

They had spoken at length about all things Vulcan. Traditions; weather; culture; geographic structure; history; politics and education. Kirk had known his friend needed to talk about his home world, to remember and to help grieve for its destruction.

And in return, Kirk had told him about his youth. Growing up with the overbearing memory of how his father had saved eight hundred lives on the day he had died; growing up with a step-dad and step-siblings who hated him; life on the farm; learning to hot wire cars and meeting Christopher Pike.

That week had brought them closer together, just as Spock Senior had told him would happen. For once, he was glad to be proven wrong.

His second visit had, of course, been after he had been irradiated, and it was a memory he cared very little to recall at length.

Jim let out a quiet groan as his muscles protested under his weight and he used the wall to help him move further out of his room, not wanting to fall and draw attention to himself from nurses who would likely report back to Bones about his escape.

He then frowned slightly, taken aback as he realised there was no one else around. The hallways were empty, the nearby wards seemed empty. He could hear the distant sound of talking and bleeping machines but they were just that, distant. Why was he so far from the other patients?

Relaxing as the though occurred to him that the lack of medical presence would make it easier for him to stretch his legs, he hobbled forward, a wince fixing itself in place as he took one step after another, taking it very slow and very careful.

Shaking his head at his condition he almost turned around and went back to bed, but stopped suddenly as ice cold fingers ran down his spine, arm hairs standing on end as a cold mist descended through him; his fingers twitched towards where his phaser would normally sit on his hip, but sadly Bones had confiscated it to prevent him shooting holes in the walls.

Turning very slowly, his breath caught in his throat as his gaze fell through the glass panel of the door to his left and he saw a familiar face. A face he never thought he'd see again.

Slicked back black hair; high cheekbones; pale snow like skin; and tight, powerful muscles concealed under dark clothing. That aura of death and destruction was as visible and noticeable as the nose on his own face. Jim's stomach churned and he felt his legs turn to jelly, mouth sealing in a tight line as his emotions scattered to the wind and went haywire.

Khan.

_Khan stared at him through the barrier of his cell, piercing eyes never moving from his face, "A remnant of a time long past. Genetically engineered to be superior. So as to lead others to peace in a world at war. But we were condemned as criminals. Forced into exile. For centuries we slept. Hoping that when we awoke things would be... Different. But as a result of the destruction of Vulcan, your Starfleet began to aggressively search distant quadrants of space; my ship was found adrift. I alone was revived."_

Jim flinched and sucked in a breath as the memory played through his head, eyes blurring for a moment as he staggered, throwing both hands against the wall to stop himself falling flat on his face.

When Khan had been sat in that brig, calmly; politely; patiently, he had been so enraged with his very presence. The pain of Pike's death had been to fresh, to close to the surface of his mind and he had behaved in a way unbefitting of a Captain towards a prisoner. Looking back, while the hurt and ache of loss was still there, he wished he had been different.

Khan was like him. Lost. Alone. Manipulated. Damaged.

His head was pounding, he squeezed his eyes shut for a few passing seconds, trying to ignore the dull ache he was becoming too accustomed to. Finally opening them again, he stared once more into Khan's room, the man hadn't moved, he looked like he was sleeping sat up but something told Jim that wasn't accurate.

His tongue darted across his dry lips before he sucked in a breath, resting a hand on the door and pushing gently, hesitation and a tingle of fear slowing his movements as he carefully stepped into the sterile room.

The door hissed shut behind him and he stood, frozen in the doorway, staring at the dark haired man who had caused _so much_ pain to so many people.

"Have you come to inflict further medicinal torture upon me, Doctor?" Khan asked, eyes never opening.

Jim's breath hitched slightly in his throat, the man's voice was the same a he remembered. There was a coldness to his tone, a calculating consideration which ran deep, and yet hiding under that was a velvet tone designed to make people reluctantly relax, to trust. He swallowed hard, beginning to think it was a mistake to have left his own room.

"Doctor?" Khan asked again, lifting his head slowly, those cold eyed opening lazily before suddenly they were wide, clearly startled to see that it was not Bones who had come to see him at all.

A long, heavy silence filled the room, eyes fixed on each other as neither moved a muscle. Jim felt a well of anxiety in his chest, he hadn't seen those eyes since being aboard the Vengeance. By the time he had woken from being revived Khan had already been imprisoned in his cryotube again.

"Khan." he said finally, voice cracking.

"James Kirk." the other replied, "I was under the impression you were confined to your room."

"I was under the impression you were still on ice. But I guess we're both disappointed." his voice was quiet, uncertain and uncomfortable.

Khan's head tilted very slightly at the remark, "Doctor McCoy hid my presence from you?"

"I knew you were here but... Not that you were awake."

"I see." came a simple answer.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked, not moving from his position by the door.

The genetically engineered solider mused for a moment, "I was woken not long after the Enterprise docked over Earth."

Jim took a long breath and looked down, "So... Bones lied big time." he shook his head and exhaled slowly, "Great. Some friend."

"I'd venture to say it is due to your friendship that he did lie. No one exactly wants me here, let alone for us to come face to face." Khan hesitated before he moved his legs aside and gestured to the bed, "You look ready to collapse, Captain, perhaps you should sit for a moment."

He wanted to deny it, and he certainly didn't want to accept his assistance, but as his head gave a particularly painful thump, he lurched over and sat heavy near his feet, one hand still on his IV; he rubbed his face with the other and let out another breath.

"You look terrible." the other man stated.

"Thanks. You look pretty rubbish yourself." he muttered in response.

"Doctor McCoy informed me that I was woken to provide assistance to you, as your health had taken a decline." Khan looked at him straight, "I was sceptical at first, especially with how many examinations he subjected me to, however now I see you with my own two eyes... You are definitely not doing well."

"You really know how to make a guy feel good about himself." a grunt of a reply, before another sigh escaped, "Something is happening to me. I don't know what. But... I was hit with a radioactive flare while evacuating a planet and... It started something, something big and painful and uncontrollable. Ever since I've felt drained, tired, aching... My head is pounding. Though the headaches started before the radiation."

A hand snaked out and grasped Kirk's wrist, he flinched away from the contact but Khan's grip was far stronger than he was currently, and he clenched his jaw as the dark haired man pressed carefully along his forearm, feeling beneath the skin, examining muscle and bone with surprisingly soft fingertips. It took him a moment, but Jim relaxed as it seemed the other was not planning to do anything untoward.

"I must confess, I didn't expect to see you again." Khan stated as he worked, brows furrowed with concentration.

"Nor I you." the blond swallowed hard, his stomach churning with a feeling he wasn't too keen on, "I had toyed with the idea, but I didn't anticipate for it to actually happen."

"No? Is that not why you put in a request for me to be removed from cryogenic sleep and put on trial for my... Crimes?" the dark haired male glanced up at him momentarily, "Your doctor has a loose tongue."

Kirk cursed under his breath and tipped his head back, staring at the ceiling, "I can't forget what you did, but over time... Your reasons for doing it made more and more sense. You were right, Khan, about one thing at least... I _would_ do anything for my family. Once I realised that I also realised that... You were a desperate man trying to save the people you care for. Surely that motive cannot be all bad... If it comes from a pure place."

Fingers paused movement near his elbow, he momentarily wondered if he had said the wrong thing, but as Khan lifted his gaze again and fixed him with those steely eyes he saw something in the,m that he hadn't expected to. Gratitude.

"I... Did not believe anyone would ever to try to understand me. Or my actions." he paused and his jaw clenched hesitantly, "You surprise me Kirk, in more ways than one. I... Thank you."

Jim stared at him blankly, uncertainty creeping in before he looked down, unable to hold eye contact for a second longer, "You don't need to thank me. Though I have to ask, you practically have your freedom, couldn't you break out of here if you wanted to? Restart your campaign?"

"Yes." a simple answer for a simple question.

Lifting one eyebrow, the blond looked him over, he wasn't restrained, he wasn't chained down, there didn't even seem to be a tracker on him, "Then why are you still here?"

A small chuckle escaped Khan, something which took Jim by surprise, as he was unaware the man even knew how to laugh, "As you so aptly put it 'if I wanted to' and I do not. Doctor McCoy has been most professional and polite to me considering the circumstances, except for his peculiar name calling, as I do not believe I am a hobgoblin with green blood. However, he has shown me respect, despite everything which happened before... I will show him that in return."

"So you're staying because of your honour?"

"No." Khan let out a breath, "I am staying because I want to. If you really are as sick as he thinks, I need to be here to be of assistance. There is no one else like me around to offer advice on what you're experiencing."

Kirk blinked and glanced at his feet, "You're staying for my sake. Bit weird considering everything that we did to each other before."

An uneasy silence fell between them, Khan continued his examination of Jim's arm before he released him from his grasp and slid off the bed, walking over to the floor to ceiling window in the corner of the room and peering out over the city below. Jim watched him cautiously, flexing his fingers as he sat a little more comfortably on the bed.

"I was under the impression you were not to leave your room." Khan mused again after several long moments, "I should have expected you would escape at some point."

"You don't know me." Jim snorted, "Don't try to act like you do."

The dark haired male turned slightly, raising an eyebrow, "On the contrary I have done my research, I have so little else to entertain myself with while I am here, so I looked you up in great detail."

"Oh is that so? Do tell me what you found, I'm curious to know how much of my life is in the public eye." he folded his arms.

"Jim, or 'James' was the name of your grandfather on your mother's side, while Tiberius was the name of your grandfather on your father's side. Kirk being the family name inherited from your father, George Kirk, who died on the-"

"On the USS Kelvin during a lightening storm in space, which actually turned out to be a massive black hole which allowed a Romulan ship from the future to enter our timeline and change our lives forever. Yeah, that sounds about right." he ground his teeth together.

"You are uncomfortable with the achievements of you father, and feel overshadowed, fearing you will never live up to his name, you will never be good enough. All your life you have been reminded of what a brilliant and brave man he was, how much he sacrificed so you and eight hundred others could live. But why should you care? You didn't know him, you will never know him. So why bother taunting you with the merits of a man you can never hope to meet and live up to?" Khan continued despite his interruption.

Kirk blinked a couple of times and scoffed slightly, "Damn."

"What's wrong Kirk? Has no one ever tried to understand you before?"

He looked down, slightly disbelieving, "Spock gets it to a degree, but that is only thanks to mind-melding. But regardless, you researched my grandparents, my mum, my dad and you have a minute understanding for why I'm disrespectful to the memory of my father. That's not all that much, not really. I'm disappointed."

"I'm not finished," Khan's lips twitched slightly threatening to break into a smirk, "You are highly intelligent for a human, I hacked into the Iowa database and you have an _extensive_ criminal record, any one of the items on that list should have blacklisted you from Starfleet but somehow you were still accepted-"

"Pike," he said as calmly as he could, "Christopher Pike got me in."

"I see," he fell silent for a moment, hesitant, "I killed him didn't I?"

"Yes you did." Jim nodded slightly, looking momentarily downcast as he remembered the man, "He died when you opened fire on the Starfleet Officers after blowing up the Archives. A lot of good men and women died that night."

"For what its worth, and I have no doubt it is worth very little, I am sorry for taking him from you."

Khan's voice took him by surprise, there was genuine regret in those velvet tones, and it made him swallow hard, "I hated you so much at the time, I thought I'd never feel calm again. But Pike was a family man too, he dedicated his life to Starfleet, to his crew. If anyone would understand the need to try and protect their family it would have been him. He would have been disgusted at Marcus." he said softly, raising his gaze to meet Khan's.

"You truly believe that, don't you? That Marcus was the symptom of the disease." Khan frowned faintly, "I wish I could believe that."

"You told me in the brig, that you and your crew went to sleep hoping that when you woke things would be different. They should have been. You shouldn't have been taken from them and you shouldn't have been forced to use your intellect to benefit a man who was holding your family hostage. If it hadn't been him... If it had been someone else, anyone else... Maybe it would have been the difference you hoped for." Kirk murmured, finally giving life to the way he had felt ever since learning Khan had been put back to sleep.

The two men stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, Khan walked back over and sat beside him carefully, and a more comfortable silence fell between them. An understanding finally coming to life in the wake of their words.

"My research into your background... Confirmed something I think I realised about you when we met. You come across as an arrogant player, someone who uses people for sex to make you feel better about yourself and your life, but I don't think that is entirely true. I don't believe you want to use people at all, you want someone strong enough to stand at your side, accept your faults and stay with you despite them. You're afraid of being hurt." his voice was quiet.

"Are you saying that I am emotionally damaged?" Kirk chuckled.

"You know you are." there was a seriousness there now, "We both are, really."

"So first you tell a guy his looks like death, and then you tell him he's emotionally damaged. I don't think you quite get how this communication lark works." Jim mused, feeling strangely relaxed with Khan now, he_ wanted _to trust him.

"Yes, well, I've never been very good at making friends." the other glanced him over, "McCoy seemed worried earlier tonight. He and Spock came out of your room looking like the world was collapsing. I heard... Screams. What happened?"

Jim tensed and looked away, a twinge of embarrassment touching his gut as he realised how loudly he must have screamed, and wondered just how many people had heard him, "I...I woke up from a dream and... my body was on fire. Everything hurt, and I don't mean like hitting your head on the table kind of pain... I mean it was excruciating. For a moment I wished I was dead."

Khan watched him carefully, "Did it start in your arms and legs? A feeling of hot aching, heaviness... Which spread through the rest of your body, a headache, racing heart rate?"

"Yes it did," he snapped his head around, "How did you... How did you know?"

"I have experienced similar." he murmured softly, holding his hand in front of himself slowly and flexing his fist, "Long ago, so long the pain is just a memory, a fleeting memory amidst a reservoir of others. Pain is an old friend."

Jim watched him curiously, "You experienced this when you became what you are." he realised, "What's happening to me?"

Khan looked at him slowly, his eyes boring into his own relentlessly, "My DNA is changing you. It is trying to improve what you are. It is trying to fix you, fix everything about you, but there is so much to fix at once... It sees you and it sees your weaknesses and it is trying to repair them, trying to make you better. In every way."

"Your DNA is trying to make me like you?" he breathed.

"I think so, yes."

"Does Bones know?" he swallowed.

"At this point, I would expect he has made a good guess." he nodded once, "I'm sorry James."

He jerked slightly as the man used his name for what he believed might have been the first time, properly, and for some reason it made his legs turn to jelly, he glanced away, "Its fine. Bones will find a way to help, he's never let me down before. It will just take some time I expect."

"I hope he can." the other whispered, looking away, "I will also assist in any way I can. When I went through this I had seventy two brothers and sisters to help me and guide me, you deserve at least someone who will be able to make sense of things."

Jim was once again genuinely surprised, he could hardly believe this was the same man he'd once wanted to kill, "What sort of things should I be expecting? Beyond the pain?"

"Well," Khan took a breath as he considered his answer, "Your bones are already stronger than they were, and your healing capabilities are vastly more superior already, you wouldn't have survived the radiation blast otherwise. But there are smaller things, physiological things, a desire for confrontation; a darkness which lowers the inhibitions and creates the desire to do terrible things. Its those you will need the most help with, anything can trigger it, but few things can stop it. I'll do everything I can to make sure you stay in control."

The blond let out a puff and looked around the room slowly, "So, I could turn into a bigger asshole than I already am, don't tell Bones he'll freak out." he chuckled.

The augmented human let out something resembling a chuckle and tilted his head, "Speaking of which, I believe you only have a few minutes before Doctor McCoy makes his rounds, you should return to your own room, lest he catch you in here with me and punish us both."

"Yeah... Yeah I should go." he stood up carefully, grateful at least for the time being that his headache had subsided, "Do you know if they are planning to put you back into cryogenic sleep after this?" he asked suddenly as he reached the door.

"I would expect so. Unless they care to give me that trial you wanted." he mused, sitting back on the bed and putting his feet up.

Jim hesitated, door half open in front of him, he glanced over at the man, "I'll visit you again tomorrow. I don't plan on letting them put you back on ice."

Khan seemed surprised for a split second before he let out the smallest smile Kirk had ever seen, "I will look forward to it."

The blond turned and left, making it back to his room without too much trouble, he took a seat near the window and stared out as the sun began to break across the horizon of the city, his heart was still thundering and he glanced down at his arm where the other man had inspected him, shaking his head as he had to hide a small smile.

Khan was dangerous, Jim was under no illusions as to that fact, but at that exact moment he couldn't find the willpower to care.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Waltzing Wonders:**

Jim kept his word, he visited Khan the next day. And the next day. And the next day. In fact, for three weeks he visited, undiscovered by Bones or Spock, his knack for escaping trouble coming in more than a little useful. He reasoned it was worth the risk of getting caught, to finally have someone understand exactly what he was going through, and be able to advise him on how best to cope with it.

Sure Spock was a good friend, as was Bones, but neither of them truly understood what he was experiencing, in fact neither of them had breathed a word of their findings to him yet, still keeping him in the dark, or so they believed.

In the weeks which followed, they took the time to learn about each other in great detail, storing every fact to memory for later discussion; Jim discovered that Khan had a quiet fondness for classical music and cats, and Khan learnt that Jim enjoyed rock music and dogs. But in between their differences were similarities, things which they could build on with time, such as a joint fascination with technology, taking things apart and putting them back together to see how they worked; they loved motorbikes, the faster the better; and they had a keen shared interest in learning.

It was strange to go from hating and fearing Khan to realising that they weren't so different, and in fact finding a good basis for trust and maybe even friendship. Maybe even more.

Kirk gritted his teeth as he hid his face under the bed covers at that thought, sighing heavily as his stomach churned with an anxiety he wasn't entirely used to. Somewhere during his visits and all this chats, he realised there was a little more driving him than just a need for understanding, there was something deeper, and to his surprise and nervousness he found himself straying into dangerous waters. Feelings were stirring, as unwise as they might turn out to be.

It wasn't that he was unused to being attracted to the same sex, he'd always lived his life with a foot in both worlds, it was more a case of it being Khan that he was concerned about. The man was a killer, a war criminal, and probably the most hated person in Starfleet. And yet that didn't seem to matter what they were talking, when they were close.

Jim had continued to experience small episodes of chronic pain, but they were resolved with greater ease and none had been quite as severe as the first. Which was probably the only positive point.

He jumped slightly as he heard the door open and he popped his head up, groaning internally as he saw Bones, he pushed himself up into a seated position and slung his arms over his legs as he pulled them up towards his chest, "Did you bring grapes?"

"Very funny, Jim." the doctor mused, checking his records to see how he'd been doing, "I've made the decision to discharge you temporarily, the last of the tests I need to run can be done without you being here for them. So it seems stupid to keep you in a bed we might need. You can go back to your apartment, but I don't want you to be on your own for extended periods of time, just in case you have another attack."

His mood picked up slightly at the news he could finally leave the hellhole that was the hospital, but then dipped again at the conditions, "Before you even suggest it... Spock is not coming home with me. That apartment is my own little safe haven, I don't even take one night stands back there."

"Jim its either Spock or you stay here." he put his foot down.

"Then I guess I'll have to stay here!" he snapped, "I won't have anyone trespassing on my space."

Bones was momentarily surprised by his friends bout of surliness, and drew in a heavy breath, "Alright, just... You can go home alone, but I want you to keep in regular contact with myself or Spock, and if you do experience any pain at all, you come straight back. Is that fair?"

"Fine." he muttered, sliding off the bed and throwing his clothes on, waiting patiently for his IV to be removed so he could escape.

He paused by the door and glanced at his friend over his shoulder, the man had a worried look on is face. He shrugged off the guilt of having snapped at him and left the room, stopping suddenly as he saw the noticeboard just outside his door and an idea formed in his mind as he read one of the posters, it could solve Bones's worries, and it would mean he didn't have to spend another of 'those days' alone.

He made a sharp left, pushing open Khan's door and going inside, ignoring the sudden panic of the man behind him.

"Jim!" he heard Bones exclaim as he shut the door and flicked the lock down to give them some privacy.

Khan raised an eyebrow at the scene, "I thought you wanted to keep a low profile."

"I did, but I've just been discharged." he grinned slightly as he could hear Bones swearing at him through the glass, "So now I don't have to worry."

"I see, so you will not be coming to visit any longer?" he asked, his tone level.

The blond walked over and sat by him on the bed, blocking out the sound of the doctor's voice, "On the contrary, I have an idea that might just get you out of here. I imagine you are as bored of these four walls as I am."

"How are you going to do that without breaking at least a dozen regulations?" the dark haired man asked, sitting up slightly with curiosity in his gaze.

"Bah who cares about regulations?" he asked waving a lazy hand, "There is a party at Starfleet HQ this weekend, for senior ranking officers, I was thinking of attending."

"And your point is?" Khan frowned, not following his thought process.

"And you say you're a genius," he muttered, "You are a Captain, are you not?"

"I am, yes but... Oh." the superhuman paused suddenly and let out a small chuckle, "I see what you mean, Captains are superior ranking officers. But maybe you are forgetting, I am not the Captain of a Starfleet vessel, and on top of that I am a known killer."

Jim's smile only widened, "Good job it is a masquerade then, isn't it? Masks, costumes, no one will recognise you."

"Hm, it is an interesting plan for certain, and I can't deny I would like to feel some freedom again... Very well, seeing as you asked so nicely, James, I will accept your invitation." Khan's lips twitched towards a smirk, "I'd like to see you get permission, however, as I am still under lock and key."

"The lock and key, of Doctor McCoy, who owes me." he shrugged.

Khan watched curiously as the blond strode over to the door and flicked the lock back open, allowing a furious doctor inside.

"What the hell are you playing at, Jim?!" the man exploded, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him, "How did you even know he was here?!"

"Dammit Bones, calm down," he grabbed his hands and pushed them away, "I've been coming to see Khan for weeks, next time you want to hide someone, don't put them next door to me. It's ridiculous."

"You were confined to your room, you shouldn't have been walking around." Bones growled, barely containing his anger.

Jim took a moment before speaking, "Look, I was going mad staring at four walls, I needed a break. I saw Khan and I _had_ to talk to him, I needed to. For my own sanity. He isn't a monster, Bones, he was in an impossible situation. He thought his family had been murdered."

Bones stared at him, "Have you lost your damn mind? Do you need reminding of what he did?! What he could still do?"

"I know what he did, I was there, I saw it and I lived it. But I don't care." he said honestly, "The things he did were wrong yes, but the reason for them couldn't have been any more human. His intellect and very life was abused by Marcus, his family was taken from him and used against him... If it had been me I would have done anything to protect you guys, to protect the Enterprise."

"You _did_ do anything, Jim. You killed yourself protecting us." the doctor snapped suddenly, running a hand down his face, "You stuck yourself in a radioactive chamber, and you kicked the Warp core back into position to save us. It was a damn miracle we brought you back at all, I won't do it again! I _can't _do it again!"

Jim took a step back, mouth opening slightly, looking down as he listened, hearing his friend's voice crack with emotion, with pain. Sometimes he forgot that his death had affected everyone around him, not just himself.

"Bones, listen to me," he murmured softly, peering up slowly, "I did what I had to do, for my family. Just like he did for his. He's not a bad person. I know about your diagnosis, okay, I know what's going on with me. My body is changing because of Khan's DNA, because of his blood, and if it makes me half as strong as he is then you wouldn't need to worry about me any more, would you?"

"How do you know about..." McCoy trailed off and shot Khan a dark glare, "This is why I wanted you kept apart. My diagnosis is speculation, based on the information Khan has shared, and the tests I have run. I have no way to know how this change will affect you long term Jim. It might fade out, you might go back to being normal and then where would you be?"

"With someone who could help me." he said firmly.

He could see the cogs moving in his friend's head before the expression on his face turned to one of complete disbelief, "No Jim. No. The answer... Is no."

"I'm not taking no for an answer, its not an option." Kirk replied, folding his arms, "Khan isn't sick, he doesn't need a hospital bed. He and I are taking up space you could use if an emergency takes place. You want someone to stay with me in case I have an episode, he needs somewhere to stay."

Bones grabbed his friend's arm and pulled him to the door, speaking in a hushed voice, "I _can't_ sign off on that, I _can't_ just let him out of this hospital to wander freely. What if he does something, goes rogue, kills people? That would be on me. I would be at fault."

"I would be taking full responsibility for him and his actions, if anything were to happen it would be on me, not you." he murmured, "I honestly believe he is invested in helping me. Bones, listen, I've been coming in here for hours, for the last three weeks and we've done nothing but talk. I understand him better than I understand Spock, for the love of God, and I've know him far longer. Please, trust me."

The doctor swallowed hard and shook his head, taking a deep breath, "You ask too much of me, and I expect to be able to ask a favour in return. Several favours, in fact. At least three favours."

"Does that mean..."

"Yes." Bones said sharply, "I know you, if I said no you'd just break him out anyway, at least this way I know where he is and who he is with... And I suppose... If he's genuinely interested in your best interests then I will know someone is looking after you as well."

Jim grinned widely, "Knew I could count on you!"

"Don't even go there." the doctor growled, glancing sharply at Khan before he left, making several notes on his PADD.

"How did you manage this again?" Khan asked as they walked side by side towards Starfleet Head Quarters, where the masquerade party was taking place.

"Magic." Kirk smirked in response.

In the days following their release from hospital, Jim had taken the time to show Khan around San Francisco properly, while aware the other man was more than capable of snapping his neck with a twist of his fingers at any given moment, he allowed himself the luxury of believing Khan wouldn't do that. He couldn't help but relax around him the longer they spent together, and he found himself sinking into a pattern of something he might dare to distinguish as friendship. Though there was a small part of him that hoped for more than that.

Sharing his apartment with the dark haired man had been an interesting experience, he wasn't used to having anyone else there and found himself to be on his best behaviour, only slightly self conscious of the fact that his flat was furnished with only the basics and there was no real sign of life there. No photographs, no paintings, no vases, nothing of him. Khan hadn't mentioned it, but he knew he had noticed.

Checking his watch and seeing it was close to eight in the evening, he put a little more haste into his step, not wanting to be late considering all the effort it had taken to get this far, it had taken two full days and a bucket full of Kirk's suave persuasive abilities to convince Khan to actually attend in fancy dress; not to mention he had been forced to point out about six times that Khan needed a disguise to prevent panic among the guests.

But finally he had achieved victory, and there they were, striding across the courtyard dressed as a couple of 18th century pirates, equipped with tricorn hats and elaborate eye masks. Jim's mask was black with flares of red velvet trailing an intricate story across his face, while Khan's was black and blue, patterned like the web of a snowflake.

"I have never worn anything so ridiculous in my life, if this is magic I don't want to see more." the black haired man muttered under his breath, "I can't believe I allowed myself to be talked into this..."

"Are you still whining? Seriously, it will be _fun_ if you let it." Jim shook his head exasperatedly, "Trust me, it will be great."

"The idea of trusting you makes me more anxious than before." Khan said snidely.

"You injure me!" he laughed.

Khan, however embarrassed and uncomfortable in his current clothing, followed him willingly right up to the entrance, keeping his head down as they were greeted by door staff.

"Name." one of the large, muscled men demanded, his demeanour far less intimidating thanks to the wizard costume he was wearing.

"Kirk, James T." the blond answered mechanically, "This is my plus one."

"Captain of the USS Enterprise." the doorman confirmed and nodded, "In you go, have a pleasant evening sir."

"And you."

Jim grinned widely as they entered the building, this was the first time he had bothered to come to one of the Fleet's fancy parties, it was more of an excuse to spend time with Khan in a different environment than anything else, but he had to admit they really had out done themselves with the decorations.

Billowing drapes of red, yellow and blue hung from the ceilings to the floors, bathed in the warm glow of gravity resistant orbs, and smothered in silver balloons which clung onto the walls with shiny silver ribbon. A red carpet ran the length of the entrance, leading to the conference room which had been turned into a food area and dance floor for the occasion.

"This was not what I expected." Khan breathed, slightly mesmerised by the lights and the scenery.

"Me neither, they sure out did themselves... And they have actual taste in music. Amazing." Jim commented, leading them into the large room which was stuffed with bustling officers, he stole a glance at his companion and smirked, "What, you weren't thinking the same thing?"

"Actually, I was." the dark haired man answered, "Marcus allowed me that one luxury while I worked, music. I would have lost my mind without it. Or... At the very least lost it more."

Frowning faintly at the mention of the former Admiral, Kirk looked away and scanned the crowed, his heart sinking abruptly, "Oh for the love of... Shit."

"What's wrong?"

"I forgot that First Officers are invited as well... I've just seen Spock." he groaned, grabbing his wrist suddenly and leading him further into the crowd, "This way."

Khan was momentarily taken aback by the contact on his arm, initial instinct being to pull away, however he stopped himself and allowed the other to drag him off, and when they then came to a stop on the other side of the room, he tilted his head slightly, "Why do you not wish for Mister Spock to see you?"

"Because Bones has probably told him everything by now, and all I will get is a lecture, which is the exact opposite of what I need. Especially tonight." he growled in response, turning towards the food table and stabbing a cocktail sausage venomously before eating it.

"What do you mean especially tonight?" Khan questioned, leaning against the table and keeping his eyes on the crowd, before his gaze flicked to Kirks'.

"It's just... It doesn't matter, not right now. I just need a night off to enjoy myself." he said quietly.

The superhuman contemplated his response for a moment, it was clear that Kirk was somewhat adverse to the idea of discussing what was on his mind, yet at the same time he could hear the need to talk in his voice. He wasn't willing to push him and risk his temper flaring, after all he currently owed the blond a great deal, starting with his freedom to walk around the city without an armed guard. But he would store the moment to memory, and ask him about it another time. He would ensure Jim had the night he wanted, at the very least.

"I will keep an eye out for Mister Spock for you," he said, stealing a second sausage from the Captain and eating it himself, "You sound like you need to unwind."

Jim pouted as the nibble was stolen but then looked relieved, "Really? Thanks. I owe you one."

Khan paused as he considered the many, many ways he could claim that 'one' before clearing his throat and scanning the crowd for the Vulcan once more, "Move towards the drinks." he instructed, steering Jim away from the prowling First Officer.

"I swear he is more persistent than fleas." the blond muttered under his and allowed himself to be moved.

"You know, it isn't entirely fair that he isn't in costume himself." Khan grumbled softly, shifting his hat slightly.

Kirk snorted, downing a small cup of punch, "Oh he would never do anything as fun as dressing up for a party, no no, that would be far too illogical."

"Clearly." the other huffed.

Spock continued to follow them around the room, whether or not the Vulcan was actually aware of that or not, neither of them could decide, however it was becoming somewhat annoying. Determined to keep his word and give Jim the evening he wanted, his ears pricked as the tone of the music changed and he saw people heading for the dance floor.

"Can Spock dance?" he asked, gripping Kirk's wrist suddenly.

"What?" Jim frowned in confusion, "No, of course he can't, he wouldn't give it the time of day."

"Excellent, then follow me."

Spluttering in puzzlement, Kirk allowed himself to be pulled through the crowded room, suddenly understanding as the dance floor came into sight, "Are you serious? You are inviting me to dance with you?"

"Yes, why? Are you adverse to the idea?" Khan asked as they moved.

"Not at all but... I would never have thought of you as the dancing kind." he shrugged slightly, a small shudder running through him as he felt one of Khan's hands slid to the small of his back as they got into position.

"And I didn't realise that you were interested in men as well as women, but I have felt your eyes on me ever since we left the hospital, so now, we are even." He whispered against his ear as they moved in time to the fast paced Spanish music.

Jim flinched slightly as he felt his breath against his skin and he swallowed the lump in his throat, before forcing a smirk into place, "If you really had noticed, why not say something?"

"I would say something... If it bothered me." the dark haired man replied, matching his smirk.

It was the first real smirk Jim had seen from the man, and there was something in his eyes, a smoulder, which made him slightly light headed and it occurred to him for a moment that he may have finally met his match. It was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.

"You know," he began, as he allowed himself to be led around the floor, "You didn't need to use Spock as an excuse. I know you just wanted to finally get your hands on me."

Khan looked down at him and his lips twitched, "You overestimate your effect on me, Captain."

"So I _do_ have an effect on you then. Thank you for telling me." he teased.

"That was coy." the soldier commented.

Jim felt his mind go blank as they enjoyed their dance, keeping perfect pace and position with each other as they wove a ring around the other dance partners, many of whom left the dance floor to give more room to two clearly talented dancers.

The music was building in his ears, his heart thundering in response with each step, each twist and turn, neither of them put a foot out of place, it was as though for that moment their minds were one, perfectly interlocking and syncing, giving way to a mesmerising display of skill, talent and passion.

Khan twirled Kirk under his arm, dragging him closer again and spinning them both as he then curled him back, eyes twinkling slightly as he watched how much the other seemed to be enjoying the moment.

The climax of the music was fast approaching, and the two could sense it, fast paced foot work followed before a second spin and twist, Khan drew him in close, leaning in slightly and brushing his lips over Jim's, enjoying the way the other's breath caught in response.

And then like that the music was gone, and he spun the blond elegantly out until they were stood side by side, only their hands still touching. The pair only realising they were alone on the dance floor when an outbreak of applause roused them from their bubble, and they both grew shifty as they realised how many people had been watching their display.

Khan chuckled softly to himself as he looked at Jim's still bewildered face, an expression of surprise and lust rolled into one.

"Captain." Spock said suddenly from beside them both.

"Oh for the love of all things." Jim dropped his head and sighed heavily.

"Ah, it would appear my plan did not work." Khan mused, "My luck is clearly not as good as yours, James." his lips twitching as he caught the back end of two death glares.

The Vulcan stood straighter if anything else, "Captain I feel we should talk."

"I had a feeling you might say that." the blond huffed, "Come on then."

Jim trailed after his friend as they left the room, standing just outside the door way as the music inside turned more subtle again, as if a gentle reminder that their moment was truly over. The blond glanced around as he felt Khan at his side and his cheeks burned suddenly as his mind treacherously replayed the best kiss he had never had.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: More Than Meets The Eye:**

Jim sighed as they came to a stop in the lobby, reaching up reluctantly and removing his mask, looking up at Spock sharply, "You wanted a word?"

"Yes." the Vulcan seemed hesitant as he watched Khan lean against the wall, "Doctor McCoy informed me of your recent disagreement... I must share the doctor's opinion that your desire to play friends with Khan Noonien Singh perplexes me as much as it does concern me. He murdered hundreds of innocent people, including Admiral Pike, for his own gain. And you seem to be perfectly content to court such behaviour simply because it suits you."

"Wow, tell me what you really think Spock... Don't hold back, will you?" the blond hissed slightly, dropping his gaze as he found that his words stung slightly.

"I have always been honest and told you when I have believed you to be making a mistake, Captain, it is what _friends_ do." his First Officer offered, head slightly tipped.

"Would you rather I pretend he wasn't here? Act as though nothing had changed? Fool around and appear as though everything is fine?" he spat, "He _is_ here. Things _have_ changed. And _nothing_ is fine."

"Captain-"

"No!" Jim stepped up to Spock, their noses almost touching, "This isn't logical Spock, I wouldn't expect you to understand. You don't have to understand. Khan didn't have to stay in that hospital, he chose to do it because he knew he was needed, he knew I was in trouble. Ever since we left the hospital he could have done a runner, but he hasn't, he has stayed, he's behaved, he hasn't done anything to hurt anyone."

"You make an apt point, Captain, that he is here because he wants to be," Spock was undeterred, "What happens the moment he no longer wants to be here? How many people will he hurt to get out? If you trust him it will get you killed. And I am not willing to stand around and watch that _again_."

Kirk gritted his teeth and turned away, bristling as his temper flared, talking to Spock about these things always felt like he was hitting a wall with a plastic hammer – no matter what he said, it just bounced back off.

"Commander Spock," Khan said suddenly, taking them both by surprise, "I am not one to allow arguments to incur on my behalf, so allow me to say something in my own defence, rather than you metaphorically beating your Captain over the head with your _supposed_ logic."

"Don't bother, if he doesn't want to hear it, it will go in one ear and out the other." Jim muttered.

"No," Khan said gently but firmly, "James I won't have the pair of you rip shreds out of each other because of me. I'm stood right here and I have a tongue in my own head."

"I am willing to listen, whether or not I change my mind is another matter entirely." the Vulcan responded stiffly, appraising the superhuman with suspicious eyes.

Khan nodded once, moving away from the wall and clasping his hands behind his back, "I am not going to lie to you, I still have a faint urge to slaughter anyone I deem lesser than myself. That urge will never go away, because it was built into me and it was all I ever knew. But, am I going to act on it? No. No I won't act on it and there is a very simple, but very powerful reason for that... For the first time in my life, I've been given the power of _choice_. James has given me that freedom."

"You have no loyalty to him, no loyalty to anyone other than yourself and your crew. Starfleet still has your crew, what is to stop you from seeking them out?" Spock mirrored his stance.

You are mistaken with that assumption," Khan glanced at the observing blond, "I owe James my life, and my freedom. I always repay my debts. And because of that, he has my loyalty. As for my crew... It pains me to be away from them, to be without my friends and family. However, if they were woken all they would know and remember is the savagery of our past lives, and I truly desire something different. In order to achieve that I'd need time with them, time to change them, to bring them to the same point as I am."

Spock's eyes narrowed slightly, he took a moment before speaking again, "The only reason you are stood here now is because we needed your help to find out what is happening to him."

"I am aware."

"But regardless of that, if I even suspect you of having an ulterior motive I will end you." the Vulcan said plainly, there was a coldness in his voice Jim had never heard before, "The Captain believes in you, and for now, for a very brief amount of time... That is enough for me."

"James is a good man." Khan said quietly, his posture relaxing as he believed they had reached some form of consensus.

"He is, but he is also an idiot." Spock muttered.

"I am stood _right_ here, Spock." Jim growled.

"I disagree." Khan stated sharply, "The way James acts is instinctual at best, and instincts are _never_ stupid. They keep you on your toes, keep you fresh and alert. And considering how many lives he has saved on the Enterprise by being instinctual I think you are because too harsh in your assessment. I've seen his aptitude tests, they rival _mine_."

Jim looked at Khan for a moment, of course he remembered the man saying he'd done his research, but to go as far as to look into his aptitude tests seemed extreme. Though he felt his gut do a little jump at his suggestion that he was as smart as he was.

"I'm not arguing that he has proven an exceptional leader, however his decisions are debatable..."

"Spock, just stop." Jim said suddenly, sounding tired, "Both of you just leave it. I know you care, I know you want what's best for me but... I really don't need this tonight."

Spock and Khan both stared as Jim put his mask back on and stomped back in the direction of the party, leaving them both stood about a foot apart feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"What is so bad about tonight?" Khan asked, "That's the second time he has mentioned not wanting stress."

"Oh..." Spock sighed softly and pinched the bridge of his nose, "I had forgotten..."

"What?" he asked impatiently.

"Today is the-"

Spock was cut off as an alarm blared over head, showering them both in scarlet lights; both men shared a glance before they ran into the conference hall where the music had stopped and most of the attending officers were checking their communicators to see if any reports were coming in yet.

The pair made their way through the crowd, watching as some of the officers were shedding their costumes. It appeared everyone had the forethought to wear their off duty uniforms underneath. Jim was propping up the bar, halfway through a pint of some concoction as he worked on unfastening the large buckles of his pirate costume.

"Oh God leave me alone." he groaned.

"Captain, what is going on? What is the alarm for?" his First Officer instantly moved forward, helping him shed the final layers of his outfit.

"No idea, no one seems to know." he muttered, glancing around before his gaze fell on Khan and he let out a curse under his breath, "Khan get under the table, start taking that costume off, we'll need you if things go bad, but I don't want to risk an uproar without reason."

"You have to be kidding me..." the dark haired man sighed heavily and got down on his knees, shooting Jim a glare before disappearing under the table cloth, fighting with his clothes.

There was a loud clap over heard, followed by a whirring as the over head projector came to life, flickering as the lights went out to reveal a recording against the wall.

A man with greying hair and severe burn scars on his face sat down in front of the camera, he sat forwards slowly, tapping on the glass before a soft laugh escaped him, "Are we live? I think we are. Well, good evening Starfleet! I trust you are enjoying your party. I do apologise for gate crashing but you see... I have rather an important message." his voice was rough, yet faintly familiar to Jim, "Just over an hour ago I planted a bomb somewhere in your building, it is rigged to go off in sixty minutes. Happy anniversary."

The message cut as the projector exploded, showering the room with sparks as the lights failed to come back on. Jim winced slightly, smelling a pungent odour in the air; he glanced around in the darkness as he heard a number of thuds, reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small ball and pressed it, watching as it flickered once or twice and then gave out a soft glow, illuminating the space just in front of him.

The other officers were unconscious. Collapsed on the floor in a huddle, apparently effected by whatever smell he had picked up. He was glad however, that Spock was still beside him, apparently unaffected.

"Well, we are never short of people trying to kill us are we?" he muttered, turning and lifting the table cloth up to find Khan, pausing as he found nothing but his costume, "Khan?"

"Over here." the other's voice echoed from the buffet and he moved closer, holding out three phasers, "I figured we would need something to arm ourselves with, in case the assailant is still in the building. Thankfully, some of the other Captains were armed."

"Good idea, thanks." Jim hastily took one and locked it to stun, "What was that smell before? I'm assuming some kind of airborne sedative?"

"That would be a logical idea." Spock murmured, also taking a phaser and locking it to its stun mode.

"Why weren't we affected though?" he frowned.

"Perhaps it was tailored for the regular human immune system. I am half Vulcan, so naturally I have resistances which most do not. Khan is genetically modified, and most likely can resist most drugs." his First Officer suggested.

"And you are somewhere in between." Khan mused, "Let's be thankful for that."

"So, that means we are probably the only people in the building capable of finding this bomb. Fantastic." the blond grunted.

Moments later they were looking at a holographic map of the building, Jim stood back and ran a hand through his hair restlessly, his instincts were telling him that there was a pretty good chance the bomb would be in the underground engineering bay, where most of the buildings in the area drew their power from. If he was going to hide a bomb somewhere, that would be it.

"I think our best bet is to go here," he murmured, sharing his thoughts, "If this guy wants to make an impact, blowing the engineering bay sky high would be his best bet. On top of that its huge, lots of hiding spots, lots of nooks and crannies, it will take time to search it."

"And with our communications blocked, we have no way of calling for extra help." Khan shook his head, "How many routes are there to the area?"

"Three. There are two fire escapes and the elevator shaft. With the power being out, the elevator isn't really an option." Spock stated, pointing out each path as he spoke, "This route seems to be the shorter one of the two fire escapes, it may be our fastest choice."

"Agreed, according to these maps the entrance is in the lobby, so lets get moving." Jim closed the hologram down and led the way, trying not to stand on any of his fellow officers as he moved through the throng of bodies on the floor.

The hatch to the fire escape was easy to spot, round and silver, in the wall near the elevator. Hooking his fingers under the release leaver, he pulled hard and yanked the hatch open, jumping back as a body fell out, only slightly illuminated by the orb still hovering around his head, the three men aimed their phasers at it, before he crouched down slowly and turned the body over.

It was a woman, a young cadet by the looks of it, and there were phaser burns in her abdomen, "Someone must be guarding the lower levels." he murmured, checking her pulse and hanging his head for a moment, closing her eyes.

"Dead?" Spock asked.

"Very much so. And for a few hours if her temperature is anything to go by." he stood slowly and considered their options, "If someone is on guard down there we need to be able to take them by surprise. I don't like the idea but... I think we need to split up, each take a route to the engineering bay. At least that way one of us has a chance of reaching the bomb."

"That is a risky strategy Captain, I would not consider it a wise option, perhaps if I-"

"Agreed," Khan butted in, lifting his own phaser, red light showing, "I'll take the other fire escape. Good luck."

"Same to you." Jim nodded, throwing Khan and Spock a luminous ball each to help them before he entered the hatch and began descending the narrow ladder before his Vulcan friend could comment.

The Vulcan stared for a long moment at the space Jim had previous occupied, and clenched his jaw as he prised the elevator shaft open and slid inside, his expression somewhere between worry and rage. He would be having serious words if they got out of this unscathed.

Jim grunted softly, holding his phaser between his teeth as he hurried down the rungs, his arms and legs burning from exertion as he moved as fast as he could, without falling the forty foot drop to the bottom. Stronger or not, he didn't feel like risking a broken neck.

His mind wandered momentarily and he felt an uneasy lurch as he realised he had allowed Khan to go off by himself with a phaser. A phaser which had so obviously been set to kill. He groaned inwardly, acknowledging that this was the time to hope Khan was serious about his reforming, or else he'd allowed a known terrorist to leave his sights, armed.

Shaking himself from his concerns, he flinched as he felt something cold and wet under his fingers, and upon examination found that the bars had started to grow bloody. Had some kind of fight happened on the ladder itself? Trying to ignore the uncomfortable squelches as he moved, he lowered his foot to where the next bar should have been, but instead found nothing but air.

He glanced down, eyes widening as he saw a large section of ladder had broken away, leaving a gap of three foot where there was nothing to grab onto. On top of that he could see jagged metal where the ladder had been damaged. He swallowed hard, looking back up the way he had come, and then back down again.

"Ugh how do I get myself in these situations?" he muttered before sucking in a breath and letting go off the rung he was holding, stomach lurching as he dropped, thigh and hand snagging as he dropped passed the broken metal, he let out a groan and a yelp of pain as he managed to grab the ladder again, slipping a few times before finally finding his footing.

He swore under his breath, feeling blood running down his arm and leg from the wounds, Jim forced himself to ignore it, and successfully climbed the rest of the way down the hatch; he dropped down into a long winding corridor, full of generators, all of them dark due to the power cut.

Grabbing his phaser from between his teeth, he crept forwards carefully, tracing the route which would take him to the engineering bay, which if the map had been correct should only be a few meters away from him.

Kirk, however, did find himself feeling grateful that he hadn't had the time to down too many drinks, at least this way he was still alert and his mind was clear in case there was a fight coming his way.

Checking his watch, he realised he needed to pick up the pace, and began a gentle jog towards his destination, rounding the corner and hitting something soft and body like, he bounced off and hit the floor, instantly lifting his phaser and firing at the back of the person he'd hit, only to receive a stun in return.

His muscles spasmed and made him shudder violently, but aside from that rather unpleasant sensation nothing else happened, he didn't lose consciousness blinking through the bleariness caused by the spasm, he found himself looking up at a very perplexed Khan, who was still on his feet but apparently suffering the same muscular seizure as he was.

"W-what the hell was that?" he ground out, the tremors slowing enough for him to speak.

"I apologise, I thought you were an enemy." Khan responded after a moment, reaching down a little shakily to help him to his feet, "And that is what happens when I get stunned."

Jim shook his head to clear away the remnants of the feeling, "Why didn't we get knocked out?"

"I'm resistant to stunning, that's why I was always able to get up faster from them when we were on the Vengeance." Khan murmured, "And you are... Developing similar resistances."

"I see." Jim paused and stared at Khan, "Wait... You _stunned_ me? Your phaser was set to kill."

The dark haired man paused at that, Jim could just about make out a puzzled expression on his face as he checked the gun in his hand and found that it was indeed set to stun, "I..." Khan frowned, "I changed it."

The blond tilted his head slightly, "Why? On the Vengeance you acted like stunning was a sign of weakness."

Khan looked up at him, "I know I did. I still believe that... I think..." another frown, "I'm not sure why I changed it."

There was a moment of strange silence, where both of them seemed equally confused, Kirk then smiled slightly, "Well... I'm glad you did otherwise I might not have been standing here."

"True."

They were interrupted as the wall beside them split open, revealing the inside of the elevator shaft, and a very disgruntled looking Spock. They hurried over and held the doors open so the Vulcan could climb out, and shared a glance before the all headed in the same direction.

"Should we not have encountered someone by now?" Spock murmured as they jogged the rest of the way to the bay.

"It is a possibility that the culprit is downstairs unconscious, a smokescreen perhaps." Jim murmured carefully, "It's unlikely but we have to consider that as a possibility. Or they could be hiding up ahead."

"A logical deduction of the known facts." the Vulcan said.

"So glad you agree." Jim said under his breath, he saw Khan smirk to his side and realised the man had heard him.

The engineering bay was a construct on a colossal scale, twice the size of the Enterprise, walls thick with mechanical technology; cables; generators; and stone columns which slowly led to the centre of the room. In the centre was a chasm, shaped in the Starfleet emblem and plummeting several stories down into blackness. Starfleet really loved elaborate builds.

The room was lighted by a faint glow of power, the generators were on a different grid to the rest of the building, and provided some assistance in their search. The three split up to cover more space in the time they had left. Jim found himself wandering down towards the opening in the centre of the room, never having seen it before.

As he grew closer, he squinted, sure he could see what he believed was a tractor beam, a gravity resistant pull to hold something in place. And inside it, was what looked like the bomb they were looking for.

"I think I found it!" he called out, his voice echoing around the room, only to be met with silence.

He looked around, as he received no response to another call, concerned by their lack of punctuality. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he spun on the spot, holding his phaser up.

"Don't move, Captain Kirk." a gruff voice warned, "I wouldn't want to make a pretty pattern on the floor with your friend's brain."

Gritting his teeth, he watched as two men lead Khan and Spock towards him, phasers pressed against their heads, set to kill. They looked scruffy, hired thugs most likely. He was surprised though, one had Spock in a headlock, and the other had Khan's arm twisted up behind him.

"How did you two managed to get the jump on them? They're like fighting machines?" he asked, unable to keep his thoughts to himself.

"We're just _better_." one of them sneered, "Put your phaser on the floor and kick it towards us. Or else we'll be redecorating."

He didn't even hesitate, bending the putting the weapon down, he kicked it towards them before holding his hands in the air, "What's your plan then guys? Hold us here until detonation? All of us get blown up together?"

The one with the gruffer voice snorted, "No, we're going to leave you here and get paid."

"Right..." he mused, taking a few cautious steps towards them, "And you think that whoever is hiring you... Is actually going to pay you? When you've been involved in an act of terrorism against an organisation as big as the Federation? You're just baggage..."

"Stop moving!" the other one snapped, taking his phaser away from Khan's temple and aiming at him instead, which of course, was his biggest mistake.

Jim could see the change in Khan instantly, it was like his eyes glazed and his training took over.

Khan's head snapped back, breaking his captive's nose in a splattering of blood, before he ducked under his arm, grabbing his wrist and forcing him to shoot his accomplice in the ribs, following up by bringing the offending limb down across his knee, dislocation it at the elbow and dropping to the floor, lurching his feet up into his face and sending him flying past Jim and down into the chasm of void below. Like fluid, he whipped around, grabbing the other thug and slamming the heel of his palm up into his face, the bone in his nose snapping up into the brain and killing him instantly.

Jim raised an eyebrow and retrieved his phaser, putting it away in the holster on his belt, he watched the glaze leave Khan's eyes as the man regained control of himself, "That was... Impressive. I knew there was a reason I was keeping you sweet."

"You assume that you have been succeeding." the dark haired man answered with one of those rare smirks, barely out of breath, he threw Spock's phaser back to him, "You found the bomb?"

He nodded and glanced over his shoulder at the explosive, "Yeah, but we have another problem."

"So I see." Khan walked forward lithely, toeing the edge of the drop with caution, "I'd wager a guess that the beam itself is easily penetrated, we could in theory pluck the bomb out unhindered. Reaching it is the real issue."

"Captain, we have only ten minutes left." Spock informed him as he joined them on the edge, "What do you propose?"

Jim bit his lip, looking around for something to help them, but with the clock ticking only one idea came to mind. One crazy idea. He crouched down, observing the drop, and rubbing the side of his head as he felt the tickle of a migraine beginning to settle into place, the first one for about a week. He could feel Khan's eyes on him, and he knew that the other man could sense his pain.

Sharply, he turned and walked away, taking a deep breath, "I can make it."

"Make what?" Khan and Spock asked at the same time, sharing a look which spelled out 'murderous intent' before they looked back at Jim.

"When I was a kid, growing up in Iowa, there was this huge chasm in the desert. Not the one I drove a car off, a different one. Me and a couple of other boys from the neighbourhood used to hang out there. And one day we decided to see who could make the jump. They were too chicken to follow it through but me? Oh no, I was never a chicken. A dare was a dare. A jump... Was a jump." he breathed, not meeting their questioning gazes.

The pair realised too late what he was insinuating and instead had to watch as he twisted on his foot and sprinted back towards the void. They both lunged at him, trying to stop him making the jump, but they missed, both hitting the floor at the same time and being forced to watch as the Captain made the leap, their worry only growing as they saw his eyes shut.

His fingers sank into the tractor beam, snagging the bomb from its gravity resistant casing, and in a heartbeat he began to drop towards the other side of the Starfleet insignia. A loud grunt escaped him, air pushed from his lungs, as he collided with the edge of the wall, feet scrambling against the metal plunge, shoving the bomb over the side and clinging on for dear life with one hand.

Jim's gaze was drawn to the eternal darkness below and he was left wondering just how far the drop was, when a cool hand wrapped around his wrist and began pulling him back up. His eyes met angry blue ones, Khan wasn't happy. Another hand grabbed his shirt and together, Spock and Khan hauled Jim up over the side, onto safe ground.

The blond panted hard, taking a moment to absorb his most recent act of death defying stupidity, and then scrambled over to the discarded bomb, grabbing it in his hands.

"Alright, six digit code to stop the countdown. This thing is pretty solid, I don't think we'd be able to get inside the casing to cut any wires. So we need to thing of a _logical_ code to try... And... And..." he trailed off, turning the bomb slowly in his hands, his face turning pale.

"Captain?" Spock asked, moving closer as he heard him falter.

"James?" Khan also noticed the change in his posture.

He frowned deeply, brushing his thumb over the name plaque on the lump of explosive, "Its... This name plaque is from the USS Kelvin." he whispered.

"That is not possible," the Vulcan uttered, "Forgive me Captain, perhaps you are emotionally compromised by the date?"

"_Spock_." Jim growled dangerously, shooting him a glare as he drove the bomb into his hands and stood up, pacing in deep thought.

Khan watched the exchange in confusion before his gaze was caught by something else, and he stopped Jim walking, grabbing his hand and pushing his sleeve back, "Who's blood is this?"

"Mine," he muttered, clearly still deep in thought, "I cut myself on the fire escape, my leg too."

"Are you sure?" he asked with a frown.

"Of course I am sure, why? Do you think I'm emotionally compromised too?" he snapped.

Blinking, Khan fixed him with a sharp gaze which made Jim want to shrivel up, "I do not doubt you for even a moment, however, you don't have a scratch on you."

Jim's face changed to one of surprise and he looked down at himself, confirming that the earlier gouges made my the sharp metal had indeed gone. He checked his thigh as well and shook his head, "I... I suppose the blood is responsible for this."

"Most likely." Khan breathed, staring at him, his expression unreadable, "You have another headache don't you?"

"Yes."

"I see." his voice now a whisper, "I think we should take you back to see Doctor McCoy when we are done here. Just to be sure you are alright. I know you hate it there but... I will...!

"You'll what?" Jim prompted.

"I will stay with you, if you wish. To keep you company." he said awkwardly, looking away.

Kirk smiled faintly before clearing his throat and hiding it, "I'd like that. It would certainly save me the trouble of breaking out to see you."

Spock glanced over at the pair, grimacing slightly at how friendly they were being. He felt uneasy at the amount of time they were spending together, he was worried. He made a decision to share his feelings with the good doctor when he saw him next, and maybe Nyota. None of them wanted their Captain in danger.

"I confess," Spock cleared his throat, "This is the plaque from the Kelvin, it is an original, not a remake. I might even hazard a guess that the material the bomb is made with is also from the ship, perhaps a part of the hull. But I cannot think of a reasonable code, and we have only minutes left."

Jim strode over, taking the bomb from him and giving it another look, trying to find a clue or something his friend may have missed. There was nothing though. And then it clicked, or at least he hoped he did, "I have an idea... In that video that played, the guy said 'happy anniversary' so... Maybe..."

He took another breath and slowly typed in six numbers: 2233.04 and peaked with one eye to see if it worked or not, there was a serious of violent bleeps followed by silence, and the timer froze. Jim closed his eyes and leant back against one of the nearby columns.

"So... Our would be terrorist is celebrating today as well. Brilliant." he muttered, tucking the bomb under his arm, planning to hand it over to Starfleet for a more detailed inspection, "Nothing like a lunatic with a passion for the theatrical. No offence Khan."

"None taken, James." Khan offered another of those rare smirks, but then quirked an eyebrow, "But what do you mean: anniversary?"

Jim started walking, glancing over his shoulder at the man, "Today is the anniversary of the destruction of the USS Kelvin." he rolled his eyes, "In other words... Its my fucking birthday!" he let out a huff before a particularly sharp pang of pain speared his head and he fell to the floor unconscious.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: The Truth Is Never Easy:**

Jim cursed Khan, Spock and whatever God might be listening as he sat in his hospital bed, again wearing an itchy gown and aching from the vigorous numbers of tests Bones had decided to run on him, leaving him in an utterly foul mood. His two most disliked people were sat guard in the room, under a pretence of keeping him company, he was sure that in reality they were there to stop him making a break for it.

Despite having said several times that his First Officer should head home and rest, Spock remained and seemed unwilling to shift anytime soon, not wanting to leave him alone with Khan for a second longer than he had to, to the point of refusing to get cups of tea just so he didn't have to leave the room. It was driving Jim insane.

He felt fine, he had no bruises; no injuries to speak of and his headache was gone again. All he really wanted to do was file his report to Starfleet and get some sleep. But no, here he was, at three in the morning waiting for Bones to deliver the news he was already aware of.

Khan's blood was turning him into a super soldier like the man it had come from, he was healing really well from wounds, he kept having headaches and was seeing things that weren't there on _very_ rare occasions, and the process of his 'transformation' was most likely at an end. It wasn't a big deal.

As the thought crossed his mind, the door to his room opened and the doctor himself walked in, poker face in play as he strode towards the bed.

"So, what doom and gloom have you come to deliver this time?" he asked sarcastically, "I honestly can't wait to hear it."

"Stop messing around, Jim." the doctor scolded, "This is no time for fooling around."

"What appears to have you so worried, Doctor McCoy?" Spock asked from his silent vigil.

"I can't hide any of this from you any more Jim, its time you knew the score." Bones took a deep breath as he scrolled through all of his test results.

"I already know about the DNA thing, we spoke about it before you released Khan, remember?" Jim waved a hand dismissively, playing with the plaster on the inside of his elbow where blood had been taken.

There was a suddenly heavy tension in the room, which made Jim look back up, Bones and Spock were looking at each other with an air of apprehension. While Khan looked as confused as he was.

"Is there... Something you've not been telling me?" he asked stiffly, eyebrows furrowed.

Bones hesitated and glanced at his face, then to his notes, and then back to his face, "There... May be slightly more to it than I originally let on."

"You've been lying to me?" Jim breathed, "Again?"

"We deemed it to be for your own good, Captain." Spock said in what he assumed was meant to be a comforting tone.

"And you knew about this?!" he felt his temper flare, clenching his jaw, "Just tell me, I think its about time I was kept in the loop!"

The weight in the room grew worse and he saw Khan stand up from the corner of his eye, approaching the side of the bed as if to try and keep him calm. He glowered at his two 'friends' and waited for one of them to say something, anything!

"As I correctly hypothesised, Khan's blood was dormant inside you after it brought you back from the dead, but it wasn't entirely asleep so to say. Your headaches were a symptom of what was coming, but you wouldn't come to your medicals so there was no way for me to be sure..." Bones began.

"Do not try and blame this on me." Jim growled.

"I'm not. Jim... I'm not." the man said softly, his expression changing into one of worry, "The truth is, Khan's DNA would always have begun to do this to you, it was just sped up by the radiation exposure from that sun. As he has no doubt told you himself, his DNA is trying to fix you on a larger scale than what we ever anticipated. It sees everything about you as a weakness to be corrected, to perfect.

"As such, it has been hardening your bones, increasing your metabolism, heightening your senses, and in some ways affecting your personality. You've been more aggressive, easier to anger, harder to calm down. It is all a side effect of the genetic mutation." Bones took a breath, checking some records on his PADD.

"I knew most of this. What's the big deal?" he asked, not wanting to admit that he too had noticed his moods swinging more wildly as of late.

"The big deal..." Bones let out a small groan, clearly he didn't want to say it, "Every time you've gone through an episode of pain, of change, your body has been put under enormous stress. More than it can cope with. The night you found Khan in the room next door your heart nearly failed."

Jim stared for a long moment, his head tipping to the side slightly, "My... My heart?"

"Yes..." his friend looked down, "That night, I had to make a call. I had to inform the Admiralty Board of what was happening, in depth, and I had to ask them to get a cryotube prepared because there was a chance that... That you could die, Jim."

"You must be mistaken." Khan hissed suddenly, "The genetic modifications would just bring him back again, its what they are designed for... Surely?"

"I'm afraid not." there was a shake in his voice, "If the damage to his heart becomes to catastrophic even your DNA won't save him."

Jim and Khan shared a long look, neither really sure what the other was thinking, yet at the same time sure they were on a similar train of thought. Thinking about the hours they had spent together, getting to understand one and other, enjoying the company, the understanding, the almost kiss which never happened.

"What are the odds?" Kirk asked, his voice croaking slightly, "What are the odds of this killing me?"

"I wouldn't want to speculate-"

"Speculate!" Jim yelled suddenly, taking a few deeps breaths straight after and muttering something of an apology, "Please... I need to know... What are the odds?"

Spock rested a hand on the doctor's shoulder, "By my calculations... There is an even fifty-fifty chance of life and death."

"I see." he whispered.

James T Kirk was rarely a man stunned into silence, but on this occasion he felt it was well deserved. He glanced towards the window as a hurricane of thoughts rushed through him, so many emotions and so little space to fit them all.

"Is there a way to reverse it?" Khan asked, his voice was even, controlled, but Jim was sure he heard the smallest tinge of a crackle.

"Not without killing him for sure." Bones breathed in response, "I've looked at every possibility. Every option. But at the moment it doesn't look likely. Jim I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I had known this would be the outcome-"

"Don't." he said firmly, tearing his eyes from the city below to look at the crumbled face of his human best friend, "Don't you dare apologise to me."

"Jim I-"

"No." he said bluntly, "Do not apologise. What you did saved my life. It gave me extra time. It gave me _precious_ extra months. And even if I die tomorrow from this... This modification... I will not hate you for it. I will not regret it. And I won't be scared. If it is my time to go then I'll face it head on, just like last time."

Spock's eyes slowly moved to his Captain's face, the moments before his death in the irradiated chamber rang so clearly through his mind that the pain made his throat tighten, he could remember every word, every detail, every second of fear in Jim's voice as they had spoken, as he had died. He knew Jim was lying now, lying to make the doctor feel better, and for once he understood it. And it made him proud to call him his friend.

"Thank you, Jim." Bones said weakly, his head still hanging slightly, but there was a weight leaving his shoulders which had been haunting him for months.

Jim forced a smile out, "Well, its isn't every day you get told you will either ascend to be awesome or die. Stop looking so miserable will you, you'll ruin my day," he clapped his hands together, "Are you going to make me stay here for the rest of the night, or can I go home?"

"I would normally recommend keeping you in, but knowing you will ignore it... I'll discharge you." the doctor sighed, getting to his feet slowly, "Just... Make sure someone is there to take care of you."

"Don't worry, I have someone." he replied, knowing he didn't even have to ask.

It took some time, but finally, Spock allowed them time alone. Jim was de-tangling himself from the cables he had been hooked up to, and Khan was standing by the window as he waited. There were no words, no glances. Just silence and time.

Pulling on his off-duty uniform, Jim sighed heavily, finally allowing his facade to fade away. His smile disappeared and was replaced with a grimace as he tied his laces, and stared into nothingness. He winced as his head gave a short sharp burn and for a moment the sight of the street lit road flashed in his mind, he shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, opening them a moment later as his vision cleared.

"I'm ready to go." he announced softly, not wanting to make Khan jump as he moved around the bed.

The dark haired man turned on his heel, glancing him over before he nodded, "Alright, let's head off then."

He watched as the man strode past, taking a moment before he hurried after him, "Khan, are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine." the man muttered, calling the elevator.

"That doesn't sound convincing." Jim pressed, trying to peer into his face, but failing as Khan kept shifting, "Why won't you look at me?"

"It's _nothing_." the man hissed, stepping into the lift as it arrived.

Jim moved after him, standing at his side as they started descending towards the ground floor. He felt a slight coldness from Khan and it made him uncomfortable, it was almost like he was dealing with pre-Warp core Khan. He really didn't like it.

Hitting the emergency stop, the elevator jangled and slowed, alienating them from the rest of the hospital, Kirk moved in front of the dark haired man and forced eye contact, "What is wrong? Don't palm me off. I can see you're not right." he put his foot down.

Khan's face was almost murderous, he stared into Jim's eyes and Jim stared back. A growl escaped the dark haired man before he turned and punched the wall, leaving a dent, "Just leave it!"

"No! Talk to me!" he demanded.

The super soldier did a one eighty and grabbed the blond, pinning him against the elevator wall by the scruff of his jumper, their noses touching, it was at that moment Jim saw tears swimming in Khan's eyes, "I _don't _know how to react. My whole life has been about my family, everything for them, everything for our survival, everything was about us functioning as one cell! And you came into that and blew it apart, you blew me apart, you forced your way into my life and made a home there! And now, just as easily, you might leave it. I don't _know_ how to react."

Jim was taken aback, but he resisted every urge to push Khan away from him, and instead reached out and touched his cheek, "It's okay not to know. It's human not to know."

"It is _not_ okay." Khan grunted in frustration, "You were the only thing that stopped me finishing the job and destroying Starfleet. I don't know what would stop me trying again if you were gone."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, continuing to stroke his skin.

"On top of the garbage disposal... After the Vengeance crashed. Spock and I were fighting, he wanted to kill me because you'd died. And for my part I half wanted death but I also wanted to finish what I had started," he looked down slowly, "We were trading punches, he got the upper hand, but I was about to end him and he didn't even know it... Then Uhura appeared and she said... She said I was their only chance of saving you..."

Jim remembered Spock telling him briefly about the fight, but not about how it had ended, "What did you do?" he whispered.

Khan's gaze shot back to his and a single tear rolled down his face, "I surrendered."

"What? W-Why?" the blond asked, for a moment not even sure his voice had been loud enough for the other to hear.

"Because it was for you, James." he released him slowly from his grasp and took a few measured steps back, one eyebrow slightly raised, his expression as if he was reliving the moment, "Because I had never met a human or alien like you. Someone I could perhaps consider my equal. And I didn't want you to die because of me. I'd been willing to use you and destroy you until the moment I heard you were actually gone, and then the world shifted. Everything changed and I just _had_ to do something."

"So you gave yourself in? Knowing you'd be put back into cryogenic sleep? Knowing you'd never see the light of day again?" Jim rubbed his chest slightly, leaning against the elevator wall as he observed the man, "Khan you barely knew me."

"I didn't have to." his voice sounded defeated, "From the first moment we met... Your courage, your intelligence, your willingness to do whatever it too was so clear, so obvious... So very like me. I felt as though I was looking in a mirror. It was a long running joke among my crew that I was disinterested in the company of others. Towards the end of our reign they all began to couple off, creating their own little sub families. Lovers, marriages, children. But not me. Never me."

"Why am I any different?" he asked softly.

"I don't know." Khan met his gaze finally, a weak and unhappy smile on his face, "I wish I did. But there is just something about you, something captivating and magnetic. You gained my respect with your bravery, and I knew when push came to shove, I wouldn't be able to kill you as I had planned. I've never been so pleasantly happy to be proved wrong. And I was wrong, when I believed there was no one among the stars to challenge me."

Kirk let out a long breath, his heart aching slightly before he moved forwards, reaching out and sliding his arms around the other man, he pulled him in close, "Listen to me... I am a selfish, compulsive, obscene and egotistical asshole. I don't let people close to me. I can't afford to. But somehow, you slipped in through the gaps and... I care. What is happening to me now is frightening and out of my control, out of anyone's control. But I will be damned if I let it beat me just like that. I don't believe in no win scenarios, Khan. I never have. I never will. Spock said I have an even chance of making it through this, and not making it. But I call bullshit. Because this is me. And I don't believe in no win scenarios."

The pair shared a long moment of silence, foreheads pressed together, Khan reached around and pressed the release button and the elevator began moving again. They parted only when the doors opened and walked out side by side.

By the time they made it back to Jim's apartment, the darkened mood of the hospital was a distant memory. Seemingly content to rely on Jim's blind optimism for the time being, Khan seemed much more relaxed and like himself again. There was no doubt in either of their minds that their discussion from the elevator would rise again at some point, but for now it was laid to rest.

"Tea?" Jim asked as he headed for the kitchen, kicking off his boots as he went.

"Sure." Khan replied, taking a seat in the living room which had been his home for the last few weeks, it always surprised him how little Jim had around the place. No photographs, no decorations, barely any books on the shelves. He'd not mentioned it before hand, sensing Jim's discomfort about the topic, but now his curiosity was brimming.

The blond flopped beside him on the sofa, handing him a mug and letting out a long breath, "I am glad to be back, I really do hate that hospital." he shuddered.

"I can imagine." Khan mused, glancing around once more before he looked at the other man, "I didn't want to ask before but... Why is this place so empty? I imagined you being someone with a lot of stuff."

He took a deep sip of his drink and sighed deeply, "This isn't home," he shrugged, "My mum's house back in Iowa is home. And the Enterprise is home. All my possessions are there. This place is just somewhere I come and sleep when I'm off duty."

"That makes sense." he agreed, "I had wondered if your reason would be something along those lines. Ironically, I don't really collect many things, aboard my ship we functioned on necessity alone. It was quicker, more efficient that way. Although when people started getting married we had to expand a little but even then... Just the basics. Seeing all the luxury of Starfleet when I was woken was very alien. I'm still not entirely used to it."

"Really? I always imagined you sleeping on a bed swamped with silk cushions." Kirk snorted, "All bathed in riches like a king."

Khan's nose crinkled at the suggestion, "Not at all. Spock has his logic, I have my practicality. Whatever I needed to function was what I had."

"Now that I know you better I can understand the wisdom in that to be honest." Jim paused, considering his words, "You know... I meant what I said to Bones. I don't regret any of it. Even on borrowed time, if that is what I am working with, I've seen more and learnt more than I could have hoped to. I could never regret that."

The former convict faltered at the change of topic and looked at his drink, taking a deep sip and regretting it, Jim's tea still tasted like sewer water even after three weeks of consuming it, "I guess the real irony here is that I too am on borrowed time. Starfleet could decide to send me back to my tube at any moment they choose and I'd be powerless to stop them. But you're right, I too wouldn't have changed my time here for anything."

"I won't let them do that to you." the blond said softly, frowning faintly, "I have some sway with the Admiralty... Its not much but it is enough that they couldn't outright rule to put you back in cryosleep. There would have to be a trial before that happened."

"You really are a hell raiser aren't you?" he mused, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"You have no idea. My mother remarried not long after my birth, she needed the support I guess. My step-dad and I didn't really see eye to eye, about anything. And one year, I must have been about nine or ten, I stole his antique car. Ended up driving it off a cliff while the cops were chasing me." he grinned at the memory, "He had to bail me out of jail, and his face was priceless. It was worth the belting he gave me when we got home."

"He hit you?" Khan frowned.

"Yeah... It was just his way of disciplining me. Mum never knew." he shrugged it off, "It just made me rebel even more, I caused so much trouble for them both."

"What's she like? Your mother?"

"My mother?" Jim repeated before he crossed his legs and considered the question, "She's braver than I am, more headstrong too. She's the smartest person I've ever met, present company excluded of course, and she's... Well she's beautiful. Inside and out. I regret so much of the shit I caused around her, but she took it all, she tried to teach me to be a better person. She never stopped trying."

"Love does that." Khan said thoughtfully.

"What about you? Your parents?" the blond asked, finishing his drink.

"I can't remember them, not their personality or their appearance." he answered honestly, "It has been so long... So many years have passed... All I know for sure is that they offered me up for the genetic modification that made me what I am. I don't know for sure if they were doing what they thought was best, or what they had to do. My crew were all volunteered by their parents. Maybe for money, maybe for glory. I really can't say."

"That... Sounds really hard." Jim murmured, leaning forward and moving a little closer to him on the sofa, "I had no idea. Did you ever see them again after they gave you away?"

A moment of silence fell, and Khan looked at him slowly, his expression one of reluctant amusement, "I did. Just the once. I killed them."

Wide eyed, Jim tilted his head, "You killed them?" he repeated in disbelief.

"You're surprised. That's... Odd." he took a deep breath, "It was a year after we were released to go and do our duty. To put right the wrongs of a broken galaxy. To destroy anything weaker than us. The irony is that our entire planet was weaker than us. Protocol dictated. So we slaughtered them."

Swallowing, the other man reached out, resting a hand on his leg, "You were doing what you were programmed to... It... It wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it?" Khan scoffed, standing slowly and turning his back to him, "You saw what I did to Marcus. I did it to them too. The last memory I have of them was the look of sheer terror on their faces as I crushed their skulls under my fingers. The two people who brought me into this world and I terrified them as I murdered them. I _am_ a monster."

Jim looked down as he listened, he was so matter of fact about it all, and yet he could feel the ache of the other's heart as if it was his own, "I don't believe that." he whispered.

"You should." He glanced at him, "I have always felt pride in the mission we were given. Seeking out new life and extinguishing what was too weak to be of use. It was an honour to do it. I took pleasure in ending the lives of anyone I saw to be lesser than I was. I murdered, destroyed, stole, beat and maimed... All in the name of a mission which in itself was utterly barbaric. How can I be anything other an a monster, James?"

"Monsters don't care about people, you do. You care about your crew, you care about me... A monster wouldn't do that. A monster would treat everyone as disposable." the blond said softly, "People can change, Khan, you are living proof of that. You can't keep saddling yourself with the guilt of what you did almost a lifetime ago."

A snort escaped the former convict, "A lifetime ago? It wasn't that long ago I was tearing this city apart."

"You had good reason."

"Did I? Does any amount of pain ever allow for such brutality? For such carnage?" he shook his head and let out a long breath, "James you see me for who I am. I wouldn't blame you if you turned and ran as fast as you could."

"Don't you even dare." Jim stood up so fast the sofa nearly toppled over, "You really think you can say the things you did in the elevator, and then offer me a get out of jail free card?! Are you mad?!"

"Possibly." he shrugged.

"If what you say is true and your parents gave you away to be experimented on, they never deserved to have children to begin with. You were conditioned to be the perfect soldier, from a young age, and you never had a choice to do anything different with your life. It is no wonder you enjoyed it, it is no wonder you lived that way for so long. It was what you were raised to do!" he said sharply, walking over and forcing him to look at him.

Khan stared down at him, a troubled expression on his face, "Even if I could believe that-"

"Do you really think you are the only one of us to have ever taken a life we shouldn't?" Jim asked suddenly, the words tumbling from his lips before he could contain them.

"Well I... What?" the dark haired man blinked.

The blond heaved a breath, "Yeah. It's a shocker. Always a good ice breaker too."

"You... Are you serious?" Khan asked in confusion.

"Yeah, I'm serious." he stepped back slightly and shoved his hands in his pockets, "I killed a Starfleet cadet. It was a bar brawl gone wrong. I brought sarcasm to a knife fight."

"That sounds like self defence more than cold blooded murder."

"Khan, he was sixteen." he stated coolly, "I was the adult in that situation. Not that you'd ever have realised it. We got into a fight because I accidentally hit on his slightly older boyfriend. I made some witty comment about his boyfriend needing a real man to entertain him, something dumb like that anyway. The kid suggested we settle things outside, and me being me... I agreed.

"Back of the building, among the trash cans, he pulled a knife and all I could do was mock him that he would never be brave enough to use it. Told him to run back home to his mother and cry about it. He slashed at me when I tried to go back inside, the kid didn't even know how to use the fucking thing, he only just scratched the surface.

"But I knew how to use one. So I got it off him. I could have walked away, Khan. I could have been the fucking adult and walked away. But I didn't, I kept mocking him and pushing him until he ran at me, we scrapped and it ended with him having a knife in his chest. He was dead before he hit the floor." his eyes darted around the living room as he recalled the tale, finally sitting down as he finished and rubbing his face, "The only reason I got away with it... Is because one of the barmen on duty was someone I slept with a few times and they gave me an alibi to say the kid attacked me. So you see, Khan, you aren't alone."

Khan stood and watched him, his expression somewhere between disbelief and concern, he glanced away for what felt like eternity and considered his own feelings towards himself, and considered how James would have felt every day since that fight. He was once again taken aback by how alike they could be at times, and slowly trudged over, sitting beside him heavily and carefully putting an arm around his shoulders.

"You were young too, even if you should have known better, you were still young." he murmured, "And you're right, my life was based on what I'd been raised to do. Sometimes its hard to distinguish what you know against what you feel."

Jim smiled weakly and glanced at him, "What a pair we make, with so many skeletons in the closet."

"Maybe one day I can help you clean yours out. And you can help me clean mine." Khan gently rested their heads together and let out a small breath, "I don't know what's wrong with me. Recently I've been feeling so much more... Emotional than I ever have. It keeps making me have these out bursts of... Feeling like I should explain myself. I've never explained myself to anyone."

"Heh, sounds like me." he snorted, "I'm always trying to find some reason or another to tell people why I did something, to make myself feel better about having done it."

"So this is your influence is it? Maybe I have been spending too much time with you." he allowed a small smile to tug at his lips.

"I will gladly take the blame." Jim held his hands up before he gazed at him, a small nervous fluttering in his stomach, "I was thinking... If you are going to be staying with me for a bit longer than we originally thought it seems stupid for you to keep sleeping on the couch, it can't be comfortable."

Raising an eyebrow, Khan shrugged gently, "I wouldn't complain about your hospitality. But I have woken with some aching muscles. What did you have in mind?"

Jim hesitated and considered his words carefully, "Well... I have a double bed. I'm sure we could be mature enough to... Keep our hands to ourselves."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Dark Days Ahead:**

When Jim woke, from what was the best sleep he'd had in a long time, he was facing the reason. Khan had accepted the offer of sleeping in his bed, and they'd found themselves mature enough to keep their hands to themselves for the most part. Jim recalled waking in the early hours to feel Khan's arms tightly around him, pulling him close to his body as he slept; he was shy to admit he'd never felt quite as safe as he had in that moment.

Khan looked incredibly peaceful while asleep. Gentle and innocent. Long eyelashes brushing against his cheeks as his eyes moved restlessly in the midst of a dream. That practised neutral expression was gone, replaced by surprisingly sweet muscle twitches. That well maintained hair was tousled and ruffled by his restless shuffling.

Slowly and silently, Jim propped himself up on his elbow, leaning forwards slightly and exploring every indent of the other's face with his finger tips, brushing across his forehead, nose, and cheekbones, adding every contour to memory.

A hand gripped his wrist suddenly, it wasn't painful but it was tight enough to make him stop, and he smiled a little sheepishly as he saw Khan's eyes flutter open, "I guess I couldn't keep my hands off you entirely."

"I don't believe I said I minded." the other man murmured as he released his wrist, voice slightly husky from sleep.

Jim chuckled at that but pulled his hand away regardless, not entirely sure he could trust himself not to start a full scale exploration of the man. He pushed the covers back and got out of bed, stretching hugely and crackling his shoulders as he moved, striding confidently across the bedroom and into the en-suit bathroom.

Khan watched him go, still sleepy and more relaxed than he had been for a long time. He propped a hand behind his head and looked up at the ceiling, a small smirk tugging at his lips as he heard the shower flick on, a burning temptation to join him sparked into life.

He was halfway across the room to the bathroom when he let out a gasp of pain and staggered, hand flying to his head as a sharp spearing pain shot through his skull and left him dizzy. His breath caught in his throat as he dropped to his hands and knees. He silenced a choked whimper before it left his lips and closed his eyes against the pain, flinching as a snapshot of a memory sped through his mind so fast he could only make out the faintest details.

A vintage car.

The convertible roof blowing off under the pressure of the high speeds.

Skidding through the sand and gravel towards a cliff face.

The inevitable plunge.

Khan's eyes flew open and he half leapt to his feet, using the wall to steady himself. He knew that memory. And he knew it didn't belong to him. Glancing towards the bathroom, where thankfully the shower was still running, a thousand thoughts began to race through him, flexing his fingers in front of his face to make sure he was seeing things properly now, he took a steady; measured breath and pulled his shirt on over his head, fingers running through his hair to push it back off his face.

The silence of the room was broken as Jim's communicator went off, bleeping from its position on the bedside table. Hesitantly, he picked it up and answered it, being greeted by Spock's monotonous tones, he sucked in another breath as he was told that a meeting had been arranged by the Admiralty, and that both he and Jim were to attend it.

As much as it surprised him to have been included, he assumed the meeting was to discuss the terror threat, as such his presence would make sense seeing as he'd played his part in helping out. He only hoped the topic of conversation didn't slide towards his current freedom around the city.

Hanging up, Khan knocked on the bathroom door, water having stopped now. After receiving no response, he pushed the door open gently and peeked inside, eyes moving around the room until they came to rest on the blond who was completely naked and in the process of drying after his wash.

Feeling his throat go dry at the sight, Khan couldn't help but let his eyes wander, until his gaze met dark blue in the reflection of the mirror across the room and his face scorched.

"Like what you see huh?" Jim smirked, raising an eyebrow slightly as he made a slow and deliberate act of wrapping his towel around his waist.

"Uh," momentarily lost for words he forced himself to snap out of his revere, and side stepped the question entirely, "Spock called, the Admiralty Board want to see us both in an hour."

"I see." the blond let out a small sigh at the news, and almost as if he could feel the dark haired male's anxiety he flashed a smile, "I'll protect you from them."

"I can protect myself." he muttered.

"I know. But having someone on your side can never be a bad thing." Jim walked over slowly, little trails of steam still rolling off his bare skin, tinged pink by the heat of the shower water, the Starfleet Captain tilted his head slightly, reaching up and running his fingers down Khan's cheek, "Was it wrong of me to think you might have joined me?" he nodded his head to the shower.

Swallowing hard, the other let out a slightly shaky breath, "I would have, were it not for the call."

There was no need for him to mention that memory, nor the pain in his head which had now disappeared without a trace, he couldn't help but quirk and eyebrow, inhaling deeply as he searched the other's face, finding himself leaning in slowly until their lips were barely touching.

"And what would you have done, exactly, if you had joined me?" the blond asked, breath puffing softly against Khan's face.

Khan turned them slowly, pressing Jim back up against the wall, his heart thundering in his chest, "I would have improvised."

Lips finally crushed together, feeling both necessary and right, ever since that teasing moment at the party, there had been an unspoken desire to finish the best kiss they'd never had. And it showed. Lips and teeth crashing together with a flurry of need. Tangling together in brisk, urgent gestures.

Jim pulled back for breath, as shaky as it was, looking up into icy blue pools, a soft yet cocky grin etched onto his face. Khan, for his part, was also smiling, and Jim found it simply breathtaking to see, for the first time, a true and honest smile from the man. Incomparable to any smirk or lip twitch he'd seen from him previously, this was a beam full of teeth and genuine joy. It was as if they'd both finally broken that layer of ice separating them, and both finally jumped in feet first to something which they knew they couldn't stop.

"We should prepare for that meeting." Khan whispered, his voice hoarse.

"We should." he agreed, tongue flicking across his lips as he slowly pushed Khan back, for his own peace of mind, "It wouldn't do to be late."

Jim stood awkwardly in the Admiralty office, between Khan and Spock, his hands clasped behind his back as he watched the Admirals watch them. It was uncomfortable, and he could feel reels of tension rolling off Khan, who clearly felt the greatest scrutiny out of the three of them.

"We have asked the three of you here this morning to discuss the events of yesterday's terror threat," one of the male Admirals announced suddenly, "I have a report here from Commander Spock, with his details of what happened, and I must say on behalf of all of us in this room, thank you for your actions, Captain Kirk. Had you not been as calm and determined as you were I have no doubt we would all be dead now. I expected no less of one of our finest Captains."

Kirk was surprised by the praise, starting to wonder just how much detail Spock had put in that report, he cleared his throat, "Thank you, sir, for your kind words. I just did what was necessary to prevent loss of life. As you said yourself, any member of Starfleet would do the same. But I cannot take all the credit for it, had it not been for my First Officer, and Khan, I would have failed."

"Noted. Our gratitude extends to the both of them." the same man nodded slightly, though his eyes lingered on the ex-terrorist, "I must ask, however, on the subject of John Harris- I apologise, on the subject of Khan Noonien Singh: what was he doing out of the care of Doctor Leonard McCoy?"

Jim hesitated momentarily, his back straightening slightly, "I had Doctor McCoy release him into my custody three weeks ago. He was taking up a valuable bed, which could have been required for a patient at any given moment."

"You decided that you'd be enough to control this man?" a woman on the board spoke up, seeming disbelieving, "And in so doing, put at risk the entire city? Not to mention your own personal safety?"

He felt Khan move slightly beside him and spoke quickly to prevent things getting any worse, "Ma'am, I can't take it back. But in three weeks he hasn't lifted a finger to hurt anyone, except the guys helping whoever planted that bomb. Khan isn't a monster. He was driven to what he did and has expressed regret for that ever since."

"Do you think yourself above the Board, Captain Kirk? That you can start making decisions on how terrorists are treated without authority to do so?" she sneered.

Jim bristled at her attitude and he had to work incredibly hard to prevent his voice raising, "Do you believe yourself above the humility of knowing it was one of the Board who forced him to behave how he did? Don't talk to me about acting without authority Ma'am when it was-"

"Enough!" the first man said loudly, giving a sharp look to the female Admiral, "I am disinterested in Khan's movements as of now, as dangerous as he may well be, our current concern lies solely with whoever caused such havoc last night. Commander Spock, in your report you stated that the bomb had the name plaque of the USS Kelvin, I must confess I found it hard to believe until I examined it myself this morning."

"That is correct, Admiral. I too was unable to believe it until I looked at it myself, you will note of course that the casing of the bomb was made from the carbon fibre of the Kelvin's hull." the Vulcan spoke confidently, having no issues with relaying the information from memory.

"Indeed, I did notice that." the man sighed deeply, "Now, the recording in the conference room, the attitude of whoever this terrorist is... I find it all most disturbing. We are already looking into several lines of enquiry, not least the link to the date, as you suggested in your own report, Captain Kirk. We will keep you up to date on our findings, and for now my only advice is to watch your backs, if this terrorists knows you were the ones to thwart his plans he may seek you out."

Jim nodded at that, "Understood sir. Has the family of the murdered cadet been spoken to yet?" he asked.

"We have contacted them and offered them any and all assistance that we can. They are of course heartbroken but... They are grateful that she was found, above all else." one of the other Admirals commented.

"What is to be done about me?" Khan asked suddenly, taking Jim by surprise by his sudden boldness.

The first Admiral observed him for a long moment, "For the time being... As long as you remain with Captain Kirk we will allow you to wander. Make no mistake, we have not forgotten your crimes, no the need for punishment. However, we have approved Kirk's request for a trial. Once the new terrorist is dealt with, we shall turn our attention back to you."

"I understand," he murmured, "You have my gratitude."

"Your gratitude should fall on the man beside you. He made a most impassioned plea." the woman who had earlier scolded Jim spoke up, "Were it not for our respect for him, and the way in which he expressed his feelings, and his current medical... Hiccups, we would not have been so willing to listen."

Khan glanced at Jim as she spoke, wondering just what his request had detailed to make such an impression, he looked back at the Board and nodded, "Thank you."

"You are dismissed, for now."

The three left the room in silence, once outside Jim released a long pent up breath and ran a hand through his hair, "Well, that went better than I expected it to. It is good they are looking into so many possible motives."

"Indeed, Captain, with any luck they will find what they need." Spock agreed from beside him as they headed towards the foyer of the building.

"I thought they were going to eat me for breakfast." Khan muttered without really thinking about it.

Jim looked at him and snorted, "You really have been spending too much time with me, that's the sort of thing I would come out with. Though, I can understand the feeling. I'm glad they've agreed to a trial. It gives us time to prepare."

"I'll be in need of a very good defence if I am to escape with anything less than cryosleep."

"You have a good defence. You have me." the blond smiling confidently, "I'll help you all I can."

"I know you will." he mused, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him in some way, incredibly aware of Spock's eyes on him.

The three crossed the courtyard together, heading back towards the apartment block, speaking very little and whatever was said related to their adventure the night before. Khan and Spock were strained at best, but maintained some form of civil discussion for the sake of the blond between them. Where possible they chose to answer his questions and not each others. Though the short work forced them to share at least a handful of words.

A explosive, unexpected, thunderous boom suddenly roared overhead, stopping them in their tracks as the clouds above them seemed to glow, before a roaring green light blinded them, shooting through the sky like a bullet before it lanced the block of flats they had been heading towards.

There were was a split second of silence, before a shock wave rippled through the surrounding streets and the building imploded in a shattering hail storm of debris and rubble, pelting down onto the roads below.

Jim grabbed his two companions and pulled them into cover, almost instinctively, covering his head as a particularly large mound of rock fell and hit only meters from them. Screaming and car alarms billowed around them, as fire raged at the centre of the scene and ash began to flutter down like grey snow.

"What the fuck was that?!" he roared over the noise, looking around slowly at what used to be his home.

Khan was pale beside him, eyes fixed on the sky above them, a lump forming in his throat as the familiar hum of engines whirred overhead. A starship. A _big_ starship.

Sirens wailed their way into life, that explosion was had most likely been visible right across the city, emergency services not requiring calls to come to the rescue. Jim slowly moved out of cover and stood, looking around with wide eyes at the scene of devastation, the tattered remnants of his apartment piled high; ash was still falling all around them, dusting the scene like snow, the blond could see flames spewing out through the crumpled masonry and he swallowed hard, hoping no one had been inside.

"What was that?" he asked, looking into the sky, he too could hear the engines but he couldn't imagine any starship firing on its own planet, and then the sound was gone, the rumble of engines disappeared, like a storm blowing over.

"I do not know." Spock replied, carefully climbing out from under the shelter Jim had found them, his face was smudged with black soot and he looked _emotional_, it only took Jim a moment to realise it was because the shattering of the ground reminded the Vulcan of the destruction of his own planet.

Khan followed suit and straightened carefully, glancing around at the gathering onlookers, surprised when he saw regular men and women running towards the wreckage to begin the search for survivors, and he was once again reminded that not all humans were like Marcus, some had incredible depths of humility and kindness. He felt his legs moving without him telling them to, and within minutes he had joined several Starfleet cadets in shifting piles of rubble. Adrenaline was pulsing through him as Spock and Jim joined him, both apparently just as surprised by his actions as he was.

Jim was grateful for his recent changes, the sharpness of the rubble slicing his fingers but Khan's DNA healing the cuts so fast he didn't feel them. Together the two not quite regular humans sped through the rubble faster than most of the probably regular humans present. Spock wasn't far behind though, for once using his deeply set emotions to force himself to act harder and faster, assisting in the rescue efforts as best he could.

They worked relentlessly, at first only finding the dead, however, there was a moment of joyous relief when Khan pulled out the first living survivor, a young adult, probably no older the seventeen, with cuts and bruises all over their body. The dark haired man ran them over to the arriving ambulances and handed them over before rejoining the rescue efforts, receiving a warm but short round of applause, it had made his stomach knot happily, not that he would ever tell anyone that.

Being joined by the fire department, who reluctantly where unable to get any of the volunteers to stop working or put on safety gear, they began to find more people. The survivor count going up to eight, while the death toll continued to creep up to the twenties.

Jim stopped suddenly, large brick in hand, and frowned as he was sure he heard something from within the debris. His scowl deepened and he bent down, putting an ear to the rock. His eyes met Khan and the man followed suit, apparently also hearing something faint.

Eyes widening suddenly, the blond sprang to his feet and yelled out as loudly as he could, "NO BODY MOVE!"

Silence seemed to fall across the rescue mission, everyone staring at the Captain with confusion and concern in equal measure.

"I can hear gas, coming from under the rubble!" he explained, holding his hands up slightly, "We need to be really careful, put down anything you're holding, very gently, a single spark could ignite the entire thing."

There was a flurry of motion, people hastily putting down whatever they were holding, be it rocks or infrastructure, hastily dismounting the heap of building they were searching and heading for safety. Jim made sure everyone else was off before he moved to join them, being incredibly soft footed as he went.

The fire department cordoned off an area where they designated it safe to stand while they contacted the city gas board to get the sector closed off. Jim rubbed the dirt from his hands and face on his tattered jumper and shook his head at the detestation around them.

"That was well spotted, James." Khan murmured softly as he joined him, leaning against the wall beside him.

"Your influence, I am assuming?" the blond mused.

"Most likely. My hearing is better than most." he chuckled weakly before he looked around, "I'm sorry... About your apartment."

Jim shrugged softly, "It was just a building, buildings can be rebuilt. The people who died in there... They can't be replaced." he paused and looked at him, "I... I'm really proud of you, you know? You got stuck straight in there to help people. That's not something you would have done once upon a time."

Khan met his gaze, it was his turn to shrug, though it was more of a twitch of the shoulder, "It is... It is what you would have done." his answer not entirely making sense even in his own mind.

"Yeah... I guess it is." Jim scoffed slightly and took a deep breath, "I guess we bring out the best of each other."

"Perhaps."

Kirk looked around the crowd slowly, there were so many faces he didn't recognise, they were all complete strangers and yet they'd come together to do their best. It was what made him proud of this city, of San Francisco, in a moment of horror everyone pulled together and worked along side one and other to make the best of things. He'd always wanted to instil that same sense of teamwork in his crew, sure he was the Captain but they all lifted equally when the luck was down. They'd all lift together.

A tingle in the back of his head made him do another sweep of the onlookers until he saw, again, that scarred face. Now certain he was no longer imagining it, he left Khan's side and began prowling his way through the throngs of people.

He froze mid-step as their eyes met and there was a moment of time slowing recognition before everything seemed to move so much faster. The scarred man turned and sprinted away, running towards a car parked not far away; Jim took off after him, shoving people out of the way in an effort to keep up.

The car's ignition rumbled into life and began speeding off down the road, Jim, unwilling to simply let his quarry evade him again, jumped onto a parked motorbike, thankfully the keys were still in it and he put his foot down, so to speak, and raced after the car. Wind rushing through his ears, deafening out the sound of Khan and Spock shouting after him.

He knew that face. Burn scars and greying hair, of course he'd be present at the sight of this... Whatever this had been. It was pure chance he'd noticed him, but there was no way he'd be letting him escape.

Kirk was careful though, there were so many civilians around, he couldn't push the bike to its full speed just in case he hit someone, not that the same concern was being shown by the car he was tailing, mounting curbs and crashing through tables and chairs outside of a cafe.

In the back of his mind, he noticed that he was being led out of the city, onto the back roads and dirt paths leading to the countryside, rural and deserted. With the risk to by-passers now eliminated, he twisted the throttle hard and sped up considerably, beginning to catch up and weave ever closer.

A small part of him was amused, considering what a twist this was on his police chase as a kid, him driving the stolen car and being pursued by a cop on a bike. It made him only slightly uncomfortable to consider how much he had changed. Though, upon considering that he was actually riding a stolen motorbike, he felt a smidgeon better.

Continuing to lessen the gap between the other vehicle and the bike, he began to consider how he would bring the car to a stop, he considered shooting the tires with his phaser, but there was a massive risk of the driver being killed if the car rolled. He moved closer, there was scarcely room to fit another bike between the front wheel and the boot now.

What Jim didn't expect, however, was for the car to break suddenly.

The front wheel made contact and the entire bike flipped, flinging him forward and over the top of the car. He hardly had time to let out a cry of pain before he hit the road and skidded, feeling the tarmac eating through his clothes and biting into his skin. He rolled a couple of times and finally came to a stop, cuts to his knuckles and knees were welling with blood while a large gash on his forehead began to pour profusely and quickly spilled down his face and onto the road where he was still face down.

He gasped weakly, feeling several broken bones as they began burning and spiking with pain, most noticeably was the shard of bone sticking out of his forearm, having broken the skin. He half expected them to heal as fast as they had the other night, but when they didn't a sickening feeling that perhaps he was in more trouble than he'd first believed. Maybe even Khan's DNA had limits.

A silent scream escaped as he was kicked hard in the ribs, forced onto his back and he stared up blearily at the burned face of the man he had been chasing.

"I didn't expect you to follow so hard, I almost thought I could lose you in the suburbs, but your reputation precedes you, Captain Kirk."

That voice, it was _definitely_ the man who'd planted the bomb under Starfleet HQ, the man from the video recording. He had been sceptical, at least a little, but now there was no room for doubt. It was him.

"W-What... The _fuck_ is wrong with you..." Jim rasped out, spluttering as blood welled in the back of his throat.

"Don't try to talk, you'll only speed up the process." the terrorist crouched slowly, his voice weirdly tender all of a suddenly, "I didn't believe it was you at first, but the resemblance is... Shocking. I'm sorry it had to be you to recognise me. Anyone else, anyone, would have been preferable."

Jim started inhaling faster through his nose, struggling to catch his breath as his vision grew clouded, turning his head slightly and trying to force some of the blood from his mouth before he choked on it.

"I have to go now." the burned man stood slowly, looking at him with an almost apologetic look, "It would have been a privilege to go up against you, I hear you are quite the hero. But Fate, it would seem, has a different path for me. Goodbye, Jim."

Kirk gargled in response, losing his fight with the blood in his throat, he tried to roll, tried to grab at the man's leg, to do anything, but his fingers weakened and hit the floor with a soft thud, coughing hard and letting out a wail as pain blossomed over his chest. Everything went dark, and the last thing he remembered hearing was the sound of an explosion, and heat washing over him.

And then, he died.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: I Do It Too:**

Khan and Spock shared a long look as they watched Jim speed off after the stolen car, neither of them had a particularly good feeling about it. The Vulcan gestured for him to follow, and hurried over to the first car they saw, Spock hesitated for only a moment before shoving his fist through the driver's window and unlocked it, clambering inside.

"You know how to hot wire a car?" Khan asked in disbelief as he jumped in the passenger side.

"The Captain's personality has a tendency to rub off on me, do not tell him that however, it will merely inflate his already considerable ego." the Vulcan responded with a heavy sigh as he fiddled with the wires he needed.

"My lips are sealed." he muttered, a small smirk playing around the edges of his lips.

A few moments later they were on their way, following the same route they had seen Jim disappear down. There were no words between the pair, but the tension in the car was thick enough to cut with a knife. Khan borrowed Spock's communicator and used it to contact McCoy, giving him a quick relay of everything that had happened.

"What do you mean he went after someone?!" the doctor's voice was so loud, Khan had to pull the device away from his ear a little.

"I didn't see them, but he must have recognised them... He just took off and got on a bike. We're following now. But... You're going to start receiving casualties soon, I thought you should be warned." he told him, glancing out of the window for any sign of Jim as they passed several scenes of tables and chairs having been mown over.

"Alright... I appreciate the heads up." Bones's voice was heavy and he could hear a bustle of movement in the background.

Khan had just snapped the communicator shut when he suddenly sat forwards, hand flying to his chest as an explosion of pain ripped through him, forcing a joked sound from between tightly pursed lips. His eyes went wide as his head followed suit, that same stabbing pain shooting between his ears, strong enough to drive a soft hiss of discomfort from him.

Spock nearly lost control of the car, having jumped so severely at Khan's abrupt change, "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I... I'm not sure..." he panted, his stomach churning as he pressed his free hand onto the dashboard, trying to acclimatise to the pain, "I... I think its James..."

Another groan of pain, his head hanging low as everything started throbbing and aching. His fingers curled into fists, nails digging so hard into his skin they began to slice and heal in rapid succession. He shook his head, flashes of thoughts; sights rushing through him that weren't his own.

The Vulcan watched from the corner of his eye, putting his foot down far more than he would usually be comfortable with, speeding out of the city outskirts and into the suburbs, where the density of city traffic lessened until they were alone.

He found himself stunned by his own concern for Khan's well being, whatever he was feeling seemed agonising and paralysing, not the kind of thing he would wish on anyone. He didn't trust the man, he doubted if he ever would. But Jim seemed to believe in him, believe that there was good in him and that was enough that he would tolerate his presence. It both concerned and pleased him to see the Captain respond to Khan like he did. Jim didn't care of people in the normal fashion, they were either family or they were objects he could use to improve his mood, and how he felt about himself. But Khan appeared to fall in neither category. He was something different.

All he knew for sure, was that he couldn't understand either of them as much as he would like to, even the power of mind-melding had limitations. But he understood enough to know that there was _something_ between them. Was it just the DNA drawing them together, or was it something more? Time would tell, he supposed.

The car began to slow, and the pair stared at the scene ahead with wide eyes and expressions of horror tinged with disbelief. There was a thick plume of black smoke winding its way into the sky, coming from what appeared to be, what was left of a motorbike.

Khan was out of the car before it had stopped properly, not able to see entirely clearly he lurched forwards, passed the burning bike, his steps quickening to a jog as he saw a body not far away, blood staining the tarmac.

He dropped to his knees and gently leaned over, cupping Jim's face as his own expression crumbled, "No..." he breathed, gulping hard and pressing his fingers into his neck, trying to find a pulse. His heart thundering as he failed to find it.

Spock stood not far away, his body frozen in shock, "Jim..." he flinched at the memory of Jim in the containment chamber of the Warp Core, hand sliding down the glass after having made the Vulcan greeting with his hand.

The dark haired former terrorist felt his eyes sting, but he refused to let the tears fall, swallowing it back as best he could before he began working on Jim's body, fixing what he could by himself, realigning bones and using his sleeves to dab away at the still fresh blood on his skin. Maybe, if he did some of the work of the DNA himself, it would work.

"How... How is this possible?" Spock asked, slowly kneeling on his other side, looking at Khan questioningly, "Why isn't he healing?"

Khan didn't answer at first, his hands shaking and coming to rest on the blond's chest, he swallowed hard and glanced at the Vulcan uncertainly, "Even... Even I have limits on what I can repair... James isn't even fully like me yet, if he ever would have been... His limits would be far lower than mine... The DNA can't cope with all this... This..."

He let out a sharp groan of pain, not physical but emotional, his heart aching so much he wished he could rip it out, he sat back and stared up at the sky, fighting with the innate urge to kill someone, anyone, to crush them between his hands and make his own pain lessen. Such rage bubbled under the surface, rage he hadn't felt for months, rage which had been quelled by Jim, by his warmth and support, by everything good about him as a person.

Spock could see the emotion, almost feel it through its potency, unlike the last time he had seen Jim die he felt no anger, only sadness, heavy and drowning. He reached out slowly, his own breathing accelerating nervously as he pressed his fingers to the side of Khan's face and closed his eyes, allowing the mind-meld to flow.

Pain. So much pain, running the length of his heart and soul.

Regret, the desire to change things which had happened in the past, to be better, kinder, more like Jim.

Happiness, the good memories, their months spent together, learning about each other, becoming less like strangers and more like friends.

Joy, the small things they had both done, bad tasting tea, good tasting food, the dance at the party, the almost kiss.

Attraction, obvious to the two of them, subtle to the rest of the world. Two souls on a completely different course, changing their path and coming together to form one team. A good team.

Lastly, there was l-

Khan pulled back sharply, eyes closed and his head bowing slightly as he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood, "You would mind-meld with me?" he breathed, his voice held no anger, no malice, instead there was surprise.

"We are both suffering." Spock said softly, looking down at Jim, "We both care for him in our own way."

The dark haired man swallowed hard and inhaled a deep breath, "True enough."

He leaned down suddenly, cupping Jim's face in his hands before pressing their lips together, no longer caring what the Vulcan did or did not see. It was too late for that. Far too late. As he pulled back, a sudden spear of pain rammed its way through his skull and with a surprised gasp, he fell to the side and his eyes fluttered momentarily as unconsciousness took him, and a dream formed in his mind which wasn't his own.

_Jim walked forwards slowly, meeting the Vulcan eye to eye, "What is it with you Spock? Hm? You planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered and... You're not even upset."_

"_If you are presuming that these experiences in anyway impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken." Spock said bluntly, having no issue holding his gaze._

"_And yet you were to the one who said that 'fear was necessary for command'... Did you see his ship? Did you see what he did?"_

"_Yes of course I did." there was the smallest of changes in his dark eyes._

"_So are you afraid or aren't you?" Jim demanded, never breaking eye contact._

"_I will not allow you to lecture me on the merits of emotion." Spock near snarled._

"_Then why don't you stop me."_

"_Step away from me, Mister Kirk."_

"_What is it like? Not to feel anger, or heartbreak? Or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the women who gave birth to you?_

"_Back away from me." a growl._

"_You feel NOTHING! It must not even compute for you. You never loved her."_

_Snap. He'd hit the right nerve._

_Spock released a primal yell of utter fury and planted his fist in Kirk's face, a flurry of further jabs and strikes hailing down on the blond man, who barely fought back against it. Spock then grabbed him by the scruff of his jumper and hauled him over one of the nearby consoles, fingers wrapped firmly around his throat._

_Spluttering and choking filled the bridge, until Sarek finally let out a sharp command for the Vulcan to stop. It was only his voice which seemed to rouse him from the red mist of rage that had fallen over his mind, and he slowly released the blond, taking stumbling steps away from him, head hung as he felt almost too ashamed to meet anyone's gaze._

_Jim gasped for breath, leaning forward on his knees as he watched the Vulcan, regret filling the void where his temper had been as he watched the deflated half-human relinquish command of the ship on the basis of having been emotionally compromised by the mission at hand, before walking out, with only the smallest glance at Uhura._

_Silence fell for a brief moment, no one entirely sure how to react to what had occurred in front of them, until Scotty expressed his excitement at being on board, which seemed to rouse everyone from their stupor._

_Bones was the first to speak after that, his expression showing contempt towards his friend, "Well, congratulations Jim, now we've got no Captain and no God damn First Officer to replace him."_

_Jim met his gaze evenly and a flicker of a grin touched his lips, "Yeah, we do." he murmured before pushing away from the console and taking confident strides towards The Chair. _

"_Pike made him First Officer." Sulu pointed numbly at the man._

"_You gotta be kidding me." the doctor heaved a sigh._

"_Thanks for the support." Jim muttered as he took a seat._

_There was a moment of pause from the blond, The Chair felt as good as he had ever expected it to. Strange how an inanimate object could provide such a sense of purpose and confidence. And damn it felt good._

"Khan!" Spock yelled sharply, shaking the dark haired man, trying to wake him.

His eyes flew open and on instinct his fingers wrapped around the Vulcan's throat, though he released him almost instantly, panting hard as he looked around, trying to make sense of what had just happened, "Sorry... I'm sorry I didn't mean to..."

"It's fine," Spock murmured, sitting back slowly as he watched him sit up, eyeing him sceptically.

Khan glanced at him, swallowing hard and recovering his breath, looking away again, he opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a soft; wheezy breath from beside them both. His head snapped around as he saw Jim's eyes flicker open.

"James?!" he exclaimed, getting up onto his knees and resting a hand on his chest, "Oh my God."

Jim coughed hard, moaning as he felt his bones beginning to pop back into correct alignment and meld together as if they were never broken, "You guys yell really loud... You know that?" he rubbed his neck and sat up carefully, "Pike whistled really loud and you yell really loud... I don't get a moment's peace between the lot of you..."

Khan let out a weak laugh, relief washing over him, "Yeah well... You are really, really hard to wake up."

The blond got to his feet, tentatively at first, and took a few deep breaths of the smoke tinged air, cracking his neck and feeling some comfort from the way his muscles relaxed afterwards, he turned and spat on the tarmac, clearing the last of the blood from his mouth.

"Captain, how do you feel?" the Vulcan asked shakily, not entirely able to believe his eyes, "What do you remember?"

"Well... I remember dying, again. I'm trying to decide which time was more painful... Radiation or... This shit." he gestured to his still healing body, "I saw the man from the recording, the one who planted the bomb at Head Quarters and I would bet my life, well maybe not that so soon, that he was responsible for the explosion of the apartments. I got too close to the car, it braked and I did a few somersaults."

Khan winced at the imagine which popped into his head at his story and looked him over again, making sure everything was healing properly, "And he just left you here to die?"

"It's not like he wanted to get caught, so yeah," Jim shrugged gently, grunting as his shoulder clicked back into place, "He knew me though, or at least knew of me. He seemed sad that I had been the one to recognise him."

"How strange." his First Officer commented, "Did you recognise him? Beyond what we know already?"

"No... I have no idea who he is." the Captain shook his head, wiping some of the blood and dirt from his face with his tattered sleeve, "But for now... He's escaped."

Khan's expression softened slightly and he moved closer, cupping his face gently, "I thought you were dead... I was ready to commit murder in your name."

Jim chuckled softly but stopped when he saw the sincerity in his eyes, "I'm fine, I'm not going anywhere."

"You were _dead_." he stated simply.

"Yeah, yeah I was..." he broke into a smirk, "Funny how that happens."

"How did you come back?" Spock asked, arms crossed.

Khan paused at the question, reaching up slowly and touching his own lips, "Blood... My blood. When I kissed him, I was bleeding... It must have been enough to kick start the reaction."

"I wondered why it didn't work right away, I assumed I'd taken too much damage." Jim murmured.

"You are likely correct, even I have limits, and as I told Spock: yours are far lesser than mine, because you're still changing, still... In flux." icy eyes narrowed slightly, "Don't you _ever_ do that to me again. Do you understand?"

"I'll certainly do my best, but it does appear that I draw life threatening situations to myself... So I Can't promise anything." he joked it off.

Khan gripped his face between his hands firmly, forcing him to look into his deadly serious eyes, "I mean it," he brought them closer and brushed his ears with his lips, "I cannot lose you."

Jim was silent for a moment but nodded once, "You won't. I promise."

As they parted, Jim noticed that Spock had turned away to give them privacy, and smiled slightly at his slightly changed attitude, maybe Spock understood better than he'd thought. He glanced at the scene around him, in all honest, he wasn't sure how he'd pulled it off. Somehow, Khan had saved him again, whether on purpose or not. One thing was for sure, he definitely wasn't invincible.

"I think I need to get away from the city for a while, maybe just a week or two. The apartment is gone, I want to go and see my mum." he commented softly, looking up at the slightly cloudy sky, "And you are coming with me."

"What?" Spock and Khan said together.

"Well, Khan you were staying with me anyway, you need somewhere to go, and I'm sure my mum will love you." he smirked slightly, "She has a thing for anti-social strays."

"Anti-social?" Khan repeated, raising his eyebrows, "I am not anti... Alright, I might be slightly anti-social. It would... Be an honour to meet your mother."

Jim smiled slightly at that and slowly looked at his best friend, "You should come too, and by that I mean it would be good if you did."

Spock seemed surprised for a moment before he raised an eyebrow and nodded, "I would enjoy seeing your mother again, she is a fascinatingly intelligent woman. And before you ask, Captain, I met her during my first year at the Academy, she assisted in the programming of the Kobayashi Maru."

"She what?" he stared, "My mother? You worked with my mum? And you never mentioned it?"

"It never appeared relevant to our conversations." the Vulcan stated simply.

The Captain shook his head in disbelief and started walking towards the car in which the other two had arrived in, he slowed and tilted his head, "This isn't your car, Spock... Did you seriously drive that thing here?"

"Yes, Captain," his First Officer responded, "I learned how to hot wire vehicles from you."

Scoffing, he looked over his shoulder at the man, "Whatever you do, don't tell anyone that. My list of offences is far long enough already."

Khan watched the pair interact for a moment, trying to ignore the way Spock kept glancing over at him, he reached out sharply as Jim swayed, and steadied him, guiding him into the back of the car, "Steady on."

"I'm fine... I just feel a bit drained." the other complained, but allowed himself to be seated anyway.

"I don't care if you think you're fine, you need to rest. It takes a lot of energy to repair wounds like what you had, don't be afraid to sleep." the former convict muttered firmly.

"Alright... I am a little tired..." Jim sighed softly, "Sorry for worrying you."

"Don't apologise. I'm just glad you are alive." he pressed a kiss against the top of his head as he sat beside him in the car.

"Mm, I'm too tenacious to be anything but alive." Jim's words began to slur faintly as he slipped towards sleep.

"No arguments from me." he smirked.

"Bastard."

"You love it." Khan said confidently.

"No comment. People leave when I tell them that." Jim sighed deeply before finally sinking into sleep, leaning heavily against him.

Khan stared down at him with a surprising amount of affection showing on his face, he could tell from Jim's breathing that he had fallen deeply, and was glad. He would need a lot of rest to recover properly from what he'd experienced. But his words echoed through his mind, making him think. Did James fear abandonment to the extent of keeping his feelings silenced? What was he saying, of course he did. And how did he know that? Simple. He did it too.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: I See Where You Get It From:**

They had returned to San Francisco, only to return the car; file a report, and get official time off from Starfleet, and then a quick stop at Spock's resulted in them travelling down the highway in the Vulcan's car at a steady and cautious speed.

The scenery of Iowa hadn't changed at all, sandy patches of farmland and long stretches of practically abandoned road were welcoming and memorable. In fact, a small giggle escaped him as they drove passed the same stretch of dirt track where he'd driven his step-dad's car off the cliff.

Part of him regretted inviting Spock. He was grateful for his company and his advice, but he was also the biggest cock-blocker in the galaxy, and if there was one thing he really wanted after defying death, it was Khan to himself.

He sighed inwardly, tousling his hair restlessly. Spock's car smelled funny. Like a mixture of space dust and woodchip.

In the back of his mind, as they turned off the main roads and began the more bumpy trek towards where he knew his mum's house was, he considered the idea that he should call ahead and warn her of their arrival, but he could see that conversation going one way only.

He really didn't want to have to talk to his step-dad, and the idea made his gut churn with sudden regret over his rash decision of vacation choices. What had he been thinking?

It was too late, as the car pulled up onto the drive way, nice and smoothly thanks to Spock's careful management, he took a moment to gather himself, looking out of the window at the familiar farmhouse, the white wood porch where a single chair was positioned looking out of the naked landscape around them.

"You never said your home was so beautiful." Khan breathed, also taking in the sights, "I mean as Earth goes, its really nice."

"Yeah... It's not bad." he admitted, a small smile playing at his lips as he climbed out of the car, breathing in the familiar homely air.

He plodded around to the boot and popped it open, grabbing the duffel bag from inside, strange as it may have seemed, he kept a bad of clothes and essentials at Spock's place in case of emergencies, and for the first time he was quite thankful for their arrangement.

Jim went to through the bag over his shoulder, but paused as it was taken off of him; he turned and found himself looking at Khan with raised eyebrows.

"I'm not going to break, you know." he stated calmly.

"I know," Khan smirked, "But I want to make the right impression with your mother."

"Was that _sarcasm_?" Jim asked exaggeratedly, "The broody superhuman cracked a joke! Let me make a note of that in my diary."

"Broody?" he repeated sceptically.

He opened his mouth to say something smart and witty, but stopped when he heard a door open, followed by a gasp of surprise; he glanced around the car slowly and a soft, honest smile found his face as he cast his gaze over the willowy woman stood on the porch.

Her hair had gone more curly with age, still mostly blonde though mixed with some grey and white strands now, her sky blue eyes now assisted by rimless glasses, but there was no mistaking the elegant and intelligent face of Winona Kirk.

"Hey mum." he waved at her.

"Hey?" she repeated, "Hey?! Is that all you've got to say to me, after four years!" she exclaimed, sweeping down off the porch and striding over to him, hands on hips, "No phone calls, no emails, no contact whatsoever, and then you turn up here, unannounced, looking as though you've been run over, and you say hey?!"

She had a valid point, of course, he still looked like a walking advertisement for safe driving.

"Well, I wasn't quite run over, it was more of an acrobatic stunt gone wrong." he offered, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Khan and Spock watched the exchange, the former believing that Jim's attitude was going to earn him a slap; he was bewildered therefore when instead, the woman laughed loudly and threw her arms around her son with nothing short of admiration and pride glowing in her eyes.

"Still a little shit then?" she asked with a wide grin as they parted.

"Of course! Being Captain just gives me a long leash." he smirked right back at her, now glad he'd come home.

Winona chuckled and patted down his tattered clothes, "I was incredibly proud when I heard about your success on the Enterprise. I'm merely disappointed I had to hear it second hand, I had expected a call from my smug son telling me how he had beaten Christopher's bet and become a Captain! Spock's version of the story is far less colourful than I wanted!"

He sighed and shrugged, "Life has been a busy bitch, you know what it's like. Speaking of which, I believe you know Spock, my First Officer, and friend." he threw a thumb towards the Vulcan before he glanced at Khan, "And this is Khan Noonien Singh, former Captain of the... Well... He's a friend." he trailed off.

Spock approached the woman and they shared the traditional Vulcan greeting, "It is a pleasure to meet you again, Mrs Kirk."

"It is good to see you again, Spock, please call me Winona," she smiled sweetly before looking a little sadder, "I was most sorry to hear about Vulcan, I visited once when I was aboard the Kelvin, I was most upset to hear of its' destruction. I hope you will accept my condolences."

"Thank you, for your words and your kindness." he bowed his head and stepped aside, appraising Jim with a look which clearly suggested he had no idea how such a ruffian had come from such a well mannered woman.

Khan could feel Jim's eyes on him, and knew why. Winona had worked for Starfleet until quite recently, and would know all about Admiral Marcus' crimes, and his own. She had likely lost friends because of his actions, would she had him on principle, or give him a chance?

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Jim is a remarkable young man and I am sure you are just as remarkable." he met her gaze, trying to appear as unthreatening as possible, which was actually rather hard for him to do.

"You speak very well, for a terrorist." she met his gaze, unflinchingly, "My son certainly keeps strange company."

He nodded slightly, "I'd agree with that. But I can assure you I mean your son no harm, and if you'd be willing to listen, I would appreciate the chance to explain myself."

Winona appraised him for several heart stopping moments, she glanced at her son and almost giggled at the adorable expression of concern on his face before she sighed and looked at Khan again, "Very well, come in. I'll make some tea and you can tell me all about it. I am nothing if not a patient listener."

Khan was really starting to hate tea. He'd believed Jim's particular brand to be the worst of the worst but apparently he'd learned it from his mother. Bitter, milky and somehow slightly chalky on his tongue, he wanted nothing more than to teach them both how to brew a proper beverage, unfortunately, he had better manners and drank it with a grateful smile.

He told her everything. Hiding no detail, no matter how horrendous it was. If Winona was anything like her son, she'd value honesty above tact. It still pained him to talk about his crew, there wasn't a day that went by when he didn't miss them, but that seemed to show, as she rested a hand on his as he talked about them. He wasn't a man who usually regretted anything, all of his actions being planned to the last nano-second, but if there was one thing he had learned from James Kirk, it was humility.

Finally, after so long, he was able to speak of Marcus and his domination of his willpower without that surge of anger he'd grown so accustomed to, his mind no longer raced with a desire for revenge against a man who couldn't hurt him any further. It was a surprising, yet welcome, change.

He noticed Jim become reserved as he reached the end of his tale, recounting those moments flying over the San Francisco skyline in combat with Spock, before discovering that the Captain of the Enterprise had passed away, only to learn that he could save him. There was a look on Winona's face, gratitude perhaps, that she hadn't lost her son.

All was silent as he finished his story, he allowed his tongue to flick against his lips to wet them, sitting back slightly and waiting for her judgement on the matter. In his peripherals he saw Jim glancing his way and he offered the blond a small smile, just to let him know that he was alright. To his chagrin he still hadn't been able to rid himself of Spock's watchful eye either.

"I think..." Winona began softly, "I understand."

"You do?" he asked, honestly surprised.

"If someone used my son against me, I'd move heaven and Earth to get him back safely. It is what you do, for the people you love." she smiled at him softly, "You took many lives, and caused much suffering, but I believe even the most broken people can find peace, and deserve a chance to change."

Khan took a breath and felt his shoulders slump a little, he hadn't even realised he had been so tense, "You and your son are a rare breed of humanity. I've met next to no-one else who would even try to understand my actions. I am... Honestly, grateful."

"People are fickle," the blonde woman got to her feet slowly and began gathering the empty mugs, "My son and I are realists, I raised him to see through the bullshit. At any rate, it sounds as though I owe you a debt for saving his life."

The super soldier looked at his hands, trying to hide the smile threatening to spread across his face at her acceptance. Of course, in his mind, there was no debt to be repaid. He'd done his deed because it had been the right thing to do, not because he wanted to claim obligations from the people involved.

"However," her voice turned stern as she looked at her son and his Vulcan friend, "I would like to know why I wasn't informed about any of what has been happening. I would have liked to know my son had been in hospital for so long."

"I didn't want to worry you." Jim muttered.

"Bullshit. I haven't had a phone call from you in four years, I was beginning to think you'd forgotten I exist. But you, Mister Spock, I expected better of you." she scolded.

Khan was deeply amused by how uneasy the two men became.

"I apologise, Winona," the Vulcan said awkwardly, "I was under the impression that the Captain kept you regularly informed of what goes on."

"Hmm." was all she said, pausing on her trip to the kitchen, "Jim, what exactly did you do to get in such a state?"

The blond glanced himself over again and sighed deeply, "There's been some... Terrorist attacks in the city. Directed at Starfleet. I was chasing the culprit and things got a little messy. It's nothing to worry about."

"He died." Spock stated as though it was the simplest thing in the world.

"What?!" she shrieked, eyes nearly popping from her skull.

"Spock!" Jim hissed, gritting his teeth before he looked back at his mother, "It's really nothing, I'm fine, one hundred percent fine. I... I died for like twenty minutes. Khan managed to kick start his DNA again and I'm all fixed. My injuries are healed, I'm fine mum... Honestly."

She tutted at him for trying to hide things from her again, but her gaze shifted to Khan, "It seems I owe you twice over. Thank you for saving him."

"Please, it was nothing. I couldn't just let him die... It was luck more than anything." he held his hands up, really not wanting more praise from her; his eyes moved to where Jim was sat and made contact, they held each other's look for a long moment before ducking their heads.

Winona sighed softly and smiled as she watched the pair act like nervous teenagers, she knew her son and she knew he had never been overly particular with the company he kept relationship wise, but there was something in her son's eyes which she hadn't seen for a long time. When he looked at Khan a deeply hidden part of him seemed to come to life, and she could see the darker haired man cared for him in return. There was a warmth in his face, when he looked at Jim, a warmth which was other wise absent.

"Well I can't have you sat there looking like death warmed up. Go and have a shower. Your room is just how you left it." she smiled sweetly and ruffled Jim's hair, "You're all welcome to stay as long as you wish to."

"Thanks mum." he stood slowly and stretched, his back still popping slightly from the strain of what his body had been through.

"No need to thank me," she disappeared into the kitchen, but her voice echoed after her, "And do take your bag to your room, I'm sure your friend doesn't need to lug it around on your behalf."

Kirk looked at the duffel bag positioned between Khan's feet and shot the man a playful glare as he snatched it off the floor and headed for the stairs, "Yes mum."

Khan watched him go, chuckling under his breath as he witnessed his bossy arrogance wither and die in the presence of his mother, a much more compliant version of the man slipping into the breach. His amusement was short lived when Spock approached him, however.

"We need to talk." the Vulcan said sternly, eyes narrowed.

"No we don't." he replied stiffly, getting to his feet so he could meet him eye to eye.

"I beg to differ." Spock was persistent.

Khan glowered at him, jaw clenched, "There is _nothing_ to discuss, Mister Spock. I suggest you forget whatever it is, which has been troubling you."

"Khan," the other said calmly, not flinching under his murderous expression, "This is not going to simply disappear."

"I am going to tell you once more... Drop it." he let out a huff, turning on his heel and heading up the stairs after Jim, determined to put as much distance between himself and the Vulcan as possible.

Jim sat on the edge of his old bed, towel around his middle and his hair still damp from showering. There was nothing left on him to suggest he'd been involved in such a bad road collision, except for a single bruise on his back which was stubbornly refusing to heal as fast as the rest of him.

He allowed his eyes to wander around his bedroom, true to his mum's word it hadn't changed at all, it was good to see some of his old possessions; posters and ornaments which littered the walls and shelves, books and journals stacked neatly on his desk.

Now things were settled, Khan had been accepted by his mum, and they were definitely welcome to stay, he began wondering where his step-dad was, he hadn't seen any sign of him in the house, nor had his car been in the drive. Come to think of it, there had been no wedding ring on his mums' hands any more either. Perhaps they had divorced? If that was true, he was even happier to stay.

Finally getting himself dry, he pulled on a shirt and jeans, hanging his favourite leather jacket on the back of his chair until he needed it, and laid back on the bed, staring up at the slightly cracked ceiling. He was sure that crack hadn't been there when he'd left home.

"James?"

He sat up as he heard Khan's voice, and smiled slightly, seeing the man leaning against the door frame, "Yeah?"

"How are you feeling?" the man walked in slowly, nudging the door shut with his foot before sitting beside him.

"I feel fine, I'm glad I decided to come here. It's good to... Reconnect." he mused, taking a breath, "I haven't had a chance to thank you properly for... Saving my life again."

Khan's nose crinkled slightly, "You don't need to thank me. I didn't really do anything, it was luck."

"I don't care what it was, luck, fate or choice. I'm here because of something you did. And I'm grateful." Jim smiled softly and tilted his head, leaning in and pressing their lips together.

The former convict wanted to argue the point, he didn't feel comfortable being the hero, but as sweet kisses turned deeper he allowed himself to be distracted and laid back, pulling Jim with him. There were gasps and touches, gentle tugging on locks of hair, teeth knocking slightly in clumsiness.

Khan pulled back for breath, stroking Jim's face in thought, "I'm never letting you go, you know that right?"

A smirk, "I would hope so, I'd be worried at this point if you changed your mind."

"I mean it. Can you live with what I am?" he whispered.

"If you can live with my faults, I can certainly live with yours." the blond said honestly.

"We both have faults," Khan chuckled, kissing his forehead, "What a pair we make."

Jim relaxed in his grip, staring up at the crack in the ceiling again and letting out a dark chuckle, "God, we could probably rip worlds apart if we wanted to."

"Undoubtedly." the other breathed.

They shared a look, long and serious, and Jim realised in that moment that it was true. Khan had destroyed civilisations with his crew, and had nearly destroyed San Francisco without them. He began to wonder just how much of the other's power he had actually seen, and how much was still hiding below the surface. Would his own power match that, if he changed completely?

"For now," Khan spoke quietly, his expression thoughtful, "Just know that it would take an army to rip me from your side."

He felt his lips twitch and nodded slightly, "Just know that it would take the same for me to leave your side as well."

Spock lingered silently outside his Captain's bedroom door. He disliked lurking in such a manner, and had great distaste for eavesdropping, it had been unintentional. The Vulcan had intended to knock on the door and announce himself, but something in the conversation on the other side of the barrier prevented him from doing so.

There was something different in Jim's voice. Something different in Khan's voice. And he believed, at last, he was beginning to piece together, at least, one very small part of the enigma, which was their connection.

It unsettled him, greatly. But putting together everything he had seen, everything he had witnessed, he was left with very little doubt in his mind. That doubt, as small as it was, could be easily quashed with a phone call.

Communicator in hand, he silently slipped back downstairs and into the garden, determined to confirm his suspicions once and for all.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Secrets And Lies:**

Four days passed without incident, Starfleet had contacted Jim to give him the address of his new flat for when he returned to the city next, and to inform him that he would be compensated for the loss of his possessions, which he had declined, telling them to give the money to the relatives of the thirty-two murdered Starfleet officers who had not been saved from the apartment block.

The apartment block had been specifically for Starfleet officers, ones who had few options on where to live, low incomes, young families. It sickened him to think of how much death there had been, and yet there were so few answers.

Why had a Starfleet vessel fired on the city? What did the burned man have to do with it? How big had the ship been to cause such damage with a single photon beam? Where had it gone afterwards?

There were no answers, only an ever increasing number of questions. It was infuriating. But he had come to terms with the idea that everything would have a solution eventually, it was a case of allowing it to play out.

Strangely, Spock and Khan had been on their very best behaviour when around each other. Although they shared only the fewest of words, and remained in a room together for the briefest of moments, there was a definitive limitation to the death glares and snide remarks. He wasn't sure whether he should be impressed or concerned that they were hiding something.

On a more positive note, his mother had confirmed his beliefs about her marital status. She'd kicked his step-dad... Ex-step-dad out over a year and a half ago for being an unfaithful drunk, and she didn't regret it even a little bit. In fact, she seemed happier than he ever remembered her being.

There were things which had come to his attention, which to an extent, made him nervous. And as much as he wanted to ignore it, there came a point where he began to realise that having been revived for a second time by Khan's DNA, had changed something within him. His headaches were still persistent, but the spasms of pain which usually followed had come to an end. He felt different within himself, stronger and faster, and his mental awareness was at an all time high.

He had begun to wonder if he was near the end of his change, if he would indeed survive it after all. Jim had kept it all to himself for the time being, he didn't want to get anyone's hopes up, or in Spock's case, scare them more than they already had been. But he was silently confident that within a few weeks, he would have his answer. He was nearly done being average.

"_Because I looked up your file while you were drooling on the floor. Your aptitude tests are off the charts. So, what is it? You like being the only genius-level repeat-offender in the Midwest?"_

Pike's words came back to him and made him smile slightly. No, he had never been average. His nature was unpredictable at best, downright dangerous at its worst. But never average. He'd just never given himself the chance to see himself as being better. But now his eyes were wide open, and he could, at least to an extent, admire what he had been before.

Jim's gaze lifted as he heard a car rolling down the drive, and he slid from the tree branch he had been perched in, dropping down just as she pulled up. He offered her a smile and popped the boot open, grabbing the shopping bags for her.

"Get anything nice from the store?" he asked, walking with her.

"Depends what you could as nice," she answered with a coy smile, "Where are the boys?"

"No idea," he shrugged, "They were still asleep when I left the house this morning."

She chuckled in response and headed up into the house with her son, they both froze as soon as they crossed the threshold, not entirely sure what to make of the scene beyond. Khan was hoovering the carpet, while Spock dusted the shelves, both looking incredibly domesticated.

Jim's head tilted slightly as he watched Khan bend to grab something and hastily looked away as he saw Winona glance his way, smirking.

"What are you doing?" he asked, pushing down the blush on his cheeks.

"Captain, as ever you seem to have the need to question the obvious." Spock muttered from the corner.

"Winona is letting us stay here free of charge, it is only polite to do something towards the upkeep of the house while we are here," Khan, of course, gave a proper answer, "Oh, you'll find the tap in the bathroom doesn't leak any more, and the loose floorboards in your room don't squeak."

Jim stared, blinking once. Twice. Three times. He wasn't sure he liked his companions being so domesticated. It didn't suit them. All they were missing was a pair of frilly aprons.

"Aw, how sweet of you both!" his mother chimed happily, sweeping her way through to the kitchen, "I do wish you'd rub that attitude onto my dear son."

"Hey!" he exclaimed, hurrying after her, "I'm carrying your shopping!"

Spock and Khan both stopped their activities as soon as the two Kirk's disappeared into the kitchen, and they shared a dark glare. They had, of course, been hiding the tension from the other two members of the house. But it was still there, and it was worse than ever.

Khan was coming to the conclusion that he may well have to allow Spock to say his piece in order to move passed whatever had put the Vulcan back into such a violent state of distrust towards his entire being.

"I take it, Mister Spock, that you still desire that talk." he said in a low voice.

"I do indeed." the Vulcan's lips barely moved.

He dropped his gaze for a moment and let out a long breath, "Very well, let's take this outside."

"A sound suggestion."

The Vulcan called through to the kitchen, letting the two Kirk's know that they would be stepping outside for a few moments to do some external repairs. When he was certain they believed his word, he followed the augmented human.

The sun was warm, and the breeze was cool against Khan's skin as he allowed his arms to hang at his sides, not wishing to come across as too aggressive, in case it triggered some response from the other man. For his part, he genuinely wanted to resolve at least some of their aggravation, having believed things had changed after Jim's road accident.

Khan turned as he heard the front door swing shut and met Spock's gaze, taken aback by just how much fury there was on his face, anger he hadn't seen since their fight all those months ago. Whatever it was, which had been gnarling at Spock was clearly not good.

"What's the problem, Mister Spock? You've been like a dog with a bone for days."

The Vulcan steamed forwards, fingers curling in his black shirt before he found himself dragged out of the view of the house, among the trees, although even as they stopped moving his fingers didn't leave their clenched position, drawing Khan in closer until they were almost nose to nose.

"Spock, what is the problem?" Khan repeated again, keeping his temper in check.

"You... I honestly cannot believe I considered trusting you. I should have known better, even if the Captain doesn't." Spock hissed, eyes dark with a coil of emotions, "I figured it out, Khan, all of it. I knew from the start you would have an agenda for why you've been so placid since you woke and now I know what that reason is."

The super soldier tensed only slightly, eyes narrowing, there were only a handful of things he could think of which would enrage the Vulcan to this extent, and none of them were really things he wanted shared, "I would suggest you think very carefully before you say what is on your mind."

"Why, because you may not like it?" Spock sneered.

"Because you may not know of what you speak." he corrected sourly.

A tut escaped the Vulcan before he clenched his jaw, "I knew that arrogance was still in there, hiding under that facade of having changed for the better, of wanting to do the right thing. How much have you lied about, Khan? How big is the web you've woven?"

His fingers twitched in annoyance, "Do not test me, Spock."

"How long have you been able to see the Captain's memories? How long have you been experiencing headaches?" Spock breathed, voice shaking as he maintained a forced calm.

Khan's expression darkened, of anything which had angered the Vulcan he had wished so desperately for it to be something else, anything else, "My headaches began as soon as I was woken in the hospital. They have grown steadily worse, just as James's have."

"That long?" the Vulcan hissed, "And the memories? How long have you been able to see inside his head?"

He met his gaze slowly, "Well, it would be safe to say I had some very interesting dreams while I was asleep."

Spock released him suddenly, staring in disbelief, "Why didn't you tell anyone? Why keep it to yourself?"

"Why do you think?!" he spat, turning his back on the man and looking out over the fields, "Your blessed Doctor McCoy had already turned James into a pincushion with all his infernal tests and diagnostics, can you imagine what Starfleet would have ordered if I'd told the truth?"

"You kept quiet to protect Jim? I don't believe you for a second." Spock snarled in response, "You kept quiet for one reason, and one reason alone!"

"Oh do enlighten me!" he snorted.

"Lucille Harewood."

Khan's back stiffened at the name and he closed his eyes, letting out a long breath. Spock truly had worked everything out, "What about her?" he asked.

"She was dying, wasn't she? She had maybe weeks to live, when you arrived at the London hospital and introduced yourself to Thomas Harewood. You made a bargain. The destruction of the Kelvin Memorial Archives in exchange for your life saving blood." The Vulcan stared at the back of his head, expression never more serious, "I made a phone call a few days ago, Khan. She is still human. So, it occurred to me, why isn't Jim?"

A long sigh escaped his lips, "What you didn't consider that the amount of blood given was very different? Lucille was given only a vial, according to McCoy, Jim was given 3 pints."

"Don't take me for a fool. The volume of blood doesn't change what it is capable of." Spock bit back, "You did something to Jim, something which caused this... Mutation."

Khan looked over his shoulder at the Vulcan, grinding his teeth for a moment before he huffed through his nose, "It was an accident."

"So you did do something!"

"Not exactly," Khan scratched his neck and sat down against the trunk of one of the trees and looked over at Spock, "It was a defence mechanism, hidden inside all the cryotube my crew were stored in. A program I created while Marcus exploited me for my knowledge. It was meant to protect them, I had no way of knowing McCoy would put James inside one of them!"

Spock frowned slightly, "What was the program designed to do?"

Hands clasped, Khan took a breath, "The program was made up of everything _me_. My personality, my memories, my life. Its' original purpose was to ensure my crew would wake up remembering who and what they are, it was never meant to..." he looked down, "I believe, when James was placed inside the cryotube the program triggered a defence mechanism which attacked him."

"Attacked?"

"Not physically. The program works through neural link with whoever is in the tube, sending the information directly into the brain. So, when it triggered, he received the full force of everything I have ever done, everything I have ever been. It created a type of neural entanglement between his mind and mine. When my blood was administered to bring him back, it could sense my presence already and so it... Did to him what it did to me. And began changing him." he leaned back and bit his lip lightly.

"So... It wasn't something you intended to do?"

"Of course not!" he barked, "But when McCoy woke me and informed me of what was happening I... I knew what had caused it. But I couldn't tell him... I couldn't tell him that I had essentially weaponised my crew's cryotubes, because that would have made them a threat and... I was afraid of what might happen to them. So, I offered guidance where I could, enough to see James safely treated for the symptoms without revealing the true cause."

"You have lied to everyone who gave you a second chance." Spock shook his head, "You've betrayed Jim."

"That isn't true!" he pushed himself back onto his feet and approached Spock, "Even if I had told Bones about the neural link, there wouldn't have been anything he could do. The link can only be broken by death, and even if that were to happen, James wouldn't go back to being human, he would still be... Better."

"He could have died because of what his body has been doing!"

"I know! But there was nothing I could have done to change it! All I could do, all I have done, is try to guide him through it as best I can." he looked at the floor, "Once his evolution is complete, he won't have the headaches any more, neither of us will. But I don't know if we will stop seeing inside each other's heads, I've never encountered this type of neural entanglement before."

The Vulcan seemed to take a few minutes to consider what he had been told, though Khan could feel there was still something on the other's mind, something still fuelling his anger towards him. He was almost afraid to find out what it was, considering just how much Spock had already worked out.

"I believe you did not intend for this to happen." Spock said after what felt like eternity, "But you should have told someone, you should have told Jim at least. He deserves to know why he's been going through this."

Khan swallowed slightly, "I'll talk to him. He isn't stupid so I suspect he has already wondered why the girl didn't change when he did."

"I suspect so as well." Spock glanced towards the house and then back at Khan, "The fact that you hid this... Changes everything. You are still more concerned with your own safety than anyone else's and if Jim forgives you for this... Rest assured I will be keeping a very close eye on you."

He wanted to argue, wanted to tell him otherwise, but as he opened his mouth to speak he heard the front door open and his gaze snapped towards the house, a small frown forming on his face as he considered the ramifications of James knowing the truth.

Khan glanced at Spock and started walking back towards the house without another word, for now opting to accept the other's terms, he was merely grateful that something had stopped their conversation before Spock could reveal whatever else it was that he thought he knew.

He forced a smile as he saw Winona walking towards them, Jim just behind her, both of them carrying trays of what looked like sandwiches and drinks.

"I thought we could eat out here, seeing as the weather is so fine!" Winona said happily, heading towards the table and chairs around the side of the house, "Did you boys manage to get anything else fixed out here?"

"Oh uh, not exactly," Khan swallowed hard, "We just had a look at some things that might need attention."

"You're so sweet to be doing all this work for me, I'm so grateful." she beamed.

"It's nothing." he croaked out, his smile wavering slightly as he watched Jim grin at him.

He struggled to return it as he watched Spock walk over to the table and take a seat, seemingly completely unaffected by their conversation, while his own heart was thundering with so many mixed feelings and thoughts. He wasn't used to feeling guilt. But as he watched Jim eagerly tuck into a sandwich while his mother's back was turned, he felt a sickening amount of it pumping through his veins, at the thought of exactly what he had put the man through.

Khan walked over slowly and sat at the table, deciding that there would be a time to talk to Jim, but that it wasn't now.

Jim passed him a plate of sandwiches and grinned as he sat back and took a long sip of drink, "You two been behaving?"

Spock answered first, "Of course, Captain. I think we've come to something of an understanding."

Khan wanted to punch the pointy-eared bastard in the face but forced a smile, "We most certainly have." he agreed.

"Well, can't say I'm not pleased. Seeing you two trying to kill each other with your eyes alone got kind of boring after a while." he chuckled, pausing as his communicator started buzzing, "Sorry I have to take this."

Jim got up and answered the call, wandering just a short distance from the table and leaning against the bannister around the porch. Khan watched his expression and saw it switch very quickly from happy to furious.

"What do you mean someone tried to sabotage the Enterprise?!" he exclaimed suddenly, drawing all of their attention to him, "How much did they manage to do?"

"_I cannae tell you everything at the moment Captain, I'm still running diagnostics. But from what I've found so far they were interrupted while tampering with the Warp Core. The damage is very wee, very small... I can fix it easily but we were lucky they didn't get more done than they did."_ Scotty's voice was a welcome one, but his news couldn't have been more worrying.

"Alright, thanks Scotty. Finish the diagnostics, if anything else shows up let me know. I'll call Starfleet, report the damage to them." he muttered, rubbing his forehead.

"_Understood, Captain."_

He snapped the communicator shut and took a breath, opening it again and making another quick call, which lasted only a few minutes before he trudged back over and flopped down in his chair.

"Captain what happened?" Spock asked.

"Scotty's been sent up to the Enterprise to repair some damage. Apparently someone was trying to sabotage the ship, they tampered with the Warp Core." he grabbed a sandwich and munched on it moodily, "This is getting ridiculous."

"What do you mean, dear?" Winona asked, patting her son's leg gently.

The blond took a moment and shrugged, "It's gonna sound self-centred but, first a bomb was planted in Starfleet Head Quarters, at a party I was attending, on my birthday. Then, my apartment block was... Well, decimated by a still unidentified Starfleet ship. When I had that road accident the guy I was chasing... He knew me, he sounded like he cared about me, and that he was sorry that I had followed him. Now, the Enterprise has been attacked. It's the latest thing in a long line of shit that... Seems to have one connecting factor."

"You." Khan murmured, frowning deeply, it made sense in the end, the dots all connected, "But why would someone target you, with such a complete disregard for the safety of those around you? He clearly doesn't care much for Starfleet at all. He was willing to kill hundreds of cadets and officers with his actions."

Jim seemed unsettled by Khan agreeing and took a breath, "So it doesn't sound completely insane then."

"If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the solution." Spock agreed, toying with his glass of drink, "I believe it is a logical deduction of the known facts."

Winona looked at her son, face etched with deep concern, "Jim, my darling... I think you need to go back to San Francisco... You need to be with your crew. As much as I have loved you being here, I can't keep you safe from whoever this monster is."

He faltered and swallowed hard, "I don't want to go." he said softly, "I left home in such a dumb way... Not contacting you is one of my biggest regrets. I want to be able to catch up properly."

"And we will, once this is over." she smiled sweetly, "But we can't catch up if you're dead."

Jim nodded reluctantly and threw his communicator to Spock, "Make the call, we'll head back in the morning. I want clearance to board the Enterprise."

"Of course, Captain." the Vulcan sprang to his feet and left the table, hastening to act on his orders.

Khan watched tensely, his eyes fixed on Jim and his mother. With Spock now aware of at least one of his secrets, he wasn't sure he'd be able to join them on the Enterprise, if it had ever been possible to begin with. The augmented human twitched slightly, the hairs at the nape of his neck standing on end; he stood slowly and turned, casting an eye out over the surrounding land. He couldn't see anything, but something didn't feel quite right.

Then he saw a reflective glare and his eyes narrowed, squinting into the distance, towards a small hill about sixty meters away from the homestead. He tilted his head slightly and took a step forwards, eyes widening as there was a flash of red.

He whipped around and grabbed Jim, throwing him out of the way as the blast soared towards them, letting out a grunt as he felt heat against his back and he was thrown forwards, hitting the ground hard.

Jim yelped as he was thrown so suddenly, confused as he looked around, seeing a streak of scarlet energy hitting Khan in the back, tossing him like a rag doll to the sandy floor. He scrambled to his feet, overturning the table they had been sitting at and dragging Khan behind it for safety, looking around frantically.

His mouth went dry as he saw the sprawled body of his mother on the floor, scorching burn marks against her chest. The blond rolled Khan over and swore as he saw the energy from the gun fired had gone straight through him, the same shot having hit Winona as well.

"Oh God." he whispered, swallowing hard as he saw Khan's injury was already beginning to heal, he poked his head over the table and glanced around, he could see someone running in the distance, fleeing the scene.

"Captain?!" Spock exclaimed, running back from inside the house and freezing at the sight of both Khan and Winona spread out on the floor.

Jim left Khan's side, knowing he would heal, and instead rushed towards his mother, falling to his knees beside her and checking her vital signs.

Her blouse had mostly burned away, revealing an ugly scorch mark in the centre of her chest, she was out cold, a dribble of blood running from her nose; her pulse was strong but erratic. He swore repeatedly, hands shaking.

"Call an ambulance Spock!" he shouted, "Tell them to fucking hurry!"

"Y-Yes of course." the Vulcan sounded unusually rattled.

The blond shook slightly, his own heart racing as a dull ache rumbled in the back of his head. He ignored it, glancing around as Khan suddenly sat bolt up right, gasping for breath and looking about in a mild panic.

"James, thank the Gods you are alright." the dark haired man hissed, crawling over quickly before his mouth fell open, "Winona..."

"It was him." Jim growled, his jaw clenched in a tight line, furious tears in his eyes, "He followed us all the way here, followed _me_ all the way here. When I find this son-of-a-bitch I am going to make him wish he had never been born."

Khan swallowed slightly, "I'll do whatever I can to help."

It didn't take long for the ambulance to arrive, a brief explanation of what had happened was given to the paramedics before Winona was loaded into the back of the vehicle, Jim accompanied her while Spock and Khan made an uneasy car trip to follow them.

Jim tapped his foot agitatedly in the back of the ambulance, watching as one of the paramedics worked on giving Winona pain relief and cleaned the wound. Apparently, she had hit her head when she'd collapsed which had resulted in her unconsciousness.

He closed his eyes for the remainder of the journey to the hospital, imagining all the ways he would murder the bastard who was responsible for this, before he felt a touch of melancholy and sadness, reaching out and carefully taking her hand, letting her know she wasn't alone.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: It's Never Easy:**

Jim paced the hallways, one hand on his hip and the other constantly tapping at his chin expectantly. It had been three hours since Winona had been rushed through to theatre, a bleed on her brain causing a massive haemorrhage which had needed immediate surgery to give her the best chance of survival.

In that time, he hadn't been able to sit still, his mind alive with the best and worst outcomes, battling for supremacy while a gnawing part of his mind teetered towards the darker thoughts, of vengeance and justice.

Spock had left, returning to San Francisco to file a formal report with Starfleet, and to assist them in trying to track down who the mystery attacker was. Khan, however, remained, sat quietly and contemplatively near the hallway window, watching Jim with a steady gaze. He had refused medical treatment for himself, having already healed thoroughly desire the singed burn marks on his shirt.

Finally, when he could take it no more, the augmented human got to his feet and approached his unsettled companion, reaching out carefully and resting his hands on his arms, trying to coax him into standing still for at least a minute.

"James, talk to me." he said softly.

"No." the blond answered flatly, shrugging him off and continuing his gaze.

Khan detected something in his tone, something which would likely go unnoticed to anyone but him, and he released a breath of contempt, grabbing him a little firmer and forcing him to meet his gaze, where upon seeing his expression, he concerns were confirmed.

"What are you doing?" Jim asked sharply, trying to move away from him again.

"You need to talk about what you're feeling." the other stated calmly, "You can't hide from me, I can see malice in you, that is not who you are. Talk to me, it will help."

"I do not want to talk. Get off me."

"No." Khan said calmly, his grip tightening only slightly, he didn't want to hurt him after all, "I told you once that you would run the risk of being tempted by... A darker train of thought, didn't I?"

Jim clenched his jaw slightly, "I recall something of the sort being said, yes."

"I told you, I wouldn't let you go down that path, James, and I intend to keep my word." he pushed him backwards slowly, until his back was pressed against the wall, "Talk to me, unless you're afraid to?"

"I'm not afraid!" he hissed, "Don't mock me, Khan. You don't have a clue what _this_ feels like."

"So tell me!" he barked, "Stop shutting yourself away in your own head, where you can do the worst damage to yourself."

Something seemed to snap within Jim and Khan instantly released his arms, just in time to grab the fist which had been aimed so diligently for his ribs, he was surprised at the outburst, he hadn't expected the blond to react quite like that. A gasp escaped him when his free hand then followed up and caught him in the face, causing him stagger.

What surprised him, however foolishly, was that it hurt. In such vast contrast to when they'd fought on Kronos, where Jim had almost shattered his own hands trying to draw even a drop of blood and had failed, he now felt a small dribble from his lip.

He took a step back from the other man, reaching up slowly and touching his chin, glancing down and raising an eyebrow as he saw his own blood on his fingertips, letting out a small sound of amusement. It had been so long since someone as strong has him had hit him, he'd honestly forgotten he could bleed.

Khan looked up at Jim, eyebrows raised, "Is this what you want? To be consumed by anger? To hurt the people closest to you?"

"No... I..." Jim looked aghast at his own actions, "I didn't mean to lash out... It just-"

"Happened?" he finished for him, "I know."

There was one positive at least, the darkness had left Jim's eyes and his usual warmth was back, he looked guilty and that was _good_. It meant he was back in control, he was back to normal and now, he could come to terms with what had happened to Winona in the proper fashion.

"You're... Not healing." Jim frowned, approaching cautiously as he watched the cut on Khan's lip remain.

"An unfortunate side effect of you being the one to hit me." the dark haired man shrugged, not overly concerned by it.

"Wait so..." the blond blinked, "If another... What do you call it... Augmented human hit you, you don't heal like you do when... Anyone else hits you?"

"That's accurate." he mused, using his sleeve to wipe away the rest of the blood, "If you hit me, I'll bruise. If Spock hits me, it feels like being tickled."

"I had no idea..." Jim's shoulder slumped slightly, "I'm so sorry."

He smiled slightly and shook his head, "It happens. That darkness had a hold on me for decades... If I stopped to regret everything I did while it had control then I would never move again. Just... If you ever feel it again, you have to talk to me. Right away, its the only way to get it out of your head."

Kirk nodded, swallowing hard, "I... I promise."

Moving closer, Khan met him in a deep kiss, holding him unbelievably tightly against his own body, making sure he felt just how much he cared.

Jim pulled back first and let out a soft breath, cheeks slightly flushed, "I... I blame myself. Mum got hurt because this... Asshole is coming after me. I don't know why they want me dead, or what the hell their plan is but I'm scared of people around me getting hurt. People have died. You got shot, I thought you were dead for a moment... If you really did get seriously hurt because of me... I... I'd never forgive myself."

"I know," he kissed his forehead gently, "We will find who is doing this, and we will stop them. I promise you that, James. Though I have to say, if anyone but you can actually leave a bruise on my skin, I probably deserve it."

"Don't say that, don't ever give anyone a chance to try." he muttered, touching his lip gently.

"You have my word." Khan breathed, kissing him again softly before he pulled back.

Jim glanced towards the operating theatres restlessly and finally sat down, looking out of the nearby window, "She's all I have left, Khan... I can't lose her. If I do... I've got nothing left."

"You will have your family, the Enterprise..." he paused, "You will have me."

"Will I have you? After all this, it doesn't seem like too much of a stretch to think..."

"What, that you are too much trouble?" the soldier mused.

"Well, this path doesn't exactly seem to be leading towards your crew, does it?" he smiled faintly, "I honestly believed that once you were woken up, there'd be a trial, they'd cast their judgement... And I could start working on getting something arranged for them as well... But... It just hasn't worked out that way."

Khan looked surprised, tilting his head slightly, "There isn't a day that goes by when I don't miss my family, James, and I wish I could get them back with a snap of my fingers. But, if you've taught me anything at all, its that sometimes... Taking your time is better than rushing in without thinking."

"Are you sure I taught you that? It doesn't sound even remotely like me." Jim scoffed.

"You'd be surprised how much more there is to you than sarcasm and a fighting spirit." he chuckled softly, "I'll see my crew awake one day, maybe I'll be lucky enough to walk with them again. But for now, they're safe and you're not."

"You know, I'm not looking for a body guard, right?"

"I'm well aware that you don't need one. That's not why I'm here." Khan perched in the windowsill and followed his gaze outside, "I'm here because I care about you, I'd hoped that was obvious at this point, and I'm not prepared to lose that for anything. You're the only person in this world who understands me, or who has tried to, James, that means something."

Jim let out a soft huff, "I want to believe that this can work... But everyone I get close to leaves or dies..."

"You won't find someone strong enough to stick around if you shut yourself away from your feelings forever." he mused.

"True." the blond snorted, "Too true."

They'd sat quietly for another half an hour, before finally the theatre doors flew open and Jim watched his mother's bed being wheeled out by porters. Behind the bed was a couple of nurses, and the surgeon who'd operated, his mouth went dry as he saw the familiar face of the woman behind the surgical mask, another blast from the past.

"Jim," the red-headed woman walked towards him, all smiles as he threw the remainder of her surgical attire in a nearby bin, "It's been a long time, you look well."

"It's good to see you, I didn't realise you were the surgeon on call..." he replied a little awkwardly, feeling Khan's eyes on the back of his neck.

"It's a good thing I was, Winona's condition was far more serious than the paramedics told us. She had a fracture to her skull, between the parietal and occipital bones, it led to a severe bleed deep inside the cerebellum and also inside the parietal-occipital sulcus." she replied, coming to a stop in front of him as Winona was wheeled into a side room.

"Those are a lot of very big, very medical sounding words, Helena." he muttered.

"Of course, force of habit, sorry," she smiled softly, reaching out and patting his arm, "Basically, there was damage to the area of the brain which controls motor movement, and part which helps with planning and control of cognitive processes. We managed to repair the bleed, but there were complications."

He swallowed hard and met her gaze, "What sort of complications? What's her prognosis?"

"The pressure which built inside her skull caused some bruising to the top of the spinal cord, so, when she wakes up she may experience some temporary paralysis, as well as confusion, muscle tremors and forgetfulness." the surgeon, Helena, explained, guiding him to sit down beside her.

"And her recovery?" Khan asked stiffly, feeling uncomfortably unsettled with the woman's closeness to Jim.

"It is difficult to say at this time," she glanced him up and down before returning her gaze to the blond, "There will be an... Extended recovery period. Physiotherapy, regular MRI scans, assessments..."

Jim looked her in the eye, heaving a deep breath and swallowing before he spoke, "Will she make a full recovery, in the best outcome?"

The redhead hesitated and looked at her hands for a brief moment, "I can't make any promises, Jim, it would be unfair."

"Oh shit." he breathed, running a hand down his face, "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"The most important thing at the moment is that Winona is alive. The next twenty-four hours are critical, but I believe she will pull through. After that, time will tell." she reached out and grabbed his hand in hers, "We will do everything we can. You have my word."

"Thanks." he whispered, squeezing her hand gently.

"I need to go and make sure she is settled, but you can see her soon." Helena let go slowly and got to her feet, "Despite the unfortunate circumstances, it really is good to see you again."

Khan watched her disappear into the room Winona had been taken into and clenched his jaw tightly, he really didn't like her. She was beautiful, smart, at the top of her medical field, and she seemed to have a history with Jim.

He had never been overly accustomed to feeling jealousy before, it was something utterly unfamiliar to him, besides what he had read in books. But the seething disliking he had for the woman was enough to tell him, that jealousy was exactly what he was feeling.

A glance at Jim, however, reminded him that there were things far more important at stake, and the man was clearly torn in two at the news of the severity of his mother's injury. He moved over to him slowly and slid an arm around his shoulders.

"It will be alright, James, she'll pull through." he murmured gently, "And we can help as as much as possible to recover."

"I know..." he sighed.

"Then what is troubling you?" Khan asked cautiously.

"Mum... She's an incredible woman. And I'm not saying that because she gave birth to me," he rubbed his forehead, "I get my intelligence from her, she's brilliant. She has dozens of awards from her time in Starfleet, she helped Spock program the Kobayashi Maru, the hardest test in the world. She understands twice as many languages as Uhura, in multiple dialects. And she's created so many of the technology Starfleet uses today..."

He was impressed to hear such things, he had suspected the woman was highly intelligent, she had that kind of air about her, "And... You're afraid that when she wakes up she won't be that woman any more?"

"I... I guess so? I'm scared that she'll wake up and... She won't have the same level of cognitive function as before, she'll... Struggle to articulate, to create... I can't think of anything more cruel than her living the rest of her life in the shadow of what she used to be." he whispered.

Khan could understand that fear. It was one he shared. He couldn't imagine waking up one morning and finding that his craftsmanship had been taken away from him, or that he suddenly could learn or recall information he'd stored so diligently. He too feared being less than what he had always been. He could completely see why that thought would be so utterly... Demoralising. Not sure what to say, he settled for giving his shoulders and gentle squeeze, just to let him know he was there for him.

The pair looked up as Helena left the room, letting them know they could go and sit in there; Khan was again disgruntled when she insisted on hugging Jim and making sure he was aware he could call her anytime he needed to. She was really rubbing him up the wrong way.

As they went into the room, he took the seat in the corner of the room, planning to seethe in silence and allow Jim to sit with his mother in peace, unfortunately he must have forgotten to wipe the scowl off his face, because before too long Jim approached him and took a seat beside him

"What's wrong? You look ready to murder someone." the blond smiled weakly and poked his ribs.

"I... It's stupid, I'd rather not embarrass myself." he said awkwardly.

"You were the one who told me talking is important."

Khan groaned inwardly and puffed, "The surgeon... Helena, was it? I couldn't help but notice how familiar the two of you seem and... How much she was flirting with you."

Jim paused and chuckled softly under his breath, "I see. It's not stupid."

He raised an eyebrow, feeling pretty stupid regardless, "I take it the two of you... At some point..."

"Many, many times." the blond finished for him, "But if I were you, I wouldn't keep glaring at her like you have been. She's... Not all she appears to be."

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

The Captain scratched his face and looked away, looking a little on edge himself now, "Being a doctor is more of a... Side line career for her. It's not her main source of income."

"You make it sound like she's some kind of assassin." he scoffed.

Shooting him a stern look, Jim glanced at the door and then back at Khan, "She's an information broker, probably one of the best. That head of hers contains a lot of intel which could cripple just about any organisation in the state, all it would take is one email, one phone call or one text and they'd be bankrupt."

"Are you serious?" he asked, sitting up straight, "But she looks so... So... Proper."

"That's probably her biggest asset. Working here gives her a good cover, and it is her passion. But... Just be careful. When someone offends her, she's offended for life, and she can make that life very difficult." he crossed his legs slowly, "And, yes we used to sleep together."

He stared at him, "James, I am really beginning to worry that you have some underlying fetish for dangerous people."

He laughed at that, "Maybe I do, I... Might have worked for her in the past. Before I joined Starfleet. What can I say, someone who's as good at trouble as I am would be a decent asset to her company."

Shaking his head, Khan smirked slightly, hardly able to believe Jim had worked for someone like that, let alone considering all the kinds of jobs he would have done, "Why did you quit?" he had to ask.

Jim seemed to consider that question for what felt like forever, "I wanted something more. And Starfleet offered that."

"So you left a life of crime and sexual intrigue... For Starfleet?"

"Pretty much." he shrugged, "It was an amicable end to a fun relationship. And I know that if I ever need information I can ask her for it and get a decent discount. So it worked out."

Khan was surprised to hear Jim describe it as a relationship, having assumed it had been a series of flings like most of his encounters, the jealousy flared momentarily, but died almost as soon as Jim met his gaze because he could see something in his eyes that he hadn't seen, or maybe hadn't taken notice of, before. Affection.

"You don't need to worry," Jim stated as he got to his feet, walking back towards the bed, "When I consider myself to be 'with someone' I'm with them completely. I might sleep around, I might not value sex very highly but when I do commit, I give it everything."

"And... You consider what we have as a commitment?" he asked.

"Well..." the blond paused and smiled slightly, "I guess I do."

Jim sat down on the edge of Winona's bed and took her hand gently in his, making sure not to dislodge any wires connected to her, he brushed her hair back from her face and took a deep breath, heart thundering slightly at the admission he had made. He felt like she'd be proud of him for it though.

Maybe it was time he started showing a little more of the _real_ Jim Kirk. But fuck, it was never easy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve: A Deal:**

What felt like years, was in fact only days, Winona was kept in a stable medically induced coma to allow the swelling in her brain to reduce and assist in her body healing without too much strain being forced upon it, and during that process Jim and Khan returned to the house to take care of things. He wanted to make sure the house would be safe and sterile for her to return to when she was finally able to do so.

A brief call from Scotty had put his mind at rest about one thing at least, the Enterprise was fully functional and any damage from the sabotage had been repaired. They could leave whenever they were given orders to do so.

Jim found himself incredibly grateful to have Khan around, the man was a machine when he got to work. Helping to finish the repairs that he and Spock had started, building a fence to keep out unwanted visitors, cleaning from the top of the house to the bottom and sealing up the many cracks and tears in the concrete and foundations.

Kirk could tell that Khan had taken a liking to Winona from the way he threw himself into the work, he had only ever seen him so willing to do things for people he cared about. It was heart warming to see the change in Khan, the small things. Like his sense of humour, his smile and laughter, which at one point he'd never believed him capable of.

It came to his attention, over the days, that he was no longer getting headaches of any kind. In fact he was no longer aching at all. He could work for longer, without breaks, lift heavier objects, react to situations faster. Talking it through with Khan, led them both to believe that perhaps his augmentation was complete, finished and finalised. He'd survived it, and come out stronger and... Better.

Now there was a comforting thought.

On the fourth day, they finished earlier, finally concluding their tasks, and sat on the sofa watching the news on the television, it was packed with information about the explosion in San Francisco, as well as rough descriptions of what the terrorist looked like. But regrettably there didn't seem to be any news on him being caught, nor about the Starship which had opened fire on the city. The case was cold.

"I can't believe he is getting away with it all, how do you disappear like that?" Jim sighed heavily as he turned and draped his legs over Khan's restlessly, "There must be some kind of a trail... The explosives, or the gun he used here... I can't believe there's nothing."

"You're overthinking it, James," the other answered, rubbing his legs soothingly, "You're too close to it, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate."

Rolling his eyes, the blond rested his head back on the arm of the sofa, "I guess you're right, but still, they should have found something."

"Well, I won't argue with that, and while he is still on the loose you are in danger, and I will not be leaving you alone. I know you can look after yourself, but as a matter of principle... I won't be leaving your side." Khan mused, offering him a comforting smile.

"Does that mean you'll have to follow me... Everywhere?" he smirked.

"Naturally." he nodded, squeezing his knee firmly as me met his gaze.

Jim cleared his throat, the pressure sending a pleasant zing through his body, causing his cheeks to flush slightly, "You... Might not want to do that again, unless you are willing to deal with the consequences." he said a little shakily.

"Hm? What do you mean?" Khan asked with a coy smile.

"You know exactly what I mean." he hissed.

"This?" he asked, squeezing again and enjoying the reaction, "Oh my, you are squirming."

"Ugh, fuck you." Jim cursed, yanking his legs away from Khan before he turned and knelt up on the sofa beside him, resting his hands either side of the man's head as he leaned in and captured him in a deep kiss, leaning into him as he carefully straddled his lap, arching as he felt Khan's arms slowly slip around his waist and pull him in closer.

Khan was momentarily surprised by the effect of two small knee squeezes, but then as he considered the fact Jim had been abstaining from any sexual contact the entire duration of them dancing around each other, it began to make sense. And he felt a small glimmer of joy at the fact Jim had taken their dalliance so seriously.

The blond let out a moan as he was turned suddenly, back hitting the seat as the other augmented human climbed over him, lips never parting as their kisses grew more urgent and frantic. He felt a cool hand creep under his jumper and let out a small gasp as he felt Khan exploring the plains of his chest with a degree of fascination, his muscles twitching and responding to every little touch from his fingertips.

Parting for air, their gazes mingled, faces flushed, desires well known. Two shares of blue lost in an internal battle over how far they wanted to go with this. The answer seemed to be found quickly, as they met in a harsh clash of kisses and bites again, jumpers discarded with eager movements.

Months worth of tension poured out of them both before the front door burst open abruptly and the two startled men sat up, peering over the low couch back to see who was intruding on their privacy. Expressions both morphing from arousal to rage as they saw their missing Vulcan counterpart stood in the doorway with a look of embarrassment and shock on his face.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here Spock?!" Jim yelled, springing off the couch like a scolded cat as he grabbed his jumper and held it loftily in front of his crotch, not one to be shy usually, but this was a special occasion.

"R-Returning from Starfleet Command..." the Vulcan answered blankly, eyes moving from his friend to Khan and back, "Captain I-"

"Shut up." he held a hand up and turned away, pulling his jumper on as he stalked into the kitchen, "I don't want to hear it."

Spock watched him go, still hovering in the doorway, he cast a glare at Khan before he trailed after his Captain, sliding the kitchen door closed as he watched the man making tea.

"Spock, you had better not be in here to give me a telling off about my private life." Jim said sternly, "Mum is still in hospital, I have a mad man trying to kill me, I really don't want an earful off you too."

"I appreciate the circumstances, however as your _friend_ I feel I need to offer my advice, whether you want to hear it or not. And frankly, it is not recommended to have sexual intercourse with known terrorists, Captain." the Vulcan told him, "I have tried to remain civil about this for your sake, but your utter disregard for your own safety is growing to be a concern."

The blond sighed heavily and turned, resting a hand on his friend's shoulder, "Spock, trust me, I know what I'm doing. Now, tell me what Starfleet said?"

Spock bit his tongue, wanting to tell him just how much the Captain _didn't_ know, but he resisted, Jim would only believe it if he heard it from the snake himself, "They want us to return to San Francisco as soon as possible, we have clearance to leave Earth."

"They're letting us return to the Enterprise?" he asked, instantly excited.

"Indeed." his First Officer confirmed with a nod, "And... They want you to take Khan with you."

"Seriously?!" he exclaimed, surprise almost palpable, "I wasn't expecting that..."

"You have been designated as his handler, they believe the current terrorist is a bigger threat than Khan, for some reason. So they are entrusting him to your... Control. The two of you are to report to HQ before being given the final flight clearance." Spock's voice was strained.

"That's excellent news, I can't wait." he breathed, grinning widely.

"What of Winona?"

Jim paused and his smile faded only slightly, "I have someone keeping a close eye on her, and to be honest I'd be more comfortable being as far away from her as possible while this asshole is still following me. The further away from Earth I am, the safer she will be."

"Fair enough, Captain, your logic is sound," the Vulcan took a breath, "I will make a few calls and let them know we will be leaving this evening."

"Alright, but Spock?" he looked at the man as he tipped the freshly made tea away, "This time _I_ am driving."

It was surprising, to say the least, to discover that Jim was capable of driving calmly, and he did just that as they left his childhood home, having called Helena to let her know he'd be leaving town, and to confirm that she was happy taking care of Winona once she was released from hospital.

Spock had been given the pleasure to sitting in the back of his own car, while the Captain drove and Khan had silently stolen the passenger seat.

It had been uncomfortable, however, to call his inner circle of friends: Bones, Uhura, Scotty, and Carol Marcus, to tell them what exactly had been happening. Uhura, of course, had known some of it, Spock having been very diligently feeding her information whenever he could. But there had been a certain level of resistance when he told them Khan would be joining them on the Enterprise. He could understand their hesitation, naturally, none of them had good memories of the man, but after some convincing with his trademark charm, and several interjections from Spock, they had agreed to it.

Jim was hyper, he couldn't wait to get back aboard the Enterprise, to see the familiar faces of his crew; to feel the thrum of the engines; to sink back into The Chair and take command of the vessel. He missed the stars. Missed the journey and the adventure. Not that life had been boring recently, but it was good to think that soon he'd be back to being able to control things.

He was nervous though. Mostly about having to give Khan orders, the other man _was_ a Captain after all. He couldn't imagine it was going to be completely pleasant to order him around like just another member of the crew.

Khan could sense the blond's excitement, as well as his anxiety. He too was unsure how he would respond to being given orders, but he was determined to do his best to be a good member of Jim's crew, to do his part and prove he could function among his friends. Though, he cared little for what the crew felt about him, he knew their opinions mattered to Jim, and that was enough for him to be resolute in performing to his highest standards. Having said that, he did look forward to seeing the good doctor again, McCoy, who was at least one man beside Jim he believed he would be capable of befriending, if he tried hard enough.

As they entered the city, the familiar sights of the bustling streets seemed to stretch on forever, people getting on with their daily lives despite the horrors of recent events. Jim slowed slightly as they passed the boarded up area surrounding where his apartment had once stood, there were thousands of flowers and wreaths resting against the pallets of wood, marks of respect to the people who'd lost their lives. Just peaking above the top of the fencing they could see remnants of twisted metal and rubble which was slowly being sorted through, tidied away. It would take time to do, but he imagined eventually a memorial would be built in its place.

The melancholy on Jim's face disappeared almost as soon as it had appeared, and he sped up, shooting through the traffic towards Starfleet Head Quarters, weaving skilfully in and out of the lines of cars.

It didn't take long for them to arrive; when they did Jim smirked and left it to Spock to park, considering it was the Vulcan's car, and headed into the large building side by side with Khan. Shrugging on his jacket, Kirk led the way to the elevators, ignoring the strange and wide eyed looks thrown their way as people recognised Khan from the news and stories from his attacks against Starfleet.

Everyone knew everything about everyone among the Starfleet command, there was next to no way to maintain any form of privacy, noses were always thoroughly stuck into other people's business. He was merely glad that Spock was the only person to know about his 'thing' with Khan, though he wasn't in anyway ashamed, he was aware that if the Admiralty knew about it, they would likely suspend him indefinitely.

They came to a stop outside one of the office doors on the upper level, there was a shiny name plaque outside which Khan glanced over, watching Jim rap softly on the door before opening it and heading inside.

"Mr Kirk, good of you to come back so promptly." the greeting came from an elderly looking man, maybe in his sixties, salt and pepper hair cut neatly away from his aged face, "How is your mother's condition holding up? We can have her transferred to the hospital here if you want."

"Good to see you Ian," Jim smiled, reaching over and shaking the Admiral's hand, "Mum's doing alright, she's still in a coma for the time being but they think she'll wake up in a week or two. After that, it will be a lot of work to get her back on her feet."

"I'm glad she's doing better, we were all worried about her when we heard the news."

"You two are... Friends?" Khan asked, a little confused, as he closed the office door.

The blond smiled and nodded slightly, "Ian's a family friend, worked with mum for years, I've known him since I was a kid. He's, uh, also a childhood friend of Captain Pike's."

"I see." Khan tensed slightly and very quickly sat in one of the chairs, determined not to be drawn into a conversation about his part in Pike's death.

"So," Ian began, sitting down as well, "I'm sure Commander Spock has informed you of our desires to send you back aboard the Enterprise, for your own safety."

"Yeah he told me, I have no issue with it. I think it... May be for the best, at least while this madman is still on the loose. I don't want people getting hurt because of me." he nodded.

"Well, because of recent events and because we're still not able to confirm the full extent of your current DNA issues, we will be sending Mr Singh with you. As much as he has aided the city since his re-awakening, we can't risk him being here without you to keep him in line, considering you seem to be the only one with any... Influence with him." the Admiral glanced at Khan and then back at the blond.

"Khan doesn't need a leash, if that's what you're implying." Jim stated softly, sensing Khan's slight irritation, "He's perfectly capable of minding his own freedom, and controlling his actions. The only reason he did what he did before was because he was pushed to it by Marcus."

Ian held up a hand to cut him off, "Defensive of him, aren't you?" he laughed softly, "I'm not here to judge, Jim, I am glad you have an influence. And I am equally glad that you think so highly of him. However, I don't have the power to change the opinions of an entire city. There are many people, even among the Admiralty, who are still uncomfortable with his current... Unmonitored presence."

"I can... Understand that." the blond murmured, glancing at Khan very briefly, "So, he's joining the crew of the Enterprise indefinitely or until this latest threat is dealt with?"

"At the very least, until we capture this terrorist, he will be assigned to you. Afterwards, I'm not sure," the Admiral replied, shuffling some papers on his desk, "My only concern at the moment, is how you plan to handle his rank."

"Well, Khan is a Captain, there's no ignoring that."

"Indeed, but the Enterprise already has a Captain, and does not require a second." the older man sat forwards slowly, bringing his hands together in thought.

"What do you propose?" Khan asked, folding his arms as he was discussed as though he was absent, "I have no designs on taking James's position from him, but as he correctly states, I _am_ a Captain."

Ian hesitated as Khan spoke, fixing him with a long look before he replied, "Initially I was going to suggest splitting the responsibilities of First Officer between yourself and Mister Spock, however, I no longer believe that would be appropriate."

"I assume you have another idea then." the augmented human raised an eyebrow expectantly, irritation now becoming clear.

"Aboard the ships of Admirals, we have Advisors. Normally, these men and women are Admirals who have retired from command, however can still provide a use through the means of information," he explained, "However, in this situation I think it would prove prudent for you to take the position of Advisor to Captain Kirk."

Jim glanced at his companion and waiting for a reaction of some kind, he saw a medley of thoughts cross his face, from distaste to acceptance and finally agreement.

"I have no real alternatives if I wish to board the Enterprise, it seems like a reasonable alternative to sharing with Spock. What would my duties entail?" Khan's posture relaxed.

Ian made a quick note of something in a notepad beside him and took a sip of the coffee chilling on his desk, "The role varies from person to person. Some share a deeper knowledge in specific areas, others have multidisciplinary expertise. What you bring to the role is up to you, Mr Singh. However, as a basis, should Jim get into any situations that are above his head, that is to say, always, then you will assist in providing a neutral oversight, which Spock may otherwise be negligent to."

"Basically, he's saying you are one of the only people on the ship with permission to boss me around if a situation arises." the blond muttered, suddenly not so sure he was keen on this idea.

"Oh." Khan's lips twitched slightly, "Well, I'm sure I could manage that without too much trouble."

"Then we are in agreement," Ian got to his feet slowly, putting his signature on one of the pieces of paper in front of him and holding his pen out to Khan, "There is a form to sign, with the details we have discussed."

The former convict stood and approached the desk, accepting the pen and giving the information on the form a quick read over before he added his tangle of ink to it, signing the document, "All done."

"Excellent." the Admiral held his hand out to shake Khan's.

Surprisingly, Khan seemed stunned by the gesture but accepted it, though immediately tensed as the other man squeezed tightly, in a motion he assumed was meant to be threatening. It was more of a tickle, to be honest.

"I should add, Mr Singh, in relation to your responsibilities... Under no circumstances are you to take command of that ship. If at any moment, you violate that term this entire agreement if void, and you will be taken into custody upon your return to Earth. Is that clear?" Ian said, his voice suddenly devoid of the placid pleasantries.

Tilting his head very slightly, the man replied calmly, "What if I am commanded to do so, by my Captain?"

"All friendships aside," Ian looked at Jim directly, "If you give him command of your ship, you will be stripped of your rank."

Kirk twitched slightly at that, meeting his gaze, "Is that really necessary?"

"Yes, as a precaution." he released Khan's hand and sat down, filing the signed document away in case it was ever required, "It is as much for our safety as yours, Jim."

"Oh? What's that meant to mean?" he snorted as he got to his feet, brushing his sweater down.

"You might have forgotten amidst the excitement of the last few weeks and months, Mr Kirk, but you should recall that some of us saw your little dance display at that party, and some of us knew exactly who you were dancing with." Ian smirked slightly, "You are not as discreet as you think, Jim."

Eyes slightly wide, he felt a burning flush rise on his cheeks at that comment and glanced at Khan, seeing he was also slightly uncomfortable, "Right, well, it was nice catching up. I think we have a shuttle to catch though."

"Don't forget to make sure Mr Singh is completely kitted out for duty before you leave." the Admiral commented as he began writing again, "It wouldn't do for him to reach space only to find he forgot his pants."

"I did that once, never did me any harm." Jim laughed.

They left the office in silence, allowing the door to click shut behind them before Jim slowly looked up at Khan, "Well... That went well."

"If you say so." Khan puffed out a breath, "I do feel as though I have been demoted slightly."

"I mean yes and no, you have a rank usually reserved for the best of the best, so yeah... You can't command, but you have legal authority to give me orders if you have to." he mused, "Besides, you get to be my right hand man this way."

"Or left hand, depending on how closely Spock guards his position." he smirked.

"Oh don't worry about it, you'll be my right hand, whether Spock knows about it or not." Jim grinned as they paused outside the elevator and saw Spock sitting across the foyer.

"What a comforting thought."

To be fair, Spock took the news better than they had expected, though Jim noticed some lingering glares which were shared between the Vulcan and Khan, he said nothing and opted instead to allow Spock to abandoned them again as soon as he made an excuse.

Jim decided that it would be a good idea to get Khan's uniform and other bits of kit sorted out there and then, after all, there was a huge storage room going begging just down the hallway... Yes, he knew how to pick the lock.

"So, what colour shirt are we going for, Mr Singh?" he asked in amusement, "Red, yellow or blue?"

Khan stared at him, "Do I have to?" he almost whined.

"Yes you do, all members of my crew will be dressed accordingly at all times, or else." the blond answered with a smirk.

"But..." he sighed, "Very well. Either red or yellow."

Jim fiddled with the lock, and opened the storeroom door easily, slipping inside and closing it behind them, grinning as he looked at the vast array of kit, "Excellent."

Khan stood numbly by the door as Jim all but threw himself into searching for all the equipment he would need, doing little more to help than holding a large plastic box for the items to be stored in for his journey. Trousers; shoes; socks; pants; his own communicator, and an array of things he didn't even recognise.

It was only when Jim finally stopped rushing around, now slightly red in the face but seemingly content with a job well done, that Khan realised he hadn't been given a coloured shirt after all, and looked at him questioningly.

"Advisors don't have to wear them." Jim smirked, "I just really wanted to see your reaction."

Khan glared, "Are you serious? Hm, what a tease you are."

"I know, I'm great." the blond waved a hand and stuck his hand in a box on the side, pulling out a shiny silver badge, "You do, however, have to wear this at all times."

Juggling the box of equipment, Khan reached out and took it from him, he recognised the insignia as Starfleet's logo, however it was dissimilar to the ones he had seen Jim, Spock or Scotty wear; rather than additionally identifying them as Operations, Command or Science Divisions, it instead bore twin snakes coiled around each other, and he assumed that was the regalia of Advisors.

"Thank you." he said softly, pinning the badge on his black shirt and helping himself to a rather large bundle of spare black jumpers.

It was a sobering moment when Jim handed Khan his own phaser and they looked at each other for a long moment as the weapon exchanged hands. This was it. This was Khan getting his second chance, and his only opportunity to get it right. That phaser gave him a choice, kill or stun.

As they left the store room and began their journey to the shuttle bay on the other side of town, Khan grew nervous. It was an emotion he was unfamiliar with for the most part, he believed in strength and willpower, but he was being internally crippled with anxiety towards being aboard the very ship he had attempted to decimate previously. Of course, he had no intentions of doing that again. He was a _mostly_ reformed character these days, and he had Jim to thank for that.

Though, as he saw Spock waiting for them at their shuttle, his mouth grew dry and he realised with a sinking feeling in his gut, that he still needed to tell Jim the truth. Before Spock did.

He took a seat next to Jim aboard the shuttle, fastening his belts and tipping his head back as he waited for the inevitable thrum of the engines to begin, he watched through his lashes as more people boarded, many of them giving him a look of discontent as they recognised him. However, there were a few polite greetings from Scotty, Uhura and Bones, the latter whom sat beside him.

"It's good to see you again Doctor McCoy." he said softly, determined to make at least one friend before reaching the Enterprise, "It will be a pleasure to work with you."

"Whatever you say." the man waved a hand, buckling up with fumbling fingers.

"You do not agree?"

"I don't give a damn, man. I hate these shuttles." Bones hissed.

Jim hid a smirk behind his hand and cleared his throat, "Play nice boys." he said before relaxing back as the doors closed and the shuttle began to quiver as it took off and fought against gravity.

Bones prodded Khan hard in the rips to get his attention and leaned in slightly, "Just so you know... I may throw up on you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen: No Place Like Home:**

"Captain on ze Bridge." Chekov's familiar Russian drawl welcomed him home as he stepped into the command room, taking a deep breath as he finally felt like he could relax. This was home, his real home and he was incredibly pleased to be back.

He walked forwards, shaking a few hands, clapping a few shoulders, offering smiles and greetings, answering a few polite inquiries into his health, and finally, sat in The Chair. Things couldn't be much better at that moment, a brief call from Helena during the shuttle ride had brightened his mood with news that Winona's condition was improving rapidly and they would be trying to wake her within the week; on top of that Bones had given Khan the formal Enterprise welcome, having successfully thrown up in a record time of eight minutes into the flight. The look on Khan's face had been priceless, a mix of disgust, concern and humiliation. Kirk, and quite possibly everyone else present, had added it to memory. Forever.

Sulu arrived just after he had sat down, a friendly handshake was shared between pilot and Captain before the man had taken to his position and begun a quick diagnostics check, getting ready to depart when ordered.

Jim felt so incredibly alive, he was home among his family and he was welcoming a new addition in Khan. If someone had told him all those months ago that he would be in an unspoken tryst with the man who'd tried to kill him; that they would be serving on the Enterprise together; and that he would become some kind of augmented super soldier... Well, he'd have called bullshit.

He was torn from his amused revere by the sound of the elevator doors hissing open, he stood and turned around, smiling as he saw his First Officer, the Vulcan also offered a small twitch of his lips, which Jim had learned to accept as the closest thing to a smile he was ever likely to receive.

"Permission to come onto the Bridge, Captain." he said as they came face to face.

"Oh I wouldn't have it any other way," the blond greeted his friend, "Make yourself at home."

"Thank you, Captain." the Vulcan inclined his head before walking towards his post, meeting with Uhura on the way.

The Captain was about to sit back down but paused when he heard the doors open again, followed by an eerie and unsettling silence which rippled from one end of the Bridge to the other, and he knew without a doubt who had just stepped into the command centre; and a quick glance confirmed it.

Stood in the doorway, in a fresh black uniform, badge pinned to his chest, was Khan. He was stood tall, clearly not concerned by the numerous eyes fixed upon him. His hair was neatly slicked back, and he seemed to have recovered from the mortifying event on the shuttle, looking as bold as brass and twice as handsome.

"Captain Kirk," he greeted, "May I come aboard?"

"As if you would listen if I refused," he smirked, "Welcome to the Enterprise."

Khan's icy blue eyes twinkled with amusement and he closed the distance between them with a few wide strides, coming to stand beside the Captain's chair, "Thank you, _Captain_."

"Are you really going to call me that all the time?" Jim crinkled his nose in distaste.

"I'll call you whatever you want me to." he replied with a raised eyebrow, "What do you prefer?"

"Well, last time I checked there's only one person around here I allow to call me James." he winked.

"James it is then." Khan smirked faintly.

"Much better." the blond sat and crossed one leg over the other, taking in a breath as he observed the stars on the other side of the glass viewing window.

Jim was slightly nervous, certainly Khan had seen him command before but they'd been very different people during that time, now he was properly about to take command of his vessel in front of another Captain who was, probably, vastly more experienced than he was. No pressure then.

He checked the docking records and double checked that everyone was onboard, and when it appeared they were, he swallowed hard and sat just a little straighter in his chair.

"Alright, Mister Sulu, when you are ready, take us to Warp Factor Three, and... Punch it." he pressed a finger to his lips as he watched the young pilot ease down the controls before the stars seemed to come forth and meet them as they leapt into Warp.

"Where are we headed, Captain?" Spock asked as he came to stand on the other side of The Chair to Khan.

"Well, I have a small list here from Admiral Fletcher, areas of interest so to speak. So, I think we can start by heading to Andoria in the Beta Quadrant, apparently one of the subspecies on the planet are experiencing some lingering difficulties in re-establishing their telepathic links after some interference from the... Black hole which destroyed Vulcan." he murmured, flicking through the holographic list of possible missions.

"You want me to go to Andoria?" the Vulcan said stiffly.

"Yes, Spock, I do." he nodded, glancing up at him, "I'm aware Vulcans and Andorians are traditionally enemies, however we will be assisting the Aenar."

Khan was impressed by Jim's knowledge, even back in his time Vulcans and Andorians were less than friendly, it was amusing to know so little had changed in three hundred years. He was interested to see how much the species had changed since he'd last seen them, given how much Vulcans had changed, he was sure it would be fascinating to find out.

When Jim had finally convinced Spock that the plan was sound, he allowed his hand to fall against the numerous buttons on the arm of his chair, it was time to address the crew, "Captain Kirk to the crew of the Enterprise," he started strongly, waiting for a moment before the crisp white noise of the communication device connected throughout the ship allowed him to continue, "This is your Captain speaking, I'm pleased to inform you that we are finally returning to our deep space journey, we have a lot to do so I am hoping you are all ready for some hard work.

"I do wish to quell any rumours before they spread through the ship, and will confirm once only, that Khan Noonien Singh _is_ on board the Enterprise. He has been granted a probationary period aboard our vessel as my Advisor, despite whatever issues we may have had in the past, I expect you all to treat him with the same respect you treat each other. He is a member of the crew now, I expect that to be upheld."

Jim paused momentarily and tipped his head in thought, "If you have any lingering anxieties concerning his presence, bring them to me directly, and I will do my best to lessen those worries, never forget, I am your confidant as much as I am your Captain. Kirk out."

Ending the transmission, Jim sat back comfortably, clearly content with the message he had delivered. In all honesty, he didn't expect anyone to visit him with concerns, he knew he had the trust of his crew. Besides, what could they do if they didn't like his presence? Shoot Khan back to Earth in an escape pod which would take years to return? Highly unlikely.

The Andorian homeworld was a frozen M-class moon, orbiting the blue gas giant Andor, it was a long time member of the Federation, and its inhabitants were easily distinguished by their blue skin, white hair and antennae.

Andoria was located not far from where the Vulcan homeworld had once been, their proximity had done nothing to warm relations between the two species, and they were often perceived to be enemies by other parties. Though Spock had indeed expressed some discomfort, Jim assumed the hostilities were mostly true.

If Jim was remembering his history correctly, one of ambassador Spock's predecessors, the Vulcan ambassador V'Lar had negotiated the first treaty between Andoria and Vulcan. He couldn't help but wonder what the situation of that treaty was now that the Vulcan homeworld was gone and New Vulcan had been established so much further away.

Nevertheless, he hoped there would be no tension when they landed, he would require Spock's knowledge of the species and their culture. The Aenar, who they were going to assist, were a subspecies of the Andorians, and among that subspecies was an even rarer group. Albino Aenar, who were all blind but incredibly powerful in telepathy. He had never met a real telepath before, he didn't count Spock's mind-melding as it was more of an exchange of feelings.

As he had told the Vulcan, these blind Aenar were suffering some ill effects from the black hole, which had apparently caused some kind of interference with their powers. He had no idea how they were going to fix it, but it was worth some investigation.

The Captain dragged himself from his thoughts in time to see Spock and Khan sharing another bout of viscous looks, and he frowned faintly, he had been so sure they were doing better and yet all evidence pointed to the contrary. There was a definitive strain on their already tremulous relationship.

"Spock and Khan, come here." he called out, forcing sternness into his voice, "I've had just about as much as I can take of you two trying to kill each other with expressions alone. I don't know what's going on with you, and I don't care, but it ends now. Spock, I mean it! Stop with the Vulcan death stare! Khan, seriously, take some deep breaths before you blow a blood vessel or something."

It was his turn to glare as he was shot perplexed and derogatory looks from the pair, and he opened his mouth to give them a dressing down that they wouldn't soon forget, when fortunately for them, McCoy appeared at his side.

"Honestly, if I have to deal with one more crew member who has been traumatised by their bickering and their spats, I will be putting them both in medically induced comas until they learn to behave." Bones hissed, shooting his own glare at them, "Acting like damned children."

"I couldn't have said it better myself, Bones," Jim folded his arms, "Though, I think I have an even better idea."

"Oh?" the doctor raised an eyebrow, sensing a playfulness from his friend, "Oh, oh wait I know that look..."

"Yes, you do. I think we should give them booster jabs against Melvarian Mud Fleas, and a sedative and see if they experience the same problem I had with it. You know, I can't think of anything more entertaining than seeing Khan and Spock, our two most sour faced crew members, having to struggle with a severe bout of numb tongue." he provided a most malicious smile with his words.

"That..." McCoy paused for a moment before a rare smirk passed his face, "Sounds like an excellent idea."

"I know right? I'm on a roll today." he chirped happily.

"You do. It is truly amazing what a little time away can do for one's lack of brain cells, yes?"

"Inject yourself with the vaccine as well, Doctor." Jim grumbled and turned away as he heard his friend chortling.

The blond got to his feet slowly, resting his hands loosely on his hips, looking between the two men, "So, _gentlemen_ I'm going to tell you once, and only once. Keep your drama off my Bridge when you are on duty, or you'll be spending the rest of this trip in isolation. Am I making myself clear?"

"Clear, Captain."

"Understood." Came the slightly quiet responses from the two startled males.

Jim nodded once at that, "Good. Spock take comms. Call me when we reach Andoria."

The man left the Bridge before anyone else could say anything, taking the elevator and descending a few floors until he arrived at the level his room was on. He smirked slightly to himself, clasping his hands behind his back. There really was no place like home, and God had he missed it.

Stepping out of the elevator he wandered the familiar hallways, the floor was reserved for commanding officer's private quarters, so only himself, Spock, Scotty, Bones, and now Khan, were allowed there, with the occasional exception of Uhura for... Spock-like reasons.

A smile graced his features as he entered his own room, glancing around at the possessions which littered every wall and every surface. He was certain this was the level of decoration Khan had expected from his apartment.

Photographs of himself, his favourite moments, hung in tidy clusters, depicting key moments in his life. Jim and Bones on their graduation day, stood together on the steps of the Academy; him and Pike just after he officially became Captain of the Enterprise, with the later taking a promotion; he even had a picture of his closest circle of friends, Spock; Bones; Scotty; Uhura; Chekov; Sulu, and Carol. He couldn't quite remember what the situation had been for that photograph but they were all smiling, even Spock.

He made a mental note to add some photos of his mum to the collection, certain he had some still tucked away somewhere.

Brushing his fingers along the spines of his vast book collection, he sat on the edge of his bed and let out a soft breath, picking up one of his favourite possessions. It was a rock, a plain and simple rock. Perfectly smooth, like satin, and a clash of dark and pale blue.

He'd seen it while fleeing the natives of a primitive planet during one of the Enterprise's more exciting adventures. The planet had been the colour of a coral reef, that strange hue of dusky pinky orange, which looked pretty in small doses but grew sickly when it was the only colour covering an entire planet. Trees, flowers, sand, even the water. And there, nestled against the bark of a tree had been this brilliant blue stone. It had seemed so lonely, settled there among all that ghastly colour, he just couldn't leave it behind.

Jim looked around as the door hissed and opened, to reveal his Advisor stood in the doorway; he offered a smile to the man and patted the space beside him.

"Are you alright?" Khan asked as he strode over, taking a seat on the soft mattress.

"Of course," he answered with an easy smile, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"That display on the Bridge... I thought..." the dark haired male trailed off in confusion.

"You thought I was mad at you." he chuckled and leaned against him slowly, resting his head on his chest, "Whatever happens outside of this room, that is business. And whatever happens inside this room, well, that's pleasure."

"I see." he smiled faintly, though it seemed to die fast on his lips, "James, there is something I need to talk to you about. Something I should have told you a long time ago."

Jim frowned faintly, he could hear Khan's heart thundering against his chest, clearly whatever he was thinking about was incredibly stressful, "I'm listening." he said gently.

Khan felt his mouth go dry, just as it had every other time he'd considered this conversation and its magnitude of uncontrollable outcomes, each one worse than the next. Although, he had one small advantage over the other scenarios he had pictured. They'd all been based on Earth, where James Kirk could easily run away. On the Enterprise, there was no escape. Though... That meant he might not escape either if Jim decided to kill him. Maybe it wasn't an advantage at all.

"Khan?" the blond pulled back and looked up at him properly, he could almost see his brain going into overdrive.

Jolting slightly, he glanced down at his worried face and took a deep breath, "This shit is harder than I thought."

Jim raised an eyebrow, "Well, that sounds like something I would say." he would never get used to hearing the other man swear, it just seemed so... Beneath him.

Khan allowed his shoulders to slump and gulped, "Alright, alright... There's a reason things between Spock and myself have become increasingly strained again and... It's my fault."

"Your fault? You can't help it if Spock doesn't trust you yet." dark blue eyes were full of bewilderment.

"I wish that was true," he shook his head and allowed his tongue to tap against his teeth for half a minute, "Spock worked some things out, connected some dots, came up with some answers I wish he hadn't. I want you to know it wasn't something I planned to happen... It wasn't something I knew would ever happen, it was a fluke."

Jim felt his stomach begin to twist with anxiety at just how on edge Khan seemed to be, and he reached out, taking his hand sweetly, "It's okay, just... Tell me what's going on."

"I'm the reason you went through your augmentation. I'm the reason you changed. I'm not talking about my blood or my DNA any more, because in all honesty it should never have affected you the way it did." he said quickly, knowing if he didn't get the words out in that moment, he never would, "I hid a defence mechanism inside the cryotubes my crew were stored in. It was something I created while Marcus was abusing my intellect, it was only ever meant to protect them and prepare them for being woken up, I had no way of knowing that in different circumstances it would affect another person so... Dramatically.

"The program I designed was made up of everything which makes me who I am. My personality, my memories, my intelligence, my very nature and instinct. It's purpose was to ensure my crew would wake up ready to fight if they had to, to protect themselves from outside dangers, and to make sure they remembered who and what they are.

"I believe, when McCoy put you inside one of them, it triggered the program and it attacked you, because it knew you weren't like the previous occupant. The attack wouldn't have been physical. The entire thing worked through a neural link with whoever is inside the tube at the time, sending information directly into the brain. So, when it activated, you... You were subjected to everything that I am, everything I have ever been... And it created an event. A neural entanglement between two people. Between you and me. Coupled with the administration of my blood into your system just after the entanglement took place... My DNA thought it was healing _me_ which is why it then went critical and began trying to fix things that weren't broken. Like your..." he struggled to find the right word and threw his hands up, "Averageness."

Jim stared at him, expression twitching very slightly as he absorbed everything he had been told, he blinked rapidly for a moment and looked away, for once, truly speechless. He wasn't entirely sure how he was meant to feel, let alone react to such news.

Khan sat in silence, only aware that Jim was still holding his hand, albeit a little tighter than before, and he wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one. But he held his tongue, not daring to speak another word until the blond processed everything. This had to be done in his time now.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Jim finally asked, not looking at him.

"I was... Afraid to. Not for myself but for my crew. I was afraid that if Starfleet discovered I had weaponised the cryotubes they might... Harm them." he whispered, swallowing hard.

"Shit." the blond looked towards the ceiling, "Why do you always have such good fucking reasons for doing such shitty things."

"I swear on their lives, I didn't know what would happen." he breathed, voice breaking slightly, "I wasn't told... When I returned to the Enterprise to give my blood, to save you, I wasn't told you were in one of the tubes. I didn't know."

"But you knew what was wrong, didn't you, when you were woken again because of my... Health?" the Captain snapped sharply, "You knew what was happening and you did nothing."

"Yes." he said simply, there was no more room for lying, no point in trying to conceal his actions.

Jim let go of his hand instantly, standing up and walking towards the window on the other side of the room, resting his hands on the sill and staring out into the starry darkness, "Even when Bones told us that I could die... You kept your mouth shut. You had the gall to be upset, to be angry, to be hurt by the news that I could die, but you secretly _knew_ what was happening. I can't believe you!"

"Even if I had said something, there is no way to undo this level of neural entanglement. It's... On an unbelievable scale." Khan replied, biting at his lower lip as he looked at the other's back, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he barked, "For lying? For hiding the truth? For any of this happening?! Which part are _you_ sorry about Khan?! Don't even answer that, I don't think I want to know."

Jim turned and leant back against the window, clicking his tongue slightly as he looked back at the man sat on his bed, every fibre of his being urged him to lash out, hit him, kick him, do what the old Jim would have done. Deal with a problem with his fists.

He could feel his fist ball up at the mere idea, but he forced his muscles to lax. He wasn't that person any more. Not entirely. He was something different. Someone different. Maybe it was time to stop trying to solve every little problem in his life with violence.

"The entanglement," he began, voice strained, "How deep set is it? What sort of... Results are we looking at?"

"It is hard to say for certain, but given the evidence already at hand..." Khan rubbed his forehead, "Interwoven personalities, morals, ethics, intelligence, physical aptitude and..."

"And?" he pressed.

"Memories." he finished almost silently, their gazes finally meeting properly.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me..." Jim glared at him, "This is why I was seeing... I thought I was going insane, Khan, and now you're telling me that what I was seeing was..."

"It was real." the augmented human nodded, "I have been seeing your memories, just as you have been seeing mine. Just as you have developed some of my personality traits, I have developed some of yours. That night at the masquerade party, you asked me why my phaser was set to stun and I didn't know... The truth is that the reason my phaser was set to stun was because yours was. Because it is what you would have done."

The blond's eyebrows rose, "You're telling me that the reason you aren't as homicidal as you were is because of my influence through this... Neural link?"

"Essentially... Yes." Khan nodded, "I should thank you really, but that seems ill timed."

Jim sucked in a breath and ran his hands down his face, the entire thing was a mess. He shook his head and walked over slowly, slumping on the bed next to him again, "I'm not angry that it happened, Khan. I'm angry that you lied, that you didn't tell me about it sooner..."

"I know... It was wrong of me to keep it from you, regardless of my concerns about my crew my main concern should always have been..." he trailed off and looked at him, "Well... It should always have been you..."

"No... Not your crew should have come first. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Spock taught me that. There is seventy two of them, there's only one of me."

Khan frowned faintly and shook his head, reaching out and cupping his cheek, "It is because there is only one of _you_, that you should have come first. James, I don't know how else I can show you how I feel, surely you know by now that I-"

"Don't." the blond whispered, pressing a finger to his lips, "Do not say it. When people say those words they leave, or they die. Every time. So please, don't."

"I'm not going to leave, and you know as well as I do that I'm not exactly easy to kill." he mumbled against the digit still trying to silence him.

Jim clenched his jaw and darted his tongue against his lips before speaking, "I know. But I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"You can't keep isolating yourself from what you feel, James."

"Yes I can. It's worked pretty well up until now." he muttered.

Khan reached out, gripping his chin firmly between his thumb and forefinger, pulling him in close as his other hand forced his finger from his lips, "I swear, I am going to destroy that armour you think you wear so well. One piece at a time, until you finally let me in."

"You assume you're staying on this ship after this." he narrowed his eyes.

"It's not like you can shoot me back to Earth in an escape pod, which would take years to return, is it?"

Jim's eyes widened slightly and he reluctantly let a snort out, "Seriously?"

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself." a small smirk flickered on his lips, "Will you be able to forgive me?"

"In a way, I already have," the blond replied, eyebrow raised, "But you need to keep me in the loop from now on, no more lies; no more concealing the truth. If you know something and you think it is relevant you have to tell me."

Khan hesitated, words on the tip of his tongue, but he faltered as he found himself looking deeper and deeper into Jim's eyes and he shook his head slightly, "There's nothing else to tell." he whispered.

Letting out a soft breath, Jim smiled in response and leaned in, capturing his lips in a tangling kiss as he slid his arms around him and pulled him closer, "In that case... I can forgive you."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen: Control:**

Andoria had been a beautiful, yet deadly expanse of solid ice formations, magnitudes of frozen cliffs and glittering spires soared high into the snowy skies of the planet. While the Enterprise had lingered above the planet, a landing crew had beamed down to assist the Aenar in their problems.

Khan, Spock and Uhura had followed Jim diligently through the snow, all wrapped up in thick coats to protect them from the bitterly cold winds and shard like snow fluttering down from the clouds above them.

The habitat of the planet had reminded Jim of Delta Vega, the icy M class planet Spock had marooned him on during the Nero crisis. And he had found himself hoping there were no creatures present like the ones which had been on that hell plain of a planet. If he never saw a giant; hungry scorpion looking thing again, it would be far too soon.

The group had been welcomed into the nearby Aenar temple by their Speaker Lissan, and it was then that they had found the Aenar to be physiologically similar to the Andorians, she'd had two antennae, although the tips were more funnel-shaped; her hair was waist length and pure white, whiter than anything Jim had seen before, her skin was the same, almost looking like alabaster. Her eyes were cloudy, a result of the Aenar blindness.

Very quickly, their reason for visiting the planet had become clear. None of the telepathic Aenar were able to control their mind reading abilities like they usually reported being able to. Ever since the destruction of Vulcan they had been experiencing such difficulties.

It was a pleasantly easy case to resolve, the electromagnetic forces of the black hole created inside Vulcan had sent ripples through space, and had effectively worn away at the protective barrier encapsulating the planet, which had led to a degradation of their control. Using a clever device constructed by Spock for just such a situation, they had deployed it in the atmosphere and restored the barrier around Andoria.

Almost as soon as the barrier had been placed, the Aenar had regained control of their mind reading. It really had been a lovely, easy mission to get back into the swing of things with. It had been an excellent opportunity to update their files on the Aenar as well, making notes of changes to their way of life, language development... Everything the Prime Directive asked for.

The Speaker, Lissan, had rewarded them greatly for the help, despite many reminders that it wasn't necessary, and that was why, at that precise moment, Jim was stood in the cargo bay with Scotty, and the pair were staring at the large chunk of raw mineral they had been gifted.

"Well, I cannae say I've ever been thanked with a big chunk of rock before, Captain." the Scotsman said in bemusement.

"Yeah, its a new one on me too." Jim rested his hands on his hips, "I have no idea what we're meant to do with it. I mean, is it decorative? Does it do something? She was very vague about it."

"Cannae argue with that, women are a very vague species."

The blond shrugged slightly and let out a breath, "Never mind, just make sure its put somewhere out of the way, I don't want someone falling over it."

"Aye, aye Captain."

Jim left the cargo hold then, deciding to leave it to Scotty to sort out; a shudder escaped him as he stepped into the elevator and began to head up to the Bridge. It had been an uncomfortable experience, having so many people in his head all at once, so many voices, so many thoughts, feelings, secrets. It hadn't been their fault, nor would he have blamed them, but it had been an incredibly strange experience.

Not to mention, he was still getting used to the idea of Khan being able to poke around in there, let alone anyone else. Part of him still ached to know the man had hidden something so vital from him, yet another part of him sympathised and understood his concern for his crew. It was a shit situation, no matter which way he looked at it. And he couldn't shake the feeling that Khan _was_ still hiding something.

He was drawn from his thought by the opening of the elevator doors, and he swept out onto the Bridge as Chekov announced him, taking a seat in The Chair and crossing his legs, "So, the Aenar are successfully mind reading again, they are very happy with the service we supplied, and we got a bonus in the cargo hold, I have no idea what it does, but its very pretty. I'd say that was a successful first mission."

"Agreed, Captain." his Vulcan First Officer moved to his side, holding a PADD in his hands, "It was very well handled."

"Why do I sense a 'but' coming, Spock?" he raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Because there is one." Khan murmured as he stood at Jim's other side, looking at the Vulcan, "Show him."

"I planned to." the Vulcan growled before passing the PADD to Jim, "Just before we activated the device on Andoria, a distress signal was picked up."

"A distress signal?" he repeated, frowning deeply as he checked the information on the screen, "Uhura, you picked this up?"

"Yes, Captain." the woman replied from her position, "I had Spock double check it as soon as he was back on the Bridge. Khan... Had a look as well."

"You did well to notice this, it looks incredibly heavily encrypted." he hummed in thought, "And you both confirm the origin point, yes?"

"Yes Captain." Spock nodded once.

"I agree as well." Khan folded his arms, "Is the location of any specific importance?"

"I hope not." Jim muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose before speaking again, "Mister Sulu, plot a course for the USS Graveyard."

"Captain?" the pilot questioned, glancing at him.

"Yeah I know, not the best place to pay a visit to. But we have no choice, the distress signal originated from there, we are duty bound to investigate it." he sat back slowly, handing the PADD back to Spock.

"What is the relevance of this... USS Graveyard? I've never heard of it." Khan asked, bending down enough that only Jim could hear him.

"It's every Captain's nightmare," the blond said softly, "Based on the very edge of the neutral zone between the Federation and Klingon space, is a scrapyard, a giant scrapyard, its almost like a city. It is where destroyed Starships are sent to be... Decommissioned, usually upon the death of the crew and Captain."

"How lovely." the dark haired man crinkled his nose.

"It's not a place which holds fond memories for any of the crew aboard this ship... When we were first assigned, under Captain Pike, we were sent to investigate a distress signal from Vulcan, our primary fleet was out of range so cadets were sent instead. It is a rare occurrence but it was necessary, the Vulcans are our greatest ally out in space." he rubbed his chin in thought, "The signal was a trap, set by Nero. The entire fleet was destroyed, except for us."

Khan faltered slightly, realising what Jim was implying, "The wreckage of the ships... From the destroyed fleet, they will be at..."

"Yeah." Jim nodded slowly, glancing at his face properly for a moment, "As is the USS Kelvin."

"A lot of bad memories then."

"Indeed." he heaved a sigh as he watched the stars blur and bend around them as they travelled at Warp, "I can't understand what any active ship would be doing in the area... Let alone why it would require help."

"You think it is a trap?" the other man questioned, meeting his gaze.

"It is a possibility." he cleared his throat.

Jim got to his feet, walking down towards the observation window at the front of the Bridge, hands rested loosely on his hips as he waited, scanning the expansive blank canvas expectantly, as though he'd see a sign of what was leading them there.

It was at that moment, he heard a rapid bleeping from one of the computers on the right hand side of the room and he turned on the spot to ask what was happening, when, with no warning, the entire ship seemed to shudder and shake, warning lights flashing overhead, as with a shocking jolt the ship was thrown out of Warp, and sent spinning.

Thrown off his feet, Jim crashed into one of the control panels and gasped as his breath was knocked from him, eyes darting around as all the lights went out and they lost power. He staggered to his feet and rushed to help try and get the power back online as the ship began to plummet through the blackness.

A loud rumble ripped through the ship as the power came back on, jerking them all again and sending several crew members to the floor, including Uhura and Spock. Jim's head snapped around as he checked several of the computers.

"Report! What the _fuck_ hit us?!" he demanded instantly, unable to find anything himself.

The Bridge was a flurry of activity as the technologically based members of crew began finding the source of their power outage. The blond called down to Engineering to check the Warp Core was functional and undamaged, which he was glad to hear, was the case.

"Captain," Spock hurried towards him with a PADD, a look of deep concern on his face, "Preliminary reports suggest a massive EMP hit us."

"An EMP?" Jim repeated, frowning deeply, "We aren't near any planetary systems with electromagnetic pulse weapons, let alone ones powerful enough to knock us out of Warp. Are you sure?"

"There is no doubt, Captain." the Vulcan pressed, "From these readings, a long range EMP managed to lock onto us during Warp, and hit us, cutting the power and causing the disruption. It would appear that it came from a ship."

"A ship? That's impossible. No ship has the capabilities to do that." he shook his head, checking the results again himself, he paused suddenly as he considered his own words and his mouth dried, "Well, I mean there is one ship."

"Captain?"

"I read about it a while back, after the Vengeance." he murmured, running a hand through his hair, "It never clicked before, I don't know why, it probably should have..."

Spock reached out and rested a hand on the other's shoulder, "Jim, what do you mean?"

"The ship that was above San Francisco," he met his friend's gaze, "That huge ship, unidentified, opened fire on the city... Destroyed the apartment block. It disappeared without a trace afterwards. It wasn't an isolated event. There are stories, on the intergalactic news websites, of a giant ship arriving at Federation planets, and just... Blasting a single beam into one of the capital cities before disappearing again. But San Francisco was the first."

"And you think that ship could be fitted with a weapon capable of long rage EMP attacks?" the Vulcan let out a breath.

"It's possible," he shrugged, biting the tip of his thumb as he considered it, "But... If I'm right, if it is that ship, then there's only one logical reason for it to target us."

"And what is that?"

Jim sucked in a breath and clenched his jaw, "Mister Sulu get those drivers back in operation, the moment we are ready to jump to Warp, do it. I don't care where you take us, just get us away from here."

"Aye, aye Captain." the pilot answered, hammering at the buttons on his console.

"Jim?" Spock pressed again, frowning faintly as his friend seemed to grow slightly erratic, "What are you thinking?"

"If it is the ship from the city then it makes sense that the person driving it towards us is my stalker. We didn't leave him behind Spock... He was already out here." he breathed.

Fear was an expression he had rarely seen on his Vulcan friend's face, however there was a flicker of it in that moment, a sensation he could easily mirror. They'd left Earth to protect the people there who could have fallen prey to the repeated attacks of the terrorist, his stalker, but now the lives of every crew member on the Enterprise was at risk instead.

Shaken from his thoughts by the feeling of the ship suddenly leaping into Warp, he looked around, "Good work Sulu!"

"I... Wish I could take the credit, Captain, but this isn't me." the pilot said shakily, hands quite clearly not on the console.

"What?" Jim swallowed hard, staring at him, "Don't just sit there, try and get control back! Uhura! Find out where our flight path is leading us!"

Panic was an emotion Starfleet officers were made to experience in the Kobayashi Maru, that realisation that things were out of their hands, they had no control over what was happening, and whatever came next would swallow them whole. It was meant to make them better leaders. Able to face on coming death with a stiff upper lip and practised calm. It was meant to prepare them for a no win scenario.

Jim paced the Bridge, listening to the flurry of activity around him as his crew worked furiously to work out why the Enterprise was Warping on her own, without them having started her back up, and where they were being taken to. His footsteps stalled as he found himself looking at Khan, who had been ghostly silent through the entire exchange, not having breathed a word or even moved from his perch on the stairs since they'd been dropped out of Warp.

Khan met his gaze, and Jim saw something in his eyes which unsettled him. Defeat.

"What do you know?" he asked in a soft breath, quiet enough not to alert the rest of the crew.

A gulp, a lick of the lips, wringing of the hands, so many unusual reactions, "It's Futile."

"What are you talking about? What's futile? We have to try something." Jim spluttered.

"No I... I mean... Futile is a ship." Khan clasped his hands and pressed his fingers against the underneath of his chin, closing his eyes and almost looking like he was praying, "The USS Futile, was the first ship I ever built for Admiral Marcus."

"The... I thought you only built the Vengeance?"

"Technically that is true. Futile was a prototype, the original Vengeance. It was stolen as it neared completion, Marcus had me try to hunt down the thief but I never succeeded in finding out what became of it... So, he had me build the Vengeance instead." he let out a long breath and dropped his hands to his sides, pushing himself to his feet slowly and approaching the observation deck.

Jim followed him, scowl in place, "You never mentioned this, why?"

"I honestly didn't think it was relevant..." Khan stopped himself, "That's a lie. As soon as I heard the engines above San Francisco I... Had an idea, but... You had your crash, we went to Winona's, she got injured... So much happened in such a short space of time it just... I forgot to mention it."

"Forgot?!" Jim barked, lowering his voice again quickly as he earned a worried look from Spock, "Tell me the capabilities, right now. If you leave out a single detail, I swear to God, Khan I'll launch you in that pod myself."

"Dreadnought class, twice the size and three times the speed, designed for a minimal crew; even a single-man crew could fly it with ease, it has better shielding, more advanced transporters, and enhanced Warp capabilities." he reeled off from memory alone, how could he forget, it was imprinted there after all, "Swivel-mounted torpedo launchers, weaponised drones and... A long range electromagnetic pulse canon."

Khan didn't dare raise his eyes from the empty space outside for fear of what he would see on Jim's face. In turn, Jim couldn't remove his eyes from Khan's face, furious that he had kept this from him.

"You swore to me, that there was _nothing_ else you needed to tell me." he hissed, "You promised!"

"I am sorry." he breathed.

"Sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it, not this time. Get off the Bridge, I don't even want to look at you right now."

"James..."

"No!" he interrupted, pressing his index finger into the other man's chest, "You don't get to stand there and act as though nothing has happened. The only people allowed on this Bridge, are the people I can trust. So get out."

Khan's eyes snapped to his in an instant, his mouth opening slightly in surprise, looking slightly lost before he gave him a small nod and backed away, glancing around at the room of people who were now staring at them both, "As you wish, Captain." he breathed, hanging his head as he walked to the elevator.

Jim took several deep breaths, clenching his jaw so tightly that it caused physical pain, he inhaled deeply and turned to face his crew, "Sorry for that display," he forced calmness into his voice, not wanting any of them to hear the hurt he was feeling, "Uhura I want you to use the back frequencies and try to contact Starfleet, tell them what's happening as best you can, I don't care how you do it... Use Morse Code if you have to... But get that message to them."

"Yes Captain."

"Everyone else, return to your posts, we're not going to break out of this. So we have to see it through." he rested his hands on his hips and turned his back on them, looking out of the window again, a million thoughts whizzing through his mind.

"Captain?" Spock's voice came from beside him, "Are you alright?"

"Never better." he lied.

The Vulcan tilted his head slightly, "I... Am assuming that Khan finally came clean about everything."

"Yeah." a single nod.

"Forgive me for not telling you myself, I believed it would be better coming from him."

Jim smiled weakly, glancing at him, "I'm not mad at you Spock. You did what you felt was right. That's all I can ask of you."

"What are you going to do, Captain?"

"About Khan? Or about this cluster fuck?" he asked.

"Both."

Sucking in a breath and letting it out all at once, he shrugged, "I have no idea."

"It is unlike you to be without a backup plan."

"I guess that is true." the blond snorted before he clicked his tongue, "I'm going to make Khan sweat, I can't just roll over and keep forgiving him for hiding things from me. I have to be able to trust him completely and right now... I can't."

"I am surprised you were ever able to..." Spock said under his breath.

"I heard that." he muttered, running a hand through his hair, "As for this cluster fuck? We can't break out of Warp, whoever this guy is he has us in a choke hold. He has control of our ship, and there's nothing we can do about it except wait. So, we'll wait. We'll see what he wants. And work from there."

"And if he plans to blast us out of the sky as soon as we arrive?"

"If he wanted that he would have already done it." he folded his arms, thinking hard before he snapped his fingers, "Spock, go down to the engineering bay, get Scotty."

"You have an idea?"

"I do." he nodded, "The Enterprise was sabotaged, remember, so what if the damage that was done was actually a smokescreen for something else. Like a tracker? And a remote control module?"

"That is logical... I will assist Mister Scott and attempt to find such items." the Vulcan stood a little straighter, clearly pleased his Captain had this thinking cap back on.

"Report back to me as soon as you find anything." he murmured.

"Of course."

He watched Spock leave, following the same route as Khan. He nodded to himself and slowly walked towards The Chair, sitting down and crossing one leg over the other as he cast a moody look towards wherever they were going. Things were going to get ugly.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen: It's All In The Name:**

Only half an hour passed in Warp before the Enterprise began to slow and with a juddering and far less professional stop than normal, the Starfleet vessel dropped out of Warp again and allowed the crew their first glance at where they had been taken.

The USS Graveyard was aptly named. The final resting place for broken and destroyed Starfleet vessels, gathered together over decades of space exploration and reluctant warfare. There were thousands and thousands of ships, wrecks, shattered shells and tattered remains all piled on the backs of three intact vessels. It was a dead zone. No one manned the scrap heap, no one maintained the area. It was simply, one big graveyard.

Jim's heart grew heavy as he looked on, even at this distance he could make out the hull plates of familiar ships, ones he remembered Nero destroying, such as that Farragut, he knew that somewhere in that heap of clunking metal was the ship he had almost been born on, somewhere in there was the USS Kelvin.

He was also certain that he could see fresh flames coming from inside the haul, most like the source of the distress signal they had originally planned to investigate. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a breath.

Abruptly, there was a low rumble and the Enterprise quivered under the pressure of another ship's engine flaring into life so close to them, and Jim watched with raised eyebrows as something began to lift up out of the wreckage of the Graveyard. A giant ship. One, giant, incomparable, black ship.

It was undoubtedly the same size as the Vengeance had been, the same design, the same weaponry, the same sleek dreadnought appearance. This was the ship Khan had told him about, this was the USS Futile. He assumed it was named that because there was no escape from it once it had something in its sights. An uneasy thought.

He'd never imagined he would be confronted with another ship like the Vengeance, and it brought back a flood of horrific memories he had tried to put behind him. The fear of Marcus telling him so calmly that he was going to kill his crew, destroy his ship and begin the war he had always wanted. That fear was something he had never wanted to feel again, so heavy; weighted; crippling. He hadn't known what to do, he hadn't known how to save his friends, his family. The only reason they had survived was because of Scotty. But Scotty wasn't on that ship this time.

"Captain we are being hailed." Uhura called over.

"Put it on the screen." Jim stated forcing his voice to remain level, "Confine it to the Bridge only, I don't want this going out ship wide."

"Aye sir."

There was a crackle, some distortion as the window turned into a holographic image and Jim's heart sank as everything he had hoped he was wrong about, was proved right. A heavily scarred face appeared on the screen, peering back at him from inside the otherwise empty Bridge.

"So... It is you." the Captain sat a little straighter, "You are the man who planted the bomb at Starfleet Head Quarters, the man who opened fire on the city, the man who ran me off the road, and the same man who shot my mother. By the way, I hope for your sake that you were trying to hit me and missed, because I swear if you tried to kill her on purpose I will _end_ you."

"Captain Kirk... It is a surprise to see you, when I saw you at Winona's house I thought I was imagining it. How on Earth did you survive that crash?" his familiar voice came back over the video.

"Magic." he snarled, "What do you want with the Enterprise? Her crew have done nothing to you."

"I had to make sure it was you who was Captaining her, Kirk, and I am very glad that it is. If it had been anyone else I would have considered my business done, and shot you out of the sky but no... No it is you, and that means something far more important."

"What do you want?!" he barked, "Everything you've done... You have killed so many innocent people... And for what? What are you after?"

"I want Starfleet to suffer!" the burned man roared suddenly, "They abandoned me when I needed them the most, left me to die, left me to rot in space, left me to burn just as they leave these ships... They failed me, betrayed me and deserted me."

"So you targetted me? Why? I've never even met you! You are insane!" Jim exclaimed, getting to his feet.

"Insane?" the other repeated, scoffing slightly, "Insane is allowing a terrorist like Khan Noonien Singh aboard your ship to serve with you; insane is whoring yourself out to whoever will have you for twenty odd years to make yourself feel better about how much of a shit person you are; insane is cutting yourself off from anyone who might be capable of caring about you, because you can't deal with your own feelings! You are the insane one, Kirk, not me. I'm sorry... It's probably my fault that you are like it. If I'd done better, been faster maybe... Been better..."

The blond stared, mouth slightly open as he seemed to ramble, utterly out of his mind. He couldn't understand why or how the man knew so much about him, personal things, things he kept to himself. There was this deep set sick churning feeling in the bottom of his gut, and he flexed his fingers at his sides, as if taking an imaginary grip of reality.

"Who are you?" he asked.

The man stopped his inane chatter, seeming to remember Jim and the Enterprise were there, he blinked and considered the question for a moment, "Who am I? Now that is a question and a half... I don't really have a name any more, at least not one I feel comfortable affiliating myself to. Everything I used to be has become so much... More than what I ever was..."

"Stop talking in riddles. I want to know who the fuck you are!" Jim clenched a fist at his side.

"Hm? Such a temper." an amused chuckle escaped the man, "I will tell you who I am, but I want it done in private. It isn't information I want to give while you are in a room full of strangers, Kirk. Take my call privately, and we will talk properly."

He hesitated, glancing at the few nervous faced of the room before he nodded, "Very well, I'll have the call patched to my private quarters. But I want answers. No more riddles, no more secrets."

"It is a deal."

The call disconnected and Jim stood still for a moment, swallowing hard, "Sulu take the comms. Uhura when that call comes through, send it to my room."

He walked towards the elevator without waiting for a reply, his heart racing in his chest at the thought of finally unmasking the villain of his current adventure. Finally knowing why the man had pursued him so hard. He leant against the curved wall as the lift moved, descending rapidly, and he allowed his head to fall back, staring up at the blinding light in the ceiling.

"What am I going to do?" he dared to whisper aloud before he shook his head violently. Now wasn't the time to fall apart. He had to be strong. His crew needed him to be strong.

The doors hissed open and he made the short walk to his room, though it felt like it stretched out far longer than normal, he glanced around as he stepped inside, half having expected to see Khan sulking in one of the chairs. However, the room was empty.

He closed the door behind him and stood in front of the window, watching as only moments later it changed and became a video link.

"Well, you have your private audience." he murmured, "Now, I want those answers."

"Thank you so much for your hospitality." the smug voice of the other man grated on his nerves, "Tell me then, what do you want to know?"

"I want to know who you are and why you have been pursuing me." Jim stated firmly.

"At first I had no plans of pursuing you, Jim, I expected to enact my revenge of Starfleet and then carry on with my life, if I survived it. Do you know, I even went to the trouble of triggering a supernova to make sure you weren't on Earth when I began my mission."

His eyes widened, "Nagota?! You caused the sun to... Why?!"

"I didn't want you in the way. Believe it or not, when I started this the last thing I ever wanted was for you to get hurt. Sadly, that was foiled by your accident... You were brought back to Earth for treatment and then... Ever since, you've done nothing but get in my way. It's ironic really." the terrorist sat back, stroking his chin.

"Why would you be so concerned about hurting me? You've been trying to kill me."

"The unhappy truth is that I came to the realisation that you are an unfortunately good Starfleet officer. One who couldn't just sit back and allow innocent people to get hurt." he chuckled softly, "I wonder where you go that from."

"You speak as if you know me... But I sure as hell don't know you." the Captain folded his arms.

"I do know you, Jim." he shook his head, "But I can't allow you to get in the way of my plans any further, you've meddled to much. I must have my revenge. That's why I started targetting you, I needed you out of the way. I never wanted to hurt you but there are some things I cannot stop, not even for you."

"Who are you?" he asked far more softly than he had expected.

"I suppose I can't buy any more time... You've been so patient, it is about time you knew. I hope you are ready." the man sat forwards, "My name... Is George Kirk."

Jim's eyes widened suddenly and his mouth grew dry as he stared into his eyes, familiar blue eyes, his brain attempting to process what he'd heard but struggling to do so, he realised he had stopped breathing and yet he couldn't quite remember how to start doing so again. He took a sharp step back, his calves hitting his bed and forcing him to sit down, a choked sound escaping him as he finally began to inhale and exhale again.

"That's... Not possible..." he croaked.

"Oh I'm afraid it is, my son. It would seem escaping death is something of a family trait."

As the words crashed over his ears, James felt as though his whole world was crumbling at the same time, he had always loathed being compared to the father he had never known, the father who was always so much better than he was, who had saved eight hundred lives with his heroic and unbeatable sacrifice. Yet the vision of this great and legendary man had also inspired him to try and be better, to do better, to prove his was worth more than being known as a dumb hick.

That was what he had always believed, that was all he had ever aspired to do. That had been his life's purpose. He had never stopped to ask what he would do if he task crumbled, if his purpose became worthless, if his dreams became nightmares. Why would have have questioned it? Everyone knew the story. Everyone knew how it ended.

George Kirk had been a Captain for all of twelve minutes when the time came for him to sacrifice himself to save over eight hundred lives, including the lives of his wife and unborn child. His deed had been his demise as the USS Kelvin had charged head long into the Narada, Nero's ship, taking out every photon and missile on the way, protecting the evacuation pods with his own returned fire. The hull finally crashing into the centre of the Romulan vessel, causing an explosion which had halted Nero's attack and led to the successful rescue of all the evacuated crew members. George Kirk had died in the crash, living long enough to hear the first cries of his son, and to name him, before his body was lost forever in the flame and eternal space. There was no chance of survival, the autopilot function had been destroyed, meaning that he would have been forced to fly the ship the entire time. His death was assured.

So why was the man before him claiming to be George Kirk? Why was he claiming to be his long lost father? There was simply no logic to it at all. Yet there was part of him which already believed. All along he had said he recognised the voice of the man, that he had been familiar to him. It made sense in a twisted kind of way, he would have heard George's voice while he had been in the womb, scientists always said a baby would learn the tone of its parents' voices while it grew.

If this man truly was George Kirk, if he truly was his father, then everything he had worked so hard to achieve had been for nothing. This burnt creature was no war hero, no champion to aspire to... He was a criminal, a murderer and a butcher. One who didn't even have Khan's excuse for his actions.

"Why should I believe a word you say?" he asked, voice shaking.

"Because you want to believe it. Your heart longs for the truth and your head needs the acknowledgement. I am your father, Jim, I'm sure a simple DNA test would put your mind at rest, wouldn't it?" the other answered simply.

"How exactly do you propose we do a DNA test when you currently have all your weapon systems trained on my ship?" the blond snarled.

"Come aboard the Futile." he said simply, "I give you my word that I will not fire on the Enterprise while you are here. But we should talk face to face, so to speak, answer the rest of those lingering questions in your head."

"And I am meant to trust you?" Jim scoffed.

"I don't see that you have any alternative in your current position." George smirked slightly, "I'll give you one hour to make your choice. If you agree to come aboard, go to your transporter room before the hour is up. If it makes you more comfortable, you can bring a friend."

The call cut before Jim could say another word and he sat there, staring blankly at the window, his shoulders slumping as his head fell into a spiral of thought. He laid back slowly and glared at the ceiling, his heart and head fighting an internal debate over what he should think, feel and do.

He felt sick. He lurched up abruptly and staggered into the en-suit bathroom, throwing the toilet lid up before emptying the contents of his stomach down it, sinking to his knees as his eyes brimmed with tears, hands clutching the rim of the basin tightly.

"James?" a concerned voice came from the bedroom door way.

He glanced around as he heard urgent footsteps and his gaze rose to meet Khan's, "What are you doing here?" he said shakily.

"I..." Khan hesitated, "Felt your distress."

"Right, course you did." he muttered, flushing the vomit away before he climbed back up to his feet and washed his hands and face, swilling his mouth out.

"What's happened? Why are you down here instead of on the Bridge?"

Jim shot him a glare from the mirror, before the expression faded and he sighed deeply, "A private audience with my stalker... Finally got the answers I wanted from him."

"You don't seem happy about it." the dark haired man frowned.

"How observant of you." he spat, instantly feeling guilty for taking it out on him, "Sorry..."

"No, its fine, I deserve your anger."

"No you don't. Not about this anyway." Jim sighed deeply again, beginning to feel like he was doing that far too often, he turned to face Khan properly, "He... He told me something... Something bad... I don't know how to handle it... Or what to do."

Khan tilted his head and made a careful approach, reaching out and pulling Jim in close, hugging him tightly, he rested his chin on top of the other's head and rubbed his back soothingly, "Take your time, that's all you can do. What was said?"

Despite his anger at Khan's lies, he couldn't help but sink into him, needing that security, he gripped handfuls of his jumper and gritted his teeth, taking a shuddering breath, "He said... He said... _Fuck_... He's my dad."

"What?!" the augmented human gasped, looking down at him with a startled expression, "You're joking?!"

"I wish I was." he pulled back slowly and ran his hands through his hair, sitting on the edge of the bed heavily, "He said his name is George Kirk and... That he is my father... He's even willing to do a DNA test, as long as I beam over to the Futile..."

"He wants you to board his ship? That's a terrible idea..."

"Tell me about it. But unfortunately, I'm not sure I have much of a choice right now." he hung his head, "We're fucked, in every possible way right now. He has control of the Enterprise, even if we get control back he is vastly superior in fire power and speed... If I don't do what he wants he'll kill us all."

"He'd kill his own son?"

"He's already tried, remember?" he watched Khan sit beside him, "He said nothing is more important than his revenge mission... He wants to make Starfleet pay... Apparently even I can't stop that. But he did say I was welcome to take a friend with me, so I guess that's a comfort." he added sarcastically.

They sat in silence for what felt like an age, Khan reached out and took Jim's hand, squeezing supportively, and Jim felt better for his presence.

"I know I was wrong to lie to you, to break my promise, and to hide something again. But if you want someone to go with you, I want you to know that I would do it in a heartbeat, without question." Khan said quietly, "Even if you can't trust me right now, I trust you. I trust your leadership, and I will have your back."

Jim closed his eyes and let out a huff, "I know you would. I don't have any choice in this at all really, do I?" he scoffed softly and slapped his hands on his thighs before standing up, "Well, I have Spock working on something right now, so I guess the only person I can ask to Captain the ship in my absence is Sulu... He did well last time."

"He certainly did." Khan shuddered slightly at the memory of the man's voice booming down on his location on Kronos, it had been an impressive display of venom and tact rolled into one, "He's a good man, he'd make a good Captain himself one day."

Jim nodded in agreement and started walking towards the door but stopped just short of the exit, and glanced over at the man still seated on his bed, Khan looked so deflated and so unlike his usual confident-borderline-arrogant self. The blond found himself taking small steps back over to him until he came to stand right in front of him, and reached down, gripping his chin firmly and forcing their gazes to meet.

"I hate the fact you hid things from me, and then lied and said there was nothing more to tell. I've given you so much in these past few months, so much trust, so much belief, I've stuck my neck on the line for you. And while you've done so much good with the freedom you've been given, you've done so much to prove me right about you, but it is the small things that people will focus on. The lies, the trickery, the withholding of important information." Jim tipped his head slightly and brushed his thumb against Khan's lips, "I haven't given up on you, I doubt I ever will."

"I understand your anger, and your disappointment. But believe me when I say there is no greater punishment than knowing in my heart that I've let you down." the other replied, "On my life, and the life of my crew, there is nothing more I can tell you. You know everything now."

"I believe you." the blond muttered, "I must be mad, but I do."

Khan rose to his feet slowly, sliding his hands up and down Jim's arms, "I'm grateful."

"You should be." he chided, before he gave Khan a thoughtful look, "Khan if we do this, if we go over there to the Futile like he wants... I have absolutely no way of promising that there will be a return journey."

The other nodded, "I know it. But if we can at least secure the Enterprise some time... It will be worth it."

Surprised by Khan's reasoning, and acknowledging just how much of an impact their neural entanglement had affected him, Jim pulled him into a deep, forceful kiss; clasping the back of his head tightly as he pressed into him, feeling the other's arms slide around his waist slowly.

Gasping as he was turned on the spot and forced down onto the bed, Jim let out a soft moan under his breath, arching up against Khan's body as their kisses grew more heated and more desperate, articles of clothing went flying as urgent touches inspired heat in their wake.

Finally giving into the need they'd felt for months, Jim allowed his legs to be lifted around Khan's waist as exploring fingers found their mark and curled inside of him, heat pooling in the pit of his stomach as he allowed a few hoarse cries of pleasure to escape him.

Khan, for his part, was unravelling just as much his Jim was, usually tidy hair fell free against his face as pale cheeks flushed with urgency and desire, meeting his blond lover in a flurry of hopelessly plundering kisses as he pulled his fingers away and penetrating him properly for the first time, both of them releasing gasps and whines in response to the feeling.

It was messy, it was rough, it was everything they needed it to be before they risked their lives and everything they held most dear. Thrusting and arching, moans and stuttering breaths.

Jim's fingers left angry marks down Khan's back, finding a slightly sadistic pleasure in knowing they'd linger there for hours, his mind went blank as the pleasure grew and he felt his toes curling, his own cries growing louder and faster, more gratifying before an abrupt and world bending climax hit him, probably one of the best he'd ever had. His body spasmed beneath Khan and his head fell back as his lover's release followed only seconds later, the sound of Khan groaning his name against his ear sending flutters through his heart.

As they came down from their euphoric high, the realisation of their actions appeared and they shared a soft giggle as they sprawled themselves on the bed and simply allowed themselves to enjoy the moment.

"Well... That was a long time... Overdue." Khan panted softly, pulling Jim into his chest and wrapping his arms around him tightly.

"I would have to agree." he breathed, tracing the muscles on the other's arms, "I don't think I've ever waited this long to sleep with someone."

"I'll take it as a compliment."

"Oh you definitely should." Jim scanned his face before a small sigh escaped him, "We don't have a lot of time left, we should get ready."

Khan sat up slowly and peered down at him, "I'll be by your side no matter what, James. No matter what happens next, it won't change how much I care about you. Remember that."

The blond watched him for a long moment, clenching his jaw as he pulled himself up, grabbing his clothes and dressing quickly, running his hands through his hair to try and make himself appear a little less like he'd been thoroughly screwed.

Sharing a look, the two men finished straightening their shirts, looking at least a little more presentable before Jim held his hand out to Khan.

"Let's go." he said.

"To whatever comes." Khan agreed, taking his hand without hesitation.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen: Resistance Is Futile:**

Jim stood on the transporter beside Khan, waiting patiently to be beamed across to the much larger vessel. In the room with them was Sulu and Bones, neither of them looked incredibly pleased by what was about to happen.

"Sulu you better take care of this ship," the blond said in a light hearted tone, "If she gets so much as a scratch I'll haunt you from now until the end of time."

"I will do my best, Captain." the pilot replied, forcing a smile.

"I'm not the Captain now, you are." he found a strange sense of profoundness as he repeated the words he had once heard Pike say to Spock.

"Jim, I have a terrible feeling about this, he's probably planned this all from the beginning." Bones grumbled, rubbing his face, "You're walking into a trap."

"I don't know anything for sure, my old friend, but I know one thing. If I don't go, he will kill every single one of us." he replied softly, "I don't have a choice. Until Spock finds the remote controller preventing us from at least making an attempt at freedom... We're at his mercy."

"Jim..." the doctor began, taking an uneasy step towards the transporter.

"I will be okay. No win scenarios are my playground, remember?"

"I will take care of him, Doctor McCoy." Khan said from beside the blond.

"You had better." Bones said with deathly seriousness, "Because if he dies... You will be joining him."

"If he dies, I would want to."

Jim glanced at him with a raised eyebrow, before letting out a breath as small golden particles because to engulf them both, "See you on the other side." he mused.

"Good luck, Jim." Bones looked down as the pair beamed away.

Momentarily blinded by the brilliant light of the transporter beam, Jim opened his eyes only when he felt a gentle touch on his arm, and glanced around to see Khan beside him, they were stood in the medical bay of the USS Futile.

The inside of the ship was as grim as the outside, bleak and macabre and the perfect choice for any villain. The walls were monochromatic, black or grey with dim lighting overhead. Everything looked incredibly polished, too clean and unused. The very air smelled sterile, like a new car.

"Welcome aboard." a voice said from one of the many work surfaces in the room.

Jim glanced over and quickly confirmed the burnt features of the man claiming to be George Kirk, "Let's get on with this, shall we?"

"Of course." George rose from his seat, allowing them to witness him drawing blood from his arm.

Khan watched carefully, lingering back as Jim approached, sleeve rolled up ready. If there was only thing and one thing only that he was grateful for, it was that they hadn't been shot and killed as soon as they had arrived. Though it unsettled him, clearly George Kirk had plans for them both.

Jim watched as his blood was drawn, never taking his eyes off the man in front of him, "What are you planning to do after this? Regardless of what the test says... I can't imagine you drew us all the way out here to play happy families."

George didn't answer for several minutes, putting their blood through to be tested as promised, it was only once the process began that he addressed the question, "I'm uncertain. I find myself in something of a quandary. I still plan to take my revenge against Starfleet, as is my right. But I genuinely want to avoid hurting you."

"That might prove difficult." he muttered, folding his arms as he glared at him, "What did Starfleet do? Why do you hate them so much?"

"They abandoned me." he replied, "Left me for dead while they rescued everyone else."

"How were they meant to know you survived?" Jim snorted, "There's no way you _could_ have survived."

A sarcastic chuckle escaped the man, "And yet here I am. A matter of minutes before the Kelvin collided with the Narada, I was able to reconfigure the auto-pilot, it bought me time to reach the last escape pod. But the engines overheated and flooded the compartment with fire, hence the burns you see on my skin. I escaped, and was able to watch as Starfleet picked up the evacuation pods, every single one... Except mine."

"Your pod would have been concealed by the explosion, they wouldn't have known you were there." Khan said from behind them, "This wasn't Starfleet's fault."

"It was their fault!" George barked, however any further reply was silenced as a soft bleep interrupted him, signifying the test was complete, "Go ahead." he muttered to Jim.

The blond hesitated, reaching out and taking the paper from the machine, turning it over in his hands and faltering at the writing, "Well fuck..."

"Now do you believe me?"

"It doesn't look like I have a choice, does it? _Dad_." he clenched his teeth and slowly raised his gaze to look at him, "Where the fuck have you been all these years? You've been gone all this time and... I've lived a lie! Thinking I was following the footsteps of some great hero!"

"You're... Angry?" George tilted his head.

"Of course, I am angry!" he snapped, "I thought all this time that my father was a great and noble man, who gave his life to save others! To protect me and my mother! But now... I find out that my brilliant, distinguished dad... Is nothing more than a murderer!"

"You look down on me, while you hold another murderer in such high regard?" he jerked his head towards Khan, "I was in London when he destroyed the Kelvin Memorial Archives, I saw the devastation he unleashed."

"He has a name." Jim growled, "Khan wasn't solely responsibly for what he did, he had reasons, reasons which are far better than what you claim to have. You have no right to look down on him!"

"James," Khan made a swift approach, resting a hand on his arm, "Calm down, getting riled isn't going to help matters. It's probably what he wants."

The blond took a breath and glanced at him, "I can't just sit back while he throws insults and accusations around."

"I know, and I am grateful for that, but I am old enough and bad enough to defend myself." he told him firmly, though offering a small smile.

"Alright." Jim let out a pent up breath and glared at George's smug expression.

"You are entirely correct, I am a murderer, and a terrorist, but most importantly I am better at it than you are," a superior smirk found its way onto his lips, "Your motivation, your reasoning is at best, weak. Blaming Starfleet for something that was far beyond their control, where I had a legitimate reason. I believed they had killed my family, I chose to respond in kind after months of torture and abuse, being forced to create weapons like this ship, for a man who only ever hungered for war."

"You brag about your achievements as though you are still proud of them, I can't believe there are many people who would be impressed with that." George's eyes flicked to Jim's.

"Don't look at me like that." the blond snorted, "I have many issues with what he did, but as for why he did them... I'd do anything for my family too."

"My murdering days were long, lonely and dark," Khan murmured softly, his hand sliding down Jim's arm slowly until their hands became entwined, "But somehow, I was freed from them."

"You are... Together?" George asked suddenly, looking at their hands and slightly sickly expressions.

"Yes." Jim answered without a pause.

"You are sleeping with a terrorist? With a monster? With a cold blooded killer, and you think you can lecture me about my behaviour?" he mocked, "I knew you'd sleep with anything with a pulse but even this is a surprise."

"What did you just say?" Jim breathed, looking at him sharply, his face unusually devoid of any emotion, "Huh... If you think a slip of paper makes you a father, you've got a lot to learn."

"I rather think you may be right." George agreed, fiddling with something on his desk before he turned sharply and shot Jim in the neck with a needle.

Jim gasped, reaching up and clutching at the area of skin which had already begun to set alight with searing pain, he pulled the needle out and staggered, his vision turning blurry as an overwhelming sensation of nausea rose in his gut.

"What did you do?!" Khan exclaimed, putting himself between Jim and his father, reaching back and trying to help steady him.

"A simple serum, quite harmless for any normal human to be exposed to..." the man murmured, clicking a button on the gun before he aimed it at Khan, "Lethal, however, to your DNA."

Khan's eyes widened slightly and he took a step back as George rose to his feet once again, weapon trained on him with scary precision, "What have you done to him?"

"Made him human again."

The dark haired man twisted on the spot, hearing a thud as Jim hit the floor, convulsing violently on the spot as his body began to undo everything his own DNA had created, he dropped to his knees beside him and tried to rouse him from the fit, his heart thundering in his chest, unsure if the reversal of his genetics would result in Jim becoming re-exposed to the lingering radiation on his body.

"You call _me_ a monster?! This is your son! Your own flesh and blood!" he roared, looking up at George.

"Not any more." was his only answer, keeping his weapon trained on Khan as he opened up holographic screen and tapped in a series of numbers, the ship rumbling into life as without warning, dozens of photon beams fired upon the unsuspecting Enterprise.

Khan looked towards the nearby window, seeing the battering ram of damage which was cracking through the Enterprise's shields with little difficulty, he prayed to whatever God might be listening that Spock was close to disabling the control George had over the ship so they could at least return fire.

"They need more time." he whispered to himself, realising there was only one thing he could do to give them what they needed, "Fuck."

He lunged at George, one had gripping the wrist controlling the gun while the other wrapped around his throat, wrestling with the former Starfleet Officer and smashing his head down on one of the nearby counters, struggling against him as he kicked the controls as hard as he could, cancelling the attack and decommissioning the photon beams.

Taken aback as the man he was fighting twisted his arm behind his back, attempting to dislocate his shoulder, he let out a small gasp, surprised by how strong he was. Not strong enough to actually break the bone, but enough to cause some mild discomfort.

"How much are you willing to risk for them, Khan?" George hissed against his ear, "Are you willing to sacrifice your own crew for his?"

"Ugh, what are you... Talking about?" he growled, elbowing him in the chest and twisting them around so he had the upper hand again, constantly aware of keeping that gun well away from himself.

"Didn't you hear? Your crew disappeared from their storage unit over a week ago. I wonder what became of them."

His eyes widened slightly at that and he looked at him, murder in his eyes, "What have you done with them?"

"Nothing, yet." George smirked, "But I do have them on board."

Khan seemed to freeze at the news, he hadn't seen them in so long, the idea that they were possibly just a few floors away from him triggered a torrent of emotions he wasn't prepared for. And it showed, as George suddenly planted his knee in Khan's gut, taking him by surprise enough to shove him back and put the gun firmly between them again, finger on the trigger, ready to fire.

Hands raised in surrender, Khan noticed movement in the corner of his eye, and a flood of relief pulsed through him as he watched the Enterprise beginning to turn on the spot, thrusters at full capacity before it snapped out of sight, Warp engaged.

Spock had succeeded.

George looked mildly disappointed, pressing a few buttons as he tried to trace the route the vessel had taken, however, when he failed a simple sigh escaped him and he looked back at Khan, "His crew has abandoned him, will you do the same to yours?"

"Leave them out of this." he growled, teeth gritted tight.

"Don't you want to even see them? Make sure they are alright, as it were?"

"They've survived without me for this long, I'm sure they can managed a little longer." he breathed.

Snorting at that, George approached him, pressing the barrel of his weapon between his eyes, "Maybe we should put that to the test."

Refusing to flinch, Khan maintained eye contact, lowering his hands slowly, "Shall we begin?"

Both of them were knocked off their feet without warning, as a flurry of angry blond muscle appeared and barrelled into them both. Khan rolled out of the way, flying back to his feet to help as he watched Jim pinning his father to the floor as best he could, despite seeming still a little discombobulated.

Everything seemed to slow down in the following moments, Khan felt his legs moving towards the pair, aiming to assist, noticing only too late as George lifted his hand and fired his gun at him, and he felt an immediate sting in his thigh as the needle pierced his skin.

He hit the floor hard, panting as he felt an abrupt coldness running through his veins, aches and pains he wasn't used to making themselves known as remnants from his scrap with George, bruises blossoming on his skin. His vision went black as he passed out, his body going through the same seizure as Jim's.

Jim glanced over at his fallen lover, letting out a grunt as George managed to throw him off, he crashed into one of the nearby medical trolleys and toppled over it. He felt so out of touch with his body and how it worked, every single muscle hurt and ached, every bone felt stretched and out of place. He couldn't help but reach up and feel a small cut above his eyebrow, bleeding and not healing. The reality of his situation hitting him like a ton of bricks.

The blond glanced up, watching as George began working furiously at one of the nearby control panels, and he feared that they would begin chasing the Enterprise. Looking around himself for something to give him the edge, he grabbed what looked like a scalpel from the remains of the trolley he'd crashed through.

He lunged a final time at George, knocking him away from the consoles and shoving him as far back as he could, flourishing the scalpel between them as his heart raced in his chest, anxiety burning through him like a fire. He lashed out, blade licking against George's face and drawing blood, the man hissed and winced, but it didn't stop him advancing, reaching out fearlessly, not one to be afraid of pain, and twisted Jim's wrist to breaking point, stopping only when the knife slipped from his grasp.

The tumbled in a thrashing violent mix of punches and kicks, Jim got the upper hand, straddling the other's waist with his hands around his throat, determined to protect the Enterprise at all costs. He watched as George's eyes began to roll up into his head, but didn't relent, he wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing any more, but his instincts wouldn't let him release the man.

Groggy, head pounding, vision a little blurry, Khan lifted his head, groaning as he blinked over and over to clear his gaze, he saw Jim on top of George, choking the life out of him. He began to push himself up into a kneeling position, his arms and legs feeling like jelly, not entirely sure he knew how to control his limbs any more.

He was brought from his concerned thoughts by a sudden cry of pain and his gaze snapped up, Jim was recoiling, George's arm outstretched, a flash of silver in his palm, buried in Jim's chest. The scalpel.

"No!" he screamed, staggering and stumbling towards them both, catching Jim as he fell back, holding him in his arms, "No, no no! James, James can you hear me?"

Khan was taken by surprise when George grabbed the back of his head and slammed it against the nearby console, leaving him seeing stars before he felt the agony of his left arm being twisted in an unnatural formation, body no longer immune to the strength of a normal human, his radius snapped suddenly under the pressure and he let out a hoarse wail of pain, feeling the bone penetrate through the skin of his forearm.

Hunched over Jim, gasping through the pain, Khan heard George flee, his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he became determined not to allow any further sounds of pain to escape him, his concern now solely with the man in his arms.

Blood was soaking the front of his yellow jumper, blade still sunk firmly within his body. Jim was looking up at him with wide, scared eyes, "Don't... Don't let..."

"It's okay, it's going to be okay, don't try to talk." he whispered, stroking his face gently, "I'll get you out of here, I swear it."

Jim swallowed hard, every breath seeming to be a struggle, "D-Don't let him... Don't let him get to Warp..."

"Warp?" he repeated, glancing around and finding them to be alone, he assumed George had fled to the Bridge, "Don't let him Warp... The Enterprise..."

If George had found a way to reactivate the scanners, to track the Enterprise again, the Futile would catch up within seconds and finish the job it had started. He looked down at Jim, not wanting to leave him alone as he watched his skin lose some of its usual flushed appearance.

"G-Go." the blond panted, "Stop... Him..."

He nodded shakily, sitting Jim up against one of the counters and forcing a thick wad of cloths into his hand so he could stem the blood flow, he pressed a soft kiss against his forehead and got to his feet, running from the Medical Bay as fast as his legs would carry him.

Taking several turns he navigated the ship, heading for the Bridge to end this once and for all, his attention was diverted however, as he passed a large set of hangar doors and he frowned faintly, seeing on the access panel that the room was well below freezing.

Curiosity got the better of him and he opened the doors, taking a few careful steps inside before he froze on the spot, breath catching in his throat as he cast his gaze over the seventy two cryotubes inside.

George had been telling the truth, he had his crew on board.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen: Blood Is Thicker Than Water:**

Spock arrived at the Medical Bay, approaching Doctor McCoy with wide steps, the Bay was filled with injured officers, hurt when the Futile had opened fire on them. Honestly, it was a miracle more people weren't hurt or killed, but thankfully he had been mid-way through disabling the control device their attacker had installed on the ship.

He had no idea what was going on aboard the other ship, but he knew for certain that Jim would never allow someone to open fire on the Enterprise, and that was a worrying thought.

"Doctor, I need you to come with me." he said firmly, holding a phaser out to the man.

"I've got patients, Spock." he protested, pausing only when he saw the outstretched weapon, "Is it Jim?"

"I fear it might be," the Vulcan nodded, "I've already called Mister Scott, he's going to meet us at the transporter room."

The medical man hesitated for only a second longer before he snatched up the phaser and set it to stun before hooking it on his belt and running along side Spock towards the transporters. Scotty met them at the door and the three men went inside.

"Mister Scott, I need you to replicate the coordinates which the Captain beamed across with, we need to get onto that ship." the Vulcan stated as he stepped up onto one of the plates, crouching down slowly with his phaser in hand.

"Aye I can do that, just give me a couple of minutes." the Scotsman replied, "You think the Captain's in some kind of danger?"

"When isn't he?" Bones muttered, joining Spock on the plates.

"Fair point that."

It only took the man a few moments, but he was able to put the right numbers in and beamed the two men off the Enterprise, wishing them good luck as they disappeared from sight.

As they appeared in the Medical Bay aboard the other ship, they were both startled at how much carnage seemed to have been unleashed in that room alone, it was a mess.

Bones scanned the room, following a trail of blood on the floor before his eyes fell on Jim's slumped body and he ran over, "Jim! Jim can you hear me?!" he shouted, shaking him gently, checking his pulse, it was weak.

"Why isn't he healing?" Spock asked, noticing several bruises on his friend's skin.

"How the hell should I know?" he hissed, laying Jim down and ripping the blood stained shirt open, revealing the wound in his chest and the scalpel still embedded there, "Oh _shit_."

"Is that..." The Vulcan trailed off and swallowed hard, "Can you help him?"

"I can try." Bones muttered, popping his head up and scanning the counters for items he could use, he faltered as he saw the room was mostly devoid of any usable equipment he could navigate without the assistance of several nurses and instead grabbed a pair of gloves from the counter and pulled them on with a snap, "Get me a needle and some suture thread from that storage box over there, and make it quick."

Spock remained silently, grabbing the items and passing them to the doctor who was already swabbing the area around the scalpel with some form of sterilising fluid, the Vulcan turned a sickly shade of green as he watched, stomach churning.

"Perhaps I should find Khan? It is unusual that he would leave the Captain's side, even more so in this condition."

"No. I might need a second pair of hands..." the doctor barely spoke above a whisper, concentrating purely on the task at hand.

"I am uncertain I would suffice as a second pair of hands right now." the Vulcan breathed.

Bones glanced up at that, smirking faintly, "Feeling faint?"

"Very. I... I may throw up on you." Spock swallowed.

"Oh, now you display a sense of humour? Wait until I tell Jim about this." he shook his head and returned his full attention to the work at hand.

Spock sat down carefully as he watched McCoy carefully extend the wound around the scalpel, the medical man citing some form of explanation that he was concerned how close the blade was to Jim's heart, and that he needed to be able to see the damage. It was all medicinal jargon to Spock, who was at that moment, trying his very hardest not to throw up.

He had seen death, and injury in many forms over his lifetime, far more often than he would have liked when Jim was directly involved. Cuts, scrapes, broken bones, bruises, phaser burns... They didn't impact him, not even remotely. He had experienced many of those injuries himself, and over half of them as a child when the full blooded Vulcan children of his age range chose to challenge his heritage. He had earned many broken ribs, many split lips, many bruises simply for breathing the same air as them. Though, he had returned many more of the same upon them.

But this was altogether different, this was deep and it was savage, and there was a sharp object involved. This was flesh and muscle and nerve and bone all rolled into one and it made his stomach clench as a sweat broke out over his forehead. This was Jim, laying there, bleeding to death with a blade of some sort nestled Gods only know how close to his heart.

There was a reason he had enrolled in science and not medicine, no matter how closely woven the two were. Deciding to use science to aid them, rather than sit and be a hindrance, Spock drew some blood from his friend's arm and began running some tests to find out why he wasn't healing any more, anything to distract him from what was currently being done behind him.

_Khan looked around as one of his oldest friends approached him and he sighed, he could almost smell the topic of interest just from the dumb smile on the other's face, nevertheless he got to his feet and brushed his trousers down as he turned and clapped his friend on the arm in greeting._

"_What brings you up here Joaquin?" he asked._

"_You." his friend and First Officer responded with an exasperated smile, "You sit up here on the Bridge all day and all night, you never give yourself a break. You're either fighting or leading."_

"_I'm at my happiest when I'm doing those two things." he muttered, already knowing where this all too familiar conversation was headed._

"_I know it makes you happy but... There are other things to life. Other things that can give your life meaning. Why don't you consider pairing off? There's no one left in the galaxy who can challenge us as long as we are together. You could settle down." his friend responded with a sigh, "Everyone else has already started... It is a natural progression. Even myself and Ling-"_

"_I am fine as I am, Joaquin." he interrupted in his usual ambiguous manner, "I am happy for you, and for Ling. You make a beautiful couple. Just as I am pleased for the rest of the crew. Though I do wonder if we should find a habitable planet to set up a home on... This ship is hardly suitable for children to be running around on after all."_

_Joaquin frowned deeply, resting his hands loosely on his hips, "Khan..."_

"_Honestly, I don't want to pair off yet anyway. I've got a lot left to do, my main concern is looking after the rest of you." Khan sat down slowly, sitting back in a relaxed position, "Besides, there is no way I could pair off, even if I wanted to. You're my family, brothers and sisters. I couldn't fall in love with a sibling like that. Maybe in the future we will find a race worthy of standing beside us, and maybe then I will find someone who I could... Regardless, stop concerning yourself with my love life, worry about your own."_

_The blond rolled his eyes but conceded, just as he always did, "Alright. But you always seem so lonely. Like you're missing something."_

"_I am fine." he repeated firmly._

"_Okay, okay... Anyway, Otto wanted me to tell you that he needs assistance in engineering, there's been an unexpected malfunction with the engines." Joaquin told him._

_Khan rolled his eyes, "There's always a malfunction with the engines." he muttered, getting up from his seat and evacuating the Bridge before Joaquin could attempt another assault on his love life._

Three hundred years and Joaquin hadn't aged a day thanks to the cryosleep, his best friend from the old world. It had been so very long since he had seen him, since he had seen any of them, it made his heart ache to know they were all there with him, only inches of metal and ice between them. It made his heart ache more to know he had to leave them.

He pushed himself away from the cryotube, Joaquin would never forgive him if he sacrificed everything he'd achieved with Jim simply for a few empty seconds with a room full of, essentially, corpses.

Joaquin had always worried about him, trying to find him a wife or a lover, silly fool never once realising that he had no interest in women when it came to matters of the heart, or body. Women had always been a grey area for him, interfering with his natural born duty to seek out lifeforms weaker than himself. Women were smarter but not always stronger, it was a hard thing to balance. His crew was different, they were the same as he was, they were equals. He had always longed for a _man_ with the will and determination to accept him at his best and his worst, to reign in the darkness inside him and challenge him in ways most wouldn't dare to.

Nevertheless, Joaquin had never stopped trying. It was all romance with the guy, always love and war entwined closely in a net of earth shattering sex. He was strong, yet considerate, the gentlest member of his crew, the perfect parallel to Khan's naturally destructive personality. His friend, his brother, who would always urge him to save Jim.

The pain of his broken arm and bruises body did nothing to quell the feeling of loss and confusion, nor did it lessen the intense rage he felt at being put in such a situation. At the end of the day was he so obvious? Well, yes, he supposed he was actually.

"I will come back for you, I swear it." he whispered before he turned and ran from the hangar, returning to his journey towards the Bridge.

He threw the doors open and walked inside, seeing George at the controls, already the man seemed to have found a way to trace the Enterprise again and was planning to Warp straight for her. So engrossed he was, that he hadn't heard Khan enter.

The dark haired man prowled forwards, stepping over the naked cables laying across the deck, picking up a discarded wrench which had helpfully been left on the side as he moved closer. His left arm was useless to him in its current condition, but as long as he had one limb working he would fulfil Jim's request. He would protect the Enterprise, with his last breath if it was necessary.

Primal savagery pumped through his veins like it had used to, memories of his old life flickered before his eyes as he let out a roar and brought the heavy tool down towards George with all his might, smashing it into the man's shoulder with all the force of years of military service.

George howled in pain, flipping around and retaliating grabbing his hair and once again smashing him against a surface, leaving his ears ringing as he battled to get free, feeling a hand around his throat as he was pressed face down over the flight consoles, the very life being choked from him slowly.

Blood dripped from his mouth and his ears as he clawed at George's hand, body finally beginning to surrender to the hail of beatings it had taken, he'd never felt so weak before in his life. It was crippling. It was _frightening_.

Khan couldn't remember the last time he had felt so afraid. The fear he had felt when he'd seen Jim dead on the road was different, it was a altruistic fear, a fear for the safety of someone he cared about. But this was a selfish fear, a deep rooted, self-self-absorbed panic in the face of on coming death.

His eyes began to roll as his vision blurred, but still his mind worked to try and complete his task, he allowed his hand to fall to his side, to feel beneath the control system he was bent over, fingers deep inside the cables as he remembered their every function from memory and touch alone. He smirked softly to himself as he tore three cables away from the unit, allowing them to tumble to the ground with a satisfyingly soft sound.

Spock was nearly thrown from his feet as the ship suddenly shook and jumped to Warp, sharing a worried look with Bones as they could only assume they were about to catch up to the Enterprise, and that their attacker would finish what he had started.

The doctor finished his final suture, confident he had at the very least stopped the internal bleeding he'd found, and had made it possible for Jim to survive until they got him to a proper medical facility. He peeled his gloves off and threw them aside, urging Spock to help him get Jim to his feet, and together they carried him between them, hurrying as fast as they could towards the Bridge, prepared to face whatever came next together.

They were clumsy, and got lost a few times, but finally found themselves at their destination, sitting Jim's unconscious form just outside as they both drew their phasers, entering the room side by side. The sight which greeted them was not what they had expected.

Recognising the man who had attacked their ship, pinning Khan face down and choking the life out of him as he did so. They could see Khan was bleeding quite heavily, life force clearly almost drained completely.

Spock reacted first, lifting his weapon and aiming it at the back of the assailant, "Release him."

"Mister Spock, I assume." George said coolly without even glancing around, "I'll be with you in just a moment, I just need to finish... Taking out... The trash..."

A gargled sound of pain from Khan followed his words, and without warning and possibly in the most violent display Spock had ever witnessed from the man, Bones marched over, grabbed the man's shoulder, flipped him around to face him and smashed their heads together. Khan sank to the floor as he was released, barely conscious but spluttering as he was suddenly allowed to breath again.

Spock hurried over, helping the man to sit up as he checked him over, finding him to be in a pretty bad way, "Khan, its Spock. Can you hear me?"

"Unfortunately." came the bare whisper of a response.

"Don't go developing Jim like humour now." Bones muttered as he crouched on his other side, checking his injuries and pulling a grim expression.

"H-How is he?"

"Alive." McCoy answered bluntly, "Just like every other time someone tries to bump him off, he has a way of pulling through."

"H-Ha... I'm glad..." Khan's eyes flickered slightly and he opened them, "I disabled the ships' weaponry systems... Should be safe to go back to the Enterprise once we reach it..."

"Good work, Khan." Spock said stiffly, he still hated him, but he was grateful for what he had tried to do; the Vulcan stood and stepped over him carefully, checking the monitors and frowning faintly, "That's... Oh dear."

"What is it?" Bones asked at the concerned tone the other's voice had.

"He's hardwired the Warp systems, I can't disable them." the Vulcan's voice shook slightly, "And we're no longer headed for the Enterprise."

"Where are we going?" Khan asked, throat raw.

Spock glanced down at him and swallowed, "San Francisco."

"He's going to crash into the city." the former super soldier hissed, pushing himself to his feet slowly, with deliberately ginger movements, checking the screens as well, "It is what I would do if I had no other way of making the impact I had planned."

"It _is_ what you did." Bones muttered from behind them before he swore, "Shit... Where did he go?!"

The other men snapped around, checking the room and finding that George had indeed, vanished. Khan felt his heart thunder in his chest, mind reeling with possibilities, "We only have one option..."

"Oh, and what exactly is that?" the doctor asked sarcastically.

Spock met Khan's gaze and was sure they were thinking the same thing, "We must slow the Warp Core enough to allow the Enterprise to catch up with us." the Vulcan stated as if it were that simple.

Khan nodded in agreement, "If we can slow the Warp speed, they can catch us up, and they can destroy the ship before we reach the city."

"Are you mad?!" Bones exclaimed, "Even if that would work, how do you prepose to sabotage the Warp Core without killing us all?"

"Quite simply, actually..." Khan smirked faintly, "You won't be here."

"Khan..." Spock hissed in a low voice.

"It's alright." he replied, turning his back on the pair as he observed the screens again, "It's better this way."

"Jim won't see it like that!"

"What in Hell's name are you both talking about?" Bones demanded.

"He's planning to stay behind, to allow us to beam off the ship with Jim while he sabotages the Warp Core." Spock spat, "He's decided now is the perfect time to turn into a hero."

"Oh, Mister Spock." Khan tutted softly, "I will never be a hero, but I _did_ build this monstrosity... And a good Captain should always go down with his ship, and his crew."

"Your crew..."

The man looked Spock straight in the eye, a faint smile gracing his lips, "Are on board. And that's okay. I spent so many years apart from them, Spock, finally seeing them again, finally knowing I can be among them again when it matters the most is a comfort."

"And what about Jim?" Bones asked, taking a few steps towards him, "Do you think _he_ will be alright?!"

"I lost his trust by lying to him, and I don't know if there is anything I could ever do to win that back. But I am willing to die trying. He has to survive, Doctor, he has too much to live for, to many people to live for. I only have seventy two."

"Dammit man, I'm a doctor, but not even I can mend a broken heart!"

Khan stood up a little straighter and sucked in a breath, "I am afraid you are going to have to try."

Khan tapped a series of numbers into the pad beside him, glancing around as he watched Spock and Bones become encapsulated by golden particles, and he saw a similar glow from the hall as they were beamed off the ship.

In seconds they were gone, leaving him alone with his thoughts on the Bridge; a quick glance at the scanners told him that he didn't have very long to make his move. Feeling adrenaline rushing through him spurred his movements and he ran, long and swift strides carrying him to the engineering bay, where he cast his eye over the vast holding circuit for the ships' Warp Core.

He briefly wondered if he should go inside and attempt to smash it out of sync, the reversal of what had brought Jim to him in the first place, but he wasn't sure he'd have the strength to do so, he needed to be able to survive long enough to ensure the Enterprise could destroy the ship and save the city.

What was needed, as a surge strong enough to throw it offline, a power cut so to speak. He ran up a few steps towards a control panel, throwing it open and shoving his hands inside, attacking the wires and innards with all the effort he could muster. Finding some discarded tools helped, and before long his creative mind was flowing with science and destruction once again; he found himself grateful he had witnessed Spock hot wire a car, as what he was doing was incredibly similar.

Using parts of the phaser he still had on him, he was able to sync up the energy sources, there was just enough power in the weapon to short circuit the rest of the ship, at the very least for a long enough period of time for the Enterprise to catch up and open fire.

Holding a screwdriver between his teeth, he tangled the last selection of wires together, and took a deep breath as he rammed them together, letting out a low groan of pain as heat ran through him from the power surge, he held on tightly, watching as smoke began to rise from the access panel.

With a gasp he was plunged into darkness, hissing and spitting come from the cables in his hands, as he turned and looked towards the Warp Core, the light inside flickering and dying as its systems were overpowered. Allowing his head to fall back in relief, he felt the ship judder and shake as it fell out of Warp, and instead began a steep drop towards Earth.

Slumping, Khan allowed himself the luxury of sitting down against the wall, making sure to keep the wires pressed tightly together, to prevent the Core firing back up again. He was so tired. He'd never really felt true exhaustion before and it was just one of many new experiences he was having. Though, in the back of his mind he realised they were not new at all, they were simply forgotten. He hadn't been so human since he was a child.

He almost began to fall asleep, but was disturbed by the sound of a hail, reaching up shakily towards the nearby console, he accepted the call and winced as he was blinded by the light of the hologram, seeing Bones and the Bridge crew of the Enterprise looking back at him.

"The power is down." he told them, "No time like the present."

"We can still get you out of there Khan, we can use Scotty's algorithm for long range transportation to get you and your crew." Bones told him hurriedly.

"You can't." he shook his head, "The moment these wires leave my hands the ship will jump back to Warp and you'll have no chance of saving the city. It has to be this way."

"You're a damned fool!" the doctor shouted, "Jim wouldn't want this!"

Khan shrugged, "He wouldn't want a lot of things, including the destruction of the city he cares so much about."

"Dammit man..." he trailed off and his voice grew quieter, "You don't even look scared."

"Why would I?" he asked, confused, "For the first time in my entire life... I'm saving lives instead of taking them... That's what... That's what James Kirk would do. That's what I've learnt from him."

"He doesn't believe in no win scenarios though! He's never met a task he couldn't beat somehow! You can't do that Khan! There is no way out of this!"

"I know." he rested his head back.

Khan's eyes moved around the room slowly as he felt a low vibration shake the metal craft, he could tell from Bones' face and the face of many others in the background that the sound had been caused by the Enterprise finally arriving and he let out a long breath.

"We don't have long, if the ship hits the atmosphere it will be a lost cause, it will accelerate and you won't be able to destroy it without damaging the city. You need to fire now." he said, voice far calmer than he had ever expected it to be on the event of his own death.

"No!" Bones barked, "We will not open fire on you!"

Scoffing softly, Khan tilted his head, looking towards The Chair in the background, Sulu was still sat there. Spock was nowhere to be seen. Which meant the pilot was still the captain, "Hikaru Sulu, you told me once that if I tested you, I would fail. Consider this... Me testing you."

Everyone seemed to stop and stare at the man in The Chair, the man who could make or break the game play in that moment, Khan truly wasn't sure what he was expecting to happen, but he had hope.

"Fire all photons. Godspeed Khan."

Khan smiled. And there it was.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen: I Am Who I Am:**

"_Jim, sweetheart, you had better get your ass down those stairs or there will be trouble! You can't be late today or you'll get kicked off the course!" Winona yelled from the bottom of the staircase, holding her son's college bag in one hand and a plate of toast in the other as she waiting for him to finally get in gear._

_When she received no answer, she growled under her breath and set both articles down, venturing up the stairs as she balled a fist in annoyance at his continually unimpressive behaviour. Goodness knows why he was such hard work, but since hitting thirteen he had been a complete monster. Okay, since hitting eight he'd been a monster but recently he had been utterly uncontrollable._

_She had always dreaded the teen years, and now he was in them (or more like half way through them) she was struggling to make him understand right from wrong, and her bank balance showed that. The number of times she had been forced to bail him out of a cell for stealing or vandalism, or violence. She couldn't imagine where he'd gotten that violent streak from._

_It had only been three days since his eighteenth birthday, not that it mattered much as he seemed to loath celebrating it anyway, and he had been drinking and smoking and doing... Numerous other things well before the legal age. It was just a number to him, a number and a slip of paper to say he had an apartment waiting for him to move into as soon as he was ready._

_Her little boy was leaving home, flying the nest, or making his own nest. Whatever he wanted to call it. And despite the difficulties of the years she was going to miss him like hell._

_She knocked twice on his bedroom door, and waited for a reply. But heaved another great sigh as not a single sound came from inside, so against her better judgement she opened the door and headed inside._

_Usually, his room was spotless, he was in fact a bit of a neat freak. However, on that morning it was a tip. Empty bottles and beer cans littered the floor and desk, clothes were discarded on the floor and near the bed; that was when she noticed two sets of underwear and she suddenly had a good inclination as to why the bed looked so lumpy._

_Steadying herself, the exasperated woman strode over and yanked the covers back, ready to give her son and whatever form of harpy he had brought home with him, a piece of her mind. Though, her eyes almost popped out of her head as instead she saw her precious son curled up in the arms of another man._

"_JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK!"_

_Sitting down heavily in one of the chairs around the large conference table, Jim observed the Daystrom room with little interest, all the high ranking officers of Starfleet were present for this meeting at Head Quarters. Jim ruffled his hair and shared a glance with his newly assigned Captain, Christopher Pike, before he rolled his eyes and glared at Spock from the other side of the room._

_He couldn't believe Spock couldn't understand the meaning of friendship, his future self did, dammit! It was so irksome! He felt as though he was constantly taking one step forward and three steps back._

_He wasn't really listening to Admiral Marcus, he was instead playing around with the security photos which had been brought up on all the PADDs around the room, he tilted his head as he zoomed in on the face of the terrorist, scoffing inwardly at the typical villain features. High cheekbones, slicked back hair, menacing expression. It was a shame actually, the guy seemed pretty handsome._

"_In Harewood's confession, he names the man he was working for; his name is John Harrison. Formerly a member of Starfleet who has now gone rogue, he orchestrated the attack on the Kelvin Memorial Archive and is the reason for those forty-two deaths."_

_Jim's head snapped up as that particular piece of dialogue managed to sneak though his ears and his eyes widened as he looked back at the photographs. Sure they looked similar but there was no way..._

_He knew without a shadow of a doubt, the man in the photograph was not John Harrison. There was simply no way it could be._

_Jim leaned against the worktop in Bones's office, "Yeah, it is nothing really important just a... Hunch that's annoying me. You're absolutely sure there are no records of anyone named John Harrison on Starfleet's files?"_

"_I checked and double checked, Jim. There is no way I could have missed it." he shrugged, "But I'm a doctor, not an archivist. Why are you so hooked up on this?"_

_The blond rubbed his forehead, "Because it is a lie. When I was living in Iowa I... Knew someone called John Harrison. He was a cadet with Starfleet, home from his first assignment."_

"_So if there was a legitimate cadet with the name, it should have been on record. I see what you're getting at." the doctor hummed, "What happened to him? The Harrison you knew?"_

"_He..." Jim hesitated, "He died. He was killed in a bar brawl gone wrong. Someone brought sarcasm to a knife fight."_

"_Well, I can promise you there was no one with that name on record, until a few months ago John Harrison didn't even exist."_

_Taking the information on board, Jim stormed down to the Brig, it didn't take him long to get there and when he did, he dismissed the guards so that he could be alone with his captive, opening the communications portal so they could talk._

"_Why did Marcus tell me you are called John Harrison, if that isn't your name?" he demanded, hands resting on his hips, "And I want a straight answer from you, just remember where you are."_

"_I am well aware of where I am, Captain." the terrorist drawled in response, "It was not my choice, had it been I would have preferred to retain my real name."_

"_Right, right yeah you're called Khan... So who chose the name?"_

"_Marcus." the dark haired man answered simply._

"_That would make sense." he wetted his lips with a flick of his tongue, "So, who altered the records?"_

"_Excuse me?" Khan arched an eyebrow at him._

"_The Starfleet records, the ones that say John Harrison appeared a few months ago and has been working for Starfleet ever since. Who altered them? Was it you?" he snapped._

"_No, no Marcus did that. He took care of everything concerning my identity. Why? How do you know they were changed?"_

"_Because I knew the real John Harrison." he muttered, "I knew a cadet, with that name, who was killed. And Marcus used his name to fabricate an identity for you, a terrorist."_

"_I am what I am because of Marcus, do not tarnish me with such a broad category. I am a terrorist at the moment because it suited him for me to be one. I apologise if the memory of your friend was harmed by my existence, but I rather think there are more important things to worry about. Don't you?" Khan sneered, looking down at him._

"_He wasn't my friend." Jim spat, seething._

"_So angry. So full of fury... What are you going to do, Captain Kirk? Hit me again?"_

"_Don't tempt me." he growled, shooting him a filthy look before he stalked out._

"_Do you really think you are the only one of us to have ever taken a life we shouldn't?" Jim asked suddenly, the words tumbling from his lips before he could contain them._

"_Well I... What?" the dark haired man blinked._

_The blond heaved a breath, "Yeah. It's a shocker. Always a good ice breaker too."_

"_You... Are you serious?" Khan asked in confusion._

"_Yeah, I'm serious." he stepped back slightly and shoved his hands in his pockets, "I killed a cadet the year before I enlisted with Starfleet. It was a bar brawl gone wrong. I brought sarcasm to a knife fight."_

"_That sounds like self defence more than cold blooded murder."_

"_Khan, he was sixteen." he stated coolly, "I was the adult in that situation. Not that you'd ever have realised it. We got into a fight because I accidentally hit on his slightly older boyfriend. I made some witty comment about his boyfriend needing a real man to entertain him, something dumb like that anyway. The kid suggested we settle things outside, and me being me... I agreed._

"_Back of the building, among the trash cans, he pulled a knife and all I could do was mock him that he would never be brave enough to use it. Told him to run back home to his mother and cry about it. He slashed at me when I tried to go back inside, the kid didn't even know how to use the fucking thing, he only just scratched the surface._

"_But I knew how to use one. So I got it off him. I could have walked away, Khan. I could have been the fucking adult and walked away. But I didn't, I kept mocking him and pushing him until he ran at me, we scrapped and it ended with him having a knife in his chest. He was dead before he hit the floor."_

_Jim had bitten his tongue, held back probably the most important part of his story. The cadet he had killed, was John Harrison._

Jim gasped, eyes flying open as he took in his surroundings. Sterile, tidy, organised. Not like on the Futile. This was familiar, this was safe. He recognised the smell. San Francisco? The hospital. Everything came flooding back to him in an instant and he tried to sit up reflexively, struggling as two pairs of hands pushed him back down against the pillows.

Eyes finally focusing he saw himself looking up at the worried face of Bones and... Helena?

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Jim." the red-head smiled softly, rubbing his shoulder.

He reached up, hand quivering slightly, he caught sight of bruises on his knuckles as he pulled the oxygen mask from his face and wincing as he began breathing in the slightly cooler air of the room, "What... Happened? I feel like shit... Or like I got hit by a... Truck."

"You were stabbed, with a scalpel." Bones said stiffly, checking his vitals on the monitors, "So you can expect to feel a bit rough for a while."

"What was the damage?" he rested his head back slowly, eyelids heavy.

His friend let out a short puff, "Well, it nicked your aorta on the way in, had we not found you when we did, you would have bled out. You probably only had six or seven minutes left at the most. On top of that, you have multiple broken ribs, three fractures fingers, bruising to your liver and spleen, as well as... Well you _look_ like you were hit by a truck."

Jim raised an eyebrow slightly, reaching up and rubbing his chest, he could feel the puckering of stitches beneath the itchy gown he was wearing, "Stitches?"

"I had to operate on site. With whatever I could get my hands on." the doctor muttered, "The injury was too dangerous to open up and work on again, so yes, stitches. Seriously, Jim, what the hell happened over there?"

He paused and looked away, clicking his tongue in thought, "How would Spock put it? Communications broke down."

"Were you communicating with a battering ram?" Helena asked sceptically.

The blond shot her a gaze, aware that she might already know more than she was letting on, thanks to her other job, "Something like that..."

"I should tell you, I've run several blood tests, and... Whatever you were drugged with over there has completely suppressed Khan's DNA. You're not augmented any more, you're not better... You're just Jim again." Bones announced, pressing a small round device on the side of his face, taking some readings.

Jim grumbled at his antics but paused, frowning suddenly, "Where is Khan?"

Helena and McCoy shared a look and Jim didn't like it one little bit, he pushed himself up so he could sit properly and glared at them both, waiting for one of them to at least attempt an answer. When neither of them seemed willing to do so, he began to feel an uncomfortable twang in his stomach, a sinking feeling.

"Did he..." he croaked, "Did he make it?"

"Jim..." Helena began uncertainly, not quite making eye contact.

"Did he _make_ it?" he hissed urgently.

Bones cleared his throat and sat on the edge of Jim's bed, looking at his hands for a long moment before finally meeting his eyes, "He's here, in the hospital. He's... Not in a good way."

"What do you mean?" the blond breathed.

"Your attacker managed to lock to Futile at Warp and aimed the ship for the city, he must have realised things weren't going how he wanted them to and decided to take out as many innocent lives as he could." his friend rested a hand on his leg gently, probably the most comforting action Bones had ever made towards him, "Khan beamed Spock, you and myself back aboard the Enterprise. He stayed behind to try and slow the ship... Long enough for the Enterprise to destroy it."

Jim's eyes widened at the news, staring at him a little blankly, he'd never imagined Khan giving into sacrifice play, to lay down on the wire and let someone crawl over him. But then, he realised, Khan was doing what he would do, if their positions were reversed. And for the first time he found himself truly hating the side effects of their neural entanglement.

"Jim... Khan's crew were on board the Futile." Helena said, sitting on his other side, "Your... Stalker kidnapped them from the storage facility Starfleet were keeping them in. We don't know how he managed it yet. But it seems a fair assumption that Khan found them. The fact he was willing to allow them to die as well just shows how much he... Has changed."

"His crew? He was willing to let his crew _die_?!" Jim's mouth was dry and he shook his head, "How did he slow the ship? What exactly happened to him?"

"He manually created a power surge through the ship, cutting all power to the Warp Core. He had to remain behind to ensure the power didn't come back on. The Futile went into free fall, heading towards Earth. The Enterprise caught up and... He told Sulu to open fire." Bones audibly swallowed as he spoke, clearly not happy with how this conversation was going.

He stared, sucking in a deep breath, "Well... Shit..." Jim breathed, running a hand down his face gingerly, aware of the aches there, "But then... You said he was here... How did..."

"I contacted Ambassador Spock, on New Vulcan, and had him give me Mister Scott's theorem for transwarp beaming again." a voice said from the door way.

Jim looked around and blinked as he saw Spock stood there, he was shirtless but his torso was heavily bound with bandages, "Spock?"

"His formula was confiscated, as I am sure you remember. My future self, knowing this formula, was willing to provide it again once I informed him of what was happening." the Vulcan stated, walking into the room and standing at the end of the bed, "Using it, I was able to beam Khan's crew off the ship just before it was destroyed. And beamed across to get Khan myself."

"You... _What_?!" Jim exclaimed, sitting bolt upright, ignoring the burning in his chest as he pulled his stitches slightly, "What were you _thinking_?! You could have _died_!"

"And had I not attempted it, he _would_ have died." the other spoke as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

"But you hate him."

Spock raised a single eyebrow and tilted his head a little, "I do. But he was willing to give his life to save yours. To save thousands. But that aside, you do not hate him."

"... I..." Jim swallowed hard and shook his head, "Bones, you said he's not in a good way... What are we talking about here? I mean... I'm assuming Spock's bandages are from his rescue mission..."

"Yes, Spock managed to beam aboard and grab Khan, but mid-beam back the Warp Core detonated. Spock's got full thickness burns on the left side of his chest and left arm, we're expecting some scarring as a result." Bones tapped on his PADD as he got back to his feet.

He resisted the urge to gulp, he couldn't imagine Uhura had been best pleased with Spock's apparently disregard for his own life, let alone the fact he would be scarred for life by the ordeal. The fact that Spock seemed so disinterested in his injuries made Jim wonder just what sort of effect he had on his crew. Was his own lackadaisical attitude to his own well being that pronounced that others felt the need to follow his stead?

"Khan received burns as well," Helena brushed her hair over her shoulder as she spoke, "He had a second degree burn, partial thickness, to his right leg, and a full thickness burn to his back. He will scar."

"Wait... Khan's not healing either?" Jim asked, his mind was so foggy about what had happened after he'd been injected, it was a blur, "Was he drugged as well?"

"Unfortunately," Bones nodded, "He was. And he took quite a beating, far more severe than your own."

"How severe?"

His friend hesitated, sharing another look with Helena, and then with Spock before he finally spoke again, "He is in a coma."

"What?" he gasped, his head pounding as his blood pressure shot through the roof.

"He has a broken radial bone, it had penetrated through the skin though we think he manipulated it back into position himself, fractured skull in two places, broken ribs, broken collar bone, bruising to the oesophagus from strangulation, significant brain bruising and swelling... He had a huge bleed... He was in surgery for nine hours..." the doctor continued, not daring to look at his friend, then gestured towards Helena, "We had to call Doctor Connors over from Iowa to treat him."

"Fuck." Jim breathed, slumping back against the pillows, "Fuck..."

There was some niggling part of him that felt guilty. He was the Captain of the Enterprise, his duty was to ensure to safety of his crew, every single member, including Khan. And he had failed tremendously. Not only had he left the ship, entered negotiations with a madman who'd turned out to be his father, allowed his temper to get the better of him and had his ass handed to him for his trouble... He'd allowed Sulu to face the impossible decision of commanding the ship through it all.

And Khan... He couldn't believe the change in him. The willingness to sacrifice his own life to save the lives of others... It was just such a _Jim_ thing to do. He couldn't help but despise their neural link in that moment, knowing it had led to such horrific injuries. If Khan was still the cold, manipulative murder he'd first met he wouldn't now be in such an awful condition.

"This... Is all my fault." he groaned, "If I had just insisted he stay on the Enterprise..."

"You think he'd have actually listened to you?" Bones snorted, "I've known you a long time Jim, and I thought I would never see the day when I met someone _more_ stubborn than you. But Khan just seems to love proving people wrong."

"I would have to agree with the doctor, Khan would have followed you regardless of your orders." Spock said, "He sacrificed himself because, as much as I hate to say it, there is some good in him."

Jim clenched his jaw and looked away, "He did what I would have done."

"Indeed, you are a good influence on him." the Vulcan sighed at that, as if he was reluctant to admit it.

"I don't think I consciously had much to do with it though, did I?" he was growing irritated.

"No matter what he told you," his friend began, "No level of neural entanglement is strong enough to completely flip a being's personality. Khan ceased being a murderous savage, not just because of the entanglement, but because you became a positive role model in his life, someone he could see was as strong as him, yet kinder. He changed because of you, not because of what's in your head."

"Wait... Neural entanglement?" Bones asked, "What are you talking about?"

"It's a long story Bones, to cut it short, the cryotubes his crew are in have a defensive programme that works through neural pathways, keeps their memories fresh in case they woke up suddenly and needed to fight. I got affected when you put me in one, then when his DNA was administered it changed me to be like him because it thought I was him... Because of the neural entanglement of me being in a cryotube... It's very confusing, and I'm tired, so I've probably missed a few key points but... Why do you look so worried?"

The doctor shifted uncomfortably, sharing a look with Helena before he rested his hand over his mouth, "To aid his healing... We... Put him back inside his own cryotube."

Jim stared for a brief moment before he sighed and rolled his eyes, "Right, so he's going to get a nice blast of his old life, and that might travel through the entanglement, and I might turn a little homicidal."

"It's... A risk."

"I'll cope. I survived last time he was put back to sleep." he paused and clicked his tongue, "How long do I have to stay here for?"

Bones hesitated, something felt off about how Jim was acting, he was so blasé about everything, like he didn't care and yet the doctor knew that wasn't true. It was like seeing an echo of the old, carefree, arrogant, dislikeable Jim surfacing, like a coping mechanism.

"About a week." Helena told him, "We need to keep an eye on your heart, make sure it is healing properly, and then you will be allowed to go."

Spock observed his friend, finding it uncomfortable to see how distant he was acting towards everything he had been told. In all honesty, he had expected tears, screaming, anger. At the very least some form of outward emotion concerning Khan's condition, but all there had been was that gasp, the wide eyes, the stunned silence, and then... Nothing. It was like Jim had brought down the shutters, locked himself away from what he'd been told. Ignoring it. Spock knew better than most how harmful that could be.

"Alright," Jim murmured, plans already forming in his mind about what he would do when he was released from his sterile prison, "How long are you around for Helena? I assume you'll be heading home soon?"

"Actually, I've got an apartment in the city, so I'll be sticking around for a while. I have some... Business plans to expand on." she gave him a knowing smile, "So I'll be around for some time yet."

"Perfect." he replied, plans practically finalised with that news, "Maybe I can give you a tour of the city once I'm out of here, it would be good to catch up properly."

"I'll look forward to it."

Bones and Spock shared a long look, both equally unhappy with how this seemed to be going, "Well, I think we should leave Jim to get some sleep for now, he needs plenty of rest to recover." the doctor stated firmly.

Jim said nothing, silently watching the three of them leave his room, the door closing behind them. But as soon as they were gone he let out a long breath, allowing his head to fall back against the pillows as his eyes stung.

He felt an uncontrollable rage bubbling deep inside, a roaring fire with a burning need to react, to do something, to do anything. But he was stuck in this bed, in this room, in this hospital. And despite knowing his friends were not far away, he'd never felt so alone.

His mind wandered to probably the most physically isolated event of his life, his climb in the Warp Core. He had been alone, having knocked Scotty unconscious in order to protect him, and he had made that climb. Every second had been agonising, the feeling of his every cell breaking down and fizzling out to nothing, he had been choking, suffocating, maddening. And yet he had never felt so completely encompassed by his friends, by his family. It had been the strangest of feelings, being so alone, and yet knowing he was anything but.

There had been a ship full of people depending on him, relying on him to make that climb, to move that Core, to make the sacrifice. He could remember his thoughts, he'd spent the ascension thinking about the people who meant the most to him, his nearest and dearest. Spock, Bones, Scotty, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov... And the memory of their faces, and the special moments he had shared with each of them was what had given him the strength to carry on. To reach the Warp Core, and to find the inner power and will to smash it back into position. He had succeeded because he hadn't been alone, not really.

It was such a strange thing. To find, in his dying moments that he had been so involved, so cared for, and so caring, and yet now he felt so very solitary. Confined, restricted, cut off. In truth, he felt like he'd lost a limb. He'd grown so used to turning around and seeing Khan's teasing eyes looking back at him, the knowing smirk, the bashful learning curves, the passion. Somehow, he didn't feel whole without that.

And that was what made him so furious. He had heard Uhura scolding Spock about his disregard for life, not thinking about the people he would leave behind, and not appearing to care, the day they had flown down to Kronos together. He'd understood her anger then, and he found he understood it even better now.

Had Khan thought about him at all in those closing moments? When he had made the decision to stay behind on the Futile and give his own life to save countless others, what had he been thinking? Had he been at all concerned about Jim? About the impact his death would have? Had he been afraid?

Jim smacked his hand against his leg in frustration as tears rolled down his cheeks and he let out a yell, swearing into the aether before let out a small choked sob, his heart aching and feeling too heavy for him to carry.

It had been so much easier when he could just sleep with whoever he wanted, to forget a day, or a week, to alleviate some of his own self loathing, to make him feel better about the cluster fuck of mistakes he kept making. Khan had put a stop to that. He'd made him confront, at least some of, his demons, to acknowledge things about himself he had previously tried very hard not to.

All his life, he'd pushed people away, it had felt safer than letting them in, letting them get close to him. There had always been that little lingering feeling that he wasn't good enough, and he'd always gone over the top trying to prove otherwise, while systematically hurting people at the same time.

He let out a soft pant, sitting forward in the bed and allowing his hands to fall into his lap. He couldn't stay here.

Bones made his rounds, leaving Jim till last so he could pluck up the courage to face his friend again, and maybe try to get him to talk about whatever pent up feelings he was experiencing. It wasn't a conversation he was overly looking forward to. Jim could be hostile, volatile, not overly good with his feelings at the best of times. But with Khan's current situation he imagined the man to be ten times worse.

With a sigh, he pushed open the door and peered inside, expecting to see Jim asleep still, however his heart sank when all that greeted him was an empty bed, and disconnected wires.

"Shit." he breathed, "Where'd you go Jim?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen: The Fall:**

It was nightfall when Jim found his new apartment, it was over the other side of the city to his old one, but was more modern and up to date, it had several added benefits, like the fact that no one from the Enterprise knew that he'd been moved there, so he would have all the time in the world to plan his next move without some overbearing, logic sprouting busybody to come in and disrupt him.

He slumped down on the sleek leather sofa and stared out of the window, he was on the top floor and had a gorgeous view of the cityscape, the lights and the traffic, the life out there. It wasn't the view he longed for, he longed for stars and planets and new life. But it didn't seem like he'd be able to enjoy that anytime soon. Again.

Knowing that by now Bones would likely have found his room empty, and alerted Spock to his disappearance, he found himself even more determined to carry on down this new path. It would be rocky, dangerous and lonely. But it was what he needed to do. No one else was going to get hurt because of him.

A day. A week. Three weeks. Jim had given up counting, there was no sense to it; no purpose and no meaning. Sat day after day, minute after minute, completely unable to do anything else. He'd called in some favours, had some equipment delivered to his apartment, a pile of technological junk to be honest, but it had kept his mind occupied. Setting up trackers, monitors, triangulation devices, attempting to get any sign of George Kirk on Earth. There'd been so sign, not even a singular blip on the screen. The man was a ghost.

Was it madness or mania, with which he now tried to hunt him down? He wasn't sure any more. All he knew for sure, was that he needed something to occupy his mind to stop him completely losing it.

The scattered cups of cheap coffee which littered almost every surface of the apartment were only accompanied by the aroma of the beverage which still lingered in the air. Sleep had become an unnecessary hindrance, as had eating. It was too time consuming, he needed to be able to move out at a moments notice, if there was a sign or a sighting he had to be ready to go.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he was making himself sick. Not sleeping and not eating, it was taking a toll, a slow one but nevertheless, he felt fatigued all the time, while his mind was sharp from the caffeine, his body ached for rest. But he couldn't sleep, he couldn't lay down in a bed that Khan wasn't also sharing. It felt too empty.

He had refused to answer any calls, and there had been many. Spock, Bones, Spock again, Uhura, Bones again... It didn't matter. His task was far too important. He knew they would try to stop him, to make him see sense. But he didn't want to see sense. He wanted to work. He wanted to catch George and end things once and for all. Where once he had believed it impossible to end the life of his own father, he now longed for it. His only regret was that he hadn't finished the job on the Futile. Khan would understand... He would have understood... But he wasn't around. So it was Jim. Just Jim.

He sat back slowly on the couch as a bout of melancholy fell over him, his mind lingering on the thought of his lover. Not that he was ever far from his mind.

He'd had snippets, flashes, touches of memories that didn't belong to him, scenes from whatever programme Khan had installed in the cryotubes. They hadn't been too bad, mostly intimate family moments with his crew, bonding after a victory, planning what to do next, arguing with his best friend about his love life.

It had been strange to see Khan in such a different light, to see him truly at home, surrounded by the people he loved. He'd pictured Khan's life to be a constant war, never ending and never relenting, but actually it was more like his own life aboard the Enterprise. It truly was a family. The savagery Khan had displayed in the past had been restrained purely for combat, while among his own he was... Normal. Friendly, warm, welcoming. He was like an older brother.

But there were other memories. Darker ones. Full of malice, anger, hate, pain. Those memories were terrifying, not because of their content but because they had an impact on Jim's own mental stability. Flaring his temper, his rage, his own pain, making him more determined, making him more furious.

For the first time he truly understood what Khan had meant when he'd spoken about that all encompassing darkness, the threat of violence making his heart skip with excitement, the desire to do harm making his head buzz with endorphins, and the pleasure of know he could so easily give in to all that temptation. He could go rogue, he could injure, maim, even kill and it would all lead to one outcome... Satisfaction, he would feel better about himself.

He'd never expected to find such a familiarity with Khan's darker side. While Jim used sex to make himself feel better about himself, Khan used violence. He had to ask himself, how he had he failed to realise that?

Jim stood up suddenly, pacing the room and allowing his tongue to dance against his teeth in a nervous flit, it had been _weeks_ and there had been no sign of George anywhere. He'd exhausted almost every avenue he could think of, except for one. That one idea which had come to him in the hospital.

Perhaps it was time for him to dabble in his own savagery.

The Hell-Raiser was a back end bar in the grottiest part of San Francisco imaginable. A hotbed of anarchy, drug deals, prostitution, exploitation and so much more. It was the dream hangout for any and every criminal in the city. It was the underbelly; the dirty little secret everyone pretended not to know about.

Cops wouldn't touch it. Couldn't touch it. Not when the woman in charge had enough information of every high ranking police officer to bring the entire organisation to its knees with a few phone calls.

It was the playground of the illegal and high risk.

Jim had never set foot inside the San Francisco branch, but he was well known and very familiar with its sister bar in Iowa. There'd been a time during his misguided youth when all things prohibited and felonious had held high interest for him. He truly had enjoyed being the only genius-level repeat-offender in the city.

The San Francisco Hell-Raiser was dimly lit, shady and ever so slightly sexual. It was a place where anything goes, with only one rule: no weapons over the threshold, the only people carrying were the bar staff and the bouncers, and they definitely weren't the kind of people to be pissed off.

Jim took a seat in the back corner of the bar, drinking the low quality beer he'd bought and kicking his feet up on the table. Smoke was swirling around the room like a haze, turning every shade of the rainbow under the lights as the booming music drowned out the voices of the other customers.

He'd gained a few looks on entry, he didn't care. They either knew him as the Captain of the Enterprise, or they knew him for his old job. The job he didn't talk about, the job he _never_ talked about. Either way, it didn't matter. No one would be causing trouble for him tonight. And why was that? Because of the company he was keeping.

"I didn't think you were ever going to turn up." Helena smirked, crossing her legs as she sat beside him, stealing his beer and taking a deep swig, "It is rude to keep a girl waiting, Jim."

"I've had a lot on my mind, what can I say?" he muttered, meeting her gaze.

She chuckled softly, brushing her hair behind her ear, "I can imagine. I must say, you have your friends in an absolute uproar, leaving the hospital like that... They have been incredibly worried."

"They are always worrying about something, they'll get over it." he shrugged, "What about you? Were you worried?"

"Me? Of course not." she leaned in and rested her chin on his shoulder, fluttering her eyelashes sweetly, "I know where you live."

"Of course you do." he rolled his eyes, "I have to be honest, I didn't realise you'd set up in the city, last I heard you'd settled for the criminal underbelly in Iowa, with no plans of expanding."

"You shouldn't believe everything you hear, if I did that I'd be out of business." she teased, "Mm, but you are half right. I was considering keeping my network purely at home, but then I started hearing so many interesting stories coming out of this city, I just had to find out more."

He snorted, she never changed. As he had once told Khan, being a doctor was just a sideline for her, Helena's real passion was intelligence. An information broker, one of the best, maybe even _the_ best. She had information on every single company in Iowa, every scandal, every secret, every dodgy deal ever made. She could bring the entire city down with just a couple of emails. She was beautiful, powerful and influential, and she knew it.

And once upon a time, he'd worked for her. He'd enjoyed the danger of being around someone akin to an open flame, it was exciting, sexual, passionate. Everything he craved. They'd dated for eighteen months before he had called it off. Aside from Khan, it was the closest he'd ever come to having a proper long term relationship. Of course it had started out as just work and sex, business and pleasure. But there had been a small spark there.

It hadn't worked out.

"So, I gather you're hoping I have the intel you need into a certain... Terrorist?" she inspected her scarlet painted nails in thought.

"Ah it's like you can read my mind." he said sarcastically, looking out over the bar, "You already know who he is, don't you?"

"I have heard... Whispers." she admitted, "I must admit, even I find it hard to believe that dead men can destroy buildings."

"Tell me about it." he muttered.

"So, is it true? Is he George Kirk?" Helena asked.

He let out a long sigh and glanced at her, stealing his beer back, "Yeah."

"Well, shit." she let out a soft laugh, sitting back and sliding an arm around him, "That must have been... Hard on you. Considering what happened on the Futile."

"You can say that again. It was a shock, for sure, but it doesn't matter in the long run. He's hurt too many people, father or not I need to take him down." he clicked his tongue in thought, "I want to keep it low key, his death inspired a generation of Starfleet cadets, I don't want that ruined."

"Are you sure it's not your personal image you're worried about?"

"Excuse me?" Jim hissed, scowling at her.

She held her hands up defensively, "It is a genuine question, Jim! I know you, remember? You're one of the most self absorbed men I've ever met. It's hard to imagine this not being, at least in part, about your overly inflated ego."

He spluttered for a moment, trying to decide how to respond when he rolled his eyes again and huffed, "Maybe it is, a little bit, but what does that matter? He needs taking down, end of story."

"And you're the one to do it?" she raised an eyebrow, "Are you actually capable of killing your own father?"

"I've been capable of a lot, Helena, as I am sure you remember." he snapped, looking away sharply, "I'm really not in the mood for twenty questions. Do you have the information or not?"

She ran her tongue over her teeth and tutted, "Of course I do. But I will need paying, even if you are an old friend."

"I expected as much, I have the money. I'm assuming your prices haven't changed too much."

He looked at her as she didn't answer, and she was giving him a look he recognised well, head on the side, doe eyes all wide, lips slightly pouted. She wasn't interested in his money. Perhaps Khan's first instincts about her had been correct, he'd said she'd made him uncomfortable with her flirting and touchy feely tendencies. Maybe that was what she'd been aiming for from the start.

He was flattered, to think that all these years later she still wanted him, but there was the awkward reality that he was no longer on the market, something she was all too aware of. But he knew her. She was under no obligation to give him the information he wanted, she never allowed business and pleasure to get muddied enough that she'd give free information to friends. That wasn't how she ran her enterprise.

But he _needed_ that information. He was going mad without it. The idea that George could be running around anywhere, still planning to destroy Starfleet, still homicidal, still deranged. It was utterly maddening. He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand the idea of people being in danger because he'd allowed the man to get away.

But Khan...

Khan wasn't there, he quickly found himself reminded, Khan was in a coma on the other side of the city, in a cryotube because he'd decided to play the martyr. Khan had left him, just as he'd sworn not to. Even if he couldn't control the fact he was in a coma, he'd chosen to stay on that ship. He'd chosen to give his life up.

Jim knew he'd done it for all the right reasons, but that part of his brain wasn't functioning. He was irrational, irritated, angry, lonely, furious. He was so FURIOUS. At everyone. At everything. Starfleet. The Enterprise. Khan. Helena. Himself. It was like a white hot fire pumping through his veins and he let out a small hiss as his head burned, another memory, another life.

But the rage. It was so consuming. So intense. So heated. So distracting from all other thoughts. All other feelings. All he had was the anger.

Was this Khan's influence? Their neural link going into overdrive? He'd never felt anger quite like it before and it was terrifying, yet so enticing. Giving into that rage would be so... Gratifying.

He felt his heart accelerate, his pupils dilate. Excitement. Desire. Darkness. He'd never wanted to surrender to it more than that moment. Was this how Khan had felt all the time? A constant battle of good and bad raging in his very core. He'd always seemed to calm. Maybe that was the true meaning of savagery.

"Perhaps we could go somewhere a little more private to talk about this?" he asked, standing slowly and resting his empty bottle on the table.

"Mm, sounds like an excellent idea. I have an apartment upstairs." she grabbed his hand, quite eagerly, and dragged him away from the bar scene.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty: The Point Of No Return:**

Helena's apartment was lavish compared to the bar below, with a clean and sterile black and white theme running the entire length of the place. She was brazen with her money, with high end furnishings and decorations. Yet she wasn't cluttered. Everything was pristine, having a specific place for every little item. Each vase or statue placed with significant thought.

She hadn't changed at all.

Jim walked down the hallway after her, glancing around with only mild interest, though he found himself coming to an abrupt stop in the large lounge, eyes falling on the beautiful ebony grand piano near the window.

He'd bought her that, she was a keen musician already skilled with the violin and flute, and she'd been interested in learning the piano as well. It was one of the most expensive gifts he'd ever bought anyone, but it had been worth it to see the look of absolute joy on her face. He wasn't sure why it surprised him so much to see it.

Eyes moving across the room until he found her again, she was leaning against the wall, arms folded loosely as she watched him, she was smirking and there was an amused glint in her eyes.

"I couldn't leave it behind," she mused, gesturing to the piano, "I'd miss it too much."

"Do you still play?" he asked, walking towards it slowly, allowing his fingers to brush over the varnished wood.

"All the time. Do you?"

Jim faltered slightly and glanced at her, then back at the piano, "I haven't played for a long time... Somehow I just... Lost touch with it."

Heels clacked against the stone flooring as she strode over, lifting the fall-board to reveal the black and white keys beneath, she smiled at him slightly and pulled the stool out, sitting at one end and patting the space beside her.

"Do you remember how you used to play for me in the evenings? In the bar and in private?" Helena asked as he sat down slowly.

"How could I forget?" he muttered, "You worked me so hard my fingers hurt."

"You loved every second of it." she waved a hand dismissively, "Perhaps you could play for me now?"

He hesitated, "Hel, I haven't played in years."

"It's like riding a bicycle." she scolded playfully, lifting his hands and plonking them awkwardly on the keys, "At least try, for me? Please?"

Jim let out a heavy sigh and gave in, allowing his fingers to become reacquainted with the piano as he feet found the pedals underneath, he was certain he could still remember her favourite piece of music, she really hadn't changed that much in the few years he hadn't seen her.

He allowed his fingers to dance across the keys, clumsy at first, finding their way from memory, though more certain and confident after a short time. Music filled the apartment, a slow melody, dark and seductive, much like the woman beside him. Much like himself, he supposed.

It had been so long since he'd played, it was strange how it all came flooding back to him, it really was like riding a bicycle, memories stored away in the little crevasses of the mind, coming out to give him guidance.

"You play as beautifully as ever, Jim." Helena smiled, resting her chin on her hand as she watched him, "I've missed this. Those golden months we had, we were unstoppable."

"We should have been stopped long before we did half of what we did." he muttered in response, not lifting his eyes from the keys.

"You still resent it? Even now?"

"At the time I didn't, it was everything I could have wanted. The job, the money, the sex, the thrill. It was like being alive for the first time." he admitted, allowing himself to cast his mind back fleetingly, "But some things can't be taken back."

She puffed out a breath at that, "You're still hung up on him? The kid that died?"

"It's not something you just forget."

"I have. I don't understand why you can't."

Jim allowed his eyes to flick up to her face, he was scowling, but still he continued playing, "He was a sixteen year old kid, Helena, and I had to watch him die."

"He was an idiot, Jim, he brought a knife into my bar." she hissed, "There are reasons why only my staff are allowed to carry on the premises."

"It doesn't matter. He was a child. There were better ways of handling it."

"Like what?"

He clenched his teeth, "Like having one of the bouncers take him outside and stop him coming back in. Why did you send me? You knew I'd been drinking."

"I knew you could handle it." she scoffed, getting to her feet slowly, "It was a bar brawl, Jim, nothing more. The kid brought a weapon to my bar, no one gets away with that."

"He still ended up dead." he murmured.

She let out an exasperated breath and walked off into the kitchen, leaving him to continue playing the piano.

Jim felt his shoulders slump slightly as she disappeared from sight, his mind reliving that moment again for what felt like the millionth time. It wasn't something he could forget. He allowed his fingers to slide off the keys finally and he stood up, walking towards one of the vast floor to ceiling windows, allowing his hands to rest on his hips as he stared out at the city nightlife.

Once upon a time, Jim had been her right hand man. An enforcer for her broker business. It truly had been everything he'd ever wanted, the money had been good; the respect had been great; the feeling of power had been ego inflating. They'd worked together for almost a year, and been together for eighteen months of that time. He'd been happy. Getting paid to get into fights and show he could give as many punches as he could take.

But it had all come crumbling down around him on that night.

John Harrison, the real one, had been a sixteen year old punk visiting the Iowa based Hell-Raiser with a group of Starfleet cadets. He'd been loud, obnoxious and rude, insulting the bar staff, the waitresses and the other patrons. No idea that he was in the centre of all criminal life in the city.

Helena had asked Jim to deal with him, having become annoyed at the kid's attitude. Jim had been drinking, it was his night off, but it didn't seem like the kid would be too much of a handful, so he had agreed to sort him out.

They'd ended up out the back, alone. Jim had been his usual sarcastic self, winding the kid up. John had brought a knife to the bar, something he'd been unaware of, and during their scrap outside the knife had been pulled.

As he had told Khan, the kid barely knew one end of the blade from the other, he'd managed to get a swipe at Jim, but it had barely drawn blood, and it had been oh so easy to get it off him. But rather than walking away, like he should have done, Jim had wound him up even more. And the brawl ended with John Harrison dead and a knife in his gut.

The police had become involved, but Jim had escaped prosecution because of Helena's mountain of intel, the cops were too scared to even touch him for something that serious. Minor crimes were one thing, she let those slide, allowed him to take his punishment, but murder? She had protected him. Even while he'd wanted to take the wrap, he wanted to be punished for it. He'd killed a sixteen year old kid, and why? Because he was drunk and stupid.

His relationship with her had ended shortly after, he couldn't hack that life any more, so he'd made a clean break. And by good fortune, Pike had found him in a bar only months later and convinced him to enlist with Starfleet. A clean break, a new city, new friends, people who had no idea who he was apart from being the son of a famous Captain.

Jim ran a hand down his face, he was beginning to regret coming back to her apartment, there were so many memories, and while most of them were good there were the bad ones as well, memories he'd separated himself from, believed he'd moved on from.

This wasn't who he was any more. He wasn't the crook, the enforcer, the right hand man. He was the guy in charge, he was the one giving orders, the one people looked up to.

"What am I doing here?" he whispered to himself, swallowing hard as he stood up.

The only thing Khan had ever warned him about was giving into that darkness, and even while he was now free of his DNA and the genetic changes that came with it, the darkness remained because their minds were linked, and Khan wasn't there to help him hold back that shadow. He had to do it himself, or risk losing himself forever.

He had been so stupid.

Jim walked towards the kitchen and stuck his head around the door, watching as Helena poured two hefty glasses of champagne, she was beautiful, smart, funny and ruthless. She'd been his world at one point, but no longer. That was the old Jim.

"Helena, I'm heading off." he said softly.

"What?" her head snapped around look at him, "You're leaving? But... We haven't... I haven't given you the intel you wanted."

"I know." he said simply, "The truth is, no matter how much I want that information... I'm afraid I simply can't afford it."

She stared at him for a long moment, putting the champagne bottle down, "Is this because of our little trip down memory lane?"

"In part, yes." he shrugged, "But honestly? I'm not who I used to be. And while I'm sure that, if I went into that bedroom with you, I'd have an incredibly fun and memorable time... It's not what I want. And I'd never be able to look Khan in the eye again."

Helena sighed and leaned against the counter, "Your friend at the hospital, McCoy, he said you weren't the same guy I used to know. I kind of just wanted to see how true that was."

Jim frowned, "What do you mean?"

"What we had Jim, it was wonderful and special and fun, and everything I wanted it to be. But it wasn't love." she tilted her head, "I've never seen you so willing to kill another human being for hurting someone dear to you, that tells me that whatever you have with him, with Khan... It's worth holding onto."

"You were never going to sleep with me, where you?" he smirked slightly.

"I might have, if you'd insisted." she closed the distance between them slowly and reached up, stroking his cheek, "I'm glad your friend was right about you. You've grown up."

"I wouldn't quite say that." he chuckled weakly.

"Oh, I would. You finally think about other people before yourself, that's important, especially for a Captain." she dropped her hand to her side and considered her next words, "You are the closest thing I have to a real friend, Jim, and for that reason... I'm going to give you the information you wanted, for free."

His eyes widened slightly, "What? Really?"

"Yeah." she giggled at his surprise, lifting her PADD from the counter and typing briefly, "I've sent everything you need to know to your PADD, happy hunting."

He heard the soft beep from his own device and smiled, leaning in and kissing her on the cheek, "Thank you."

"I'll see you at the hospital when you visit next." she said as she watched him run from her apartment with an all new skip in his step.

Her smile faded as the door closed and she picked up her communicator, she didn't want to betray his confidence but it the dark circles under his eyes, and the defined weight loss hadn't escaped her notice. He wasn't looking after himself.

She knew him, better than he believed she did, and she knew that when he spiralled he did so hard, and it would take a strong helping hand to get him back out of it. He'd been AWOL for long enough already, it was time to stick him back in the spotlight, before he got too bad.

Jim hit the streets hard, mounting his motorbike and taking off without so much as a backwards glance. Adrenaline was rushing through him as he wove through the night-time traffic with reckless abandon. He knew he wasn't invincible any more, another collision would leave him dead for certain, but where was the challenge if he conformed and wore a helmet.

He meandered the hustle of San Francisco's highways, expression set in a look of determination as his desire to do some serious damage to his father rose. There was no way he was going to lose him again, not until he'd been given the chance to repay his cruelty in kind.

Helena's intel led him to an industrial estate, mostly abandoned at this time of the evening, he scanned the area for signs of life, just to make sure. As he dismounted his bike and retrieved his phaser from the compartment under the seat, he made confident steps towards the large metal gates he'd stopped in front of.

The padlock on the gates had been disturbed, it looked recent, and he became acutely aware that he was walking into, effectively, his enemy's lair. He slipped through the entrance and into the industrial waste ground, he felt hyperactive as he strode onwards, like he could be attacked at any passing interval, any break in the large storage crates provided a chance of ambush.

Phaser held aloft, he clenched his teeth as he took notice of the red kill light, he wanted to be able to keep it activated, but as his conscience tickled the back of his brain he set it to stun. Outright killing George was one sure way to the point of no return, he'd planned it all in his head, but now he was here it felt... Wrong. Perhaps it would be better to take him alive and see justice served.

The gentle crunch of the dusty sand beneath his feet was the only sound of life in the vicinity, his path illuminated only faintly by the overhead moon and stars, he began searching the surrounding buildings, Helena's intel could only take him so far, she'd given him the location, but it was down to him to find the right building.

There were dozens of buildings, clustered together across the expansive waste area. Half of them were disused, abandoned and in need of repair. But there was one, right at the edge of the fencing, it looked newly renovated, and there were lights on inside.

He grew tense, the building feeling of anticipation growing in his belly at the idea that he'd once again come face to face with his father. Jim made a swift approach, finding the doors already ajar he slipped inside, heart thundering in his chest.

The warehouse was mostly empty, aside from some metal trolleys; a few tables; chairs; and a large computer at the end of the room. There was no sign of George around at all, so he took measured steps towards the tech and began looking around for an indication of where the man could be.

He pressed a few buttons, managing to get the computer turned on and pausing as he was greeted with a screen full of his own face, a camera apparently attached somewhere nearby. He sighed heavily, beginning to feel disheartened. He had been so sure George would be here.

"Always one step behind." he muttered, sitting down in one of the chairs, spinning it a little as he considered his options.

"I knew you'd find a way to track me down eventually, I'm impressed to be honest." a voice suddenly filled the building, its source was the computer in front of him.

"What the..." Jim sat bolt upright, scooting closer to the screen as it flickered and changed to show him George's face, rather than his own, "Where the hell are you?"

"I beamed out as soon as you arrived at the gates," the man replied, "What, you didn't think I'd have security set up?"

The blond snarled under his breath, "This cat and mouse game is becoming boring."

"I was rather enjoying myself." George mused, tapping his cheek with a finger in mock thought, "Let me level with you though, seeing as you worked so hard and managed to make it so far... I'm finished with you, playing games and toying with you, I'm done. It's time for me to focus on the bigger picture."

"Destroying Starfleet?"

"Exactly. It's been fun, toying with you all this time and seeing just how good you are. But... Well, I suppose you are right, it has grown boring."

Jim gritted his teeth, "It's not to late to stop this, to end it all. You don't need to do this, whatever it is you're planning... Just stop. You can still make this right."

The man on the other end of the conversation seemed to consider it for a moment, "As interesting an idea as it sounds... I'll decline. See you around Jim."

The call cut and Jim was left frustrated, running a hand through his hair as he got to his feet, he paced for a good minute before the rhythmic sound of beeping reached his ears and he looked around, leaning down slowly and peering under the desk, his eyes widening in realisation of what he was looking at before he swore as loud as he lungs would allow and sprinted towards the exit.

He reached the doors just as the countdown reached its climax, giving into a moment of utter silence, before there was an earth shattering boom and a massive explosion billowed out from the computer, the force sending Jim flying the rest of the way out of the building.

Hitting the ground with a crunch, he choked back pain as his wrist creaked painfully under him, bent awkwardly under his body weight; he winced as heat rushed off his back, slightly singing his hair. He rolled carefully into his back and watched as the warehouse went up in flames.

Another fucking bomb. Why wasn't he surprised?


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One: Getting Back On Track:**

Jim closed his eyes as Bones ran a scanner over him, growling slightly as something was pressed on his face, "Bones get that thing off my face."

"Oh stop whining, I'm almost done." the doctor replied sharply, "This never would have happened if you'd stayed in hospital and talked to someone about your feelings."

"I don't need a lecture, I need treatment." he grumbled, glaring up at his friend.

"My goodness, we are in a foul mood aren't we?" Bones sighed, pulling back before he sat down on the chair beside the bed, examining Jim's wrist, "I wish I could put your grumpiness down to the bang on the head, but we both know that's not the case. You've haven't been eating have you? Or sleeping? You look sick."

"I don't want to talk about it." he muttered, resting his head back against the pillows.

His friend glared at him, "Well, I'm afraid we are going to talk about it, because if we don't... I'll be forced to take your command away until you're in a fit enough condition to have it returned."

Kirk looked around sharply, surprised by his tone of voice, he swallowed and bit his bottom lip, "I just needed to find him, make him pay or bring him in... Make sure he couldn't hurt anyone else."

"So you just stopped eating and sleeping? Jim that's madness."

"It... It just happened, okay? I didn't plan to do it, it just... Sleeping was a waste of time, I was barely getting any rest. It just seemed easier to tank up on coffee and work through it." he spluttered, it was hard to defend himself when actually, even he knew it had been stupid.

"Jim, I've never seen you like this before. It's worrying, but we can fix it, alright?" Bones leaned forwards until he had no choice but to look at him, "I wish you'd spoken to someone, anyone. You left the hospital without a note, without a word to anyone, we had no idea where you were, what you were doing or if you were injured. You'd not long had heart surgery. I'm honestly shocked you're still standing."

"I'm sorry." he said quietly.

His friend paused at that, it was so unusual to hear the blond apologise for anything, he was normally so resistant to taking any kind of blame, and he felt himself soften slightly towards him, "I understand. You've been through a hell of a lot recently. It was always bound to take a toll."

"You can say that again." he muttered.

"So, until you're back on your feet, you're going to come and live with me. I have a spare room, and at least I can keep an eye on you. But you have to promise me you will start eating again. I don't want to admit you and feed you through a tube, it's not pretty." Bones smiled weakly.

"What... No, Bones I can't impose on you like that, you said when we graduated that if you ever had to share a room with me again you'd hang yourself and-"

"And I was joking." McCoy said firmly, raising his eyebrows, "You wouldn't be imposing. I want to help you get back on your feet. Khan is going to need you when he wakes up."

"I..." Jim paused and let out a small sigh, "Okay."

"The brunet smiled at that and nodded, "Then it is decided, excellent."

Jim fell silent as his wrist was treated, he was fortunate and it was only a sprain, but he was fitted with a brace to support it, and help it heal faster, he couldn't help but miss being augmented, even a little bit. He missed the strength and the speed, the energy, he missed Khan.

"Wait, Bones, you said when Khan wakes up... You mean, he's going to wake up?" he asked suddenly, realisation hitting him like a train.

"Yeah, I've been trying to call you for the past week about it. We took him out of cryosleep about three hours ago, he's recovering well, he's still unconscious at the moment but... With any luck we will be waking him up in about two weeks." Bones answered as he made a few notes on his PADD.

Jim let out a breathless laugh, hardly able to believe it, "He's not going to die?"

"That's generally what I was implying, yes."

"I... I don't know what to say..." he whispered, heart lifting slightly, "I thought the worst and... I can't believe it."

The doctor chuckled gently, getting to his feet, "I guess on this occasion I can say I'm a miracle worker then."

"You'd have no complaints from me."

"That makes a change!" Bones smirked widely, catching a brief glimpse of the normal Jim behind a pout, "Do you want to see him?"

He hesitated, he wanted to see Khan incredibly badly, it had been three weeks, maybe more, keeping track of time hadn't really been a priority. But he'd fucked up so badly in that time, he felt guilty for even having considered sleeping with Helena, cheating on Khan. The one thing he said he'd never do. Technically he'd kept his word but the fact he'd contemplated it was just as bad, at least in his mind.

Would Khan know? After all, Jim had been seeing Khan's memories, would Khan have been seeing the same?

But, in the end, he could help himself, "Yeah... I really want to see him." he murmured, sappy smile on his face.

"Alright, we can pop in before I take you to my apartment, he's going to be fine Jim. He'll be back to his normal pig-headed self in no time at all." his friend finished his notes.

"And his DNA? His augmentation?" Jim asked curiously.

"Well, from all my tests it seems that he is as human as you and I. I don't know if it's permanent, I wasn't able to get any samples of the drug used on you both, but if it is permanent, then I guess he will have to get used to being normal. I'm sure he'll cope as long as he has you."

Jim felt himself flush at the comment and cleared his throat, "Shut up Bones..." he swung his legs off the bed and got to his feet, "How's Spock?"

"He's fine. Worried sick about you and acting like a lost puppy without his favourite person to argue with, but he'll be a lot better once he knows you're alive and doing relatively okay. He went around to your apartment a couple of times, but he said you never answered the door."

"How did he find my flat? I didn't tell anyone where it was." he frowned.

"This is Spock we're talking about. He's the master at finding a way to do practically everything."

The blond laughed at that, nodding slightly, "True enough." he paused and looked at his friend as they left the room together, "Thanks for this Bones."

"Don't thank me, Jim." the man shook his head, "It makes me extremely uncomfortable."

"Yeah right."

"I could throw up on you, if you need proof?"

"I'll pass." Jim scoffed.

They came to a stop outside of the room Khan had been kept in, Bones rested a hand on his friend's shoulder before pushing the door open for him and allowing him to go inside. The air of the room was still chilly from the remnant coolness of the body in the bed, Khan looked completely at peace, fast asleep almost.

He still had some bruising to his face and there was an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, helping keep his stats nice and stable. Jim could see the scar in his hairline from the surgery he'd had to save his life.

The blond lingered at the door for a long moment, before finally approaching, his legs feeling like lead, just as they had the first time he'd entered Khan's room all those months ago. He perched on the edge of the bed and carefully threaded his fingers with the sleeping man's.

He suddenly felt incredibly stupid for having isolated himself like he had, it was foolish, reckless, unnecessary. He should always have been here, waiting for Khan to pull through, making sure everything was running smoothly. He felt selfish for having run away.

"I'm such an idiot." he sighed.

"No arguments here."

"I miss him, Bones." Jim glanced up at his friend, "I've never really missed anyone before. You know what I'm like I don't... Let people get close. It was always so much easier to use them and then get rid of them. But... He wormed his way in, I didn't realise how much."

"You'll get him back, Jim, sooner than you think." there was a calming tone to his voice.

"I know. But it doesn't make it any easier."

"It never does," the doctor checked Khan's monitors, keeping himself busy, "But you have the rest of your lives to make up for the amount of time you've missed out on."

"The rest of our lives, huh?" Jim let out a long breath, "You know, that doesn't sound bad actually. Not bad at all."

It was a strange experience to live with McCoy again after so long, he had almost forgotten the comfort to be had from spending time with a friend. It was strangely peaceful in the apartment, though as ever Jim brought his own little hurricane of chaos with him, nothing that Bones wasn't used to though.

True to his word, Jim had made the effort to start sleeping again, and was eating more regularly, and once Bones had observed his weight going in the right direction again, he stopped watching him like a hawk.

A week passed in that fashion, with Jim returning more and more to his usual self, upbeat and ready for anything. He'd even picked up an old hobby, tinkering with some of the left over equipment he'd gathered.

He'd confided in Bones about the identity of their terrorist, his friend had been stunned, disbelieving and gobsmacked at the time, but it had felt good to get it off his chest, for him to say those words aloud and have someone hear him. They'd agreed to keep it between them for now, Jim reasoned that if Starfleet knew George was the culprit it could destroy years of inspiration and hero stories.

Perhaps it was out of some misguided sense of disappointment, a desire to maintain the name of George Kirk, or maybe it was his own vanity. His pride at being known as the son of the man who'd saved eight hundred lives. Either way, it was staying under wraps for the time being.

Jim glanced up from his tinkering as Bones padded into the front room, wearing only a pair of pale blue pyjama bottoms, the doctor slid a mug of tea across the table towards him.

"Are you still playing with that thing?" he asked, watching as Jim threaded some incredibly fine wires around the inside of his creation, "What even is it?"

"Yeah, still playing." he chuckled, clipping something into place, "It's a portal PADD, with an inbuilt communicator. You strap it to your arm, it has all the same functions but it's easier to carry and maintain. No more fumbling with stuff in your pockets."

"I see... It's not going to blow up is it? I remember the last time you decided to get all technical."

Jim shot him a glare, "No it won't blow up. I've got two minor problems... Shit, make that three... But they just need a bit of tweaking."

"You could ask Spock to help you, you know? He is a Science Officer after all." Bones chuckled softly.

"Yeah, but he would also lecture me on the... I don't know, the Starfleet Regulation against the manhandling of Starfleet equipment without due care and attention." he smirked, sipping his tea gratefully, "Mm, that is so much better than the shit I make."

"I don't think Starfleet have a Regulation for... Oh, no, I see sarcasm." the brunet rolled his eyes, and snorted, "I know, your tea sucks. I can't imagine how Khan put up with it for so long. It's like poison."

Jim grinned widely at that, "The first time he tried it, I swear he nearly spat it back out. He decided to be polite though, and drank it."

The doctor cringed, "The whole cup?"

"Yeah, the whole lot. Same as at my mum's place." he laughed wickedly at the recollection of the look of repulsion on Khan's face, "He doesn't know that it's an inside joke, he never said anything either!"

"Brave man," Bones shook his head, "Brave man indeed. Your tea is like drinking radioactive Klingon piss."

Jim looked slightly disgusted, "Thanks Bones, always knew you were on my side."

The pair fell into a comfortable silence after a while, Jim returned to his tinkering while the other read a medical text book. It was no different to their Academy days. No different at all. Well, actually that wasn't strictly true. There was a distinct lack of half naked women around, which, in McCoy's mind told him just how much Khan meant to Jim. It was curious to see his friend so sentimental about a singular person, when he knew him so well for being more than a little polyamorous.

Bones lowered his book again slightly as he watched Jim smack the device he was working on with a hammer, apparently trying to loosen something which had gone wrong, reluctantly invested now, "So, when did you actually have time to come up with this idea?"

"Oh... It's something I've been playing around with for years, right back in the Academy I was drawing up plans to make this thing. Took me a while to find the right materials, though I guess purloining them from the Starfleet store room doesn't really count as finding..." the blond chuckled, eyes fixed on his work, " And then... I spent three weeks cooped up with my own company, with nothing more or less to do than mope and work. So... I made a start on it."

"How did a brat like you end up with so many working brain cells?" the other asked in an exasperated breath.

"Because brains come with beauty, and I have that in buckets." he grinned, peeking up at his friend in time to see his eyes roll, "Besides, I'm not just doing this for me. Think of it as a prototype, I could get funding from Starfleet, end up getting this turned into everyday equipment. Think how much easier it would be on ground exploration, you wouldn't run the risk of losing your communicator, and you'd have a wealth of information on your arm."

"Fascinating Jim." Bones regretted being invested, tech-talk had never been his forte, "Speaking of arms... How's the wrist?"

Jim paused, glancing at the strap bound around his arm, "Not bad. Stiff and uncomfortable, but the painkillers keep it at bay. It's feeling better every day though." he shrugged.

"Hm, I think we can probably take the strap off at the end of the week, maybe even on the day we try waking Khan up, seeing as you'd be at the hospital anyway. You'll need some gentle exercises to help loosen the muscles, but afterwards you should be fighting fit."

Jim smirked at that, "If Khan's getting woken up, I'm sure I can think of a few hand exercises."

"And there I was, believing you were a reformed character." Bones shook his head, trying to hide his own smirk at Jim's returned sense of humour.

The blond sat back, crossing his legs, "Me? Reformed? Are you joking?" he asked sarcastically, shaking his head in amusement before he mellowed a little, "When you wake Khan up... Do you think... Will he have any memory loss? I know when you pulled me out of cryosleep I was a little... Disorientated."

"I think he'll be fine, considering the last time we woke him up the first thing he said was your name." the doctor replied, "Your red-head friend seems fairly confident that he's escaped brain damage as well, so... All things being said, I can't think of a better outcome."

Jim smiled at that, genuinely, "Good... That's really good. So, he won't try to strangle me when he wakes up and sees me standing over him?"

"Well, that's hard to say. I know _I_ would if you were looming." Bones teased.

"Oh, you are hilarious." he rolled his eyes dramatically, before a small breath escaped him at the idea of being reunited with his dark haired lover.

McCoy tried to return to his book, however there was one burning question still nagging at him, and he slowly dropped the novel into his lap, "Jim, I can't believe I am actually asking you this but... How many times did you actually sleep with him? I mean, you're normally pretty active in that department, and you always seem pretty chipper afterwards... Yet you haven't seemed particularly different when Khan's been around..."

"Once." he interrupted, inwardly wishing it had been far more.

"Sorry, what?"

"I said... Once." he repeated, shooting him a playful glare, "We only... It was only one time, on the Enterprise, before we beamed onto the Futile."

"Are you joking? _You_ abstained for _that_ long?" the doctor's face was the picture of disbelief.

"Hey! I'm not addicted!" he protested, pausing for a moment, "Alright I'm not _that_ addicted! It just... It didn't feel necessary. It wasn't about the physical side of things, it felt like... There was a physiological and emotional connection... A physical one was just a natural progression over time."

Bones raised his eyebrows, chuckling softly, "Wow, wow Jim... You actually successfully dated someone before getting them into bed. You should be proud."

"Oh shut up." he pouted, "Like your love life if going anywhere right now."

"I'll have you know, I have been courting a very nice young lady from the Science Division." the doctor answered shrewdly.

The blond stared for a moment, mind ticking before he gasped, "No way, Carol?!"

"What the- How did you guess just from that?"

"Well, you're not exactly subtle. It's always been obvious that you had a thing for her." he shrugged and then offered him a genuine smile, "How's it going?"

"Very well actually," the doctor said proudly, "Six dinner dates, four walks in the park, two kisses in the storage room on the Enterprise and she still-"

"Hasn't killed you?"

"_Dumped me_, you asshole." Bones glared.

Jim held his hands up in surrender, "I'm happy for you, really, I am. It's about time you got yourself back out there."

Jim meant it, honestly, the very first time he'd met his human best friend he'd told him how his wife had taken "the whole damn planet in the divorce" and while he'd never pressed him for any details into his messy marriage, he knew Bones hadn't really gotten into any serious relationships since, something about trust issues. It was good to see him with a spring in his step, and to see that old romantic flare rearing its head.

He supposed, with a musing thought, that they were all getting back on track, in their own way.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Rekindle:**

The week passed slowly for Jim, he was on edge, restless, desperate for that moment to come when Bones would take him to the hospital to see Khan awake. It got to a point where he would literally watch the clock, counting down the minutes until he fell asleep.

And then, finally, the day came. They were at the hospital by mid-afternoon, where Helena had already begun the process of reducing sedation. Jim had expected it to be uncomfortable, being in the same room as her again after what had happened between them, but it wasn't. She treated him like a friend, and he repaid her in kind. In that moment, all that really mattered, was Khan.

Jim perched himself on the edge of the bed, listening to the rhythmic bleeping of the monitors as several of Khan's body functions began to return to a more regular and normalised rate. Heart pumping strong and confidently, temperature level and even, muscle reflexes all normal.

Stroking the back of his hand with his fingers, Jim waited. It was the longest wait of his life, yet was in reality only about fifteen minutes.

Khan's eyes began to flicker before his pale lids fluttered open slowly, revealing those beautiful ice blue eyes which had been hidden beyond. He looked confused at first, blinking multiple times to clear his vision, gaze flicking to Jim's face.

"Hey." the blond whispered, leaning forward slowly and resting a hand on his cheek, "It's alright, you're safe."

The other watched him for a long moment, brain catching up to his body, wincing slightly at the unfamiliar feeling of pain running through him, "I... Feel like I've been... Hit by a truck..."

"You're not far off." he laughed weakly, fighting back relieved tears, "You're lucky to be alive at all!"

"I am?" he frowned, trying to recall the last thing he properly remembered, eyes flashing suddenly as he tried to sit up, "The Futile... You were stabbed... Dying even... What the... What the _fuck_ happened?!"

Jim almost laughed, hearing Khan swear was a special event, "Hey, sit back, you're still a bit beaten up, take it steady." he pushed him back down firmly but gently, "I'm fine, certainly not dead. What do you remember? Talk me through it."

Khan looked around the room, taking in the presence of Bones and Helena near the door, his actions slightly twitchy, which was normal for someone coming around from a cryosleep stint, "The Futile was locked at Warp, headed for Earth. I was trying to stop it, George had fled but you; Spock and Bones were on the ship... I beamed you back to the Enterprise and stayed behind... I had to stop the ship."

The blond nodded, "That's right. And you succeeded. Sulu was able to destroy the Futile."

"But... If that's true, how am I here?" Khan began numbly touching his own arms and legs to test that he wasn't dreaming, "It was a suicide mission."

"It was, but lucky for you... Spock wasn't quite ready to give up on you." he let out a breath, "He used a transwarp formula to beam back aboard and rescue you, as well as your crew. They're safely back in storage again."

"Spock... Saved me?"

"Yeah, it seems your determination to save not only the crew of the Enterprise, but San Francisco as well, moved him." Jim chuckled weakly, "You both sustained some injuries, burns mostly, they'll scar but... The main thing is that you're both alive."

Khan licked his lips, staring up at Jim for a long moment, "I saw you, in my dreams... I saw you sinking into darkness, swallowed whole by it... I feared the worst."

Surprised, Jim swallowed, "It... It was a close call, but in the end my friends managed to pull me back from it."

"I'm glad."

"So am I." he admitted, glancing at Bones briefly, "You've been here for nearly four weeks, you had some pretty bad injuries from the fight... But they've patched you up, almost as good as new. You're going to be fine."

"I'm relieved to hear it... I remember... A lot of pain at the time, I'm not surprised it's taken this long for me to be brought round." he looked over towards the two doctors in the corner, "Thank you."

"It was nothing." Helena waved a hand, "I'm just glad you're back to keep Jim in line."

"Oh? Has he been acting up?" Khan asked.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." Jim said quickly.

"Is that why your wrist is strapped up?"

"Stop being observant and rest." he muttered, "We can talk about it all later. I just want to be able to enjoy knowing you're alive, because I so nearly lost you Khan and... You have no idea what it would do to me if you died."

"I have an idea." the dark haired man smiled weakly, grabbing Jim's hand in his own gently, lacing their fingers together, "I would kill me if I lost you, Jim, and for a while I thought I had."

"Well then..." Jim croaked, trying not to get over emotional, "Next time you decide to go on a one man suicide mission... Don't. And we'll be just fine."

Khan chuckled at that, "I can't make any promises. You're worth dying for."

"Alright guys, let's break this up before I throw up on you both." Bones walked over, pulling his notes out, "Honestly, all this soppy romance shit is disgusting, you should both be utterly ashamed of yourselves."

In the days following Khan's release from hospital, things were good. Bones had been more than happy with his recovery and had discharged him with flying colours, also allowing Jim to return to his own apartment now that there was someone to keep an eye on him. Jim had been surprised, and somewhat relieved to find that someone, most likely Spock, had been to his apartment and cleaned it for him during his stay at McCoy's flat. The equipment he had come by was gone, surfaces were spotless and there wasn't a single speck of coffee to be seen.

There had been a brief awkward moment, during which Bones informed Khan about exactly how bad Jim had been during his cryosleep, Khan had been less than impressed to hear about it and was increasingly displeased that Jim had allowed himself to get in such a state.

Jim, on the other hand, was ecstatic, Khan was alive; awake; functional and had intact memories. Literally nothing could dampen his spirits. It was good to finally be able to sleep in his own bed again, and with someone nestled in beside him. He had appreciated Bones' hospitality, but sleeping alone was something he wasn't sure he could have dealt with for much longer.

He was still shifty about his actions during Khan's absence, knowing he would have to come clean eventually was a less than comfortable feeling, but he wanted to enjoy just spending time with the man he cared about. He was at least relieved that he had use of both hands back, his wrist strap having been removed just hours after Khan's awakening.

Khan was having to adapt to being normal, not healing and not being as strong, he was taking it well, and didn't seem overly bothered by the burn scars on his back and leg, a small price, he thought, to have survived.

The man in question was, at that moment, reclined on the bed reading, still under orders to take things easy while he adjusted. Jim was watching him from the living room as he finished the last bits of paperwork he had left over from his report concerning the events at the industrial estate.

It was hard to concentrate, however, and he gave up. Prowling instead, into the bedroom and climbing onto the bed beside his lover, sliding an arm around him and settling down eagerly, glancing over what he was reading.

"Have you heard from Mister Scott?" Khan asked, glancing at him with a small smile, "How's the Enterprise?"

"Repairs are going well, he thinks we'll be ready for take off in a month or two." he replied, "I really wish people would stop blowing holes in my ship. You would not believe the ear bashing I get from the Admirals every single time I bring her back into the docks."

"Ha, I can imagine, and as someone who previously blew holes in that ship, I humbly apologise." he lowered his book and put it on the side, sliding both arms around Jim instead.

"Apology accepted." the blond purred, leaning up and capturing his lips.

"Mm, if this is what I get for apologising... I should be sorry more often." Khan mused against his lips, rolling them slowly so he was perched on top of the smaller blond male.

"Don't push your luck." Jim smirked.

"I like pushing my luck." he teased.

Kirk chuckled at that, sighing contentedly before he let out a slightly less comfortable breath, "We should talk, about what happened while you were asleep."

"There's no need."

"There is... There are things I need to tell you." Jim insisted, pushing Khan back slowly and sitting up, "I... I need to be honest."

The dark haired male ran a hand through his hair, "James you don't need to be honest. I already know what happened."

"You... What?"

"I saw everything." he admitted, brushing Jim's cheek with his fingertips, "There was so little else for my mind to do while I slept, it latched onto you. I saw everything. I know everything. That's what I meant when I told you I'd seen the darkness engulfing you."

Jim stared, not entirely sure what to say, "And you're not mad?"

"Why would I be? I've done far worse."

"But I nearly... I was going to have sex with Helena for information and you're... Alright with that?" he was completely confused.

"No. It's not a case of being alright." Khan sighed deeply, trying to explain, "Just as you once felt and understood everything from my perspective, and were able to come to terms with why I did the things I did... I've now experienced the same with you. I felt everything you did, thought everything you did. I'm not happy about it, but I don't hate you for it."

"I... See..." this was uncomfortable, he was sure it would be easier to deal with if Khan was yelling.

"Besides," Khan leaned in and kissed his forehead, "You didn't go through with it. And for that, I am proud of you."

Jim sat back slowly, relieved and yet conflicted, "So... If you saw everything, you know about John Harrison?"

"The real one? Yes." he admitted, "I must admit I'm confused as to why Marcus would go to the lengths of giving me the name of a Starfleet cadet who had legitimately existed."

"I don't know, but that's why I was so determined to be the one to hunt you down... I had to be sure you weren't the John Harrison I knew, the one I... Killed. You look alike, to a degree, I wanted to make sure." he explained, "I was... Half afraid of you being him because... Well... I was sure he was dead."

"I understand." Khan nodded, "I have to admit, as disquieting as it is to find out I was given that name, when the man actually existed, I'm glad. Had I had any other name, it may not have been you who came to get me."

"Well, that's true enough." Jim smiled slightly, "I am so glad I didn't fire those torpedoes at you."

"I'm rather pleased as well." the other teased, leaning in and stealing a kiss from him.

The kiss spiralled over into a mixture of lazy passion as they tangled their limbs together and slowly descended into a more heated exchange, pressing against one and other and sharing soft gasps at the contact. Cold fingers crept under the hem of clothing and began to strip it from the model, only to be discarded on the floor in a heap.

Khan was the first to be robbed of his clothing, unashamed to lay there with nothing on but his own skin as he entangled his lover in deep forceful kisses, arousal growing and desire taking hold; nimble fingers plundering Jim of his own clothing. He rolled them, pressing down against Jim as he threw aside his last garment, allowing their bodies to grind together for what felt like the first time in ages. He couldn't help but smirk at the flushed expression on the other's face.

They touched, trailing teasing contact against each other's skin, nipping and biting as their kisses great more urgent, Khan lifted Jim's legs either side of his waist, glancing down at him with confidence before he gasped as they rolled again suddenly and Jim straddled his waist, groaning under his breath as the others' weight pressed against him.

"Mm, What are you doing?" he asked between kisses as the blond rocked against his lap, eliciting a groan from him.

"Making up... For lost time..." Jim answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Now... Shh." he breathed against his ear.

Khan let his eyes slip closed as Jim's mouth moved down his neck and shoulder, trailing a track of wet kisses against his skin as he did so; a stuttering moan left his lips as he struggled with the possessive dominant side of himself which demanded to seize control of the situation again. He decided, for once, not to listen to it.

His back arched suddenly as the sinful warmth of his lover's mouth engulfed him, the feeling of his tongue swirling against his flesh was enough to tip him into madness, his eyes opening as he glanced downwards, pupils dilating at the sight which greeted him.

Afraid he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer, he allowed his dominant side to show, grabbing Jim forcefully and pushing him back down onto the bed, claiming his mouth as he made quick work of preparing him, penetrating quickly and setting up a steady rhythm of urgent thrusts.

Their gasps and cries of pleasure echoed through the apartment, neither of them were going to last. It had been too long since their last encounter, and they both _needed_ this. Climaxes washed over them at the same time, euphoric highs leaving them smiling and panting as they collapsed in a heap against the pillows.

Khan pulled Jim in close, burying his face in his hair and enjoying the scent of his lover; Jim tangled their legs, glad that this time they didn't have to rush off and act like nothing had happened. This was significant, it was important.

"I meant what I said, you know, it would destroy me if I lost you." Khan whispered, "I've never felt this way before, James, even among my own people. They started pairing off, having relationships, planning families, falling in love but I never did. I never felt like there was anyone in the world that was strong enough to keep me in line, yet tender enough to care about the small things. Someone who could be reckless and challenging, but kind and considerate. No one captured my interest, not until I saw you on Kronos. The way you moved, the way you fought, you were so... Powerful. It was enticing."

Jim swallowed at his words, looking up at him, almost shyly, "I wish I could say no one had ever interested me before, but it would be a lie. But... The truth is that no one has be able to tame me the way you have. No one has meant so much to me that they became my everything. And you have. You've changed me, for the better, and I'm so... I feel alive with you."

"It doesn't matter to me if you've slept with thousands of men and women, the fact is that you're here with me now, and at least one of us has some form of experience in the bedroom, because to be honest... I'm just going off instinct." the other grinned sheepishly, "I love you, James Tiberius Kirk. Flaws and all."

His heart stuttered in his chest, eyes widening at his words, his mouth went dry and he knew, he knew if he didn't say anything in that moment he would never be able to, "I... Khan I..."

"You don't have to say anything," a soft kiss on the nose, "I know how much you fear it."

"I love you." he said firmly, his face turning beetroot red in response, "Fuck it... I love you Khan."

Khan was rarely stunned, but he stared at Jim with his mouth hanging slightly open, "I... I thought you were against saying those words?" he asked sceptically.

"I... I am... Fuck, I am. But... You nearly died! I nearly died! We all nearly fucking died. And when I realised I'd rather destroy a city than lose you, because you mean more to be than anyone else ever has... How can I deny those feelings when I'm ready to do that for you." he almost shouted it, it felt so good to say it all out loud for once, "I used sex to make myself feel better... For years... But I've never once felt like I had to do that with you because... You make me feel like a better person... And if you can do that... How can I not love you?"

Khan chuckled softly, reaching out and stroking his face; his neck; his hair; whatever he could reach, "Your past doesn't worry me, James, I mean what were you meant to do until you found someone as amazing as me?"

"Okay, now you just sound like me, kind of creepy." Jim laughed, feeling like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he felt an insane sense of joy, "I wish I'd told you sooner, you deserve to know."

"As do you James, as do you."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three: The Protection Defection:**

Dodging the rapid fire from the enemy ground troops, Jim sprinted across the wasteland; diving for cover behind a partially decimated wall, he glanced around quickly as he saw Khan join him, not far away and crouched behind an overturned truck, with a small but persistently bleeding cut on his forehead. Throwing his gaze out again, he saw Uhura fling herself under a heap of tarpaulin to catch her breath, a moment later he saw her peek out to assess the situation. Sulu was flat on his back, having been stunned earlier in the fight.

Scotty appeared at his side, sweating and panting heavily, just as much as he had done when he'd opened the airlock in the Vengeance, the man half collapsed against the wall beside his Captain.

"Captain we getting slaughtered out here, we need to pull back a wee bit, else we're a long time dead!" he shouted over the roaring phaser fire that was keeping them pinned.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious, Scotty!" he shouted back, "I was aware of the current predicament!"

"Then you already have a canny plan?"

"Uh..." Jim paused and looked around momentarily, "I have... Half a plan."

"Oh, excellent Captain." the Scotsman yelled sarcastically.

The blond rolled his eyes, "Quit your whining, you're starting to sound like Bones."

"Where is he anyway?"

"No idea, must have been held up by something... Spock's missing too! We'll find them when this is over." he glanced around again, carefully peeping up over the edge of the wall he was hidden behind.

His gaze fell on a partially crushed car not far from his position, it as half buried under a destroyed shed, but it looked functional. He clicked his tongue and glanced towards where the enemy was firing from, his plan beginning to come together. He ducked down as he saw a phaser shot coming towards him and it singed the wall where his head had previously been.

He pulled out his communicator, linking the call to his crew in the area, watching as Uhura and Khan answered, he made sure to call Sulu as well, just in case the man came around anytime soon, "Listen up, we're under heavy fire, they're outnumbering us and we've got... Two phasers between us. Our choices are limited but I have a plan. We need to direct their fire, blind them to everything else that moves."

"That would make sense, but how do you plan to do that?" Scotty asked from beside him.

"Well, Khan and Uhura are going to cover me, and I'm going to provide that distraction. On my mark, rush them, shoot anything that moves." he replied, glancing at the other two, he received a quick confirmation nod from Uhura before his eyes flicked to Khan.

The dark haired man's face was the picture of concern, and he was likely assessing any and all flaws with the plan, however after a moment he gave a defiant nod of his head, bowing to Jim's authority as Captain. That was something which made Jim incredibly proud.

"Alright, Kirk out." he snapped the device shut and pocketed it.

He sat for a moment, puffing out a few breaths and cricking his neck, adrenaline pumping through his every fibre before he sprinted out, dodging and side stepping as he was aimed at instantly, almost laughing he felt like he was back on the dance floor, weaving and twisting like a ballerina.

Jim hissed as a beam of phaser energy skimmed his cheek, burning his skin slightly, but he dived, sliding into the car he'd seen and taking cover inside as he ripped the control panel off and began to hot wire the vehicle. He was incredibly relieved when the engine roared into life and he put his foot down on the accelerator.

Sliding down in the seat so he could just about see what he was doing, he smashed his foot down again and drove straight towards the enemy fire, slapping a hand on the car's horn twice, his signal to Khan and Uhura.

He wasn't disappointed, as the enemy scattered to avoid the oncoming car, the two armed members of his crew opened fire, taking down several of the panicking foes. As he grew closer to them, closer to the wall they were using for cover, he weighted down the accelerator and jumped out, at the last minute, smashing straight into one of the men who'd been shooting at the car, he wrestled his phaser off him and stunned the man. He quickly ran for cover, skidding and landing on his back behind a large pile of rubble.

He blinked as a bright light suddenly came on overhead and the scene around him shifting back to the form of a glistening white training room, situated in Starfleet HQ. A loud alarm rang over head, signifying the end of the training session.

The blond winced as he looked up at the face of Sulu, the man holding a hand out to help him up, "Have a nice nap, Mister Sulu?" he asked in jest.

"One of the better ones since you became Captain, Sir." the pilot replied in good humour.

Jim laughed at that and limped off towards Khan, who was already receiving butterfly stitches on his brow from one of the on call nurses, he glanced over his shoulder at the crumpled crew of the USS Journeyman, oh sweet success.

"How's the head?" he asked Khan as he got close enough.

"Surprisingly sore, it is taking a while for me to adjust to being... Normal." the other chuckled, lifting his hand and touching the small puckered line, "How do you function like this?"

"No good asking me, I'd gotten used to being like you. It's... Taking some time for me to adjust as well." he admitted.

They chuckled softly, before Jim took Khan's hand in his, "So, how was that for a romantic date?"

"You consider training and beating up another crew... To be a romantic date?" he teased.

"No, but you do." the blond shrugged, "You were a super soldier, it seemed... Logical that you'd enjoy it."

"I..." Khan paused, slightly surprised at Jim's observation, though he quickly realised he shouldn't expect any less from him, "I did enjoy it. Thank you. Do you fancy getting some dinner?"

"God yes, I'm starving."

Dinner was a pleasant affair, the majority of which they spent dissecting each other's battle instincts. Perhaps not the most affectionate conversation but it was something they both seemed equally passionate about.

According to Khan, Jim was impulsive; reckless; irrational; hotheaded and had a tendency to play the hero. Pretty damning negative points, but he had redeeming factors as well, based in his excellent leadership; intuition; tactical analysis; concern for his comrades, and he packed a mean punch.

Jim laughed at him for being so picky about it, but he knew he was right, and admitted as much. He was aware he had severely poor personal management skills and was almost incapable of listening to anyone other than his own ego. But he did make sure to point out that he was, in most situations, rarely wrong when his gut instinct was involved.

After several mouthfuls of food, Khan sat back and asked what Jim thought his weak points were, mentally telling himself he would only ever allow James Tiberius Kirk that honour.

Jim was stumped, was he really meant to canvas Mister Perfect? He decided he'd give it a good try!

"You're strong in every area of combat, precise and accurate, skilled in every sense. Not being augmented doesn't affect that, you still have all your battle knowledge, information you built up over years of combat. You have an excellent mind for tactical warfare, and you can think three steps ahead of your enemy, as well as crush them with brute force," he paused and swallowed a bite of food, "But, you have a slight tremor in your left hand, it caused you to miss one of your targets earlier today. I think... You've always had it, but you were able to control it easier when you were augmented."

"That is incredibly observant." Khan agreed, "I'd add that one of my greatest downfalls is probably how much I worry about you when we're in combat. It does occasionally interfere with my concentration, it is something I'll have to learn to deal with."

They left the restaurant not long after, Jim found himself happily nestled against the taller man's side, arms linked as he allowed his head to rest against his shoulder.

The blond looked up at Khan after a moment, "By the way, did I mention how incredibly impressed I am with how you've been mingling with the crew?"

"They are your family, James, and by extension my family as well now, how could I not mingle?" he asked sceptically, before raising an eyebrow at just how happy it seemed to make the other man, "I am glad it makes you happy."

"I know but, it can't always be easy with the looks you get. I know they are far fewer than they used to be, but I really appreciate the effort you've been making. It means a lot to me. I... I actually got you a small gift to say thank you... Hang on where did I put it."

Jim pulled back and patted down his pockets until he found what he was looking for, pulling out a palm sized velvet box from his jacket and placing it gently in Khan's hand. The dark haired man observed for a moment, he wasn't sure he'd ever been given a gift in his life.

"I... Don't have anything to give you in return..." he muttered.

"Its a present, you don't have to give me one back." the blond told him simply, "Just... Open it..."

He was a little overwhelmed by the adorable expression on the other's face, clearly there as some form of concern that he wouldn't like whatever was in the box. Though he found that to be highly unlikely. Khan flipped the box lid up and paused, staring at the contents.

It was a silver wristwatch. The face appeared to have been crafted from opal, judging by the slight sheen of colour which glimmered as the item was moved from side to side, it looked like an incredibly well made and robust time piece.

He pulled the watch free from the box and had a closer look, there was a strange warmth to it, like it had captured all the heat of Jim's pocket and stored it all inside, he flipped it over as he felt a small etching on the back of the face, and his expression softened as he read the words, throat growing just a little tight.

_I love you to the stars and back_

It was amusing to consider just how a single line of writing could define them so well, define who they were and where they'd come from, how they'd managed to get to where they were now. It fitted them so well.

"It is perfect, thank you." he announced, sliding an arm around Jim's waist and ensnaring him into a toe curling kiss.

"That's one hell of a compliment from you." Jim purred against his lips.

"It deserves to be complimented." he breathed against him, pecking him once more before he put the watch on his left wrist and inspected it once more, "Thank you, James, it really is perfect."

"You're welcome." the blond replied, leaning up slowly and sliding his arms around Khan's shoulders, hugging him tightly and letting out a breath as he relished the feeling of the action being returned.

Bones slammed the PADD down in front of Spock, frustration oozing from him as the Vulcan appeared to remain unconvinced, "Look at the results yourself, tell me they are wrong now!"

"Doctor please calm yourself." the other man sighed, looking the results over regardless, his head tilting slightly, "Wait... These are from earlier today? During the training match? Are you certain?"

"Of course I am certain, that's what I've been trying to tell you!" the man threw his hands up, "I crossmatched some data, some new samples as well as some old ones and I'm telling you, without a shadow of a doubt..."

"How long do we have before something happens?"

"I can't say for sure, it's a ticking time bomb. But a massive burst of Cortisol _could_ trigger it." he rubbed his chin, "We need to pull him in, put him under observation."

"Cortisol is a stress hormone, yes?" Spock mused, "That is troubling... I agree, we should call him back in, run some more tests, try and find something conclusive."

"I don't like it when you agree with me Spock." Bones hissed, "I'll get everything set up, we can get him in first thing tomorrow morning. He isn't going to be happy though."

Rolling over in bed, Jim grumbled as his communicator buzzed loudly beside him, jostling him from his tranquil state of sleep; he picked up the device and flicked it open, "Kirk here." he said, rubbing his eyes as he checked the clock, it was four in the morning.

"Jim! Jim it's Helena!"

He sat bolt upright, she sounded petrified, she sounded like she was crying, "What's wrong?"

"Your dad... He came to the bar..." she sobbed down the phone, sirens blaring loudly in the background, "He took everything! Hacked into my data bases, he stole all my intel... Jim I have nothing left, he set fire to the bar... I barely got out of there..."

"Shit!" he jumped out of bed, yanking on pants as he moved, "Are you hurt?"

"Just a few scrapes, but... My information was all that I had to protect me from the companies I was blackmailing... Without it... They'll all come after me."

Jim turned and looked towards the bed, Khan was sat up watching him, "Get out of there. Head to the hospital. Bones is on a late shift, he'll still be there. Tell him what happened, get him to take you somewhere safe."

"O-Okay, I'll try. He took my car as well, there's no buses this late at night. I'll have to walk."

"What? No don't walk! Get one of the regulars to drive you!" he barked, worry dripping from his every word.

"I-I can't." she whimpered, "He killed everyone."

Jim swallowed hard, leaning against the wall for support. He'd never heard her sound so terrified in her life, she was scared out of her wits, "Do not walk to the hospital, do you hear me? I'm coming to get you, just stay there, keep hidden."

Holding the phone between his ear and shoulder, he yanked his clothes on, keeping her on the line in case she needed him; he watched as Khan dressed as well, without a word and as soon as boots were tied, he grabbed his jacket and keys, running from the apartment along side the dark haired man.

They mounted his motorbike together, Jim handed the phone to Khan so he could concentrate as he revved the engine. Shooting off through the early morning traffic, he wove his way between cars and vans, daybreak was barely peeking over the horizon, but the first rays of sunlight were beginning to shoot up like spears.

"Has she said anything?" he yelled back to Khan over the roar of the wind in his ears.

"Nothing yet!" the man replied, "She keeps saying thank you!"

"Tell her to hold on! We'll be there in a matter of minutes!"

Jim looked ahead, against the greyness of the early morning hues he could see the plumes of thick black smoke, coming from the Hell-Raiser and it served as a homing beacon for him to follow. He couldn't help but keep repeating in his mind for her told hold on, he was coming, he was going to get her and get her somewhere safe, she'd be fine.

"Tell her we're nearly there!" he called back again.

"I've told her! She says she'll wait near the bins!" Khan replied before he faltered, "Oh fuck! She says he's coming back! And he's got a weapon!"

Jim's heart jumped and he twisted the throttle, skidding down the street as he turned sharply, the blue flashing lights of fire engines and ambulances almost blinding him. He turned the engine off and ran, feet pounding hard on the tarmac.

He slowed as he saw Helena, she was laid in the middle of the car park, on her back. His heart stuttered as he stumbled over his own feet, walking towards her.

"No..." he breathed, dropping to his knees and grabbing one of her hands.

She was conscious, just about, but she was bleeding heavily from a phaser wound in her chest; her breathing was stunted and tears were rolling down her face as she looked up at him.

"Hel..." he whispered, leaning over slowly so she could see him properly, "You're fine, we'll get you to the hospital in no time, Bones will patch you up."

She let out a wet wheezy breath, "J-Jim... You can't fool me... I'm... A doctor, remember?"

Jim faltered, reaching out and brushing her hair back off her face, "Who says I'm fooling, huh? You just need to stay awake. Think you can do that?"

The red-head let out a weak chuckle, "You've certainly... Never struggled to keep... Me awake in the... Past..."

He laughed at that, "Cheeky." Jim's face saddened slightly, she was growing clammy, her skin was turning a sickly grey shade and her breathing was laboured.

A gargled choking sound escaped her throat and she gripped his hand all the tighter, "I really wish... Things had word out with us... You're a... A good man, Jim... Better than I deserved..."

Licking his lips with a swipe of his tongue, he forced a small sad smile, "Don't talk stupid, you could have had any man you wanted, but you were willing to settle for me."

"I never... Thought I was settling for... Anything less... Than the best..." she gasped out, coughing faintly.

He leaned down, stroking her cheek gently as he pressed a kiss against her forehead, closing his eyes against the tears threatening to escape, "Oh trust me, you would have been."

"You have to... Stop him Jim..." she whispered, struggling to speak as blood ran from between her lips, "He's... So dangerous..."

"I will." he told her firmly, "I'll stop him, I swear it."

She seemed content with that, offering him a small; scared smile as her breaths began to become increasingly strangled, chest heaving with the effort to keep breathing. Helena blinked a few times, her eyes losing focus, and slowly turning glassy as her head fell back, and a single breath left her lips.

Jim let out a choked sob, pulling her up close to his body and rocking her gently, fumbling to check her pulse and finding nothing. His fingers knotted in her clothes and her hair, clinging onto her desperately as his body shook with the exertion of preventing himself screaming at the heavens.

Khan carefully knelt beside the blond, reaching out and placing strong hands on his shoulders, trying to let him know that he wasn't alone, his heart aching at the grief he could feel through their connection, as well as what he could see.

"Jim, I'm sorry." he whispered, resting his head against the blond's, "I'm so sorry."

"I told her so many times... 'Get out of the intel business, it'll only end one way' and... She'd laugh..." he cried, "She just replied 'who wants to live forever, anyway?'"

Khan swallowed hard, not sure anything he could say would ever help, but there was one thing he knew for sure and that was that George Kirk's card was officially marked now, there was no way Jim would show him mercy, "I'll help you get him, Jim. I promise you."

Jim laid Helena's body down gently, brushing her hair back before he lifted her hands and went to place them across her stomach; he paused as he felt something scrunched tightly in one of her palms and carefully pulled it free, it was a crumpled piece of paper.

Pocketing it for later examination, he finished moving her arms and then reached up, stroking her face one last time as he closed her eyes. He rocked back on his heels and stood up, feeling Khan move with him, he looked towards the stars where she had last looked, it was a beautifully clear night, the stars were bright and shining, welcoming and enticing.

"I'm going to kill him Khan." he said, the tenderness of his voice not matching the savagery of his words.

The other man glanced at him, surprised to see a distinct lack of anger in his expression, there was just... Acceptance. Cold, merciless acceptance. Swallowing slightly, Khan began to wonder if a completely different kind of darkness was at play in Jim's mind, one that even he couldn't halt.

That being said, at this point, Khan wasn't intending to stop him anyway. If anything, he planned to hold George down for him.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Wishes:**

Jim sighed heavily, perching in the crook of the large windowsill in Bones' office at the hospital, seemingly lost in thought as he persistently rubbed his chin, gazing out of the window as the mid-morning light glimmered across the city, in the distance he could still see the rising smoke from the bar, and he felt a glum sense of discontent, grief tickling at the edges of his mind.

Helena was dead. Downstairs in the belly of the hospital morgue, being cleaned up and made presentable. It rested so uncomfortably on his shoulders, there was part of him which wished to find a clue, anything, to suggest she'd faked her own death to protect herself from all the people who had suddenly had their secrets returned to them by George.

He knew it was impossible. But he still wished for it.

"Do we know if she had any family?" Bones asked, sitting behind his desk as he looked at Jim.

Khan was sat on the other side of the room next to Spock, who had been surprisingly warm towards him since their arrival. He had to admit, his own feelings towards the Vulcan had shifted somewhat, given that he owed him his very life. He hadn't seen him since waking up, however, it was like meeting again for the very first time. Though, as ever, his predominant concern settled with Jim.

"Yeah," the blond said gruffly, voice hoarse from the tears shed for her, "Me."

"You're sure there's no one else that needs to be informed? No one in Iowa?" the doctor pressed.

"She didn't have anyone else. She was a lone wolf, didn't let people get close. Interfered with business." he muttered, "Even the people she worked with at the hospital were kept at arms' length. I called them, told them she was... I made them aware..."

"Alright..." the man sighed deeply, "That matches pretty well with what few medical notes I have on the system for her. She never removed you as her next of kin so... Her belongings will come into your possession. Anything salvaged from the bar, the apartment, you'll be kept posted."

"That's fine." Jim said softly, fingers twitching gently against his lips as he thought about the fate of her piano, most likely turned to ash in the inferno, it seemed strangely fitting that it should be gone.

Bones shifted in his seat, clearing his throat, "Khan mentioned you found a scrap of paper on her body... Have you had a chance to look at it yet?"

"Yeah, it's just a bunch of numbers." he pulled the crinkled paper from his pocket again and cast his eye over it, "I don't know what they're for."

"May I examine them, Captain? Perhaps a fresh gaze on them will shed some light on the mystery." Spock asked, getting to his feet.

"Knock yourself out." Jim handed over the paper, forcing a weak smile to the Vulcan as he forced himself to remember that the people inside the office were not to blame for what had happened, "Bones do you know when... When her body will be released? As her next of kin I'm assuming I'll be expected to organise the funeral."

"It could take a few days, it was a murder so... Forensics will want to examine her before she can be released."

"I understand." he sighed, resting his head back against the window frame, "This is such a cluster fuck... I can't believe she's really gone... That the Hell-Raiser is gone... The branch in Iowa will probably close down without her managing it..."

Khan felt for Jim, he really did, grief was a hard thing to deal with, whether it was for a friend or a family member, or an ex-partner. While he had slept, he'd seen so much more of Jim's past, intimate little details the blond had never mentioned, most likely because they hadn't occurred to him, and he had seen that Helena was dear to him, that they had been close for a long time. When he'd first met her, after Winona had been injured, it hadn't clicked that there could have been more to Jim and the woman's relationship than sex.

The fact that they'd had a real relationship had struck him with surprise, but where once he would have been jealous he found himself to be understanding. And it made his heart ache to know that once again, Jim had lost someone he'd cared so deeply for. He wasn't sure what to say, or what to do, to help him through it.

"I know it isn't the best time, ideally I wanted to call you in this morning for other reasons..." Bones interrupted his train of thought, "But, there is something I need to discuss with you, both of you."

"What's up Bones?" Jim asked, looking around at him.

"Well," the doctor began, fiddling with some pens on his desk, "You probably noticed that Spock and I were absent from your training session yesterday, the reason for that is... I wanted to run some tests, and Spock wanted to see the results as they came through."

"What sort of tests?" Khan asked, frowning faintly as he crossed one leg over the other, only slightly self conscious of the fact it was a very Kirk like position.

"On you. And Jim. To see your performance, your bodies' reactions, things like that..." Bones tapped his tongue against the roof of his mouth nervously, "We had some... Interesting readings, to say the least."

"Wait, you were watching us?" Jim asked, raising an eyebrow, "Little bit creepy, Bones, just a bit creepy."

"Yeah, yeah don't worry I won't be stalking you any time soon." the man waved a hand dismissively at his friend's wit.

"What did you find, in your readings?" the blond then asked.

There was an air of hesitation before the doctor sat back in his seat and blew out a breath, "I... I believe that the drug George Kirk used to 'destroy' Khan's augmentation didn't actually work."

"What?!" Jim and Khan said together.

McCoy licked his lips nervously and let out a weak chuckle, "I know, all evidence to the contrary right now... But, from the tests and crossmatches I ran, there's definite evidence to suggest..."

"Oh do spit it out." Jim muttered.

"The drug didn't destroy anything, it just masked it." he said quickly, taking a breath, "The drug worked like an antigen, it triggered an immune response in your bodies, forcing it to create a natural antibiotic, focusing on the one thing that shouldn't naturally have been there. The augmentation. Whereas an antibiotic would usually kill off any antibody or toxin, Khan's genetics were too strong, too perfected, and rather than killing or destroying it... The antibiotic actually just... Encased the mutated genes."

Jim frowned as he processed the information, but Khan was already three steps ahead, "So what you're saying is that with some time, maybe some outside influences, we could reduce the levels of antibiotic, and restore the augmentation?" the dark haired man probed.

"Essentially... I think so, yes."

Khan was on his feet in an instant, pacing as his mind revved into gear, "I'm assuming you've already considered the application of an extreme stress scenario, Cortisol in massive quantities could easily cause the immune system to surrender its hold."

"It... Had crossed my mind, yes." Bones watched him, surprised and yet aware that he probably shouldn't have been.

"What else though? Radiation? Gamma waves would likely do the trick, but of course over application could lead to a decimation of remaining cells, and an untimely death..." the soldier in the room began sprouting several ideas, each of which Bones had indeed considered himself.

Jim stared, a reluctant smile on his face as he saw how joyful Khan was at the prospect of being able to become the perfect being again, he wasn't too bothered himself, although the healing factor would be nice, considering how many scrapes he got himself into.

"What the good doctor has forgotten to mention," Spock interjected, looking up from the paper he was still examining, "Is that Jim's antibiotic levels are already dropping at a fairly consistent rate. So, it is likely that something has already begun to affect his immune system."

Khan stopped dead at that and stared at the Vulcan in mild confusion, "That doesn't sound right... James has been experiencing a fairly constant rate of stress throughout this entire ordeal, the only thing that should make sense to have changed that is the events of earlier this morning but... You don't have data for that."

Jim was just as surprised at the news, but as he considered the various things they had mentioned, something clicked in the back of his mind, "Yeah but... Out of the two of us, which one has been exposed to radiation twice? Bones was always worried that my cells were still carrying some of the radiation and that it would make me ill. But... What if instead of making me ill it's actually been chewing away at the antigen?"

"That would make sense." Spock nodded.

"It would..." Khan also agreed, sitting down slowly in thought, "But how does that account for me?"

"The neural entanglement." Bones stated simply, "Whatever affects Jim, ultimately affects you too. And vice versa. It will be at a slightly slower rate, because it has to trickle through the system, but ultimately, it will reach you."

The dark haired man slumped back in his seat, only a little stunned, "Huh... I should have thought of that."

"Well... No one's perfect." the doctor said, ironically of course.

"How long do you think we have?" Jim asked, "Until the antibiotic completely breaks down?"

"Weeks at the most, days at the least." the man shrugged, "It's hard to calculate exactly, but that's my best bet based on what I have in front of me."

The blond sucked in a deep breath and got to his feet finally, resting his hands loosely on his hips, "Well... That's really something. I didn't expect that..." he swallowed, inwardly torn.

It was a strange feeling. He could feel Khan's happiness at the news, and he knew that in his heart he was happy to. Knowing he could be stronger again, that he could heal faster, that he could stand toe to toe with who Khan was meant to be. But there was a lingering part of him which had enjoyed truly feeling again.

Humanity wasn't just about the good stuff, it was the bad stuff too. Knowing that when you call over and scuff your knee it would sting and scab. It was about being aware of your own mortality, knowing that your time was short, and that every minute had to count for something. Being practically invulnerable kind of removed that a little bit.

For Jim, there was the smallest tinge of sadness.

"Did you have any luck decoding those numbers, Spock?" he asked, wanting to change the subject, clear his mind.

"I could be mistaken, Captain, but I believe that they are Starfleet Access Codes." the Vulcan stated, eyebrows raised in concern.

"Access Codes?" he repeated, blinking as he considered it, "Why would she have written them down?"

"She knew she was dying, what if she wrote them down for you, Jim?" Khan asked, "What are the Codes for?"

Spock was silent for a long moment, becoming so still that they almost thought he had frozen, and then his back abruptly went rigid, "Fuck."

Jim nearly died there and then, eyes widening so much they could have easily rolled out of his head and across the floor, he had _never_ heard Spock swear, not even at his most furious had the man uttered such a word, it was usually Kirk's domain. But whatever the Vulcan had worked out was clearly worthy of such a remark.

"What is it?" he asked, recovering from the shock.

"Our... Alternative timeline introduced something to Starfleet far sooner than it originally should have been," the Vulcan began, "Something that my future self was very concerned about being replicated in any form. And despite both his protests, and my own, the Starfleet Defence Committee decided that they would begin research into Red Matter. In our original timeline, Red Matter was manufactured by the Vulcan Science Academy, using decalithium, an incredibly rare isotope. One, which ironically, the Narada was equipped to mine."

Jim swallowed hard, "But Starfleet wouldn't have access to decalithium, not after Vulcan's destruction. So what the fuck are they making it out of? How could they be so fucking stupid? They saw what it did to Vulcan!"

"I do not know." Spock breathed, his face pale, "But, if George Kirk gained the Access Codes to the Red Matter project... He will have admittance to whatever it is Starfleet has successfully made so far."

"Oh that's really not good." Jim breathed, feeling his legs turn a little jelly like at the idea, "That's... That's really not good at all."

Khan had read the reports, he knew what had happened and he could tell from their reactions just how severe the news was. He hesitated for a moment and then let out a long breath, "Marcus had me researching a way to artificially manufacture decalithium." he puffed out, "I didn't get very far into it, as far as I was concerned the project was dead in the water. But it is possible that the scraps of my work were picked up when Starfleet cleaned up after the Marcus event, and expanded it."

Jim glanced over at him, eyebrows raised, "Why is it that everything terrible that has been created in this entire event, has come from you?"

"Well... I mean it was pretty much in my job description." he shrugged, "Sorry."

The blond reluctantly snorted at that, shaking his head as he became serious again, "Alright, so we have to assume that George knows where the Red Matter is being stored, and that he's probably already on his way there. So... We're dealing with a homicidal maniac who now has access to what is probably the most powerful substance in the galaxy... And every intention of using it to destroy Starfleet."

Bones got to his feet wearily, "While we probably don't have enough time for it, I think it would be worth informing the Admiralty board, perhaps they can begin a wide scale evacuation of the city."

"Good idea. Spock... You have some sway with the Admirals, make the call, make sure they listen." he instructed, "Bones, regardless of what the Admirals say, I want this hospital cleared, George will probably target Starfleet dense locations, like the hospital, the Academy, the Head Quarters... Get the sick and the injured as far away from here as you can. Call in any favours you have. And make sure you call the crew of the Enterprise as well, get them to help you shift everyone."

"On it Jim." the doctor said without argument.

Jim hesitated and looked across at Khan, "Walk with me."

His lover nodded once and followed him from the room, broad steps keeping him in time with Jim's movements, "You have a plan?"

"I have half a plan." he muttered, "But I have a feeling you're going to wish I didn't."

"I wish for a lot of things, James, but for you to stop having crazy ideas isn't one of them."

"Oh, I have plenty of time to change your mind." the blond muttered.

Courtesy only to Jim's incessant need to wander and explore places he wasn't meant to, he knew of a classified warp transporter in the basement of the hospital, kept there for emergencies only of course. This justly felt like an emergency.

As he finished picking the lock and threw the door open for Khan and himself he let out a short breath, "We have the Access Codes, same as George does... And we have the coordinates for the Red Matter project base. I don't know if we will make it there in time to stop him, but that's not why we're going."

Khan approached the transporter slowly, looking at Jim sceptically, "Why do you have the coordinates for the base?"

The blond hesitated and started tapping them in, "I... Helena gave me two pieces of paper when she died. One of them had the Access Codes, the other had a set of coordinates. It is... Logically to assume they are the coordinates for the project base."

"And you didn't think to mention this before?" the other man rolled his eyes.

"I don't think you're in any position to lecture me on keeping things hidden, do you?" Jim smirked, winking at him to show he wasn't being serious as he finished putting in the numbers and set the transporter to count down.

He jumped up onto one of the platforms and watched as Khan took his place beside him, he sucked in a deep breath and allowed his tongue to dash against his dry lips, adrenaline and nervousness pumping through him, making him feel skittish at best.

Khan frowned suddenly and looked over at his lover again, "Wait, if we're not going there with the sole purpose of trying to stop George... Why are we going there?"

Jim clicked his tongue sheepishly and offered a week smile, "Well... Remember when I said there was a part of this plan you weren't going to like?"

The other man opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off sharply as little beads of golden light encircled their bodies and they were promptly beamed off location, to wherever project base was.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Gamma:**

The base was every inch the culmination of science and military prowess. Startling whitewashed walls, sterile floors, discarded experiments old and new scattered around shelves and counters. Jim led them through the corridors and laboratories, disturbed by the lack of people, and the silence.

He slowed and ducked his head inside what should have been a staff room, eyes scanning the furniture as a frown formed on his face, cups of tea and coffee and glasses of water were just sat on the tables, magazines left open as if someone had just been reading them. Making his way over and picked up one of the mugs, it was cold. Left standing for a while then.

"He's already here." he murmured, "Then we really are on the clock."

"What's your plan Jim?"

Pulling up a holographic map of the installation, Jim searched the labs until he found what he was looking for, "With you being all... Techy and smart, are you able to re-route the power so that it goes all into this one lab? But also try to mask it, so that if George tries to find where the power has gone he can't see it easily?"

The constant evasion of answering his questions was beginning to agitate Khan, but with a puff and a quick examination of the map, he nodded, "Yes, that's something I'm capable of doing. Get me to a mainframe computer and I'll see to it right away. But I want answers Jim."

"You'll have your answers, but right now we need to hurry." the blond urged.

Khan hesitated for only a minute before he nodded his head and ran with Jim, trusting he knew roughly where he was going.

Finding the mainframe and hacking into it was the easy part. Re-routing the power to the singular laboratory Jim had requested, was equally easy. Masking it so George couldn't trace them was a little more complicated, but in the measure of things took only a few minutes for Khan. The hard part? The hard part was when Jim finally took him to the lab in question, where upon entry he finally began to piece together the fragments of Jim's utterly insane plan. Or half a plan, as the blond had told him.

It was a gamma lab. Dedicated to the study of all things radiation.

"Did your mother drop you on your head as a baby?" he asked suddenly, standing in the doorway, "Something must have happened for you to be _this_ insane!"

Jim ignored his comment and began tapping at the computers in the lab, swallowing hard as he heard Khan approach him, "I warned you that you wouldn't like it."

"Not like it?! Jim this is insanity... You can't go through with this..." Khan exclaimed, grabbing Jim and forcing him to face him, "You will die."

"I don't think I will." the blond replied simply, looking up at him firmly, "You think I want to do it? I'm trying to save our asses... We need this."

"No we don't... We don't need it." the dark haired soldier stroked his hair softly, "We are fine as we are, Jim. We can beat him without it."

"It's not about being able to beat him without it, Khan. If things go wrong, if he's able to activate the Red Matter it won't be about beating him any more. It will be about damage control. And we need to be able to handle that, without getting tired; without hurting; without needing to stop and rest." Jim glanced towards the computer he had been working on, "All I need you to do, is hit the button. I can handle the rest."

Khan spluttered slightly, "You think I'm going to let you do this alone?!"

"Well I'm sure as hell not going to ask you to do it with me, am I?" he muttered, "Out of the two of us... I've been exposed to the most radiation before now, and I've managed to survive it because of your DNA, it makes sense that if either of us is going to do this it would be me."

"No! We have no idea just how much radiation you can take before its too much for my cells to handle. If anyone should do this, it should be me. My cells are fresher they'll be able to handle more of it." the other protested, grip on Jim tightening slightly.

"Or you could be crushed by it because of having minimal prior exposure. Your body would be unfamiliar, it might struggle to understand what to do." the blond heaved a sigh, "At any rate... Even if I don't survive it... The radiation will still trickle through the entanglement, you'll still get the effects of it and... You'll regain your augmentation."

Khan looked down and bit his tongue, trying to hold back the anger he felt, "And what... Is the point... Of me getting them back... If you aren't here to share it with?"

"You still have your crew to live for Khan, to see them released from their sleep, to see them live their lives again. That's worth something." Jim forced Khan to release him so he could finish what he needed to do on the computer, "We don't have a lot of time, we need to get this done."

Khan glared hatefully at the glass cubical in the centre of the lab, hazard stickers plastered over it like a kid's playground. Wires and tubes and pressurised pipes seeping into the enclosure like something out of a horror movie. The idea of Jim sealing himself inside and exposing himself to high levels of radiation again was... Jarring at best, earth-shattering at worst. But his mind was made up, he was defiant and certain and Khan knew nothing he could say would stop him.

He leaned heavily against the wall, head hung as he listened to Jim's fingers nimbly tap away, Jim had been right about one thing, he did wish he'd stop having crazy ideas. Especially ones which always seemed to be so life threatening.

Jim finished only a few moments later and took a step back, letting out a breath, "It's ready. You just have to start it up once I'm inside."

"Let me check everything over, head down there, I'll come and see you when I'm sure everything is right."

The blond nodded and kissed his cheek, heading towards the glass containment unit, and looking it over sceptically, he tried to prepare himself for what was to come, it was a painful experience, agonising even, and yes it was an insane idea, but they couldn't afford to wait any longer, if they were to have any chance to stopping George, they needed to be stronger, and faster and tire less. And if they couldn't stop him, they needed those same qualities in order to help as many civilians as they could.

He heard the door slide up, allowing entry when he was ready, and Jim watched as Khan trudged towards him, the man looked troubled; nervous and more than a little uncomfortable. He didn't like having to put him in such a situation but it was the only way. Jim reached out and wound his arms around Khan, holding him tightly, trying to tell him it would be okay without words.

"I love you James." the dark haired male murmured against his shoulder, squeezing him tightly.

"I love you too." the blond replied, inhaling his scent deeply, just in case it was the last time.

The Captain let out a soft breath as he heard the decompression door begin to lower again, hissing as it did so, and he tried to pull away, to make his way inside, but Khan held on tightly, refusing to release him.

"What are you doing? Let go, I have to go in now..." Jim frowned, wriggling slightly.

"I've told you before, James Tiberius Kirk, you never have to ask me to do crazy stuff with you. I told you... I'd follow you willingly." he breathed, steering them both inside the chamber, "I set it to a countdown, you're not going through this alone again."

Jim's eyes widened and he struggled harder, "No! Khan get out of here!"

"I'm afraid I'm going to be ignoring your orders, Captain." Khan smiled slightly, raising an eyebrow, releasing Jim only when the door had lowered too far for either of them to escape back out of, "We are a team, James... And teams work together, and stick together. No matter what."

Jim stared at him, "You're an idiot."

"You are in no position to talk." he snorted, "What sort of intelligent being inflicts radiation damage on themselves three times in one life?"

"One who believes there are no such things as no win scenarios." the other growled, "Whether we get out of this or not we're going to be having serious words."

"I'm sure we will."

They both fell silent as a low hiss began to fill their senses, smoke billowed down from the pipes overhead and their little enclosure began to feel searing hot, and yet icy cold at the same time; the air grew tight and dizzying and the feeling of burning began.

For Jim, it was familiar, almost an old friend. Yet he still found himself almost knocked off his feet by it, doubling over holding his gut as every cell in his body protested and fought against the hostile radiation pounding at his core. A shaky look up revealed Khan to be in a similar way, on his knees, head in his hands, teeth clenched and eyes tightly shut.

It was choking, suffocating, head thumping, heart racing, pulse thunderingly painful. Jim could feel his own body dying. Saliva pooled at the corners of his mouth and ran down his chin as he watched Khan crawl towards him, arms encircling him and holding him close.

Both their eyes were bloodshot from the strain and the pressure, faces clammy and pale, lips cracked. Jim was starting to wonder if, perhaps, this had been one of his worst ideas to date. He certainly didn't feel like Khan's DNA was making any difference at all, he felt like he was dying. Again.

The blond watched as Khan's eyes began to roll back into his head, and the arms around him weakened, the dark haired man falling back against the sterile floor unconscious, or worse. Jim wanted to check but as he reached out his own vision began to blacken and he hit the floor beside his lover, the world going dark.

Sparks.

Bright, blinding sparks.

They were dazzling. Annoying. Buzzing around like fireflies.

Pesky.

When they clashed they formed larger sparks. Engulfing everything in sight. Filling everything with a different kind of warmth. The kind you wanted to hold closer, snuggle into forever, sink back into like a blanket.

One deep breath. Then two. Three. Four. Lungfuls of clean air. The stinging smell of sterilising fluid tickled at the back of the throat. Jim clenched his hand at his side and slowly pushed, opening his eyes and a scowl formed on his face as he took that balled fist and smashed it as hard as he could against the glass case they were still sealed inside of.

A tiny crack splintered from under his knuckles and he tutted at the reinforced glass. He pulled his hand back and slammed it forwards again, the crack grew a little wider. Teeth clenched he lashed out once more, putting everything he had behind it, eyes widening slightly as another fist landed beside his and he looked up as the glass shattered under the combined force of him, and Khan.

They lurched out of the broken containment chamber and Jim ran to the computers, shutting down the radiation before he allowed his gaze to rise once more, grinning slightly at Khan as he watched the man examine an already healing cut on his hand from the glass.

"It worked." he breathed.

"Of all the plans you've ever had, I'm glad this one went how it was meant to." Khan scolded, eyebrow quirked in amusement, he could feel inhuman strength returning to him, bones already popping and clicking, resetting more firmly, it felt good to be back in his own skin.

Jim cricked his neck, feeling the remnant effects of George's drug fading from his system as well, he couldn't help but smirk, "You can punish me for being reckless later, right now, we've got a terrorist to stop."

"I'm going to assume you know the way to the Red Matter lab."

"You'd assume correctly." the blond mused, making a run for the door.

As they grew closer to the Red Matter lab, the hallways grew less sterile, and more like a scene from a horror movie. Blood splashed the walls and pooled on the floor in dense puddles, and bodies littered the stretch, the scientists who had been so aptly missing from the rest of the facility. Young and old, female and male, black and white, green and... Well, human and alien alike. George had spared no one. This had been a slaughter.

Jim swallowed back bile, hands clenched tightly at the sight, George had truly lost any shred of humanity he'd had left, he was a monster, he was dangerous, and he needed stopping.

There was a loud rhythmic hum from the labs up ahead, a sound which entered the very core of the brain and rattled around, it was a space craft of some form, Jim was certain, he knew the sound of engines... It was like a second language.

"We don't have a lot of time." he urged, picking up his pace and sprinting past the few remaining corpse piles, silently vowing that he would make sure each and everyone of them received the burials they deserved.

Upon reaching the laboratory doors, the pair drew their phasers, set to stun and pushed their way inside.

It was a horrific mess of blood and guts inside. No surface had been spared, no counter or chair, no shelf or square of floor space. Everything was coated in the sins George was determined to commit. The man himself was already seated in the cockpit of a small shuttle, big enough for a single pilot. The back of the ship was bulbous, like an ant's ass. The ramp leading up inside was mid-way shut, but Jim's eagle eyes sought their target and his stomach sank as he saw, to his regret, the familiar sight of a blood red globule contained within a glass canister. Red Matter.

Adrenaline pulsed suddenly and he sprinted, feet sliding through the gore on the floor as he rushed towards the craft, determined to reach it, to stop it, to end it there and then. But as if by a sixth sense, the ramp creaked shut completely and a final flare of the engines jettisoned flames in Jim's direction, and Jim was thrown back by the force, constrained instead to watch in horror as the shuttle left the facility through the open hangar doors, out into the unsuspecting world.

He allowed his head to drop back for a second, hissing through his teeth as he clambered back up onto his feet and looked around as Khan arrived at his side, "We might be fucked."

The dark haired augmented being took a breath but then shook his head, "We are not beaten yet. It will take him a couple of hours to reach the city, we can use the transporter and get back there first, make sure the evacuation is well under way and... Prepare for his arrival."

"You're right." the blond clenched a fist as a plan began to form in his mind, "The Academy have some experimental shuttles to tease the students with... They're equipped with pretty much anything you can imagine. If we were to get airborne and meet him head on, maybe one of us can use the trans-warp device and get aboard the ship, deactivate the Red Matter..."

Khan's eyes almost glowed with the possibilities, "How many of these shuttles are there?"

"About fifteen give or take..." he mused, "Anyway, it won't matter how many we have if we don't get back before he does. Let's go."

Jim took a last long look around the lab, his gut churning at the sight of what had been done, knowing he was related to the... Thing that had done it. He swore to each and every scientist who had perished, there and then, he would stop George. He would stop him from ever hurting another living soul. Even if it took everything he had.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Catalyst:**

The Admirals were appalled by the news they were given, Jim could sense it through their silence. He hung his head as he stood before them, still covered in smears of blood and mess, as if evidence enough for the crimes committed at the facility.

Khan lingered at the back of the room, making quiet calls to various members of Jim's crew, making sure the evacuations were proceeding as planned, making sure everything was running smoothly. Thankfully, the Admirals had believed Spock, and agreed to the evacuations in the first place, a good thing now that they knew for sure, George Kirk was heading for the city with enough Red Matter to destroy it all.

Except, part of that statement remained untrue. The Admirals still remained unaware of the identity of the terrorist, no one had informed them, not even Jim. He couldn't fathom whether that was because of Jim's pride or fear. He supposed, in the end, it didn't really matter. A terrorist was a terrorist.

Jim took a breath and lifted his gaze, seeing Ian among the haggard and, frankly, formidable faces of the Admirals, "Even if we managed to evacuate the entire city, he will still come for us again. He won't stop until Starfleet is no more. Of that... I'm sure. It needs to be stopped here. I've had dealings with Red Matter before, I'm equipped with the knowledge of how to neutralise it-"

"I know where you are going with this, Jim," Ian interrupted him, rubbing his forehead, "You are one of the best Captains we have ever had in the Federation, make no mistake. But you cannot stop this on your own."

"I wouldn't be alone." He said simply.

Ian's eyes danced towards Khan's figure in the distance and he let out a long breath, "What do you need to make this work?"

"Access to the prototype shuttles at the Academy, flight clearance for Khan... And time. As much as you can give me." the blond answered, hands clasped firmly behind his back.

There was an audible disquiet among his superiors, and Ian winced, "We cannot, in all confidence, give Khan permission to pilot a ship. It's simply not possible. There are too many risks involved..."

"Do you want to stop this guy or not? Because right now it sounds like you're more worried about stopping a memory."

"Jim..."

"No." he clenched his teeth, "I'm done sticking to regulation. I'm trying to save the city, save lives and stop a dangerous man from killing everyone here. And you're worried about Khan? Khan who, has for the past few months, done nothing but help; assist and aid me? Are you kidding me?"

Khan's attention was caught as he heard his name, inhaling sharply at what he overheard and wishing desperately for a split second that the next generation of Admirals would be at least a little brighter.

Murmurs erupted between them, some clearly displeased with Jim's lack of respect, others moved by his words. He stood fast under their glares and gazes, unflinching. This was the time to have back bone.

"Very well." Ian said finally, "You will have what you need. But, as a warning to you, whatever comes after this... Is on you, Captain Kirk."

"I'm not shy of taking responsibility for my actions, Admiral."

Once upon a time, he had been. He'd lie, manipulate, and withhold information, all for the sake of maintaining his reputation, all for the sake of not showing he had made a mistake. But not any more. Now, he was a man who was willing to accept when he did something wrong, and would try to put it right. Khan had shown him that it was worth doing.

"Good luck. You are dismissed."

The Academy was deserted. Already evacuated and left behind as a gaunt shell of its former glory. Jim had fond memories of his life as a student, making something of himself, making something of his life. But now as he observed the skeletal infrastructure he thought of the memories others could make if they succeeded in stopping his father, if they saved the city, saved the people, saved the buildings... So many others could have the life he did, or even better.

Even if they lost the buildings, the people would survive. And maybe... Maybe Starfleet was a people and not a place. If the people survived, so would the Federation. Escaping a costly rebuild would be an added benefit.

He cast his eyes over the small army of shuttles awaiting them, they were glistening, pristine, used as shiny baubles to show the students what they too could fly if they achieved good grades and were accepted into crews like the Enterprise.

They were small, small enough for one person to fly them, no room for cargo. These were elite, speed machines, fitted with all the up to date technology; weaponry; radar systems and more. There were personal war machines. Jim could understand why no one had flown them yet, and in a way, he could understand why the Admirals had been reluctant to give Khan free reign over one of them.

He glanced at the man in question, who was already examining one of the ships up close, a look of interest and exhilaration on his angled face. Jim wanted to feel excited, at the idea of flying a ship that no one else had touched. He wanted to be able to feel excitement in knowing he'd finally have his hands on the controls of a ship again, it had been a long time since he'd properly flown anything.

But he couldn't. All he could feel was trepidation and anxiety. With every passing minute, George was getting closer. The Red Matter was getting closer. There were no do-overs, this was a one shot. A one time chance. Stop him in his tracks or lose the city.

A humourless snort escaped him, this was the kind of mission the Kobayashi Maru was meant to prepare people for.

On the way to the Academy he'd changed his clothes, to rid himself of the blood stains. Now wearing a fresh uniform, he made sure his insignia badge was pinned securely to his chest and let out a long breath, approaching the shuttle he'd be piloting.

Jim hesitated with one foot in the cockpit and glanced over at Khan, the dark haired man was watching him as well, they shared a long look and small smiled before both climbing inside their respective air-crafts, and buckling in for the ride of their lives.

It was cramped, but comfortable. Everything in reach, nothing needed to be stretched for, it was all accessible with ease, a touch of a fingertip to do anything. Jim only hesitated for a minute before he fired the engines and felt the tingle of excitement he had been lacking finally lap at his ankles, the feeling of being in the air.

A glance to his side showed Khan also in the air, and sharing a definitive nod, they flew off, their trajectory set so that they could intercept George.

From their position in the air, Jim could still see people carrier shuttles taking off from all over the city, thousands of people still trying to escape, being grabbed from all walks of life. If nothing else, they had to buy those people time to get away, far away.

By the time they reached the rendezvous, not far from the hospital, George's ship was visible, and getting ever closer. Jim and Khan stopped and allowed him to approach them, Jim could see the glisten of Red Matter over George's shoulder, and anticipation began to build, reaching under his seat where the trans-warp device had been safely placed, he readied himself for what he was about to do.

"Ah, man I hope this works..." he muttered to himself, punching in a few numbers and twisting a small knob on the device.

It was immediate, faster than before, thanks to a few upgrades. One moment he was in his seat, the next moment he was in the back of George's ship and already flying his fingers over the controls of the Red Matter.

He heard a commotion from the pilot's seat and heard thundering steps as George rushed to stop him, the moment their eyes met, Jim knew this wasn't a fight he was going to talk his way out of. If there was any benefit to being George's son, it was that he recognised the face of someone who was ready to put an end to things, on a permanent basis.

They came to blows quickly, words were no longer necessary, the time for talking was long over. Punches and strikes were all that was necessary as they pivoted around the central column of the ship, winding around the Red Matter container, avoiding it at all costs.

He was glad he'd made the choice to go into the radiation chamber. Had he not, there would have been no way he could successfully brush off the heavy blows to the face, head and gut he kept receiving. Nor would he have been able to return them quite so quickly, or efficiently. Making every move count, making every battering lash mean something.

George was skilled yes. But he was older. And Jim no longer felt the need to hold back like he had on the Futile. He was quickly gaining the upper hand, there was everything to lose and everything to gain. But losing wasn't an option. Not now.

George hit the floor of the ship hard, letting out a groan of pain, spitting blood from between clenched teeth as he slowly shuffled away from his son, crawling towards the controls. Jim watched him for a moment, panting hard, there were no words to be said. Even now.

He returned to his work on the Red Matter, flicking his fingers over the controls, opening the keypad beside them he began punching in the code to deactivate the destructive substance, and with his free hand opened his communicator, calling Khan.

"I'm alright, I'm deactivating it now... I think we did it." he murmured, pinching the device between his ear and shoulder.

"I'm glad to hear it, but I won't be relaxing until you're back in your own ship." Khan's voice was soft, full of concern.

Jim smiled weakly and took a breath, "You should keep some of that tension for later... Maybe I can help you work it out." he said in a hushed tone, smirking to himself at the intake of breath he heard from the other end of the call.

"That sounds quite enticing... I might take you up on..." Khan's voice cut suddenly, "James... What's he doing? George is at the controls... What... James!"

Jim barely had a moment to react to Khan's warning, the ship jolted violently, turning vertical and accelerating at a terrifying speed, the blond hit the wall behind him and then flopped like a rag doll against the Red Matter container, gravity working against him as turbulence whipped around him like a storm.

He was dazed, only for a second, before realisation set in and he forced his gaze to lift, glaring past George's hunched form towards the glass window beyond. The threatening grey of tarmac was growing increasingly close and an absurd speed, George was flying them straight down.

"Fuck!" He exclaimed sharply, scrambling to try and finish the code, to deactivate the Red Matter. His eyes darted between his task and the oncoming inferno of death that would await if they made contact with the ground at this speed.

His fingers clipped the green button to complete the shut down, without warning he found himself beamed off the ship, back into the seat of his own shuttle. He lurched forwards at the sudden lack of turbulence and his chest smashed into the controls, sending his ship spinning into Khan's.

Metal on metal grated with ear piercing sharpness and for a split second Jim could see panic on Khan's face through their front windows before they crashed into the top of the hospital with a loud, metallic crunch.

Jim smacked his head, it dazed him but thanks to Khan's DNA being fully functional again, he was able to shake it off, the wound on his forehead healing over almost instantly as he kicked the roof open and scrambled out of the smoking vehicle. He hesitated, torn between helping Khan escape his ship, and seeing what had happened to George's.

At least one of those curiosities was sated when he heard an explosive boom from over the edge of the roof and his stomach plunged to the deepest depths of his gut, he ran to the edge, peering over carefully and letting out a shaky gasp as he saw the burning wreckage below. Flames gushed from the mangled metal, reaching high with thick plumes of blackened smoke. It stung his eyes and clawed at his throat.

There was a moment, a small moment, of believing it was over. It was done. George had killed himself in his act, by the city was safe, Jim had managed to deactivate the Red Matter before he was warped, he assumed, by Khan, back to safety.

His shoulders began to slump as relief set in, and he started walking towards Khan's shuttle where he could see his dark haired lover climbing out, unharmed; that was when a flicker caught his eye and in a heartbeat, his world crumbled.

The Red Matter ignited among the flamed, shooting tendrils into the air, a whirling; swirling; suffocating darkness imploded. A black hole.

Jim fell to his knees, breath stolen by the sight of the inevitable blackness which was growing larger and larger with every second that passed, already cars and lampposts, fencing and tarmac was being ripped from the ground, feeding into the monster.

Khan came to stand beside him, and he quickly took a hold of Jim, shaking him gently, "James, we did everything we could... We have to get out of here before it starts taking a hold of the building. Even we can't survive that thing."

"There are still people being evacuated... We can't do nothing." Jim panted softly, a feeling of sickness rising in his stomach, "We have to do something..."

"James... Please, don't be a fool. This is a black hole. There is no stopping it. It just has to... Wear itself out." the dark haired man scorned, frowning at him, "James are you listening to me?"

The blond was a scrambled mess of information, thoughts and ideas making him dizzy before he latched onto something, something stupid. Something foolhardy. Something very Jim. His eyes flicked to Khan's and he could see understanding settle in those blue eyes, followed by fear.

"What are you thinking?" Khan breathed, his voice clearly panicked.

"Infantile black holes can be stopped... Or... Cancelled out rather... By devouring something of equal strength and velocity to it. Something just as strong as it." he replied stiffly, climbing to his feet slowly, "Normally, a sun would do the trick..."

"A... A sun?" the other frowned, not sure he was following.

Jim didn't dare look at him, "Yes... A sun. The radiation acts as a buffer, as a catalyst... A chain reaction which leads to one thing... The death of a black hole."

Khan's back went rigid, he was almost certain he now understood what Jim was getting at, and it terrified him to the very core, "No..."

Eyes met finally, Jim opened and closed his mouth without sound escaping before he laughed weakly, "It's really not ideal but... It's kind of fitting really isn't it? One life to save thousands?"

"I won't let you do this!" he barked, his grip on Jim tightening, "I won't let you."

"I'm afraid you can't stop me." the blond said softly, raising one eyebrow very calmly, "If there's one thing I've learnt from you Khan, it's to have a contingency plan. And the worst came to the worst... If we couldn't stop him... I was never going to let you die here because of it. Sorry about that."

"What are you talking about?" Khan breathed, voice breaking.

"Scotty is aboard the Enterprise, ready to beam you aboard, all I have to do if give him the signal." he replied gently, reaching up and touching Khan's cheek.

The reformed man stared, his expression setting like stone, "You'd make me live the rest of my life without you? Even though you know the pain... Of thinking you'd lost me? I know you are many things... James Kirk, but I never had you down for being cruel."

"Your crew still need you, Khan, they deserve a life as well, don't they? They won't get that without you around to make sure they can... Be themselves. It is cruel. I know it, you know, but at the rate that thing is growing I'm not... I'm not sure... I'm not sure it will stop with the destruction of the city. I... It could swallow the planet and... I can't let that happen." Jim shook his head softly and looked down, "This shit sucks..."

Tears brimmed in Khan's eyes, jaw clenched at his words, his heart aching as he glanced towards the black hole beneath their position, it was growing with every second, tearing shreds out of everything in its path like a demon possessed.

"I believe there are others who would... Help my people now. People who've seen my ability to change for the better. Spock, Bones... Maybe even Scotty... I have hope that they would do right by my crew..." he swallowed hard, "You're the one they need, James, they need you. You're... You're a leader and a friend, and you have a bigger family in your crew than you realise... So, if anyone is going to make the jump... It is going to be me. I was exposed to the radiation as well, I can do this."

Jim met his gaze slowly as he felt his hands tighten on his arms and he tensed, sensing an abrupt change in the man in front of him before he was roughly thrown to the ground, the impact jostling him as he watched Khan turn and run towards the edge of the building.

The force of Jim's body colliding into his, without warning, sent Khan sprawling to the ground again, smacking his head against the concrete as he looked up at the determined blond now taking his place and running with all his might.

Khan's temper flared and he snatched a hand out, grabbing Jim's ankle and causing him to fall, they collapsed in a mess together, with neither of them willing to give up. It came to blows. Khan knew that Jim couldn't beam him away while they were still touching, as he would be caught in it as well, and that was something Jim was also well aware of.

Entangled on the roof of the hospital, they struggled against each other. So different to the fights they'd had while enemies, and so different to the arguments they'd had while lovers. This was something different. This was an instinct level war to protect each other. But they were equals. For every hit given one was received, for every second of dominance, submission followed. It was an impossible task.

Jim, growing desperate, cast his eyes around urgently, for anything to give him the upper hand and his gaze fell upon one of their phasers, laid precariously close by, ready to use should he reach it. He scrambled, a mad dash, scurrying across the concrete before his fingers found the metal and he flipped, pointing it at Khan, eyes wide with recklessness.

Khan froze on the spot, while set to stun, and while stunning him was ineffective, it would still knock him off his feet long enough for Jim to go through with his idiotic plan. He would have to tread carefully now, a rash movement would result in this all ending in tears. Namely his own.

"James this is ridiculous." he muttered, his body aching from their fight, snorting inwardly as he only now recalled that injuries they inflicted on each other lasted, while injuries by normal people did not, he was going to be sore for a while.

"Is it?" the blond asked, hurting just as much, "I love you, Khan Noonien Singh, so much... So, so much... And when I look back at where you've come from, how much you've changed I am so incredibly proud of you... And I'm honoured that I've been there through your journey... But you've still got so much ahead of you... I can't change any more than I already have, I've got nothing to progress towards, but you do... You have so much you can still do. You could be anything, anyone..."

"I don't want that if you aren't here with me, James, surely you understand that?"

"Of course I do." he whispered, "I feel the same way. But... Someone's got to make that jump and... It's not going to be you."

"Don't do this." Khan took a sudden step forward, "Please, I am... I am begging, James, don't... I love you..."

"I love you too, but I'm sorry... I have to."

Jim threw the phaser aside without warning and ran, he ran harder than he ever had in his life and without another glance he leapt from the rooftop, breath being knocked from his lungs as he began plunging towards the inevitable blackness below.

He smashed into the side of the hospital hard as his hand was grabbed, his gaze snapping up as he saw Khan hanging by his fingertips from some of the broken railing, the dark haired man was straining, face tight and flushed. He let out a gasp as he watched him, his expression melancholic.

"Khan, you can't pull us both up, you can't do it... Not like this!" he shouted at him, brows furrowed tightly, "If you don't let me go... We will both die!"

"Maybe that's exactly how it should be." Khan answered, grunting between strangled breaths as his strength began to fail, panting hard as he tried to lift Jim back towards safety.

Jim watched as the railing Khan was clinging to began to creak and bend under their combined weight, and his heart flew into his mouth as they both dropped another inch lower, he groaned and bit his bottom lip hard, "Fuck you Khan! Making this harder than it should be..."

"You've got... No room to say that..." the other moaned, fingers cramping as he tried to lift him again.

The blond glanced down at the whirlpool of black, it was still growing, before long nothing would stop it. He took a breath and made a split second decision, shaking his head slightly. His free hand flew up and grabbed Khan's, the ones so tightly clasped around his wrist, he watched confusion appear on his lover's face and he gave him the smallest smile of his life before he hoisted himself up, pressed his feet against the concrete wall and pushed with all his might, using their position against Khan as he felt the man's grasp fail under the added strain.

Khan screamed as Jim slipped from his grasp, he clutched wildly at the empty air and watched as Jim fell, plummeting into the blackness, seemingly landing on it like a cushion; the darkness reacted to his body and a deafening crackle radiated from the area, he could hear Jim let out one long yell of pain before he disappeared into the darkness completely and the black hole seemed to crumble in on itself, writhing like a tortured soul, shrinking smaller and smaller until... Until it was gone.

A firm hand grabbed him, and Khan flinched as he was dragged back up onto the rooftop, his eyes roaming reluctantly until he found the Vulcan face in front of him.

Spock had seen everything, heard everything, and he had been too slow to react, all he could do was get Khan out of danger. Their expressions were equally aghast and Khan reluctantly released a sob, his body quaking before he roared, slamming his fist into the ground beneath him and watching it crack.

It was over. The city was safe. The black hole, was gone. The terrorist, was dead.

And Jim... Well...


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Lingering:**

It had been two months, and Khan watched from his crunched up position in the window as shuttles began to return civilians to the city, now that the danger had past and the destruction had been cleared up at least enough to make the place habitable again, he supposed it made sense for them to be returned to their home.

In such a short amount of time, so many things had changed. The Federation had banned all future research into Red Matter, deeming it simply too dangerous to continue such a project. The scientists from the Red Matter facility had been identified and given appropriate burials. The facility had been shut down until such a time it was reasonable to begin research into new and better things. Winona had finally come around after her coma, and was seemingly no worse for wear despite the extended period of sleep.

The world was settling down again, returning to normal. Or whatever version of normal this was.

Khan looked around as he heard the door open and his eyes fell on Spock and Bones as they approached him, strangers no longer. They were friends. Family. Any old hostility was gone, forgotten. In the wake of something far more important.

And what was that? What was important enough to end the rightful distrust Spock had for him?

Simple.

The unconscious blond man laying in the bed behind them. Jim.

As if by some miracle, hours after the black hole had self destructed, Jim's body had been found nearby, mangled and barely recognisable, but somehow... Breathing. They had no idea if he would survive long term, he was in such a terrible way. Body battered and broken in ways it never had been before. His very being had been ripped apart by the power of the black hole, and yet somehow it had managed to knit back together again, in some shape or other.

He was stable. For now. But they weren't able to wake him. Khan had given pint after pint of his blood, transfused into Jim's body to try and recreate the original process that had saved his life, what seemed like a decade ago. There had been minimal changes, lesser wounds had healed, bruises and scraps were gone, but he remained broken, scarred. Lifeless.

Bones had done his best, he had done the best medicine was capable of. The rest was up to Jim. And so far, Jim wasn't playing along.

Khan hadn't left his side. For two months, he'd lived; slept; eaten in that room. Leaving only to use a bathroom, before returning to his vigil. He wasn't sure if he was hopeful, he wasn't sure he could be hopeful, it was too risky to build it up to be something it might never be.

Bones had given him the truth, cold and hard, Jim might never wake. All the blood and time in the world couldn't alter the possibility. But if it was to come to it, if the worst happened again, Jim wouldn't be alone.

The dark haired man accepted a hot drink from the two visitors, they made small talk, nothing important, nothing he had to concentrate too hard on. All his concentration was used up on maintaining the new and better version of himself. With Jim indisposed, the darkness had tickled the back of his mind several times, threatening to engulf him, to numb him, to help him forget the pain he was feeling. But he refused to surrender to it. Refused to go back to what he had once been. Jim had sacrificed everything to make him a better man, he wasn't about to give that up. He couldn't. If Jim didn't make it, all he would have left would be the memories of what Jim had done for him. That was worth more than all the money in the world. That was worth the pain.

Later that evening, Khan was finally left alone by Bones and Spock again, and he made up his make shift bed, rolling sheets across the sofa that was pushed up against the wall, his sleeping place for the last two months. It wasn't comfortable, it wasn't ideal, but it was the best he could do for the time being.

As he settled down for another night of fitful sleep, he glanced over at Jim restlessly, it had been that long he almost couldn't remember the other's voice. He'd give anything for a few minutes, just to talk one more time. About anything, anyone, whatever Jim wanted. Just so long as he got to hear his voice. To make sure he knew that he loved him.

His eyes slipped shut, and he closed the world out, sinking into his own little haven, saved just for the quiet moments when he was truly alone, and desperate.

His safe space, his rest place, was a perfect replica of Jim's bedroom aboard the Enterprise. Decorated with all his little trinkets and photographs, everything that his apartment wasn't. Jim's real home, and the home he'd wanted to share.

Khan could still remember the first time they'd had sex, that conjunctive moment when their worlds truly collided and they became one and the same. For Khan, it had been his first time. Sex, love, relationships, they'd never interested him before. He was a creature of war, conflict and instinct. But there was no one and no where he would have rather given that up to. He'd never cared that Jim had been with so many people, what mattered was the present and the future. If Jim wanted him in both of those, then what else mattered?

The bed almost seemed to smell like the blond's natural musk, and Khan was drawn to it, sinking down into those fluffy pillows, encasing himself in the scent, the only thing which could truly give him any kind of decent sleep.

In all honesty, he'd believed himself capable of coping without Jim in his life. He'd seen how torn up the blond had been while he had been out of action, he'd never believed himself to be the kind of person to sink like that. He wasn't naturally an emotional person, he could disconnect, reset, survive.

But that's all it had become. Survival. What he had wasn't a life.

He wanted to explore the stars with Jim, to stand beside his Captain and let himself be led to new and exotic planets, to meet new civilisations and learn about new cultures. Gone were the days he wanted to crush and destroy. He wanted to see, to learn, to feel. He wanted to be a part of that family, the Enterprise.

What of his own crew? They were going to be woken up soon, given a second chance at life, allowed to live and work among the people of the city, maybe the world depending on where they wanted to go. He'd already updated the programs inside the cryotubes, to give them a new and better perspective of what the world was like, the world they'd be coming back into. He was ready to teach them to set aside their violent pasts, something he was sure would be simple, considering he had always been the most savage of them, and they had all eventually developed to dislike the war he kept leading them through.

He was confident they could become effective, functional, welcome members of society, build the families they had wanted to. Be the people they had wanted to. But he knew, in his heart, he didn't truly have a place with them any more. He was too different. He wasn't their leader any more, he couldn't be their Captain any more.

He was in limbo. Somewhere between something terrible, and something fantastic. But only time would tell which side of things he ended up. It all depended on Jim.

God he wanted to hate the man for what he had done. He'd never known anyone so capable of being selfish and selfless at the exact same time. It was impossible, but then, that was Jim's forte. The impossible. Being selfless enough to cast his life aside to save a city that would never know the extent of what he had done, to give up everything he had worked for to serve the singular purpose of saving landmarks, buildings, people. Yet to be so selfish as to cast aside everything they had shared together, everything they could have shared, everything they could have become and so much more.

It was an infuriating mix of both worlds, and now Khan was trapped in the middle, he supposed in all honesty he had always been trapped in the middle. One does not simply meet Jim Kirk and stay the same as they were, it was an impossibility, he had an innate talent for bringing out the very best in the people around him. The very best.

It was hard to let go, to know that the reason for his being; the reason he had this second chance at life could well be gone for ever. That he'd have to endure it alone. No amount of friendship with Spock, or Bones, or anyone else could patch that hole, that Jim shaped hole that would linger, if he didn't pull through.

What do you do with that? What do you when the essence and reason for your existence isn't there any longer? How does anyone cope with that? How does anyone move on?

If he even wanted to move on.

Being disconnected, being cold and indifferent wasn't an option any more. Those walls were bulldozed, gone, shattered, and all at Jim's doing. There was no rebuilding them, no gathering himself together, no hiding what he felt and who he was and what he had become. There was none of that to come, it wasn't a possibility, it was beyond him, beyond what he could do there and then. He had to experience it, had to live with it, had to cope. Had to learn.

Adapt.

Had Jim felt like this when he'd killed that cadet? Had he felt this when he'd woken and discovered the Futile had exploded, and that Khan had almost died? Had he felt like this when Helena was dying in his arms? Probably.

It was honestly no surprise at all in the end, that Khan had woken to a frailer; less fed; gaunt Jim. If these were the feelings he had been forced to cope with, he could well understand the outcome. An eternity without Jim was like an eternity living in a dark pit. Maddening, destructive, shattering.

It had been two months, but it felt like two years.

Khan woke with a start, body sore; head throbbing; heart aching. It couldn't have been more than four in the morning, judging by the sky outside. Sleep was a fickle thing these days. Intermittent and shy.

He sat up slowly, sheets falling from around him as he peered through the darkness at the bed in the centre of the room, routine bleeping still echoing around the room, the only real signal that Jim was in there somewhere. His shoulders slumped and he ran his hands down his face, eyes itchy from the tiredness which still lingered around the edges of his thought process.

With a groan and a creak of springs, he got to his feet, taking measured and lazy steps towards the bed, perching on the edge somewhere near the blond's feet and observing him cautiously. He was slowly starting to look something like the Jim he knew and remembered, very slowly. Face swollen, cut up, bruised and body in much of the same way, contorted in ways that he'd previously never imagined a body could be.

He wasn't sure, with any certainty, that he would ever shake the feeling of guilt which had become an old friend, at the thought of failing to stop Jim making that jump. It was meant to have been him, he was meant to do it, to leave Jim to start over in the way Jim knew how to. The way he would never know how to. He was meant to have righted his wrongs by making the ultimate sacrifice, by making that leap, to do as Jim had done. To leap without looking. It should have been him.

But that was the hero gig, right? A hero was what Jim was good at being, even if he would never admit it himself. He was always willing to put himself in the firing line to protect the people he cared about, to protect the things that mattered. And that was what made him a good Captain, a good person, and a good friend. He would always do whatever it took.

Though, Jim had been a believer in there never being a no win scenario. There was nothing, in Jim's mind at least, that he couldn't overcome. The only time Khan had ever known that not to be true, was upon hearing that Jim was dead, killed by radiation in the heart of his ship, and now. Because surely, Jim didn't have any more miracles up his sleeve. Because he knew for sure, he himself did not.

Oh how he remembered their first meeting when he had been woken from cryosleep to help with Jim's DNA problems, the way the blond had sneaked into his room, and how they had talked for what felt like hours, learning about each other, and accepting one and other for who they were. It felt like a lifetime ago. Had it really been that long?

Khan rolled his shoulders, aching from poor posture and lack of sleep, they'd done some crazy things together. Even before considering each other allies, they'd put faith in one and other. Jumping from the Enterprise to the Vengeance through a debris field, now that was a memory Khan would treasure forever, the adrenaline, the trepidation, the trust they had been forced to place in one and other's hands. Guiding Jim to the hatch when his HUD had been damaged. Seeing the relief in Jim's eyes when they'd made it.

They were as bad as each other, so willing to go above and beyond. To do the craziest, wildest and most extreme things. To benefit others. Well, in his case, it used to be to benefit himself but not any more. Now his own well being was something of a forgotten trinket, left dangling like a bauble. He could curse Jim for that, for making him... Human. For reminding him... How to be human.

He slid off the bed and approached the window once more, it was so dark outside, still so encumbered by night, twinkling lights beckoned him from the streets, he could see flowers, far down there on the ground in front of the hospital. Despite Jim's heroics, some people had been killed by the black hole, not many, but enough to warrant an impressive display of solidarity from those who survived. The mass of flowers, the cards, the stuffed toys. Humans were a strange bunch really. But he kind of admired it.

He wondered how Starfleet was handling things. Was it a widely known thing, what Jim had done? Would he ever receive the praise he deserved, the recognition he deserved? He knew, as only a few others did, that Jim's entire life had been about living up to his father's name, living up to that reputation, saving eight hundred lives while sacrificing his own. Even if it had been a lie, a deceit, it had driven Jim to become the incredible man he was. And now, he had accomplished his life's goal, he had done it, but would he ever be given the credit for it? Would he even live to receive it?

Khan too, had received everything he had wanted since waking up the first time, his crew's safety assured. But somehow, it felt like a hollow victory. He didn't feel the elation he'd always thought he would. He felt empty.

He perched on the window ledge, pressing his forehead against the cool glass as he allowed his eyes to slip shut, he was so tired, so damn tired. What was with the throbbing in his head, it was getting worse with each passing second, spreading over his entire skull like hot fingers gripping and clawing.

A grunt escaped his pursed lips before he slipped from his perch and crunched to the floor, the world slipping away from his grasp as darkness swallowed him whole.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Where The Darkness Dwells:**

When Khan's eyes finally opened, he found himself in unfamiliar surroundings. It looked like a cargo hold, it smelled like a cargo hold and to all intents and purposes that was exactly what it was. But there was something off about it, something he couldn't quite put his finger on, just some niggling feeling that what he was seeing wasn't... Entirely real.

Eyes casting a steely gaze around the hangar, the last thing he remembered was sitting in the hospital at Jim's side, hoping he'd wake up or show signs of improvement. But wherever he was now, there was no sign of Jim, no sign of Bones or Spock, no white washed walls, no sterile surfaces. It was all grime and oil and mechanical appliances. It felt weirdly homely to him, reminded him of the good old days, reminded him of his old ship.

But where was he?

Everything around him seemed too crisp, too defined, too bright. Walking slowly around the various scatterings of tools and metal and parts, he wandered around the cargo hold, confused. It wasn't the Enterprise, nor was it the Vengeance, or the Futile. With a jostle, he realised, this was his ship.

Finding his way to the large hangar doors, he prised them open and allowed himself access to what was beyond. Bemused, he found himself in a long stretch of corridor, it certainly didn't look like it should have been there, and didn't remotely match up to the room he had exited from; glancing back he frowned deeply, coming face to face with the dead end of the hallway.

"What on Earth..." he breathed to himself, thoughts scrambled.

Khan followed the hall, having no where else to go, seemingly, meandering along the route. There were no side doors, no turns, no twists, it was just straight on. An impossibly long hallway leading to no where. Or that's how it appeared.

But, he was startled by the sound of clanging metal behind him and he turned sharply, staggering as his surroundings altered again, revealing the medical bay aboard the Enterprise, he remembered it well. It was empty, beds tidy; surfaces clean; doctors and nurses not present.

He was starting to feel dizzy from it all. What was going on?

Footsteps were light as he crossed the space, fingers brushing the counters thoughtfully as his frown became his new natural expression, senses tingling and on edge. This was undoubtedly the most bizarre experience of his life, and that was saying something.

One foot in front of the other, he kept walking, his environment shifting several more times, though he gradually adjusted to the sensation, watching as he passed through the Bridge of the Vengeance; crossed the memorable dance floor in the Starfleet Conference room; trudged the streets of San Francisco; revisited the broad laboratories concealed beneath the Kelvin Memorial Archive; felt the crumbling rocks of Kronos's deserted wasteland under his boot.

So many memories. So many places. He had seen thousands of stars, and snuffed out hundreds of them. Visited new, exciting places only to crunch them to dust in his fist. Only now was he capable of seeing the beauty in the world he'd formerly seen in black and white. Colours supreme, brilliant, dazzling, glorious and encapsulating.

And everywhere he turned, a glint of blue. That deep sea blue he'd come to love. Jim's eyes. Whether angry, or sad, confused, or just mischievous those eyes had sparkled with the mirth of a man who wasn't afraid to be who he was. Khan had envied him for that. But Jim had shown him how to do the same. How to accept who he was, and open himself up for others to do the same. And damned be the ones who couldn't.

As his world turned upside down once more, he found himself on a clifftop, unfamiliar to him, with luscious green grass tickling his shins, clear and bright skies rained down a blinding sunlight that warmed him and relaxed him. Only the slightest breeze tousled his hair, and gave a small reprieve to the heat thundering down from above.

He had only a faint recollection of this place. Peering down over the edge of the cliff to see the craggy rocks and woeful sea battering against them, thrusting white horse shaped waves into nothingness against the impenetrable rock. Khan was sure, without a shadow of a doubt that this was somewhere he had visited as a child. So many years ago.

He clicked his tongue against his teeth impatiently, finally tiring of the mind games, the memories, the trip down his past. There was nothing for him here but bitterness and darkness. But darkness was a welcome friend.

Khan's eyes flashed as he found himself stood in front of the Admirals, alone and dispassionate to their questions. He had no time for them, no time for their probing, no desire to answer them. Jim was dead and gone, and now he had to experience this pathetic form of analysis? He couldn't care less.

He finished his report regardless, the sooner he was done the sooner he could leave. He could rejoin the search for Jim's body, for survivors and... Those who hadn't been so lucky.

"I just have one last question before you leave," it was Ian who spoke, his voice was calm but Khan could smell the grief seeping from the man, "The terrorist, the one who did all this... Are you sure he is dead?"

Khan felt a wicked smirk grace his face, eyes darkening, "Oh yes, Admiral... Of that I am absolutely certain."

His mind crept back, only an hour previous and the welcome tendrils of darkness tickling his consciousness replayed everything in refined detail.

Jim was dead, he'd sacrificed himself, thrown himself down into the black hole and allowed it to use his life force, his radiation to destroy it. He'd saved the city.

Khan had, after his tears and sobs subsided, joined the search for survivors, harbouring hopes of finding Jim's body so that maybe his DNA could work one last miracle. But what he found instead, to his dark delight, was George Kirk.

He was injured, battered from his combat with Jim, and apparently dazed by the rushed beam away from his shuttle, apparently only seconds before impact. Just like Jim, this was a man who had a penchant for escape. But not this time.

He could already see it, see the backup plan in his eyes, he wasn't finished. He always had a contingency, that much had been shown through the months of turmoil he'd put Jim through. George Kirk would never stop, never surrender, never cease his attack until he succeeded. He still planned to wage war on Starfleet, he'd flee, disappear and begin planning anew.

But the man hadn't wagered on being found, much less, by someone who knew he was the culprit.

Khan remembered the swell of darkness he'd felt at the sight of that scarred face, cocky and arrogant, smug. Not a care in the world for the fact his son was dead. George Kirk was insane, he had decided. And men that insane were dangerous, they'd never stop, unless they were stopped.

But there was a problem with that, one very, very large problem.

Khan was insane too. This side of him was, at least. It was a side he'd never shown Jim, never shown anyone. Even during the destruction he had caused while taking revenge on Marcus he had been in his right mind, he'd been himself. But now... Only rage, instinct and savagery fuelled him.

The feeling of George's nails clawing at his wrist had felt like little more than a child tickling his skin. The feeling of the body thrashing beneath him had felt like a restless quiver. The panicked, narrowed dots of eyes George had revealed, made him feel nothing. There was no mercy to be had. No mercy. No pity. Just satisfaction.

Suffocating the life out of him, one large hand over his nose and mouth, making it slow; teasing; tortuous as he gifted him occasional gulps of breath before removing that privilege once again. He made sure, with every fibre of his being, that in those long minutes, George suffered.

And it had felt so good. It had felt like he was back home. Where he belonged. Engulfed in the dark savagery he had been trained to work with. Lack of empathy, lack of fear, lack of emotion, lack of pity. He had always been this. A cold blooded killer.

Jim's warmth had merely allowed him to part from that. To be a better version of himself, to acknowledge his dual sides. It was why he had been so determined to ensure that Jim never fell into that darkness. Because he wasn't sure he would resist falling with him. Together they could have done incredible things. Incredible, maddening, wicked things.

He remembered growing bored with George. So he crushed him like an ant under his boot. Reminiscent of his murder of Admiral Marcus, by the time he was done, George Kirk was unrecognisable.

It felt good. To crush a life. Especially one so undeserving. One which had created such hell, and so many problems. So much hurt and damage.

He felt strong again, he felt like himself. He felt as good as he had in the moments after murdering Marcus, when he'd had the world in his grasp, knowing he could do anything to anyone and they would never be able to stop him.

And it was only then, when the work was done, when he was certain that the man who had caused such destruction would never do so again, that he rose to his feet, and walked away. No backwards glances, no regrets, no sorrow. A single snort escaping him at the disbelief that such a worm had ever bested him. Pathetic.

Khan sucked in a sharp breath, eyes snapping wide as he bolted upright, wincing and groaning as he felt the hardness of the floor beneath him and he cast a swift look around, ensuring he was indeed, back in the world of the living, and not still in that most peculiar dream.

Rising to his feet, he brushed himself down, cricking his neck and rolling his shoulders as his gaze dropped to the bed, Jim was still there. Still the same. Still- Wait.

Approaching slowly, the dark haired man leant down, only slightly, eyes narrowed as he appraised the blond's face, searching deeply for something he was sure he had noticed. A single eyebrow rose, watching as the blotches of broken skin seemed to bubble, blistering like burns, getting uglier with each second he stared. His fingers reached for the alarm, ready to call on Bones, but he found himself hesitating with a faintly sick interest.

He could see Jim's eyes moving under the closed lids, rotating fast, flickering left and right. Was he dreaming? That was new. Eyes snapped downwards as he could have sworn he saw a finger twitch. What was happening?

Khan lurched back sharply as a stabbing pain erupted in his head again and he groaned, teeth clenched at the migraine like symptom, his breath catching as a trail of memories surfaced and with a flinch he ran from the room.

He bolted, like a horse newly released into the wild, winding down the hallway until he saw Bones' office up ahead, he didn't hesitate, throwing the door open like a wild animal, his eyes half feral as he observed Spock and Bones.

"Haven't you heard of knocking-" Bones began, looking up sharply; the doctor was on his feet in a heartbeat at the look on the others face, fearing the worst, "What is it?"

"We need to give him a scan. Right now!" he demanded, "It doesn't matter what kind, just do it."

"Why would we need to scan him? We have all his results... Khan?" Spock frowned as he stared at the crazed man.

The augmented being clenched his teeth and almost spat his answer, "Something, is happening. His body is trying. It needs a helping hand. Trust me."

Jim's friends shared a long look, clearly not entirely confident in Khan's belief, but Bones let out a small sigh, "Alright, I'll take him down for an MRI... Let's go."

Khan went with them, never leaving Jim's side for a second. He could almost smell the fluctuation within the broken man's body, it was like a lingering aroma of something he'd forgotten but not quite. Refusing to stand outside of the room, to the point of nearly breaking something, Khan was allowed to remain. Standing near the MRI machine and watching as Bones executed the command to place Jim inside.

He wasn't sure at what point he began holding his breath, all he knew was that it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Not now. Not ever. He watched the machine come to life, lights and whirring, purrs from the technology. His fists were clenched at his sides, tightly, so tightly, his knuckles were as white as snow.

Bones kept Jim in there until Khan signalled him to do otherwise, and it was as if the entire world slowed. As the table began to extend and slide back out from the ring, Khan moved forwards, he could almost feel the tickle of radiation against his skin as he rested his hands either side of Jim's head, watching closely, desperately.

Minutes ticked by. Minutes of nothingness, silence and stillness. And slowly, Khan began to wonder if he was more insane than first thought. He felt his heart begin to sink, his shoulders slumping as his head hung and he came upon the belief that he had, perhaps, imagined it all.

Then a fist found his face and he hit the floor like a sack of unwanted potatoes.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: What You Are:**

Khan lifted his head slowly, groaning at just how much his face hurt from the impact, and he watched with wide eyes as Jim flew off the bed and backed away against the wall furthest from him, he could see confusion and fear in his eyes. His lips falling ajar as he witnessed Jim's injuries finally beginning to heal properly, bruises and wounds sealing with fresh pink skin, bones clicking and creaking, causing him pain if the groans were anything to go by.

He wasn't sure what Jim was seeing, or thinking, but the man looked ready to fight his way out of it. Staggering to his feet, Khan reached up and felt his disfigured nose, wincing through the pain as he crunched it back into alignment, wiping at the blood seeping down from his nostrils.

His own discomfort meant nothing in that moment, because Jim was conscious, he was breathing, and healing, and he was very, very much alive. In his peripherals he saw Bones hurry back into the room, ready to assist, but froze as Khan held up a warning hand, shaking his head.

The state Jim was in, he wasn't sure the man would even recognise Bones, much less resist the urge to lash out at him. Bones was far more easily hurt than he was, so if anyone was going to attempt to calm the raging inferno of fright currently burning its way through the blond, it would be Khan himself.

He took measured steps, small ones, hands out to show they were empty, meant no harm. He recognised this reaction. It was the sort of reaction he had experienced when Marcus had woken him from his sleep, three hundred years was a long time, and the shock to his system of waking somewhere foreign and without his crew had driven him into a panic fuelled rage which had ended with several of Marcus' chief scientists in hospital.

"James, you are safe. You're in the hospital." he said softly, searching those lost orbs of blue, "You had some really bad injuries, and you've been asleep for a while, but you're alright now and you're completely safe. I need you to calm down for me though, calm down James."

The tension in the air was palpable, malleable and heavy. Jim was searching his face, listening but not entirely hearing. His bare chest heaving for breath as his mind fought against whatever cloud was malingering there.

Khan watched as several emotions crossed the blond's face, neither staying there for more than a few seconds before passing on. He was sure for a moment that Jim was going to lunge for him, there was feral rage in those eyes, but that too was gone as quickly as it had arrived, and the young Captain slid slowly down the wall, landing with a graceless plop.

"Am I really back?" Jim's voice was hoarse, throat sore, ears ringing still, "I thought I was so many times but... It wasn't real."

"This is real." Khan said quickly, dipping onto his knees and shuffling closer, "This is real, James."

The blond's eyes searched his once again, seeming to settle into some belief that perhaps, this wasn't a dream. His gaze wandered over his shoulder towards when Spock and Bones were waiting nervously and he swallowed thickly, "How... How am I alive?"

"I don't know." the other said honestly, "No one expected it. Not even me. Not this time. I hoped of course but... It was so unlikely. Nothing survives a black hole. Well... Let's not get into the semantics of it right now anyway." he added as he considered the Narada.

"I don't remember much after I jumped." Jim's voice was strained, as if fighting off a terrible memory, "Just dreams... Wars..."

Khan reached out and tenderly took one of Jim's cold hands in his own, leaning down and kissing his knuckles sweetly, "You suffered... Greatly in the black hole, I cannot even imagine the pain but... Somehow, here you are. The dreams don't matter any more, they're just memories. You can move on now."

The blond watched him for a long moment, his breathing slowing as he began to feel comfortable in his own body again, "I guess... That's true." he agreed quietly, gulping back his thoughts and allowing his head to roll back against the wall, "Did we win?"

"Win?" he repeated with a confused frown.

"The black hole... Was it... Was I enough?"

"More than enough." the dark haired man nodded.

"Good." he whispered, "Then we won."

Khan fell silent, watching with eagle eyes as Jim reacquainted himself with his body, his movements and his world. Helping him to his feet and supporting him, as in the wake of the adrenaline wearing off, he returning to being sluggish, like a newly born animal finding its feet for the first time.

His heart was soaring, Jim was... Alive. Alive and well. It was almost too much to believe, to think he had been this fortunate again. To be this lucky.

He hung back as Bones began fussing over the now evenly tempered blond, assessing what could be left of his injuries, ensuring his health was as good as it should have been, making sure to scold him thoroughly for putting them all through something so horrific, again.

And as Jim was taken back to his room, now in a wheelchair instead of a bed, Khan found himself falling into step with Spock, the Vulcan had been silent throughout the entire affair, apparently deep in thought, or maybe he was just being Spock.

It took him by surprise then, when Spock stopped him going into Jim's room, and pulled him to one side, seemingly desiring to talk.

"Something troubling you, Mister Spock?" he asked.

"One or two things." the Vulcan replied plainly, "First and foremost I want to thank you."

"Thank... Me?" Khan repeated, not sure he could believe those words where leaving the Vulcan's lips.

"Yes. You've stood by the Captain this entire time, as you vowed to in the beginning. I didn't believe you would, you had no real reason to do so. You proved me wrong, a rare thing to happen," Spock's head tipped slightly, "I'm glad, for once, to have been proven wrong."

He raised his eyebrows in thought and chuckled softly, "I was always going to stay. There's something very... Captivating about him."

"Indeed there is." Spock's voice lowered slowly, "The second thing, however, is to express my concern as to your behaviour."

"My behaviour? I'm not sure I know what you are referring to."

Khan was briefly reminded of their less than friendly chat among the trees at Winona's house, what felt like a lifetime ago, when Spock had discovered his deception and confronted him. He had the same feeling that he wasn't going to enjoy what was about to be said.

"I saw you, in the aftermath of the black hole, I saw what you became. If only briefly." the Vulcan's voice was barely above a whisper, "I saw what you did, to George Kirk."

Khan tensed visibly, glancing around before he glared at Spock, "I'd urge you to forget what you saw... I know I plan to."

"Do you truly? I can't help but think that... That kind of evil is something that should be kept in check. Very, much in check." Spock's eyes were knowing.

"I assure you, Mister Spock, I'm in full control of myself. And I plan to remain that way." he let out a small breath, "I surrendered to it briefly, yes, as I hadn't done in years. But... It was to do something that was necessary. To stop someone equally dangerous."

Silence followed his words, a long skin crawling silence. The two men appraised each other, Spock's eyes boring into Khan's, and Khan returning the favour. He wasn't sure what was going to come of it, but was surprised when Spock took an abrupt step back.

"I'm uncertain my own rage would have been quelled by logic if I too had come face to face with the man." the Vulcan began to turn away, shooting him a final look, "I'll be keeping an eye on you, Khan, but for now... You have my trust."

Staring, he watched the Vulcan stride away. Bemused and more than a little stunned at the change in the man. He'd honestly believed they'd be enemies forever, but... Maybe there was more to the man than originally met the eye.

He hesitated briefly, and then headed into Jim's room where Bones was finishing off his tests, making sure the man was comfortable and content, he smiled as Jim looked his way and perched on the edge of the lumpy mattress.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better." the blond replied, "More myself. Not to mention, having Bones press that stupid device on my face was more than enough to make me confident this is real. Fake McCoy isn't even half as annoying."

"I'm right here, Jim." the doctor grunted, making a few final notes, "Make sure you take it easy, you've been out of it for a while. You need to get used to... Well, life again I guess. Khan, make sure he rests."

"Of course, Bones." he smiled and watched the doctor depart.

Jim stared, "When did you start calling him that?"

"Hm?"

"Bones... You always used to call him Doctor McCoy." the blond racked his brain.

Khan chuckled softly, "The first time was on the hospital roof, ever since then it's felt... Natural."

"It's weird, that's what it is." he shook his head softly.

He couldn't help but laugh at the look on Jim's face, and finally Khan felt the weight of the world lift from his shoulders. Jim was truly alive, conscious and himself. He couldn't believe how close he had come to losing the man.

"I'm so glad you are alright." he whispered, leaning forward and resting his head on Jim's stomach, eyes closed as he let out a shaky breath, "You really had me going for a while."

Jim smiled softly, allowing his fingers to brush through Khan's hair sentimentally, "It's over now, it's finished. We won and we saved the city. And found a bit of our own personal luck along the way. I can't quite believe it either but... Here it is."

"You sound wiser." he commented, relaxing into the touches to his scalp.

"I'm sure that will fade the longer I'm awake." Jim snorted, "Right now I just feel... Very at peace. Like I haven't for a long time."

"I can understand that."

"I'm sorry I put you through that though, it must have been... Really hard." the blond's expression fell.

Raising his head, Khan scooted further up the bed, pinning Jim beneath his own body as he rested his hands either side of the blond's head; he leaned down and stole a kiss possessively, satisfied when Jim reacted exactly as he hoped he would, returning the kiss wholeheartedly and without pause.

Breaking away for breath, he smiled weakly, "It was hard. The idea of living without you was... Impossible. I did some terrible things... Dark things... I don't think you'd like the person I was."

"I probably wouldn't, but that doesn't mean I'd give up on you either. I'd have fought to bring you back to yourself, no matter what." he shrugged, "I know what you did... I saw it."

"What?" Khan pulled back a little, clearly astounded by the news.

Jim chuckled weakly, warmth in his eyes, "Even half dead a neural entanglement doesn't just stop, I'm afraid to say. I saw everything, felt everything, understood everything."

"I... Shit..." he allowed his head to drop, he'd wanted to perhaps keep it to himself, afraid Jim would look at him with scorn for it.

"Do you think I wasn't tempted to give in when I thought you were dead?" Jim asked, "I wanted to, I nearly did. So many times. And if I had... I'd have done the same as you. But I wouldn't have had the strength to pull myself back from it. I'd have stayed that way, lingered, struggled, become something I'm not. You... You lapsed for a pretty good reason, and then you walked away from it."

"I've had more experience..."

"It doesn't matter." Jim pressed, "George would never have stopped. He would have kept trying. Kept hurting people. Kept hurting us. I knew he had to die. I knew a long time before you probably did. Would I have been able to do it? I'm not sure. In a selfish kind of way I'm glad you took that option out of my hands."

Khan looked at him, squarely, shaking his head slightly as a disbelieving breath escaped him, "You really are something special, aren't you? You've never doubted me, even for a second... After everything you've seen me do... Everything you've seen me want to do... And still, even now, you're here, defending my actions... Understanding them..."

"That's what you're meant to do, isn't it? For the people you love." his answer was simple.

Whatever reply he had wanted to give, it died on his lips, overwhelmed with the compassion the other was showing, with the desperately gentle warmth in his eyes. What had he done to deserve someone like Jim Kirk?

"I don't know what you are... James Tiberius Kirk." he gasped out, "An angel sent to guide me to a better place, or a devil to pull be deeper... But whatever you are... I'm never letting you go again. Whether you ask me to, or not."

Jim took a breath as he sank down onto his bed, eyes skittering along the walls of his bedroom until they came to rest on the shining medal displayed very proudly on one of the top shelves.

A medal for bravery.

Ian had presented him with it at a ceremony, about three weeks after he woke in the hospital. It was the highest honour any Starfleet officer could receive, he'd only seen one other in his lifetime, and that was the one which remained stowed preciously in his mothers' care, given to her by proxy as gratitude for George Kirk's sacrifice on the Kelvin.

With a twinkle in his eyes, and a broad grin on his face, Jim allowed his gaze to turn towards the ceiling, remembering for a moment, the conversation he'd had with Christopher Pike, all those years ago.

"_You know, your father was a Captain of a Starship for twelve minutes. He saved, eight hundred lives, including your mothers', and yours... I dare you to do better."_

Jim let out a long breath, swallowing hard as he wondered what Pike would have made of everything that had happened. He'd believed so firmly in the good work George Kirk had done, everyone did. He'd inspired so many people.

That, and that alone, was why Jim had decided never to reveal the identity of the San Francisco terrorist. Khan had done a decent job of making him unrecognisable, and a few favours called in ensured the body was cremated quietly, without question.

For the longest time, Jim had believed he wanted to hide the truth for his own pride. But in the end, the truth was that his pride didn't mean much to him any more, but as Pike had once told him, the Federation was important, and what people believed in was important.

Let George Kirk inspire a generation or two, let them believe he died with the Kelvin. They never needed to know that he survived long enough to become a monster.

It was his turn now, for his story to inspire. He'd already heard whispers of an influx of cadets joining because of what he'd done and as much as that would have inflated his ego once upon a time, he found he was content just to be able to sit back in The Chair.

He could feel the thrum of the engines as he thought about it, and without hesitation he knew it was time to head back there. He half leapt from his bed, grabbing his yellow jumper as he moved, shrugging it on over his black under shirt and walking proudly from the room.

Confidence poured from his every step as he headed into the elevator, the ride was short, lessened only by his excitement and the trepidation of what was to come. As the doors opened he was greeted by Chekov's usual Russian drone, "Captain on ze Bridge" and he instantly knew he was home.

He heard the call outs from Sulu, from Bones and from Uhura, informing him that all systems were operational, all communication relays were functional and all medical staff were accounted for. And it was then, that he allowed his fingers to skim the leather back of The Chair.

Kirk glanced up as the familiar face of his First Officer came into view and he held his hand out, "Good to see you Mister Spock."

"And you, Captain." the Vulcan replied, shaking his hand firmly.

"How's our newest recruit?" the blond asked, resting his hands on his hips casually.

"Exceedingly well, indeed it is like they never left to begin with." Spock offered a small twitch of his lips, the closest to a smile he really came.

Jim nodded at that, a smirk playing around the edges of his mouth as his head turned, eyes searching until he found her. Hair curly with age, still mostly blonde though mixed with some grey and white strands; her sky blue eyes assisted with rimless glasses now. But there was no mistaking the elegant and intelligent face of Winona Kirk, clad in science officer blue, and practically glowing for it.

Taking a breath, Jim allowed himself to sit in The Chair, sliding back against the comfortable seat and feeling once again as if it had been made for him. He pressed one of the many buttons on the arm of the chair, emitting a buzzing sound, "Scotty, how we looking?" he asked.

"Dilithium chambers at maximum, Captain." came the certain reply.

"Excellent," he said to himself, crossing one leg over the other before he glanced towards his pilot, "Mister Sulu, prepare to engage thrusters."

He cast a long look over his Bridge, his crew, his family. It was perfect. Almost.

As if with perfect timing, it was in that thought, that the elevator doors hissed open, permitted entrance to one more person. Khan. The man walked forwards confidently, now adorned with a yellow jumper over his black shirt, and seemingly comfortable in it.

"Permission to come aboard, Captain." he said with a teasing smile, eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Permission granted." Jim replied, meeting his gaze.

Khan nodded and took measured steps onto the Bridge, eyes never leaving Jim's face, "As you do not have an open slot for a First Officer, I must inform you that the Admirals have seen fit to allow me to maintain my position as your advisor, should you be content with it. So, I am here to offer my candidacy."

The blond slowly got to his feet once more, standing toe to toe with Khan and allowing a small smirk to escape him, "It would be my honour."

The dark haired man inclined his head gratefully and moved aside, heading for his post as Jim sat down and looked at Sulu.

"Manoeuvring thrusters, Mister Sulu."

"Thrusters on standby." the man replied.

"Take us out."

Jim watched as the stars leapt forwards to meet them, the ship jumping to Warp and leading them away from the docking station above Earth. As they travelled he accessed the Captain's Log, speaking clearly for the recording he was making.

"Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise, her on going mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life forms, and new civilisations. To boldly go, where no one has gone before."


End file.
